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@fxcksand
[tfw u forget this blog is a thing]
Snow held up her hand, trying to gently calm him. “ Ignatius, I know he’s helped you a lot, but I’m worried he’s hurting you, too.” Using him, more like it. The Carpenter seemed such a caring, but naive, soul. The sort lesser folks would take advantage of easily. Like Flycatcher, in a way. “I’m very happy he’s helped you, and frankly I shouldn’t even be mentioning the past.” Amnesty, but she wasn’t about to let someone so kind get hurt by a user again.
Snow hadn’t seen the Walrus around, that she knew of. That didn’t mean he wasn’t there, but if he was such a good friend wouldn’t he have tried to find Ignatius? Wouldn’t he have worried?
“Oh,” Snow frowned slightly. OK, maybe the Walrus wasn’t a complete jackass. They’d gotten separated, it seemed. “I’m sorry.” Snow said more gently than before. Had the Walrus truly gone ahead to ensure his friends safety? Or did he just run away in the night to leave the ‘burden’ behind? Snow had no idea, honestly. “I don’t think he’s here. I have records of every Fable we know of,” Snow turned quickly, asking Bufkin to try and find any information on the Walrus before turning back to Ignatius. “If he’s in the books, we’ll find him. And maybe we can find how to get you to where he’s at right now and get you two reunited.”
“Hurt me? He wouldn’t.” The Carpenter swallowed hard. “We get into arguments and things, but he wouldn’t do that.” All friendships had their rocky points, didn’t they? Arguments and minor fights weren’t something the fable had ever been concerned about. They were nothing that couldn’t be patched up with an apology or a few moments to calm down. “He’s my friend.”
She was right about one thing, though. Being used? That was the past. Fables had to stick together even more now that they were in unfamiliar territory and that’s exactly what the Walrus and the Carpenter had been doing in their travels and attempts to make a living.
If she had been there, Snow would have seen how one-sided those attempts had been, however. Their travels had mostly been Walrus dragging Carpenter all across the deep south, finding odd jobs for him to do while he himself kicked back and relaxed all day - something the human fable was very much in the dark about. Walrus’ plans were detailed and nearly perfectly executed. Until Ignatius screwed up, of course. Now the pair found themselves split and Carpenter was beyond worried. Not only was he without his closest friend, but he had no idea what the other was going through as a result. He must be concerned, right? He was probably searching for Ignatius, growing more and more uncertain as time went on with no luck. Ending up in Fabletown had been an honest mistake, but Ignatius felt horrifically guilty.
When Snow said they might be able to find the other, Ignatius calmed, a quiet sigh of relief escaping him. Almost immediately after, though, another thought gave him pause.
“What if he’s not in the books?”
why are there nail guns but no nail rifles. i want to be able to build a deck from 100 meters away.
Muffled laughter could’ve been heard if you had ventured down the hall a bit farther, the source of it from a room the floor above. One of the twins had become the end of the joke, apparent by his scowl. His brother only joined in with the girls, the blonde having her face buried in the other woman’s shoulder as they laughed.
Eventually, they split, to return to their own rooms. As Alice went down the stairs, she heard a last “Goodnight!” be yelled down, and with a shake of her head, she yelled it back, giving a small smile when something resembling one brother telling the other to shut up was heard.
The first thing she had encountered after turning the corner was her neighbor, hovering over something. When they had noticed the other, a ‘come here’ motion was sent her way. The feline looked at the man asleep on the floor, before looking to her, as though looking for a reaction. A simple shrug was given to the cat, who then let out a sigh before their tail brushed over the man’s face, some of his hair moving with it. Alice continued to stare for a minute or so, before it clicked in her mind. A quiet “It can’t be–” was quickly followed by a “It is.”
The cat excused themselves, choosing to become transparent as the girl slowly stepped forward. She crouched down, hand brushing away the hair that had fallen again before moving to his shoulder, shaking it lightly.
“Hey, wake up.”
Wasn’t it incredible how exhausting traveling was? Getting from one place to another, though the majority of the middle bit was sitting around and waiting, used up an awful lot of one’s energy. Even fables weren’t immune to that, it seemed, as the Carpenter was dead to the world for the time being, fast asleep up against Alice’s door. Neither the stares from the cat nor the touch with their tail was enough to interrupt the man’s vivid dreams of home and bring him back to the mundy world. It took the shake from Alice to do that.
