October always makes me home sick.
Fall mornings were perfect for sitting out on the deck with my mom and the dogs. We’d have some coffee, chat, read, and just enjoy being outside in the nice weather together. It’s also my mom’s birthday month, and two of my best friends are October babies as well. Not being there to celebrate with them is always sad.
Recently, I keep thinking about my career. Or rather, my lack of a career. I’m not unhappy at my job, but it’s a dead end. I have zero opportunities for advancement unless I want to get into management and fuuuuuuck that. I really love teaching, young kids especially, so that’s what I want to do. Teaching in an elementary school would be amazing.
If I could, I’d work on getting a teaching license in the states. But I can’t do that from Japan. And I super don’t want to go to grad school and get a master’s in education. Mostly because I just can’t afford it. I’ve looked into other routes to licensure, and there are some that are doable, but none of them are possible from here.
When I came to Japan I figured I’d be here for the long haul. Kazuki has talked about moving to the states many times, but I’ve always shot it down because I was worried about work. What would he do in the states? His English is great, but maybe not great enough to land a job he’d love. I just want him to be happy. I don’t want him to work some dead end job forever. He’s said he’s fine working in restaurants and doing part-time work or literally any kind of job at all to help pay the bills, and I appreciate that, but I don’t want him to feel trapped the way I feel trapped now.
Still, the more I think about it, the more I want to pursue elementary education back home. It’s scary as hell though. Moving back would be one hell of a struggle. And life is pretty good in Japan now. I don’t feel fulfilled at work, and I should be making more money, but I make enough to pay all of my own bills and I don’t hate work. We live independently here, but if we moved to the states, we’d probably have to live with my parents for awhile so we could save up enough to get our own place. I would also have to buy a car and learn how to drive--something I really really do not want to do. It would be a huge adjustment and I don’t know if I want to go through that again after finally feeling somewhat settled here.
Thinking about it stresses me out. But I honestly cannot see myself working my current job long term. If I stayed, I know I would become the bitter expat.
I love fall, but it always makes me feel so restless.
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