Random funny things.

Teagan, 25, she/her Don’t touch me.

[tall]

[houndmother]

i’m burning the candle at ends you’ve never heard of

[houndmother]

exactly

[pinkusmaximus]

the candle in question

[dragonagegenerator]

fool (self-diagnosed)

[statictay]

once again i love how star wars takes place in a massive galaxy with thousands of planets and billions of people, and yet every bounty hunter knows each other personally

[dragonfox-in-a-teacup]

It's called networking babe

[youvebeenlivingfictional]

when Boba Fett adds you on LinkedIn you know you've made it

[huffylemon]

[ralfmaximus]

Years ago I overheard (eavesdropped upon) a telephone conversation between a public parks official and a golf course owner.

Parks Official: No sir, you cannot

Parks Official: No. They are a protected species

Parks Official: You CANNOT shoot them

Parks Official: Or poison them, no. Or trap them

Parks Official: If you like, we can-- no, I'm it. I'm the ranking official here. There's nobody above me. My boss? You mean... the governor's office? Sure, I guess. Okay bye

After he hung up, he gave me this thousand-yard stare before answering my unvoiced question.

"There's a flock of flamingos at the 9th green disrupting golfers. He wanted permission to go out there with a shotgun and take care of matters, but sensed there might be... legal ramifications. So he called us."

I laughed. "Does that happen often?"

"Oh, we get calls like that a couple times a month."

[fem-fatalist]

Country clubs should be burned to the ground and their golf courses turned into community gardens i am 10000% serious

[futurepiratequeen]

My pop used to golf, he had this little dog that would go everywhere with him, even the golf course, they tried to stop him he just refused to listen, that dog sat in his golf cart every time without failure and used to sit on the chair next to him in the bar while he had a beer and ate his lunch, he built half the golf course before he retired from being a brick layer, so he would just threaten to take his bricks back and undo the job, they stopped asking him to not bring his dog 🤣

[huffylemon]

[ralfmaximus]

Years ago I overheard (eavesdropped upon) a telephone conversation between a public parks official and a golf course owner.

Parks Official: No sir, you cannot

Parks Official: No. They are a protected species

Parks Official: You CANNOT shoot them

Parks Official: Or poison them, no. Or trap them

Parks Official: If you like, we can-- no, I'm it. I'm the ranking official here. There's nobody above me. My boss? You mean... the governor's office? Sure, I guess. Okay bye

After he hung up, he gave me this thousand-yard stare before answering my unvoiced question.

"There's a flock of flamingos at the 9th green disrupting golfers. He wanted permission to go out there with a shotgun and take care of matters, but sensed there might be... legal ramifications. So he called us."

I laughed. "Does that happen often?"

"Oh, we get calls like that a couple times a month."

[fem-fatalist]

Country clubs should be burned to the ground and their golf courses turned into community gardens i am 10000% serious

[amazingeurus]

DID U SKIP UR BREAKFAST ?! FASTER !

[trattenbach]

Happy Battle Against Richard Nixon's Immortal Soul Saturday

[nickyflowers]

it would be cool if websites let you be an adult on them. the advertisers and payment processors need everything to be Family Friendly though and their definitions of family and friendly are absolutely fucked. but since they're in charge of the Internet now, no one is allowed to be an adult. tiktokers say things like "unalive" and "seggs" because they know death and sex are too adult for online. online is for idiot babies only now because they're easier to market to

[nickyflowers]

oh im sorry you're a trans adult? super ban. you are super banned for life. you have upset Visa's feelings. Mastercard is throwing up in the corner. how could you do this to Google Ads?

[fangirlinginleatherboots]

Being 30 is fun. I was discussing anime with a teen at work and asked her how much of bnha she had watched. She had trouble answering and wasn't sure how to approach it. I said "better question was who was your husbando" and she turned bright red before mumbling an answer. They never expect me to know how deep their love of anime boys runs....

[fangirlinginleatherboots]

One time she said she used to be into BL and another employee down the hall asked what BL was and I yelled back "ITS YAOI" which reduced the teen to yelling "ITS SOFTCORE! SOFT CORE!!" So I yelled back "ITS SOFTCORE YAOI" anyway I get why dads are like that now

[draconym]

Getting dumped really puts children's cartoon villains into perspective. Like dude you're SO right, love and caring ARE disgusting and we SHOULD cast a spell to drain all human emotion into your amulet.

[draconym]

Friend breakups are how you get lines like "Your friends? You think your friends are coming to save you? Don't make me laugh."

[tuckedinbugw]

Nothing like holding my love

[fmetmoved-deactivated20250211]

[frankiedotbiz]

in the club sipping on that shit that makes every steven universe character hate you

[my-flying-sister]

I love rebloging. It’s the adult equivalent of showing everyone the cool rock I just found.

[the-dandy-liar]

[the-frightening-ghoul]

ㅤ

[laterkiss]

i should've locked in when i was thirteen

[perequiste]

things will work out + it’s still early + not everything is lost + trees

[the-technicolor-whiscash]

Tumblr is the reason why I have something I call the cashier test which is, if i told this to a random cashier at the grocery store, would they think you're crazy at best or at worst would they be warranted in leaping over the counter and beating the shit out of you. Karl Marx mpreg is crazy, but not beating the shit out of you crazy. The cashier will probably talk about you to their coworkers and it might even make their day. Telling someone they're complicit in their own oppression by working a minimum wage job at a grocery store makes them warranted in leaping over the counter to beat the shit out of you.

[whumpster-fire]

Now in handy infographic form for Tumblr users: