the garden zone

hyacinth | i post silly lil jjk quotes

[gardentool]

Nobara: So, Megumi, do you have a crush on anyone?

Megumi: The only crush I have is this crushing anxiety.

[gardentool]

Itadori, holding a scooter: Gojo! Can I go outside and play with this?

Gojo: Sure, whatever. I'm not your parent, okay?

Itadori, running outside: Thanks Gojo!

Gojo, running out after him: NOT ON THE STREET! STAY AWAY!

[gardentool]

Nobara, holding an antique bottle: Hey, is this whiskey or perfume?

Yuji: *grabs the bottle, drinks all of it and throws the bottle over his shoulder*

Yuji: It’s perfume.

[gardentool]

Megumi: Why is Nobara on the counter?

Yuji: She likes to be tall.

[gardentool]

Nanami: Do you know the best way to respond to disagreement? 

Yuji: With tears? 

Nanami: No. 

Yuji: *tears up*

[gardentool]

Yuji: Why doesn’t Megumi find me sexy when I bite my lip? 

Nobara: What do you look like when you bite your lip? 

Yuji: *bites lip* 

Nobara: …

Nobara: Have you considered biting your bottom lip instead?

[gardentool]

Yuta: This is my wife, Maki. And this is my wife’s girlfriend, Nobara. And this is my boyfriend, Inumaki.

[imi-mimimoo]

She diva-fied him...

[gardentool]

[Out shopping]

Kid Yuji: Papa! I want a pistol with a silencer!

Nanami: Sure, if there’s one on sale.

[gardentool]

Yuji: I'm using my veto.

Megumi: Veto? You don't get a veto.

Yuji: You veto my ideas all the time.

Megumi: That's because your ideas are dumb!

Yuji: Name one!

[One hour later]

Yuji: That went on for a while.

Megumi: And let's not forget shower snacks!

Yuji: I can't be the only one who gets hungry in there!

[gardentool]

Nobara: Hello, Fushiguro.

Yuji: Just to warn you, if you go in for a hug, Fushiguro will try to kiss you.

Nobara: My god, I leave you alone for five minutes.

Yuji: It’s like being attacked by an ironing board.

Megumi: If I had intended to kiss you, I’d have put on some chapstick first.

[gardentool]

Megumi: Why are you making pancakes? We just ordered take out.

Yuji: I'm making them for the dogs.

Megumi: Why are you making pancakes for the dogs?

Yuji: Because they don't know how!

[gardentool]

Megumi: Can I say a bad word? CAN I SAY A BAD WORD?!

Gojo: Yeah.

Megumi, to Geto: YOU MOTHERFUCKING BITCH!.

[gardentool]

[Eating fortune cookies]

Nanami: What does your fortune say? “You will become a fortune”.

6yo Yuji: …

Yuji: :O

Yuji: :(

Yuji: I don’t wanna become a cookie!

[gardentool]

Gojo: My son was excited to read that book to me at bedtime.

Nanami: And why are you going to sleep before your son?

Gojo: I am sleepy.

[gardentool]

Gojo: When your kids were small, did you ever... I dunno, smack their heads into a wall?

Geto: Usually I just gave time-outs.

[gardentool]

Geto: *Whispers something into Gojo’s ear and walks away*

Yuta: Oh my god... What did he just say to you? That, if we don't give him what he wants, he’ll kill you?

Gojo: Worse.

Gojo: He mumbled and I didn’t hear it.