you, normal: “believes” “things”
myself, brain damage from psychedelics and weed: suspects dozens of mutually exclusive possibilities and every permutation thereof simultaneously
The Bowery Presents
occasionally subtle
"I'm Dorothy Gale from Kansas"

roma★
Cosimo Galluzzi
The Bright Sessions

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bliss lane
Phantogram Three
Claire Keane
I'd rather be in outer space 🛸
The Stonewall Inn
PUT YOUR BEARD IN MY MOUTH

❣ Chile in a Photography ❣
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Product Placement
NASA
tumblr dot com
Fieri Frames

Origami Around

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@gaytheprayaway
you, normal: “believes” “things”
myself, brain damage from psychedelics and weed: suspects dozens of mutually exclusive possibilities and every permutation thereof simultaneously
i actually think ‘trans women being pressured into physically topping’ is a situation that is for the most part not treated w the level of seriousness that it should be, and it also illuminates a lot abt the internal contradictions of our current systems (including lots of feminist systems) of talking abt gender/sexuality.
hey, the fbi has technically considered it rape since 2013 fwiw.
For many wealthy and powerful people on Wall Street and in Silicon Valley, the future of technology is really about just one thing: escape.
Last year, I got invited to a super-deluxe private resort to deliver a keynote speech to what I assumed would be a hundred or so investment bankers.
…
After I arrived, I was ushered into what I thought was the green room. But instead of being wired with a microphone or taken to a stage, I just sat there at a plain round table as my audience was brought to me: five super-wealthy guys — yes, all men — from the upper echelon of the hedge fund world. After a bit of small talk, I realized they had no interest in the information I had prepared about the future of technology.
They had come with questions of their own.They started out innocuously enough. Ethereum or bitcoin? Is quantum computing a real thing? Slowly but surely, however, they edged into their real topics of concern.Which region will be less impacted by the coming climate crisis: New Zealand or Alaska? Is Google really building Ray Kurzweil a home for his brain, and will his consciousness live through the transition, or will it die and be reborn as a whole new one? Finally, the CEO of a brokerage house explained that he had nearly completed building his own underground bunker system and asked, “How do I maintain authority over my security force after the event?”
rich people are fucking terrifying
The Event. That was their euphemism for the environmental collapse, social unrest, nuclear explosion, unstoppable virus, or Mr. Robot hack that takes everything down.
This single question occupied us for the rest of the hour. They knew armed guards would be required to protect their compounds from the angry mobs. But how would they pay the guards once money was worthless? What would stop the guards from choosing their own leader? The billionaires considered using special combination locks on the food supply that only they knew. Or making guards wear disciplinary collars of some kind in return for their survival. Or maybe building robots to serve as guards and workers — if that technology could be developed in time.
eat the rich before they eat the rest of us
During the 1980s, more gay men died in New York City during the AIDS crisis than all recorded deaths of American soldiers in Vietnam. You need to know that.
Sources, for Skeptics who can’t figure out google
120,453 aids related deaths from 1980-1990
57,939 american soldiers died in Vietnam
You can replace every instance of the noun “love” in a song w “cum” while singing along and it basically always works and usually improves the song imo
This is cum Jesus came and died and gave His life for us Let our voices rise and sing for all He's done Our fear is overcome Our God is cum Our God is cum Where's the lie.
one of my least favorite Trans Experience™s is when you’re trying to explain why you’re sad to a cis person so you kind of dumb it down a bit but unbeknownst to you they read like one Trans Article on autostraddle or something one time and suddenly they’re explaining to you how you “already have a woman’s body because you identify as a woman!”
me, the night before Surgery: i’m depressed that i have to undergo this arduous biomedical process simply to feel somewhat at peace with my body and must surrender partial agency over my body’s form to medical practitioners who in a way embody the social systems i struggle against in my day-to-day life
40 year old cis friend: *clapping me on the shoulders and serving her best Pep Talk voice* listen, do you want to transition into a woman or not?
one of my favorite late-capitalism dystopia predictions is that in the near future ‘licensing’ will expand and replace ownership beyond software and no one will actually own anything and you get sued for eating your dominoes in a way that’s not On Brand
like, aren’t operating systems (and, by practical extension, access to your own laptop and files) ‘licensed’ already?
yeah, more or less all consumer-oriented software is already and has been for quite some time; then, since the onset of locked bootloaders and app-store walled gardens, it’s effectively impossible for end-users to use software - and the hardware it runs on - in ways the developers don’t intend.
i think you’re totally right about this expanding into non-computer-related markets. it’s already begun with transportation startups; uber and bike-rental apps replace actually owning your means of transportation. past a certain point it will be totally unprofitable for companies to offer anything for sale and the idea that anyone can fully, perpetually own any kind of consumer good will no longer exist
seriously, like, the heavily curated app store/walled garden thing in particular is really ominous and lends itself super readily to, like, really Questionable Shit such as, uh, banning an app that tracks drone strikes thirteen consecutive times for no obvious reason.
