kiki (backup)

backup until tumblr restores my original account.

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WAR IS OVER!!! MY ORIGINAL BLOG HAS BEEN UNFLAGGED. THIS ONE WILL REMAIN CLOSED FOR NOW IN CASE I NEED IT IN THE FUTURE!!!

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chapter 18 is here <3

An Archive of Our Own, a project of the Organization for Transformative Works

❝"Shouldn't we break it?"

The question is soft, almost hesitant. When Spock turns his head, he finds Jim studying the ground, a smile playing at his lips that creates a curious dissonance in Spock's chest. The expression contains none of the captain's usual vibrant energy—it is, instead, tinged with something that makes Spock's side ache in a most illogical manner.

"To what are you referring exactly?" Spock asks, though he has calculated a 97.8% probability that he knows exactly what Jim means. The pretense is... illogical. And yet he finds himself unwilling to broach the subject directly.

"The mental link, Spock."❞

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chapter 18 is ready for tomorrow babes :) i’ll just say… get ready for chapter 19! you’re all gonna scream at me for multiple reasons bahahahahahahaha.

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how old is jim in eotm? I know it’s post beyond so is he around the same age tos jim was in the beginning? (31-32?)

Yep, you’ve nailed it! In EOTM, Jim is just past 30, putting him right around that 31-32 range—the same age as TOS Kirk when he took command of the Enterprise. (Honestly, the parallels are DELIBERATE because I’m a sucker for symbolic symmetry.)

It’s post-Beyond, so he’s already seen some stuff, but he’s still figuring himself out. He’s carrying the weight of his command, his crew’s safety, his past and future, plus a heaping side of “what even is my identity outside of the chair?” existentialism. It’s prime angsty-but-competent Kirk era—experienced enough to know what he’s doing, but young enough to make mistakes and feel every single one in his soul.

Also, side note: doesn’t it feel poetic that both Kirks hit their early 30s with galaxies of unresolved trauma, unrealized potential, and enough charisma to turn a Vulcan’s head? It’s almost like the universe designed them for maximum narrative tension. Or… I did. Let’s not overthink it.

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how do you think jim's trauma has affected him (assuming AOS)? how do you think it shaped him, and do you think he would ever seek a way to process it (therapy, etc)?

Oh boy. AOS Jim Kirk is the ultimate tragic overachiever—he’s all swagger and smiles on the outside but underneath? That man is held together by sheer willpower, unresolved trauma, and possibly too much synthale.

Let’s break it down: Jim’s trauma shaped him in every way. He lost his father in a literal blaze of glory, grew up feeling inadequate compared to a hero he never got to know, and internalized the idea that survival means never letting anyone see you’re hurting. He throws himself into recklessness, not just because he’s a thrill-seeker, but because he’s been told over and over that he’s the guy who shouldn’t make it. Every command decision he makes, every act of bravery, every self-sacrificing move—it’s as much about proving his worth to himself as it is about saving the galaxy.

He’s also learned to weaponize his trauma. He can read people because he knows what it’s like to be underestimated and overlooked. He leads like someone who gets it—who knows what it’s like to feel alone and unworthy. But he buries that pain under a mountain of charm and bravado because confronting it? That’s terrifying. Vulnerability? He’d rather fight a Klingon.

As for therapy… listen, I think Jim wants to process it. He’s just afraid. Therapy would mean admitting that his cracks are more than surface-level. It’s not until he starts forming those unshakable bonds with his crew (Spock especially—because Spock sees through him, ugh) that he’d even consider letting anyone in. Spock would be the one to push him toward self-reflection, maybe even subtly encouraging him to seek help in the most Vulcan way possible: “Captain, emotional clarity enhances decision-making. You would benefit from such endeavors.”

Would Jim resist at first? Oh, absolutely. But he’d get there. Because Jim Kirk’s greatest strength is his ability to grow—and he’d realize that letting himself heal is just another way to protect his crew and honor his father’s legacy. And then we all cry because he deserves happiness, damn it.

