thought i was too angry

Sometimes bad thingshappen to bad people. ------------------------------------------------------------------ indie saw rp ------------------------------------------------------------------ A P A T H E T I C

[iveplayedbefore]

                there’s nothing to that. oh, christ.                 she’s got half a mind to pull the                 knife from her jeans —— threaten                 him to keep his mouth shut about                 being set free, and take off.                  confide in john, maybe. before                 mark can figure this out. mark’s                 done enough bullshit than she                 needs to deal with; but telling                 john about this would be the                  icing on the cake. amanda                 cracks her fingers, to keep                 the whole idea of revealing                 herself at bay.

            ❝th—— that was a long               pause. you have a bad               experience with the freaks?❞

                amanda’s pushing it. her                 false, less nervous demeanor                 seems to be more likely to fall                 before his does; if he has one.

            ❝guess that’s a ‘go for it,               mandy’ in adam language.               i’ll consider it a lit—little more               now.❞

[fxulkner]

                more questions. maybe this was                 her way of creating small talk,                 considering she wasn't running                 away from him. it was a nice                 feeling as adam put off the creepy                 vibe. most girls thought he'd tie                 them up and feed them pig guts,                 but that was, obviously, not the                 case. currently, he needed a                 distraction, and amanda was a                  nice one.

            ❝yeah, just----- old memories.               noisy neighbors. bad halloween               parties. all that bullshit.❞

                why she seemed so interested                 in his experience with the freaks,                 adam did not know--- but everyone                 had their kinks.

            ❝definitely a go for it. would love                to take a picture of that haircut, too.❞

[iveplayedbefore]

                john’s going to stab her.                 he seems… fine, in a way.                 which isn’t any good. the                 emotional trauma that left                 him in the dark had been                 what manda had seemingly                 been counting on. so he                 wouldn’t go to the press with                 his story of going to sleep after                 a game — dead set, and waking                 up at home. or, however it was                 to be seen. that’d get her caught.                 she’d lose everything. over adam.                 john, her pride, her home ———                 putting him back, however, wasn’t                 an option. as far as she can tell,                 he’s learned his lesson. why die?

            ❝yeah—— yeah,               least it keeps               you safe from               all the freaks               on the outside.❞

                stop it, amanda — you’re not funny.                 evidently, she was mostly fucking                 with him. not for fun, but to bring                 something out. some type of                  crack. something to assure her                 that he wasn’t whole —— that this                 wouldn’t get her killed.

            ❝i was thinking              about getting              a——a mohawk,              actually.❞

[fxulkner]

                the thought of freaks brought up                 no abnormal memories. just the                 ones consisting of loud neighbors                 and thin walls. freaks happened to                 be a broad term, one that adam was                 not all that aware of, but the memory                 of being jumped by someone in a                 halloween mask definitely added onto                 the definition. only a freak would do that.                 someone out of their damn mind.

            ❝the freaks----- yeah.❞

                there is a distance between them. one                 that is abnormal. even strangers talk                 closer than this. did his breath smell bad?                 most likely. he had been passed out in                 his room for who knows how long and                  he figured the freak in his apartment                  didn't bother to brush adam's teeth. 

            ❝a mohawk?!? that would               be awesome. like-----               even more rockstar than               before, honestly.❞

[iveplayedbefore]

                this is going to be the death                 of her. amanda makes mental                 note to cut her hair again. as                 short as it was before, if possible.                 —— he’s flirting with her, it seems.                 the fucking guy is flirting with her.                 amanda can only imagine what                 difference in demeanor would be                 if he knew what she did. that she                 broke into his apartment, jumped                 him, drugged him —— set him up                 for possible death. & that she saved                 him. that john left him for dead, &                 she went out of her way to make                 sure he got a real second chance.

            ❝i’ve seen worse.               a lot of people               would just be               grateful to have               a roof over their               heads, even if               it’s leaky.                       — thanks, i think.                       i haven’t always been a                       fan of it. glad you are.❞

[fxulkner]

                whether she was bored or actually                 wanting to talk to him, adam was                 going to flirt until his little heart burst.                 if this girl could take the confusion,                 pain, and scarring away-- if only for                 a while-- then she was worth having                 around. though this would probably                 be the last time they see each other,                 he was at least going to try and get                 the phone number he had thought                 about from time to time. she was                 something else, and for her to be                 interested in him----- he was happy.

            ❝trust me when i say, i've               definitely seen worse.                though that place wasn't                exactly a house. at least                this place does the job.                       yeah, but i think i'd be                       a fan of just about                       anything. hairstyles                       are just cool to me.❞

[nightwomancometh]

Rise and shine, Adam. You’re probably wondering where you are. I’ll tell you where you might be. You might be in the room that you die in. Up until now, you’ve simply sat in the shadows watching others live out their lives. But what do voyeurs see when they look into the mirror? Now I see you as a strange mix of someone angry, yet apathetic. But mostly just pathetic. So are you going to watch yourself die here today, Adam, or do something about it?

