Noah

NSFW I post porn sometimes.

[bruxing-deactivated20160405]

how straight ppl flirt

boy: *takes girls phone* girl: haha stop (: boy: *chucks it at the wall* girl: come on tyler give me my phone back (: boy: *shatters screen* girl: aw tyler youre so cute (:

[oneheadtoanother]

[holy-sciences]

This is what invasive thoughts look like

[alexander]

this is my fucking favorite vine and it took me so long to find it, very underappreciated

[imninm-deactivated20160505]

[meanplastic]

When the straight boys at school are mouthing something to you from across the class and you realise they’re just calling you faggot (x)

[dajo42]

why does bart do that voice in this moment and why have i been laughing about it for five fucking hours

[dajo42]

ya meen iddaint me noggin issme peepuhs? ohh well thas just Luverlee

[jasvvy]

Got her.

[geminicurated]

i thought i was gonna be ok today but holy fuck i want to rip myself apart

[talionislex-deactivated20131217]

[valkyriecain]

frenums: 

skeleton smartypants was defeated once and for all

[coloneldonut]

THE REACTION FACES JUST MAKE THIS 84927 TIMES FUNNIER

[opheliarosaline-deactivated2019]

This is my kind of humor

[vandercunt-deactivated20181213]

*bottom not moaning*

*exits video*

[tastefullyoffensive]

[moepoke]

This is some college AU gold

[tuulikki]

AND THEY WERE ROOMMATES

[korrigu-deactivated20180205]

oh my god they were roommates

[chazkuangshi]

“I’ve NEVER. Eaten a DONUT. In my ENTIRE LIFE. And I’m NOT. About to start NOW.”

-Crazy customer I had today, upon being offered a complimentary donut

[ephemeral-lightning]

Why is this a real thing that happened in the real world what’s the meaning of this

[chazkuangshi]

I’m just gonna copy paste the story here from discord because honestly the whole story is worth hearing

so lady comes through drive thru. “Hi what can I get for you?” “A sesame bagel with extra cream cheese.” “A sesame bagel with extra cream cheese, sure no problem, can I get you anything else today?” “No” “Alright, you can pull up” and I just hear this quiet disgrunted “ ‘Please’ ?” I’m like uhhhhh, was that even directed at me, I don’t know, I don’t know how to respond to that so I just ignore it like I didn’t hear it. I go up to the window and see this woman, which she honestly looked like a tomato with messy gray hair. Before I have the window halfway open I see her roll her eyes at me so I’m like oh boy here we go, time to put on the stupid sweet customer voice “Hi how are you today?” She hands me the money for her bagel and goes “Just a tip. It’s ‘Please pull up to the window.’ not ‘pull up.’ I found that incredibly rude.” I go “I’m sorry about that, I didn’t intend for that to be rude, I just meant that it was okay to pull up to the window now.” “I know what you meant. But it was rude.” “Well, I apologize. Here’s your bagel, have a great day.” She goes “I’m a MYSTERY SHOPPER.” (If you don’t have Mystery shoppers where you are, it’s kind of like undercover boss where the store owner hires someone through the Mystery shopper program and they place a regular order just to make sure people are following policy) I’m like “… ok” So I’m about to tell my boss and coworker what just happened when she comes in. And I jump to the front counter because no way I’m letting her talk to my boss before I do. “Hi, can I help you?” “Yes. This bagel was supposed to be NOT toasted. You toasted it.” “Ohh, I’m so sorry about that! I didn’t hear that. I’ll make you a new one right now.” Coworker beats me to the bagel and I say “A little extra cream cheese on that.” She looks at my boss “She just said a LITTLE cream cheese. I wanted EXTRA cream cheese.” Boss goes “Oh, she said a little extra cream cheese.” “Oh” Boss goes into kiss ass mode as well and says, “I’m sorry about the mistake, would you like a donut?” Lady goes “I’ve never. Eaten a donut. In my ENTIRE LIFE. and I’m NOT. About to start NOW.” Boss is like “… ok” and we’re all internally going sdhakgsdgkja?

So we get the bagel out and she says to my boss “And I have one more thing to say.” She leans in with a sneer. “Mystery shopper.” boss goes “We don’t do that here.” “yea you do.” “No we don’t.” “yea you do.” “Have a good day.”

Basically we’re pretty sure the lady was crazy and she was absolutely lying because Mystery shoppers are not allowed to tell you that they’re mystery shoppers, and they aren’t allowed to coach you. And even if she was, “please” is not one of the things they look for. They look for a Greeting, whether or not you repeated the order and the price back, and whether or not you upsold. We haven’t participated in the program in over 7 years.

[lizardvvizard]

[earthdad]

babies cry when they are first born because they haven’t had the delicious taste of a cold Sprite yet

[lesbiancousin]

gay culture is struggling to find things to have small talk about with straight people but instantly having 1000 weirdly obscure common interests with gay people that don’t even revolve around being gay just gay ppl like the same weird shit and i love that about us

[best-of-memes]

Rich people showers

[officialkeikoandgilly]

[labyrinth-runner]

reblogging for that gif

[immenseheadaches]

i’m sorry i couldn’t help myself 

[laterovaries-deactivated2017022]

Not gonna not reblog this….

[atomskdluffy]

The drawings are a necessary addition. (Gargle shower and fireplace showers still best)

[mr-prism]

*muffled screams*

[sunnyddlgblog]

I had to

[mszashley]