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someone i know irl said john boyega and henry golding as jim and spock...... ur tos reboot has me thinking how good this would be... ack

WAIT. Hold the comms. John Boyega as Jim and Henry Golding as Spock? ARE YOU TRYING TO KILL ME? Because honestly, what a power move. The sheer charisma, the smolder, the absolute chaos of Jim Kirk paired with the quiet intensity of Spock—played by these two absolute legends? I’m WEEPING.

John Boyega would NAIL Kirk’s charm and reckless brilliance while still giving us those tender, vulnerable moments (like when Jim doubts himself but pushes forward anyway because that’s what leaders do). And Henry Golding as Spock? I can see him raising one perfect eyebrow and saying, “Fascinating” in that calm, velvety voice, while secretly battling all the emotions under the surface. The cheekbones alone could cut through space-time.

Plus, the chemistry? THROUGH THE ROOF. Boyega’s natural energy and Golding’s cool elegance would perfectly mirror that human/Vulcan dynamic we all obsess over. I’d honestly sell my soul to see this cast in a Starfleet uniform. Imagine the Macarena scene with them. IMAGINE.

This was a dangerous thought to plant in my mind. Now I have to rewrite my entire fanfic with this cast in mind. How dare you.

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Hey. Just wanted to check in and see how you're doing? 🧡

Oh, you sweet soul. Checking in on me? I’m fine. I’m good. I’m… definitely not eating cereal for dinner at 2 a.m. while pretending my hiatus was “a creative recharge” and not a black hole of procrastination. Nope. Not at all.

But seriously, thank you for asking. 🧡 I’ve missed y’all! Life’s been…well, imagine Kirk trying to explain how he “accidentally” stole a starship again—it’s a mess, but you can’t help but laugh (and cry) at the chaos. I’m clawing my way back to normal, though, and being here with you all is a massive serotonin boost.

How was your Christmas? Tell me everything, or I’ll assume you spent it wrestling Klingons for eggnog.

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Do you ever think what it would feel like for Jim, the first time Spock melds with him while being intimate? I do. 😭🥰

Okay, first of all: SAME.

Second of all, let’s unpack the sheer emotional and sensory chaos that would hit Jim during their first meld in an intimate moment. Given everything we know about mind melds, especially their intensity and vulnerability, this moment would be like throwing every fanfiction trope and soft-focus filter into a blender.

Picture this: Spock’s touch, already electric (because yes, Jim is extra and notices these things), suddenly cracks open a door to Spock’s mind. Jim doesn’t just feel Spock’s emotions—he experiences them. The longing Spock’s been burying under all that Vulcan restraint? Jim now knows how it tastes, how it burns. Spock’s discipline and logic can’t hold up against the mutual vulnerability of the meld, and Jim would feel that restraint giving way to something raw, primal, and utterly consuming.

On Jim’s side? His chaotic cocktail of command stress, self-doubt, and overwhelming love for Spock would spill out in all its messy glory. He’d be terrified at first—of being seen, of Spock realizing how deeply Jim’s tethered to him—but Spock’s presence would feel like being wrapped in the calmest, warmest starlight. It’s intimacy on a level he’s never known. A bonding moment in the truest sense.

AND THEN—because I am mean to my characters—it would be laced with the tiniest ache. Jim realizing Spock’s mind isn’t just open; it’s lonely. That a connection like this is as alien to Spock as it is to him. The tenderness that would ignite in Jim…ugh.

CUE mutual emotional implosion and possibly some soft forehead-touching afterward. Someone please put me in fanfic jail.

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finally some fucking time to write

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chapter 18 in the works pew pew pewww

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❝Uhura's gaze lifts to meet Spock's, and something passes between them—some remnant of their former connection, maybe, or just the understanding of two people who've seen each other at their best and worst.

