Off-kilter.
I feel the need to post this for no other reason than to just document the day. May 11, 2020. I was lucky enough to get a repatriation flight out of the USA during the global pandemic.
How and why? It started like this: I went abroad for a semester as a chance to prove myself, an opportunity to better myself. I left home with high expectations cultivated by my peers and stereotypical movies. I thought I was free to do what I wanted for 4 solid months, to party and rebel and "live life to the fullest". I was wrong on all accounts. The second I was left to my own devices, I realised that there was so much more that I could be doing, so much more that I could be achieving, out there in another country. And when I made the decision to push myself, the universe decided to test how far I was willing to be pushed. I was way out of my comfort zone. Within 2 months, the virus spread, the mass panic buying of food and toilet paper occurred, the lockdowns due to the pandemic disrupted everything everywhere, and yet I perceived it all to be a personal slight to me by the universe at large. Maybe I was being dramatic, but honestly, the entire experience was just shy of traumatic. I was almost stranded. I had no way of returning home and no idea of what the future would hold on a day to day basis. But I persevered. And then I was granted a birthday gift. On my 19th birthday, I was lucky enough to leave, to escape the "Land of Dreams". And today, a little more than a month since my return, everything still seems surreal. Everything still seems like maybe it happened to somebody else. Out-of-body experiences are normally reserved to life or death situations or over-zealous protagonists in YA novels. But no other phrase can convey that particular brand of confusion. I feel like I escaped a war-zone. The world is still off-kilter to me in a way that I realise nobody else might be able to relate to. But, I've come this far. There may be a long way to go yet.
