Mid-Life Crisis Surfer

who cant even swim & is also afraid of the sea

[fudad]

Are we really meant to be swimming?

Ive been thinking. I try not to, but sometimes I just cant help myself. It can lead to dangerous outcomes. But, it had been a while & the house was quiet (it was actually in the toilet  - its always peaceful in there) so I thought it was time (to have a think).

Are we, humans that is, really made for swimming? Should we really be doing it?

Perhaps once, when the Earth was covered in water all over the place, more than it is now & perhaps our Neanderthal ancestors didnt have much luck trying to pin down a Wooly Mammoth or really were not in the mood for chasing a T-Rex, so jumped in the nearest bit of water  to catch some fish instead. That would have been a necessity, right?

We dont have that problem anymore. Well, most of us dont. The only diving we do (for food) is into a pizza box or into the supermarket before ot closes for the day. We do not have the necessity anymore.

Dont get me wrong  - I am cool watching horror movies, but I literally shit bricks watching The Poseodon Adventure (orgional version). Id be buggered. Swimming would be very useful if you were stuck on an overturned ship. But that doesnt happen often. I hope.

We are not built for it either, are we? We resemble a frog more than we do a fish.

Thus, to conclude, I really do not think that we are built for swimming & we just have no need to do it.

Although, I could just be prepping everyone that the above is going to be my excuse when I give up learning to swim, as Im really struggling.

[fudad]

Breathing  - its an issue

Why oh why cant I breath? I do it all day every day, but as soon as I get into the water my mind goes blank & I forget to do it.

Trouble is-breathing is useful. Very, very useful.

I think I know why-Im concentrating so much on my six leg kicks , my three arm rotations, my head turn & trying to look as graceful as can be & I forget the single most important thing that is required. Breathing.

I usually get to my second breath, I forget what the hell Im supposed to be doing, lift my head out of the water, like a whale at feeding time scooping up a shed load of fish & gulp, gasp, splutter & eventually stop.

But in my first lesson I got to my third. Yep, I managed to breath three times. I will be on four breaths next & in no time I will be breathing like an Olympic breathing gold medalist (if there is such a thing).

No more whale feeding swimming for me. Well, maybe for just a little longer. But you wait. Just you wait.

[fudad]

I feel like swimming tonight

OK, so probably not swimming. More like kicking my legs wildly, my arms spinning like a cake mixer & spurting more water than a Humpback Whale.

But I have a lesson. My first lesson in over a year.

I didn't realise I had the lesson, of that I am quite glad actually. Otherwise I know I would not have slept, with a mixture of drowning with worry & childish excitement.

Because I want to learn so much I tense up & get angry. I must keep my eye on the prize - learning to swim to surf.

I need to learn to relax. You can't learn to swim when you are tense. But, what if I relax so much I let one out? Because, believe me, I feel like letting everything out just thinking about swimming.

[fudad]

Whats the story, morning glory?

Ive ping-ponged from post to post, but havnt really explained how I came to be where I am today - wanting to learn to surf, so I thought Id better.

When? 2020 will now go down in infamy as the year Covid infected the world, but on a more positive note (& with no life threatening symptoms),was also the year that I decided to finally learn to surf. It had been on my mind for a long, long, long (long) time & after a pre-Covid lockdown holiday to Holywell Bay, Cornwall, my daughter took some surfing lessons & I just thought I need to be able to surf so we can enjoy it together. She didnt actully like surfing, but I used her as an excuse to keep chasing my surf dream. I use my daughter alot to chase my childish dreams. Might have to stop one day, but she is ten now, so Ive got a few years yet to get in as many childish dreams as I can.

Why? Surfing - Ive said in another post that I bought a magazine in my teens & its stuck with me & Ive always has a fascination with surfing. Guess its the nearest natural way for us to interact with the sea, go like a bat out of hell, chase the thrill (Im all for chasing thrills  - keeps you alive, man) & challenge yourself, against the power of the sea. Swimming - pretty obvious, you need to be able to swim to surf. Im crazy & Im prone to just going for it, but Im not stupid. And someone still needs to pay the bills, I cant drown. And, well, swimming is pretty useful, right?

Next? So, being a man I immediately do what men do & got all the gear I could think of - winter wetsuit, summer wetsuit, gloves, balaclava, changing mat, wet bag, waterproof watch & the best thing ever...... a 7 foot bright yellow foam surfboard. Not only do I look the part now but I have stood for hours looking at that board. Imagine a skinny ninja, head to toe in black rubber, looking, thoughtfully, at an effigy of his deity (with a glow behind it & a kind of spooky angelic tune playing in the background).

So thats where Im at.In the garage. Looking at my surfboard. Not always in my wetsuit.

[fudad]

Whats the point?

Whats the point of life? No idea. Whats the point of living? Apart from being a manchild forever, havnt given it much thought. Whats the point of waking up in the morning? Thats a depressing question, just bloody get up. Whats the point in my blog? Now your asking!

And to be honest Im not 100% sure.

But, I did intend to start a surfing blog, but as I cant surf, because I cant swim, its going to take a while to actually get to the surfing bit.

So its a 'how I learnt to swim & then surf' blog. Thrilling subject matter I thought .

So why write a blog? I get the feeling most people write a blog to get stuff off their chests (Ive seen plenty of that through thorough research may I add), others to gloat, some to have a good rant, some like to show off & orhers just like to titilate (Ive done lots of research on that, too). Im none of the above.

