I Eat So Much Sugar and Don’t Drink Enough Water: The Skincare Routine
My diet is that of a fourteen year old boy and 9 times out of 10 I’m reaching for coffee instead of water. By the grace of God, my skin has been relatively clear lately.
I have über dry skin that gets even worse in the winter. My driest spots are my eyelids, chin, and forehead, you’ll see that I target those spots a little bit extra in this routine. Other than dryness, I struggle with the occasional breakout and a little hyperpigmentation on my cheeks. Now that you’ve heard the extent of my first-world skin problems, let’s jump into the skin care routine that no one, not a soul, asked for!!
STEP ONE: GET THAT MEDIOCRE MAKEUP OFF
I hate the quality of these photos so much, but my bathroom is hideous and I’m not even close to bougie enough to have one of those tiny-ass fridges. I use Clinique Take the Day Off Cleansing Balm or coconut oil to remove my makeup. I use the cleansing balm because my mom gave me this sample and I do not say no to free shit. On days where I am three layers of foundation deep, I use coconut oil to really bust it down. I think any brand of coconut oil works, I get mine off of Amazon.
This is probably the most basic cleanser you can buy. If you haven’t used CeraVe, don’t contact me after reading this. Their products are mild as heck which is perfect for my sensitive skin. In high school, girls were using fancy stuff that Youtube Beauty Guru’s were recommending. I gave it a shot and broke out in hives. Now we keep it simple.
STEP 3: WHAT DOES SERUM EVEN DO?
I feel like The Ordinary is the nerd of the skin care world, and I’m into it. They list all the fancy-shmancy ingredients with names I can’t pronounce on the bottle, and then they refuse to explain what they do. Mysterious. I love it. “The Buffet” has peptides in it and after giving it a goog, turns out your skin LOVES peptides.
STEP 4: MAKE IT.....MOIST?
I’m gagging at the title of this step. I hope you are too. This moisturizer is another mild, boring choice. My personality is sparkly as fuck so I like to tone it down in my skin care. Don’t want to overwhelm anybody. It doesn’t smell like anything and it makes me look like the kind of gal who drinks 67 glasses of water a day.
STEP 5: CANNABIS FOR YOUR PORES
This will not get you high. It’s annoying but I’m not here for false advertising. I honestly have no idea what this oil is supposed to do, but it makes me glowy as hell and that’s all I ask for. It smells a little earthy but I promise no one is sniffing your face. I recently read an Allure article that says to apply your oils after your moisturizer, so there’s another thing I’ve been doing wrong for my entire life.
STEP 6: I ONLY DO THIS STEP BECAUSE I’M TERRIFIED OF AGING
This is the most expensive thing on the list. I don’t regret buying it because Gwyneth Paltrow makes it and I want her to come to my house and boss me around all day until I’m a level-headed, kale eating zombie. It’s actually a really nice sunscreen, it gives you a pretty, champagne-y glow. I guess it protects you from skin cancer, so that’s cool as well.
Heritage Store Rose Water: Every girl who has entered a Whole Foods has used this stuff. It smells like roses... That’s all it does and don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.
Fresh Sugar Strawberry Exfoliating Face Wash: I fake tan and you should too. When I’m getting ready to begin the process of coating myself in brown foam to make myself more attractive, I exfoliate with this.
Cocokind Turmeric Stick: My friend Bri recommended this to me and she’s hot so I trust it. I rub this shit on every pimple I come in contact with and then I sit around and look like I have mustard on my face. Shit’s wild.
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