At first, the Carpenter simply shifted, hoping whoever was trying to wake him - likely Walrus, he figured - would leave him be. But then he remembered where he was. He straightened up quickly, smacking his head against the door he leaned up against. A soft “ow” fell from the fable’s lips as he raised a hand, fingers rubbing at the point of contact along the back of his skull. Stifling a yawn, he opened his eyes, which quickly went wide. She wasn’t Walrus.
“Alice?” A groggy smile pulled at the Carpenter’s lips. “Long time no see, right?” He set his head back against the door, looking up at the numbers nailed to it. “I should probably move, shouldn’t I…” It was going to be rather difficult getting into her apartment with him where he was, after all. He went to move out of the way, though paused. “This better not be some dream…”
It may have been slippery, and cold, but Alice really liked being outside in the icy tundra of…well..Tundraful. The ocean waves were always gentle and relaxing, and even if they weren’t, she could make them, it was her wonderland, after all and she had brought it back from near corruption.
Though, some places (including Tundraful) were still swarmed with enemies and remaining ruin, and Wonderland’s citizens were too scared to clear it out themselves, leaving it up to its Saviour to destroy them.
The regular ruin she could handle, their doll faces and their slow movements made it easy for her to swing her blade multiple times and destroy them. The Ice Snarks, not so much. They tended to hide under the ice, their antennas poking out. Jumping out they usually bit her hard, and it always made her stumble back. That’s not including the fact that they could freeze her legs, making it harder for her to move. More often thean not she had to use her Hobby Horse which was bigger than her, and much heavier than her. It still did the job.
Alice finished clearing out the area of Snarks before walking back around the glaciers. Trailing the edge of her knife against the ice, she whistling a quiet tune that her mom had sung to her as a little girl. She stopped suddenly as she saw the pegleg. She knew it was him before she even saw his face. The Mad Carpenter had returned.
Walking up to him she put her hands on her hips, “Carpenter,” Alice started tapping her foot, “I thought you left with the train.” Shaking her head she took his hand and pulled him along towards the water, “You need to go back.”
Before she could jump in, she heard a loud growl. Turning, she witnessed seven Ice Snarks jumping out and heading towards the Carpenter, as well as herself.
“You’re good with a hammer, right?” She threw the Hobby Horse at him, “Go get ‘em.”
The relief felt when he saw it was Alice was nearly inexplicable. He had never met the woman himself - at least not yet - but he had heard about her from the Tweedles. They trusted her, so why shouldn’t he? She might have been armed, wielding a rather sharp looking knife, but he didn’t think he’d end up on the receiving end of the blade. Hopefully not.
He raised a punctured hand, giving her something of a wave as she approached. “Alice!” He greeted with as cheery of a smile as he could muster, still freezing and horrifically confused about the entire situation. Another brief uncertainty planted itself in the pit of the fable’s stomach when he heard his own voice. It wasn’t his. He did his best to brush it off, though. That wasn’t the first thing off about what was going on and it likely wasn’t going to be the last. Perhaps Alice could answer some of his questions. Preferably starting with why she was so short.
Before he could speak again, however, the other did. And what she said only raised more questions. “Train?” His hand grabbed, he stumbled after the girl as she pulled him along the ice. He almost fell again, this time turning his eyes to his feet. The Carpenter froze up, yanking his hand from Alice’s when he realised exactly why he was having such trouble moving anywhere. His left leg was gone below the knee, replaced by an honest to god wooden peg leg encrusted with barnacles. Fantastic.
As much as he wanted to now ask questions about his physical appearance, Alice seemed far past the point of accepting inquiries. He’d save them for later. “Of course I am,” he answered, almost struck by the massive weapon when Alice hoisted it to him. “But I’m not sure what that’s to do w-” Interrupted by another screech from the ice snarks, the man quieted, settling the hobbyhorse in his hands like a sledgehammer. “Excuse me? Go get ‘em?!”
