[wnq-writers]

“I can’t exactly describe how I feel, but it’s not quite right. And it leaves me cold.”

— F. Scott Fitzgerald (via wordsnquotes)

[badlydrawneverything]

i know i haven’t been doing enough

[melisica]

“Time heals no wounds. My patience hasn’t healed a fucking thing.”

—

[liz-cat-meow-deactivated2020011]

[blluish]

[melonmemes]

[boysaresuicidal2]

somethings will never change

[badsciencejokes]

…I almost killed myself

I put on my sunglasses, to hide my swollen eyes, over my tears. I cried all my makeup off. Went inside to have a milkshake. I don’t know why. I wanted something to drink as I figured out what I would do. I got a soda and a milkshake. Medium. The cashier looked at me and with a line around the corner of the counter he rushed away from the counter “Hold on “ he yelled to a coworker.

I filled my soda and went back and saw him looking all over. I go up and he gets close and says “I made it a large”.

That was seriously enough for me not to do it. His kindness. Someone went out of their way and as I went back in my car to cry I realized I could muster through a few other days. A few more weeks. Then I came down from that panicky high of anxiety, depression, and pain. I finished my shake. And it was enough time to let me feel better. I… I’m alive. I’ll make it through.

Try and be nice today. Tomorrow. Something as much as a smile. It helped so much.

Thank you man at McDonalds.

The milkshake saved my life

[blackheartseverywhere]

I hope you all can read this and remember to be kind

[the-quiet-priestess]

The smallest of gestures can save a life. My Mum answered her phone when I called and I am alive today because of that.

[badsciencejokes]

I’m glad you’re here.

It’s a phone call, a milkshake, a friend.

[badsciencejokes]

I feel like I shouldn’t keep reblogging this but when I do more people see what kindness can do…. I don’t know. Love everyone as yourself.

[nunyabizni]

Nah, keep rebloging it. It gives hope.

[evilerthanthou]

walked sobbing around a city once wearing a summer dress in mid-september thunder and rain. basically dragged myself into LUSH as the smell of the store always made me smile. the shop was empty and dead due to the weather, just this blonde short woman behind the counter who smiled at me. i stared at her feet and asked ‘do you have anything for people who are scared a lot?’ (i was so out of it i had no clue). she showed me two bath bombs, one pink and one blue, and said both were good - i chose the pink, paid for it and left. i then sat at a bus stop clutching the LUSH bag in one arm and my prescription meds in the other - i’d lied and ordered a refill so i could just drift away with sleeping pills. when the bus arrived and i was out of the rain, i decided to have another look at my bath bomb, smell it and what not. opened my bag and saw she’d put the blue one in there for me as well and written on the receipt ‘feel better soon :) hope you like x’. 

no one had ever been so selflessly kind to me before, i didn’t know what to do with it except hang around long enough to use the other bath bomb. 

[maggie-stiefvater-deactivated20]

Actually I’m going to reblog this again because of the truth of the inverse: think of any time you have been casually cruel or petty to someone for humor or because you weren’t in a great mood. 

The power of small gestures goes both ways.

[tastemyvalidation]

When your disorder makes you crave a romantic relationship but also makes it incredibly difficult to maintain those relationships once you’re in them.

[borderline-gay]

talking about your future when you grew up suicidal is so wild because you never planned to live long enough to have a future

[thedarkperidot]

Unpopular opinion- you’re a trash parent if you constantly throw what you do for your child in their face. You’re SUPPOSED to care for them, you chose to have them.

[blueberryborderline]

honestly just dealing with abnormally intense emotions and dissociation and emptiness and paranoia on the daily and managing to stay alive is such an achievement and it shows real strength and the fact that everyone’s still here despite it isn’t celebrated enough

[rosespell]

[divineyote-deactivated20151104]

Borderline Personality Disorder isn’t being cute and ‘clingy’ and ‘adorably needy’. Being with (romantic or otherwise) someone with BPD isn’t akin to taking care of a pet. BPD isn’t an ‘aw it’s so endearing that they need me so badly’ type of thing. 

BPD is a mental illness that is a conglomeration of several different tendencies and it’s not easy to diagnose. You don’t just decide you have it, just like you don’t decide you’re depressed because you had a bad  day, or you don’t decide you’re bipolar because your mood changes quickly sometimes. Believe  me, you don’t want it.

BPD is turning nothing into everything, is knowing you’re being irrational and not being able to stop regardless, is suppressing breakdowns for fear of being abusive or of manipulating the person you’re talking to into having to take care of you when they really don’t want to.

It’s thinking someone doesn’t care about you anymore because they made a new friend. It’s automatically registering new people as a threat. It’s a fear of abandonment and rejection that’s damn near omnipresent. It’s being able to shift from ‘I love you so much!’ to ‘I don’t give a fuck, I hate you, I don’t even want to talk to you’ and back at the drop of a hat.

It’s finding identity in a drastic hair change, and then feeling unsafe and desperately trying to fix it before you have to go out. It’s seeing someone you adore and trying to emulate them because you have no idea who you are. It’s waking up and trying to be a new person every day. Go vegan, go goth, go hipster, go glamour, cut your hair, change your makeup, gain weight, lose weight, and never feel quite there. Ever.

It’s comprehending ‘love’ as ‘pity’ and wanting to rip yourself apart if their tone is all too casual when your friend or love interest is returning compliments or affection. It’s regretting saying anything about your mood and desperately trying to turn the conversation around while simultaneously NEEDING to get it out. It’s wanting to bleed yourself dry as opposed to cry in someone’s arms because, at least then, they don’t have to clean your wounds for you. They won’t hate you. They won’t be annoyed. 

It’s the constant battle, every time you get upset, of, “Is this worth being sad about? Is it worth talking about? What is more abusive, talking about this or hiding it? If I tell them I’ll bring them down and I’ll guilt trip them and they will resent me and it will all be my fault. If I don’t, I’m a disgusting liar, I’m manipulative, I’m untrustworthy.”

It’s wondering if you’re faking your symptoms. It’s disassociating and feeling like a ghost for days. It’s feeling like you aren’t real, and then wishing you weren’t. It’s fear, a lack of self, and about a million different thoughts running through your head at all times. It’s trying to live for the people you love as opposed to yourself. It’s feeling suicidal and then feeling bad for feeling suicidal because, whoops, you’re being manipulative. 

[devoid-of-everything]

I don’t think I’ve ever found a post so perfectly descriptive. Thank you.

[muffin-angel]

This was fucking beautiful. Thank you.

[thoughtful-lisztomaniac]

“the thought of the chance of seeing you today made me sick to my stomach and sent never ending shivers of anxiety througout my body.”

-excerpt from a book i’ll never write #64

[depresseddisneyprincess]

[thoughtful-lisztomaniac]

“this morning i woke up and didn’t want to move. my eyes puffy, my cheeks stained with dried tears. when i finally moved, my body ached. you broke my heart all over again. i want to give you all of me but you decided you want none of me. you hurt me emotionally and i cry so hard that i begin to hurt physically. at least i have a constant reminder of how much you hurt me.”

-excerpt from a book i’ll never write #60