And now it’s really not the time for unwanted thoughts that hint at jealousy more than he cares to admit.

Not that he’s jealous, or anything. Mind your business.❞

chapter 17 is up <3

An Archive of Our Own, a project of the Organization for Transformative Works

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I'm sorry what

Hi hello yes what the fu k do you MEAN KIRK

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❝The artifact. How the hell does she know about the artifact?

<We did not, in fact, inform the doctors about the artifact's presence on the Enterprise,> Spock's voice echoes in his mind, calm and measured, and Kirk is so thrown by Saldana's revelation that he doesn't even register the strangeness of hearing Spock's thoughts so clearly.

He glances at Spock, brows furrowed in confusion. <Thanks for stating the obvious,> he thinks wryly, the words tinged with a mix of sarcasm and genuine gratitude.

<Your facial expressions are considerably more communicative than your thoughts, Captain,> Spock replies, a hint of amusement coloring his mental tone.

Kirk huffs, rolling his eyes. <Right, thanks for letting me know I'm basically an open book,> he grumbles, crossing his arms over his chest in a defensive posture.

<You are, in fact, projecting your thoughts quite clearly at the moment,> Spock points out, his mental voice tinged with something that might be concern. <So I would advise against taking offense at my observation.>❞

chapter 16 is up.

An Archive of Our Own, a project of the Organization for Transformative Works

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jim kirk in a bunny suit.

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check my twitter…….

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Hey everyone,

I’m writing this post today with a heavy heart, and I hope it reaches as many people as possible. Right now, the Valencian Community in Spain is facing one of the most devastating natural disasters in its history. A DANA (Isolated Depression at High Levels) has hit Valencia, and soon Castellón, with catastrophic consequences. We’re talking about hurricane-like winds, relentless rain, and flash floods that have left entire areas underwater. Spain simply isn’t built for this kind of extreme weather, and the lack of proper preparation or warnings has made everything so much worse.

As of today, we’ve lost at least 95 lives, with many more people still missing. Families have been torn apart, homes destroyed, and livelihoods shattered. The damage is unimaginable. And it’s not just people who are suffering—animal shelters have been completely wiped out. Horses, cats, dogs… they’ve been swept away or left without food or shelter. Hundreds of animals are stranded or missing.

To make matters worse, international media coverage has been shockingly scarce. It feels like the world isn’t paying attention to what’s happening here, and that’s why I’m writing this—to spread awareness and hopefully get more eyes on this tragedy.

If you’re reading this from outside Spain, please take a moment to understand the gravity of the situation. Valencia is drowning, literally. Roads have turned into rivers, buildings have collapsed, and thousands of people are displaced. This isn’t just a local issue—it’s a humanitarian crisis that needs global attention.

I know times are tough everywhere, but if you can donate to relief efforts or animal rescue organizations working on the ground here in Spain, it would mean the world to those affected. Even just sharing this post can help spread awareness.

If you're looking for ways to help those affected by the DANA in the Valencia region, please consider donating or volunteering through the resources provided by Valencia Secreta. The devastation has been immense, and any support—whether it's donating clothes, food, or even blood—can make a huge difference.

You can find detailed information on how to help here: Help those affected by the DANA

This guide includes:

Emergency phone numbers for missing relatives

Donation points for clothes, blankets, food, and basic necessities

How to help animal shelters that have been destroyed

Blood donation information

Ways to donate money through organizations like the Red Cross and Caritas Valencia

Please take a moment to check it out and share with others. Every bit of help counts.

On a personal note, my hometown and loved ones have been directly impacted by this disaster. As much as I love writing and sharing stories with you all, there will be no update this week. Right now, I’m prioritizing my mental health and focusing on my family during this incredibly difficult time.

Thank you for reading and for caring about what’s happening here in Valencia. Please keep everyone affected in your thoughts.

Stay safe, Kiki

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jim kirk in a bunny suit.