lex @fxcksos - Tumblr Blog

i get angry that hewwo is now a word, but then i remember that squeegee is a word and has been for a century so humans have always been awful

silverymoonthing

hewwo mistew squeegee?

biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist

I’m going to find you and I swear by the moon and stars I will make you bleed

progerin-deactivated20190120

Subway worker: what can i get you

Me: flatbread

Subcuck: *slight pause* *slightly exasperated tone* 6 inch or foot long

Me: -__- wow I was talking about type of bread but don’t get me wrong their different sizes but i was talking about type of bread if you let me finsh I would of finsh my santance.

joshpeck

this is undecipherable

rneerkat-deactivated20220104

mirror mirror on the wall. sofa sofa over there. desk desk in that corner. im so glad im getting this home renovation

bugkeeping

met a very confused bee who thought my pants were a flower

biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist

SOUND ON

zhe-lazy-fox

aw confused bee sounds like a chicken XD

kissaubasard-deactivated2019032

It is a chicken

bahrains

it’s so difficult not being able to use milennial humor in a corporate setting. like i made a mistake today and i wanted to tell my supervisor it’s because i suffer from Dumb Bitch Disease, but do you think that would fly?? fuck no. i gotta say shit like, “sorry for the misunderstanding!” i can’t wait till the workforce is made up entirely of millennials and i can say “sorry i drank idiot juice for breakfast this morning” and my coworkers will be like “oh worm.”

kintay

A poem, an exercise in omitting letters.

by Thomas Penny

marauders4evr

books-read-in-nooks

Me: “Yeah I read all the time! I’m always reading a book-”

My books sitting unread on my bookshelf:

donotusetheinternet-deactivated

if youve never physically been in the presence of like, a real live wolf, and you probably wont get the chance to, heres some stuff about them you should know

a wolf’s fur is so unbelievably thick that you can get like, your whole hand into it while petting. and then you can keep going

wolves are a lot bigger than you think they are. think about how big you think a wolf is then just like double that

they dont really smell like dog but they DO smell and youre not going to be able to figure out if its a good smell or not

a wolf really wants to lick the inside of your mouth. he will not stop trying to lick the inside of your mouth at any cost, and generally speaking you need to press your lips together kind of tightly when he approaches your face so that he doesnt worm his damn tongue in there to give you what he thinks is an appropriate greeting

a wolf doesnt really want to look at you while you pet him but he wants you to pet him. hes embarrassed

if a grown ass wolf decides to lay down on you, you just have to deal with it and thats your life now

young wolves, much like young dogs, are overwhelmingly goofy and stupid. a teenage wolf will see your very fragile, very human shoulder and go “i can probably step on that with my full weight” and then he will do it

letting a wolf eat out of your hand is actually not remotely frightening, and youll want to do it all day