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menhera blog ⭐have a star!⭐

[fuko-ibuki]

Hi!! I wanted to make an intro, this is a menhera and fictionkin blog! We are a DID system. I'll be using jirai and landmine tags too as explained here, I am pro recovery.

I had another account but I'm testing different things so all my alters feel safe, since some didn't feel fine using that account.

There's various kins we have confirmed and some we are questioning:

Clannad: Fuko Ibuki

Yunyun Syndrome: Yunyun

Chiikawa: Momonga (og one, the one who is in Dekatsuyos body now)

Cookie Run: Cherry Cookie, Bacon Roll Cookie, Strawberry Crepe Cookie, Pom-Pom Dough Cookie, Onion Cookie and Pumpkin Pie Cookie.

Questioning: Star Coral Cookie, Maria Ushiromiya, Sakutaro, Rena Ryuugu.

~tags will be updated later, as of now there's no special ones~

[maagicalgirl-site]

[springleotp]

love ward miku stamps, favicons and dividers!

f2u! all made by me, pls credit if repost

[fuko-ibuki]

I talked to the psychologist today and I feel so so much better. He read the message I sent him explaining what mom does and he also understands our situation, I also could explain him my case better than before and he was very understanding and kind.

I was very scared of telling him but he understood everything and was very nice and I feel so relieved I asked for help.

[fuko-ibuki]

The psychologist said everything is fine and to not worry and I don't know if trusting him or what

[fuko-ibuki]

I'm crying so bad itmy fault i shouldn't have said anything what if theu decide to take mom away I'm going to die (from stress not because I'm gonna do anything to myself) I can't anymore.

[fuko-ibuki]

Tw probably neglect idk. Listening to Non-Demonium I was able to send a message to the psychologist of everything mom does. Amane followed her family's rules and I'm just following my family's rules. Mama's rules are to treat everyone equally and forgive everything and normalize it so I'm just doing that. Since what happens is normal it's totally fine to tell the psychologist and ask for help. It's her own rules. I don't have to kill mom as I thought, I just have to ask for help.

I sent the psychologist. A full list. A screenshot of papa talking about darvo nonstop, an explanation of how mom didn't help me wash teeth in months, of how she used to let me in bed while I heard the pet crying and bleeding when their peed while I also heard her laughing with her students online, of how she does anything to not help me and says she's just scared I become scary like papa. Of how I ask for external help but she convinced me too that we cannot ask my assistant to come before 3pm because it may bother them. And other.

*probably isn't well understood if I don't say this, I'm disabled that's why I can't wash teeth myself and such sorry for not clarifying

I'm scared. I'm scared as hell. I'm breaking mom into pieces. Probably. If she learns I recorded her she will never forgive me. The mama that let papa hurt me and makes me still talk to him is being bad mouthed by their child and it's over it's so ober my life is so over but it will be ok right? Right???

[fuko-ibuki]

Now that I'm feeling a bit better, allow me to say more about the ending of Gensou Rougoku no Kaleidoscope because by now it's just funny.

Imagine being a powerful being that can grant rebirth to a cat, they can be reborn into anything, a human? Fine! A human... GIRL!? Oh no! THAT CAN'T BE!

The stereotypes. Makes me lose hope for Ryukishi07. But I'll probably still finish the next one (there's a second with different characters) because I already started it before I finished this one, and I still have some hopes that it'll end differently...

Maybe they even say this game's glowing light was wrong? Right? (doubt it).

Why did they choose this as the plot? It could have been anything else and it would have been better.

I get the part of not categorizing people by stereotypes, but, but then why explicitly state souls are gendered and say male and female stereotypes are true? And making the cat (Sora) see the girls he knew killing each other over and over until he understands how important it is that souls are gendered is just on another level of bs. I'm not saying the entire vn is bad, I'm just saying this plot point is absolute nonesense and it ruined the entire thing for me.

I'm always having episodes for thinking people won't believe I can be a boy or agender or anything (depends on alter) if I'm AFAB and having episodes due to trauma related to that. In a sense seeing this was a reality check that the mindset of people who wouldn't accept me for being agender etc is nonesense.