[iveplayedbefore]

                oh, god. she’s gonna throw                 up, she knows it. now her                 breathing is sky rocketing                 with the building fear. does                 he know? maybe he does.                  maybe adam’s just fucking                 with her head. her lips press                 together tightly, trying to                 tame the intake of oxygen.

            ❝live here? no. i— i don’t.               i used to, but now i just               do visiting…                      heh… yeah, probably.                      it’s amanda. it’s                      nice to put a name to                      the face that had so                      much interest in my old                      haircut.❞

[fxulkner]

                even adam couldn't remember                 that night fully. just how he                 couldn't remember the past                  day or two completely either.                 he figured it was just his mind                 telling him that he didn't want                 to know what had happened,                 but just speaking brought back                 hazy memories that made little                 to no sense in the end. who had                 gotten him out of that cell? and                 why did they leave him in his                 apartment with gauze wrapped                 around his palm? 

            ❝right. visiting. it's a pretty               shitty place, anyway. so,               i understand why you                would leave. been trying               to get out of here for years.                      amanda. that's a cool                      name. or-- should i say--                      a rockstar name. even                      without the haircut, you                      look--- i mean, like-- still                      really good.❞

[iveplayedbefore]

                to stay here, and be like this is horrific.                 to converse with him. to stare at his face.                 she knows what adam looks like frightened.                 —— what he looks like crying, what he looks                 like unconscious… and him? he knows nothing                 of her. fingers move to brush hair from her face.                 nervous habits. look any closer; and it’s evident                 her digits are shaking. about at the beat of her                 heart, in all honesty. amanda shuffles, trying to                 keep herself from freezing in the coldness of                 this situation.

            ❝minuscule details——                      it’s… odd. running into you again.                      guess it is the same apartments                      and everything. never did catch                      your name or… or anything.❞

[fxulkner]

                the fact that she asked for his name shouldn't                 have meant so much to him. most of the girls                 he talked to didn't even bother with his name,                  but maybe the deep cuts on his hand that had                 scabbed meant he was interesting. maybe                 that was the secret behind the sudden curiosity                 from the rockstar haired girl. pain was subsided                 as a small smile spread across his lips,                  heightening his expression. 

            ❝not really. don't you live here?               my name is-- uh-- my name is               adam. should  i know your name               or-- would you have to kill me?❞

[iveplayedbefore]

                amanda is pretty sure he can                 hear her heart beating. echoing                 through the poorly decorated                 hallways. don’t look down, don’t                 look down —— she’s got his boots                 on, like she always does. tied ten                 times tighter around her feet so they                 don’t fall off. to end the conversation                 & promptly forget about seeing                 him sounds satisfactory — but she’s                 glued to the floor, hues stuck on                  adam’s face.

            ❝i… i think i remember you.               you called my ‘very rockstar’.               invited me to a gig or something.               —— never did see you there.                        we met on the stairs. i knocked                        stuff out of your hands —— guess                        it was y—your turn to return the                        favor.❞

                this is foolish. this is gonna                 get her killed. whether by                 mark, or adam — doesn’t                  matter. bound to happen.

[fxulkner]

                the gig that hardly anyone showed                 up to. it was his friend's band, so                 the invitation happened to be only                 because he wanted to help out his                 friend; not just to talk to her. her hair                 was pretty rockstar, to say the least.                 now, it was a bit longer, but still hot                 as hell. he had stopped her, in all                 honesty, on that staircase because                 of her looks, and to see if he could                 get lucky after the gig. once talking                 to her, he realized that she wasn't                 that type of girl, but still interesting                 enough to speak to.

            ❝actually, you were the one               that didn't show, if i remember--               uh-- correctly.❞

[iveplayedbefore]

                there hadn’t been anything for                 days. no news reports of another                 located jigsaw victim. it was if adam                 was still off the maps, deemed ever                 so deceased at the hands of rather                 inadequate detectives. clearly, he                 was not. a run by was due, she’d                 just walk by the door, look for any                 types of movement —— this wasn’t                 what amanda had been expecting.

            ❝no —— ❞

                too quick.

            ❝i don’t think so? your face               looks… familiar but i don’t               really… know.❞

[fxulkner]

            ❝you just look like               someone i know.❞

                if he could even say that. she                 looked familiar, which meant                 that he had seen her before.                 it would kill him if he tried to                 think at this moment, as the                 drug that was used gave him                 a wicked headache. everything                 was a little fuzzy, but adam                 could remember the good parts.

            ❝sorry to bother you.❞

[fxulkner]

            ❝shit. sorry about that-----               wait. don't i know you?❞

                      tired eyes, aching limbs; all                       signs of sleep deprivation.                       a small part of him wondered                       how he had gotten to his                       apartment in the first place.                       he was obviously shaken, but                       seeing a familiar face, though                       her hair was a bit longer now,                       cleansed the feeling of loneliness,                       if only for a moment.

[eddiecabotarchive-deactivated20]

Rise and shine, Adam. You’re probably wondering where you are. I’ll tell you where you might be. You might be in the room that you die in.