Wow, perhaps he really was as dense and simple as some said. Snow had a feeling there was more to it than that, however. People often assumed Flycatcher as simpleton as well, and she knew better than that. “Walrus. Who has you do all the work, and reaps all the rewards?” Snow pointed out, not having any issue telling a man she hardly knew his friend was, well, a complete asshole.
“Well, neither is mine,” She had lived with seven dwarves for a time, and cooked and cleaned for them. She’d eaten that apple and fallen under the sleeping curse, and eventually was ‘saved’ but Charming. So sure, it was ‘accurate’. “But that doesn’t mean it’s the whole story, either.” She looked him over, studying the clearly uncomfortable man. “Where are you supposed to be, then?” She asked as gently as she could. His comment about New York confused her. “This is New York, formerly called New Amsterdam, perhaps that’s why you’re confused.” She had no idea when he’d become displaced from the Homelands.
“That’s not true!” The Carpenter exclaimed, eyes widening. “He’s done lots for me over the years. I’d be stuck back in Wonderland if not for him.” His friend brought him to safety and, without him, who knew where Ignatius would be. Probably dead - at least that’s what Walrus said. And the other fable believed him wholeheartedly.
He knew Snow was someone to be trusted, but he couldn’t help his feeling a bit wary around her. It seemed as though she attempted to paint his almost lifelong friend unfavourably and he couldn’t understand it. What she said was true - and it was obvious to anyone else looking at the situation - but Ignatius had long since been blinded to it and remained so even when people such as Snow tried to show him.
“We’ve spent the past couple years hopping from town to town down south, see. I’m supposed to be there.”
“This is the wrong New York. This one’s much too…Big. Walrus said the next town we were headed to was small.” All the places the duo had stayed in thus far had been minuscule backwoods towns and Carpenter had no doubt the New York he was supposed to be in was the same. Of course, without any way to actually contact his flippered friend, he was going to have quite the difficult time getting back to him. “He went first to make sure there was work to be done and trusted me to get there on my own and, well…Here I am. In this New York.”
fxcksand
“If your story is anything like what actually occurred,” Snow rested her hands on her chin as she spoke. “You have no reason to go back to your so called friend, Ignatius. We can offer you a new start here in Fabletown. A chance to be your own man and nobody’s fool.”
So called friend? The fable’s brows pulled together in slight confusion, a smile plastering itself across his face only seconds later when he realised who she meant. “Walrus? No, no,” he assured, “we’re definitely pals.”
Of course they were. Why else would they spend so much time together? Sure, Walrus had done some rather greedy things, but he wasn’t so bad right?
“It’s not inaccurate…” In fact, the story was almost exactly what had occurred, save for a few small details. “But I’m not supposed to be here,” he told Snow with a swift nod, eager to get past the past. “This isn’t New York.” The Carpenter paused. “Well it is, but not the right one.”
Meditation was relaxing, wasn’t it? That’s what he had been told, at least. Though after almost an hour of trying, he began to think he was lied to. He could clear his mind easily enough, for there wasn’t much to clear in the first place, but sooner or later more thoughts filtered back in. It was hot (the AC had broken again - the fifth time that month). He was tired. It was too light out and shadows kept flitting across his eyelids. This wasn’t relaxing.
Truthfully, Ignatius wasn’t sure what he had done wrong. He’d followed instructions to a T, yet there he was, lying on the floor of his living room instead of strolling along the beach or walking a forest trail. And, worse yet, a headache had slowly started to form. He felt it throbbing in his temples, pushing at the back of his shut eyes. Enough of that, he thought. He’d try again sometime later.
The breath next sucked in through pursed lips surprised him. Icy air flowed between his teeth and stung his throat. He coughed, his breath hanging in the air like smoke before fading into the night sky. When the fable realised shadows no longer crossed his vision as if the sun had suddenly turned off, which it had, his eyes flew open and it took everything he had to not cry out. A muffled whine of shock and confusion was exhaled with another cloud of vapor, the Carpenter’s gaze locked with the sun’s. A harsh grimace complete with gritted teeth was frozen - quite literally - on the sun, which was stuck dull in the sky, outshone by the moon and the stars surrounding.
