So apparently these Twister sheets are a thing, and when I discovered them my first thought was “This is exactly the kind of thing the Doctor would find and get really excited about but totally not understand.” And then fic happened, so here you go:
These had the potential to be the four most dangerous words anyone could ever hear come out of the Doctor’s mouth. Today was no different, although the danger those words represented was less in the life-threatening category, and more in the, “Oh god, he can’t seriously want to wear that, can he?” category.
That was what happened when you took the Doctor shopping in a district known for the novelty and the kitch. The Ponds were thankful at least that they had River along, because while they might eventually be able to talk the Doctor out of some of his more outrageous purchases, River could do it much more efficiently with a severe look and firm, “No.”
However even she seemed a bit at a loss in lieu of the Doctor’s latest find. “Doctor,” she said slowly, as she and her parents stared, “Are those—“
“Sheets!” He said excitedly, holding them up. “Aren’t they cool? I love that game! I’m not very good at it in this body, though. Limb control leaves something to be desired, but still, River, Twister sheets! How funny is that!”
River continued to stare. She glanced back at her parents, who looked equally as confused and slightly more disturbed. “Ah, sweetie…” She trailed off, looking for the first time in all the years that he’d known her at nearly a complete loss for words.
The Doctor frowned and dropped his arms. “What, River, they’re a laugh! Don’t you get the joke?”
River’s eyebrows rose towards her hairline. “Yes, sweetie, I do. Question is, do you?”
The Doctor rolled his eyes and laughed. “Of course I get it. Twister’s a game of balance and body parts, and moving them around and getting them all tangled up,” River could practically hear her father choking up behind her, “and it’s funny when you put them on sheets because what do you do in bed?”
“Oh my god.” River looked back to see Rory with his face in his hands, and Amy staring at the Doctor as if she was trying to work out if he was actually serious.
River looked back at her husband. He did not look the slightest bit embarrassed, which made her immensely curious. He grinned. “Well none of those things, of course, it’s for sleeping, so it’s ironic. You’ve got this game that’s all about movement for an object that’s used for rest and the absence of movement. It’s clever.”
He looked around at the three flabbergasted faces still unabashedly staring at him and frowned. “Well, I thought they were cool. Ponds, I was going to ask if you fancied a set as well but I guess that’s a no. Anyway, I’m nipping back to the Tardis to put these on the bed and I thought I’d drop everything else off too. That way we don’t have to carry everything else all day. Bags?” He was already carrying River’s bags, and Rory dumbly held out his and Amy’s, and the Doctor took them and capered off down the street to the alley where he’d parked the Tardis.
After a silent moment Amy regained powers of speech and addressed River, who was standing with her head down, eyes closed, and the bridge of her nose pinched between two fingers. “Does he realize that—?”
“No,” River said flatly. “No he doesn’t.” She sighed and looked up, shaking her head. Then she stopped, frowned in thought, and raised her eyebrows and hummed as if reevaluating her earlier stance and added, “Well, not yet anyway.”
Behind them, Rory’s legs gave out.
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