Lame Dad Jokes

Sometimes, dads think they're funny. You judge whether they actually are.

[fuckyeahlamedadjokes]

So, I was explaining 'Dad Jokes' to my dad today... I found this blog and started reading off some of them to him. He laughed at a few, but said most of them were too dumb. We joked about them for a bit. Then I announced that I couldn't take it anymore and I was done. He proceeds to laugh and say, "Good, cause those were dumb...wait, I thought that you were using a smart phone." Then he looked over to me with the trolliest grin on his face and asked, "Did I do that right?"

Don't let my dad hear it! Though I think he's made a similar joke about smartphones before.

~Ann

[fuckyeahlamedadjokes]

Once my dad took a joke too seriously and through my clock out the bedroom window and took his measuring tape out. I was all like "Daddy, what are you doing?" and he said. "I'm seeing how LONG YOU SLEPT!" He cracked up so hard he was crying. I didn't get it.

Perhaps he thought it was about time you got a new clock...

~Ann

[fuckyeahlamedadjokes]

So I was making up bags of chocolate at work and we have to put Use By dates on them. My coworker comes up to me and asks "Did you date them already?" so I responded with "Nah. I figured I'd ask their parents first."

[fuckyeahlamedadjokes]

One time me and three friends were on our way to a concert and one of my friends asks for a cigarette, he realizes he doesn't have a lighter. So he asks for a 'light' and I had to turn the over head light on. I thought they were all gonna kill me.

Congratulations, you are the dad of your friends group! Enjoy your status as the one with the worst jokes.

[fuckyeahlamedadjokes]

After looking through your blog, I'm beginning to realize I'm the dad in my friend group. I'm a teenage girl what the heck

*patpat*-Anna

[buzzfeed]

Dad jokes are the best.

[fuckyeahlamedadjokes]

did you know grapes don't fight back when you step on them? although, they do let out a little WINE

Thanks, dad.

[meladoodle]

last christmas we bought a fake christmas tree and the guy behind the counter said to my dad ‘are you going to put it up yourself?’ and my dad said ‘dont be disgusting… im going to put it in the living room’

[tastefullyoffensive]

Illustrated Dad Jokes by @swatercolour Previously: Funny and Cute Illustrations by Jaco Haasbroek

[fuckyeahlamedadjokes]

My friends dad: what did the green grape say to the purple grape? Breath you idiot breath

Ann: apparently today is food pun day.

[fuckyeahlamedadjokes]

So my dad eats weird different foods together like really strange mixes so last night he had rice, cheese, bread, hot pepper sauce, and corn. He makes dumb jokes at dinner and we were all waiting for him to say something dumb and he said while eating corn "you're waiting for a corny joke, right?" We groaned. Then he put some cheese on his bread and said "I don't feel like making my usual cheesy jokes." We groaned again. He high fived my brother and yelled "I'm on FIRE!" While eating peppers. WHY

That is beautiful.- Anna

[fuckyeahlamedadjokes]

Lame joke

Me: Dad what time is it?

Dad: Time for you to get a watch ahhah

Me: ...

[fuckyeahlamedadjokes]

My dad recently posted this on Facebook...feel free to reblog!

[fuckyeahlamedadjokes]

At some point McDonald's had a double filet-o-fish sandwich thing. My dad has always really liked these things (though I've never figured out why). So I texted him to tell him.

Me: They have a double filet-o-fish at McDonald's now 

-long pause-

Dad: sounds fishy

I was still sitting in McDonald's and seriously just laid my head on the table. I couldn't handle it.

[fuckyeahlamedadjokes]

Father in law jokes count too

My husband and I have been married 13 years. One day his dad was in town for a visit and we went bowling. He saw that our bowling shoes had the same size. He looked at us dead serious and said. I guess this means you're SOLE MATES! Then busted out laughing.

(Mod note: I had to laugh. And yes, all sorts of father figures definitely count! Keep on sending them submissions! ~Ann)

[fuckyeahlamedadjokes]

All these dad jokes makes me wish I had a dad

Awww, anon. ;_; You may not have a dad, but I'm sure these go for all sorts of dad figures as well. Sometimes I believe I'm the dad in my group of friends when I make another terrible pun. It's just that the dads are the experts here.

[fuckyeahlamedadjokes]

My father is a doctor, so whenever I am worried about my health I go to him. And whenever I tell him "It hurts when I do this", every time, every fucking time, he says "well don't do that, then."

"Father, I'm hurt."

"Hello hurt, I'm dad."