The Carpenter tightly closed his eyes, hoping he would open them again in a moment to find himself in his apartment, looking up at the ceiling as he thought he should be. This, unfortunately, was not what happened. He remained still and silent for a minute more, back pressed to the ice below, but when the cold and darkness truly hit him, he panicked. The fable hopped to his feet, but was back on the ice seconds later. He had felt his right foot, now bare, make contact with the ground, but the left, feeling not even pressure, had thrown him off. Though the air was still, it cut at his exposed back, which now faced the sky, skin uncomfortably chilled from his previous position on the ice.
He shifted, sliding palms along the ground so he could push himself to hands and knees. As he prepared himself to try standing again, a soft shine caught his eye. Several polished but crooked metal nails were illuminated in the moonlight when he moved. And they were protruding from the backs of his hands.
The man swallowed hard, unable to look away from his most recent discovery. They didn’t hurt, though perhaps because he couldn’t feel much of anything currently, but they were concerning, to say the least. After what felt like hours, Ignatius was torn from staring at the nails by the echoing sound of something scraping against the ice, getting louder by the second. Pushing himself to his feet, not yet daring to chance a look at what was wrong with his left foot, he focused on the rather small figure in the distance that appeared to be making its way towards him. Whoever or whatever it was, he could only hope they’d be friendly.
“It’s really not that difficult - just get on the bus and get here. I’ll pick you up at the station.”
“Oh, Carpenter…When the bus stops, don’t forget to get off of it.”
He did his part. He was off the bus and waiting to be picked up right where the Walrus told him to be. Or at least he was fairly sure he was in the correct spot. Certainty: 95%.
He flopped down onto one of the benches outside the building, crossing his arms. If he had to wait for the Walrus, it wouldn’t be the first time. His friend had a habit of going by his own schedule, often leaving the Carpenter in the dust. As the minutes ticked on, the redhead’s patience began fading. He shifted, resting his elbows on his knees, cheeks cupped in his hands. Certainty: 90%.
The sun set, filling the sky first with orange, followed by a deep, dark blue. The Carpenter now lay back on the bench, still waiting for the other fable to show up and explain his latest plan. He was going to drive up any second now, wasn’t he? He had to. There was no way the Walrus had just completely abandoned his buddy. Certainty: 80%.
The massive city’s lights illuminating the otherwise darkened streets snapped the man from his frustrated thoughts. For hours, the Carpenter had been wrapped up in being angry with the Walrus for seemingly leaving him behind on whatever grand adventure he had set off on. He had forgotten, until now, a casual comment from his flippered friend. Their destination was small. And where the fable found himself now? Quite the opposite. Certainty: 30%.
What was there to do now? Wait in front of the station until morning? The Carpenter didn’t have a watch on him, but he didn’t think the sun had set too terribly long ago. Walk, then? Walk and hope he found somewhere to spend the night? As much as he wanted to just curl up on the ground, even he thought that a bad idea. A long, low sigh spilled from the man as he stood and stretched, giving glances both ways down the street as if checking one last time for the Walrus. Still nothing. Obviously.
He took a left. And walked. And walked. And walked.
And then something caught his eye. A bright gold glint in the distance - part of a building set back from the road and surrounded by a rusting iron fence. The man slowed his pace - not that he had been walking particularly quickly before - to focus on the cracked brick. The crumbling steps. The doors and the gleaming golden doorknob affixed to the one on the right. He knew that doorknob. He knew it and he knew what it meant. Home.
A few moments of convincing the building’s “security guard” he truly was who he said he was and the Carpenter found himself in the halls of Wonderland’s apartment complex, a number rattling about in his mind. He quickly skipped up the winding staircases, previous exhaustion momentarily gone. The old stairs creaked underfoot, announcing the newcomer’s arrival to anyone who cared to listen. Before long, though part of him wanted to explore the building some, he came to the door he had been instructed to find. 334. Alice’s room.
Several knocks and several minutes later, the Carpenter sat on the floor in front of the woman’s room. It was clear she wasn’t home. But he could wait. He’d done hours of waiting already that day. What was another few moments? Unfortunately for the fable, the tiredness he had pushed away only a bit earlier returned tenfold. He could stay awake though, right?
Wrong.
Never trust a walrus with shifty eyes.
The Walrus and the Carpenter or The Story Of The Curious Oysters