Im writing a blog so that anyone who reads it will apply some pressure as they will be waiting to see how I get on with my surfing. Its an imaginary kick up the arse, to keep me trying to do it.

On the other hand-if no one reads this blog I can just forget all about it & forget this silly surfing nonsense.

[fudad]

Walpole Bay

Walpole Bay tidal pool - heaven on earth. OK, not heaven on earth, but its my 'go-to place' & when I go there I just dissapear.

Sounds really groovy,right? But, honestly (never trust anyone who says honestly...), when the sea is raging outside the walls of the tidal pool & you can hear the waves crashing not far away, the water in the tidal pool is as calm as can be & when there is no one else around the surface of the pool looks like a massive sheet of glass. Its pure & peaceful.

Yes, its also bloody cold & when its really cold your face goes numb, but with your blood pumping around every limb, the happiness you feel when swimming & the other swimmers you meet who are extremely friendly & encouraging you dont feel anything negative at all.

Its also one of the largest tidal pools in Europe, which means its bloody big & whilst my doggy paddling does take a while to get me from one side of the other I enjoy every minute & one day I know I shall be gliding through these waters like a dolphin.

Well, maybe a Blobfish.

[fudad]

Why oh why oh why.....surfing?

So, why would some corporate, bearded, (non swimming, afraid of the sea) 45 year old decide its time to learn to surf? Did a sudden fascination for thick rubber appear & thought it was a good excuse to get a wetsuit? Perhaps ninja tendancies had crept in overnight & the closest costume to be had was a black wetsuit? Always wanted an estate car & this would be the perfect time to get one, to fit a surfboard in? Or the obvious mid-life-crisis? None of those. Something far more boring & even slightly meaningful - I just want to get away from the wife & kids.

Only kidding. I love that lot to bits. Not sure if they feel the same way about me, mind you.

Ive always try to challenge myself physically from time to time/when my belly gets too big/Im bored/want to buy stuff & thought this would be a good challenge, specially as there could be dire consequences if I fail (drowning).

Ive experienced lots of stupid stuff (paragliding in Himalyas, riding a motorbike in Vietnam when didnt know how, tried surfing at Bondi when still couldnt swim or surf & other stuff I just cant write or wife/mum would shit bricks) & this is a really good one to add to the list.

And the deep one  - call me soft & squidgy, but I bought a surfing magazine when I was a teenager & I always said I would surf one day (think I still have it somewhere) & since Ive moved to Kent & been swimming in my nearest tidal pool (full of sea water, but cant get carried out to sea, smart I thought) I cannot explain it, but I bloody love being in the sea, for the first time in my life. Its relaxing, its theraputic, its peaceful, its quiet, its lonely, but its comforting. And when its really cold   - its exhilarating, its a rush & its exciting.

Im doing it.

[fudad]

Kent  - The garden of England

Im lucky, in regards to being quite close to the sea, as I live in Kent, which has 350 miles of coastline. And, to get to some decent beaches, for UK standards, they are only 30 minutes to an hour away. There are also a few surf schools & although we certainly do not get the biggest waves, like Devon or Cornwall, for example, its a good place to start to learn to surf & swim in the sea. Hence, its even more frustrating when I have all this on my doorstep & I cant use it as I want  - it literally drives me insane that I cannot swim properly & safely & then move on to surfing.

[fudad]

Be jazzy?

I done it again-I went off track. All stories should have an intro, an exciting middle bit & a great ending, right? Im thinking it must be the same for a blog, right? Or not? Perhaps its more putting some jazzy images & funny quotes to real people in, constant exciting & more jazzy content to keep people hooked & no ending. Just constant jazzy content? I dont know if anyone else will actually be reading this, so Im just going to try to stay on track, not meander too widely, not get too deep (too often), perhaps tell a story & although Ive been told Ive a cracking sense humour my writing might be funny at times (at least to myself) & to be honest - Im not very jazzy.

[fudad]

Stay on track

Stay on track, stay on track, must remember to stay on track. Not the words of a drunk track athlete, but someone who has too much to say & tends to go off on very, very large tangents. Its irritating, it can take a long time to get the answer you need, you may not even get the answer you wanted, but hoping youll hang in there & I (cant) promise you the conclusion will (not) be everything you ever (didn't) hope for.

[fudad]

Perhaps its crap?

I think Im quite creative at writing, well at least I think I used to be, but that was over twenty years ago, whilst I was backpacking & it was in a journal that no one else got to read. In fact perhaps I wasnt creative at all & I was actually crap. But I remember I made myself laugh.

[fudad]

In the zone

Ive never done a blog before. It sounds like some teenage slang for having a poo. Ive done plenty of those in my lifetime. But to get me in the right frame of mind for writing perhaps I should get into that zone (in my mind, not physically) when I am doing a number two, as its the only place I really get some rare peace & solitude to have a good think.

[fudad]

Only one in fancy dress

Ive never posted before. Im a posting virgin. I feel quite nervous. Im not even sure what to do. I was planning a big entrance-like showing up in fancy dress to a party, knowing full it wasn't even fancy dress. But, Im here now, so I will simply make my statement & then shuffle off into the corner, until I can think of something decent to say. My statement is - I think Im having a slight crisis, as I have a burning desire to learn to surf. But, I cant swim. And Im scared of the sea.