gender is messy, okay?

Futch pride space for all who are tired of seeing "futch is a fake, made up, totally not real meme!" and for all who would like to learn. Please read my pinned post for more info. Averey, 30, they/them.

[futchbeauty]

Welcome, Friends and Enemies Alike!

This blog exists to provide community-wide information, memes, and pride revolving around the futch identity! That being said, it is still a "personal" blog so I'll be cataloging my own journey through the process.

About the Blogger

Name: Averey

Pronouns: They/them

Age: 30

Identity: Genderfluid autigender futch dyke (I'll explain these all, but if you aren't ready to deal with "messy" queer identities then you won't like this blog). Usually just call myself butch cuz it's where I fall most days and I don't get treated like shit for it 🙃

More shit: Biracial, AuDHD, physically disabled.

Style inspiration: Blaine from Glee

That's enough about me for now. If you have questions don't be afraid to ask! Anon will stay on for the sake of the many shy futches in the community, but behave yourselves.

Let's clarify some things:

"Futch isn't a real identity"

How being autistic can effect gender identity

What is autigender?

Transphobes of any flavor/terfs, radfems, racists, homophobes, acephobes, fatphobes, people who hate on trans men identifying as lesbians, people who lose their shit about bi lesbians, and generally people who are incapable of critical thinking.

The words queer, dyke, fag, etc will appear on this blog often. These are labels people have reclaimed and should be respected when used in that context. Queer is messy. It always has been. If you think everyone should/will fit into strict boxes you're in for a rude awakening. I'm too damn old for the chronically online infighting and gatekeeping in the queer community. Sort yourselves out. Learn queer history. Talk with queer people from different generations and different walks of life. Learn. Grow.

Questions are always welcome, curiosity encouraged, and you're welcome to submit your own stories and experiences. I'll include more links as I start to make posts and fill this blog up.

🎶 Averey

[eternagender]

futch bi man, futch bi man and woman, and futch bi woman flags!

[eternagender]

futch bi man, futch bi man and woman, and futch bi woman flags!

[futchbeauty]

I've never been so excited to have 3 whole followers 🥲

Not even being sarcastic, either. Futch is such a controversial identity in the queer community (well, predominantly the white queer community, as I've noticed people of color have significantly less concerns about futch and stem identities) so every single person who chooses to interact in a positive or curious way brings me joy.

Thank you for being here 🥰

[toffeejest]

my butch/femme oc’s in all their butch/femme glory

[clairefrasersbitch]

daily reminder that being a futch lesbian is wholesome and valid and good. i love being a futch and i love all futch lesbians. i love you if you’re always a mix of femme and butch, if you’re somewhere in between, or if you constantly fluctuate along the butch/femme spectrum. i love you all and support you in all your futch glory

[futchbeauty]

Just made a pinned post but I included links so I don't know if it will show up, so mini intro:

Hi, I'm Averey, and I just started this blog to celebrate all the stunning futches out there, as well as document my own gender journey. I'm going to be gathering resources, memes, inspiration, and hopefully talking to like-minded people. Or people who aren't like-minded but want to expand their awareness of queer identities :)

Because of the way I experience futchness you'll also see posts about butch and femme experiences on occasion that I relate to. Butches/studs and femmes are deeply important to me and will be protected.

Read my pinned post for more info about the futch identity (I'll be getting some posts up soon about specific experiences I've had or seen other people have), and be sure you understand what kind of blog this is before you follow. I'm autistic; the growing need for people to expect neat and tidy identities from others doesn't make any sense to me. Life is messy, queerness is messy, and I'm not here for people trying to water others down to make them more palatable for wider society.

I look forward to meeting and making new friends!

~ Averey

[knifewieldingenby]

Me: *finally finds a word to describe the struggles I’ve had with my gender expression/the way I perceive myself/how I interact with the world*

Under 25 yo’s on tumblr: lol you know futch is a meme right? Like it started as a meme. It’s just a joke. No one should identify with this ~~brand new meme joke made up word~~

Me, who knows people have been identifying as futch since at least the 90’s and the earliest online record of its use is from 2002:

(anyway I’ve blocked like 30 people from this tag and the ones who actually identify with the term hardly use it because of the hate yayyyyy)

[vttanon]

gender non conforming dykes make my heart go pitter patter

[harder-on-me]

I love female fags, male dykes, trans mtftms and ftmtfs. I adore genderqueer genderfreaks who fuck gender and hug eachother. A kiss to every bi lesbian, every asexual lesbian, every mspec gay guy married to his beard who he's in love with. A smile and a nod to all the incomprehensible degenerates who are holding hands when they get pelted with rocks on the street for being visible and a menace to society. I pour one out for all the faggot dykes, femme butches, agender aromatic asexuals, high femmes and stone butches. This one goes out to the freaks of nature who queer queerness and are left to martyrdom by those who should love them, you are loved by me.