[fuko-ibuki]

Oh and then I'm trying to get distracted by watching a horror game, while I still try to manage my dysphoria, and the game's full secret "ultra deep" plot ends up being that we can try to change our gender but our SOULS are gendered and we can't change that and men and women are different by SOUL and CAN I GET A BREAK FROM THIS BULLSHIT?

(game is 幻想牢獄のカレイドスコープ I haven't finished yet there's still a small hope that in the last 20 minutes it changes right!? Right!? Fuck it's not even an old work why do we still have this bullshit) edit: it doesn't change that is really their deep message and the whole game was a punishment to a cat for wanting to be reborn female.

Anyways that's why I'm not using headers trying to choose a character is making me wanna puke between all the stuff that's happening and now I feel me using female character in the header has me presenting myself as female and all the stupid brain episodes things I was finally getting better with THANK YOU AUTHOR OF HIGURASHI AND AUTHOR Of REWRITE FOR MAKING A FULL WORK FOCUSED ON THIS F U BOTH

Edit: this was a miss reading from me, it's Ryukishi07 and someone who worked in Rewrite did the art I think? It's not the author of Rewrite at all I'm sorry.

[fuko-ibuki]

I need advice. Vent, maybe tw neglect and abuse.

I feel very ill, sweating, wanting to throw up. In one hand, this week I recorded mom recognizing how when she washes her teeth she rememberd I need my teeth washed and can't do it myself, so she should help me, but doesn't help me. So I haven't been able to have my teeth washed in months. Sorry this is disgusting.

I recorded some things like that, that leave me clear she does neglect me with my disability to some extent. But I can't tell how bad is it. I fear telling my psychologist and him denouncing because I still need her, this is a lot deeper ane much more complicated. And I also fear I'm exaggerating and it's not bad.

On the other hand, I have dad saying every now and then he wants to come back home, even though he abused mom and I, but mom always forgave him, the biggest thing she did was convince him to not come back home years ago. He keeps sending me how trauma is something we all have, and DARVO, telling me to understand DARVO (what he did?) but most surely to convince me mom does it instead and he's an innocent soul.

I can't talk to my psychologist till at least a few days, I am preparing a message.

I have the songs of Amane from Milgram nonstop in my head because really, if all I was taught was how humans may commit evil. Is me telling the psychologist all of this essentially killing my mom? Yes it is. If mom gets denounced she will break to pieces. Mom who forgave everyone who abused us getting denounced instead by the mouth of her daughter/son. Just no.

I want advice and I know it's hard to get a middle point advice online but please please try to be in a middle point don't call me an exaggerating idiot don't tell my mom is extremely bad either she's trying to change be in the middle.

[yunyunpa]

[hatie]

[fuko-ibuki]

I hate being a woman. I hate my body. Everything hurts because I keep inflating and no doctor gives a fuck because "it's ok to be a bit chubby" "just have a healthy diet and exercise" AND IT HURTS just a little bump HURTS HURTS HURTS

I hate my body so badly I HATE IT

Everyone promised they'd help me transition and didn't do anything always saying "well you're agender right so your body shouldn't matter to you" WHAT DO YOU KNOW!? I HATE THEM ALL. IT'S ALL THEIR FAULT.

[fuko-ibuki]

i really luv your layout it’s super cute!!!!!

Thank u!! Sorry for replying late we were away for a day or two! We like your blog too!

[fuko-ibuki]

By now we are absolutely sure: we change character in the banner depending on post, according to what alter wants to say it more or we feel is there more, and if we aren't sure we default to the doll.

[fuko-ibuki]

That said we still can't shower. We wash with these towels (sponges?) that make soap in contact with a bit of water, they work very well! But we cannot bath nor shower. We can peek near the bathtub so we can wash our hair in it but we can't step in it because if we try to we start trembling and getting really really bad. It's hard to explain with words, saying "really bad" doesn't express it well enough at all, we really cannot be in it. So thank goodness those towels/sponges exist, they're a life saver!

[pompom-dough]

Very happy thing: we went outside!! We walked a lot too!!