[my-gender-is]

my gender is… something incomprehensible even to me

[newporters]

gay guy and a lesbian who pretend to be a straight couple together in public but the lesbian is the boyfriend and the gay guy is the girlfriend

[zomboney]

[anderswasrightt]

don't use "ftm" it's outdated and offensive. it implies that the trans person was their agab, which we never were. i was always a boy, never a girl who became a boy.

i'm 35 years old. i've been IDing as trans or something similar to trans for nearly 20 years. i was probably calling myself FTM while you were playing tag during recess, anon.

i WAS a girl. i IDed as a girl early in my life. i recognized myself as a girl, called myself a girl, lived as a girl, and was a girl. who then IDed as a man. hence, F t M.

spend more time worrying about yourself instead of strangers on the internet, anon.

sorry not sorry if this comes off as needlessly hostile, but i've been getting a lot of shit from a lot of teenage trans kids about the language i use to describe my own goddamn experience, and i'm growing real fuckin weary of it.

i have elder trans friends who call themselves transsexuals and transvestites and trannies. are you going to seriously go to a 60-year-old trans person who survived the reagan years and tell her she's not allowed to use certain language to describe herself because it might offend the delicate sensibilities of some teenager on the internet?

do yourself a favor and log off, find some real-life trans people who are over the age of 20 or 25, and spend time talking to them instead of getting all holier-than-thou at random strangers on tumblr.

[genderkoolaid]

thinkin about the autigender label again. it really sucks that it got so dunked on by allistics who don't understand how much being autistic can impact your gender & how you are treated in a gendered way. growing up autistic and AFAB left me sort of adrift in gender; i was presumed a girl, but my attachment to girlhood was weak because of my isolation from others, due in large part to my "weirdness". i was always painfully different from other kids, even the girls. i felt like i was some confused alien who walked in by mistake and had been sat with the girls, but i wasn't really one, it was just something people decided because of how i looked.

for me, i also came out as a lesbian very very young, and had gotten my hair cut extremely short even before that. so as a young, autistic, GNC girl, my connection to societal girlhood was tenuous at best. it was mostly idealized and based off of what i had seen in tv shows and books and youtube videos, very similar to my relationship towards romance and marriage as a young aromantic allosexual who didn't know i was aro. very much "this is how Normal People do things, so this is what i am going to do eventually". it was very clear that any girlhood i had inside of me, that wasn't entirely a performance done to please adults on the outside, was something i couldnt let anyone see. my attempts at "normal" femininity always failed and felt extremely off, but the thing i felt inside was also too queer (even if i didnt know it yet) to be acceptable to people. my trans, queer, autistic, ADHD girlhood was clearly unacceptable, but I was so bad at the performance of girlhood as well. There was and is a disconnection between the performance of femaleness people want from me and the thing I feel inside, which has always been entirely my own and unconnected to society's idea of what a "girl" is.

This is all why I identify with transneufemmasc as I do, but it's also why I have a growing interest in "autigender". I know intersex people have discussed how being intersex impacts your gender whether you ID as cis or trans or otherwise, and while being intersex and being autistic are very different I do feel like it's a similar thing. How I have experienced gender socially was radically impacted by how I was treated as a GNC queer autistic kid. My neurodiversity changed how my gender was perceived (because ableism says disabled men are never "full" men and disabled women are never "full" women) and autigender describes that. it's a good term fuck you

[autism-kun]

there’s so many posts that say something along the lines of, “what do you guys think about neopronouns and xenogenders?” or “what do y’all think of he/him lesbians?”

and can i just say… stop. fucking stop.

someone else’s identity is most certainly not up for debate, and by the way, neither neopronouns nor he/him lesbians are new.

also? kinda shitty to say “it’s just something teens are doing, it’s not real, it’s gonna die out.” because how in the world are you going to call yourself progressive and then not be accepting of the way “kids these days” are defining themselves?

and it’s not just kids, anyways. i’m in my 20s and use xenogenders and neopronouns, and i have seen people in their 30s (and even 40s) use neos.

don’t understand it? fine. downright judge it because it’s not you? not fine.

[aceing-aro]

I was struck by a vision and now I gift it to you all

[genderqueerdykes]

if you have a “weird” gender, you are quite literally the definition and example of what trans is, not a bad example, or an outlier. you are the very heart and soul of the experience of transness. keep it up