it really surprised me that i didn’t see much, like, absolute furor at microsoft when they bumped office (of all things! like come on it’s a fucking word processor for like 99% of independent users) over to a subscription. like, my student subscription lapsed awhile ago, and the only thing i can do with any of my old documents now is read them–like, i can’t even copy them into freeware, or print them, or meaningfully access them at all outside of physically showing someone my laptop. that’s kind of fucked up, right?
i wonder if uber will ever lease cars to its drivers……..
uber tried that... it went about as well as you would expect. they're betting harder on not needing drivers in five years, tbh.
The worst indignity is knowing that those who’ve caused harm walk away from the wreckage and can give it no second thought, they don’t even have to know or care how it still reverberates inside you. They retain the privilege to not remember.
Fossil fuels, green energy, automation for profits, automation for humanity; these are crucially political questions first and foremost.
i like performing femininity because i do it for other women but i recognize that 1) as a woman, im pushed to perform it and me performing it is not a radical choice,
2) some women are pushed to perform it more than me (like women of color and/or trans women) with more severe consequences for not performing it,
and 3) women who chose not to perform femininity are to be celebrated and uplifted and supported
i feel like one of the weird divisions in trans lesbian community is between those who strongly identify and probably overidentify with aspects of cis lesbian culture (to cope), and those who strongly disavow and distance from cis lesbian culture (to cope). im very much the former but i have a lot of sympathy for the latter. the cultural exclusion of trans lesbians is a really deep wound and i can’t imagine any of us have a simple relation to it. i feel myself constantly drawn towards the aesthetics and politics of radical (cis) lesbians, and they’ve done a lot for me, but i’m also deeply alienated by them. in many ways i see my engagement as a reclamation of something that i should never have been excluded from. but there’s always something missing. there’s a certain flatness to cis lesbian culture, a desire to hide from the gruesome horror of love and feeling and if i sound emo that’s because emo starts as a cis and trans lesbian discourse for grappling with this (and then is brutally recuperated) (im not even gonna argue about this at this point, gerard way and ray toro are basically already out). like, cis lesbians are missing what it takes to love trans lesbians (not, like, on an individual level, but as a culture), what it takes to love women who have been so brutally excluded from womanhood (you could argue the same about other intersections with lesbianism that totally dehumanize women). at the same time, cis lesbian culture carries with it so many secret contributions to trans lesbians, a real desire and need to escape gender and establish a loving world. and that’s so fucking beautiful? and it’s so fucked up that i and other trans lesbians feel so alienated from that, especially to be alienated around the very difference lesbianism seeks to escape.
So, honest question here about demographics in trans & nonbinary communities:
I feel like, in my experiences, I’ve encountered more trans women than trans men; but more FAAB than MAAB nonbinary/genderqueer folk. I believe this persists both across the people I know in real life, those I have seen portrayed in fiction, and in ‘celebrities’. Obviously this is not a universal thing, but it’s a trend that I think I’ve noticed.
My question is, is this a real pattern that others have noticed/commented on, or is it just an effect of the relatively small sample? And if it is a real pattern, are there any good explanations for this? (I can think of a few off the top of my head, but I’m curious to hear others’ thoughts–particularly people who have more experiences in this area than I do!)
It’s because it’s almost impossible for someone who was AMAB to have their non-binaryness respected. Like, the only way to stop people from using he-pronouns for us is to go full binary trans woman.
A lot of trans men choose to identify as non-binary or genderqueer or something of that nature so that they can maintain access to queer women’s spaces (and queer women’s bodies, especially lesbian bodies) while still freely accessing as much male privilege as they can elsewhere.
They know they will always be viewed by larger society as “lesser men”, so many of them would prefer to simply be the only men who have consistent access to women’s spaces, which we should all recognize as a longstanding straight male predation fantasy (being the only male infiltrating a female space – which is something that cafab men actively do).
And it goes without saying that their ability to do this is completely dependent on leveraging transmisogynist ideas about gender to maintain their fence-straddling position at the expense of trans women who are then pushed out of women’s spaces while men are continually allowed in.
This is why some trans women view all trans men and cafab trans masc folks as part of the same class (since most cafab trans non-binary people seem to either be trans men dodging accountability for maleness, or cis women with a lot of internalized transmisogyny and misogyny who are trying to appropriate trans identity while distancing themselves from womanhood, making both groups people who are simply trying to use identity to obscure their position in relation to gendered power structures), with a great many trans mascs functioning and interacting with women in a way that is indistinguishable from men in general, simply more insidious.
Others have pointed out that both misogyny and transmisogyny change the lens through which trans men and trans women are viewed. We’re both seen in many ways as embodying aspects of both male and female, but rather than cis people seeing both of us as simply “in between,” trans men and cafab trans people in general tend to be seen as somehow possessing the better qualities of men and women, while trans women are seen as abominations embodying the worst of both genders.
Trans mascs get to have their manhood validated while also being reassured (and reassuring everyone else) that they have no icky core of misogyny or oppressive maleness, and that they essentially have all these positive woman qualities in place of the “bad parts” of maleness. Meanwhile, trans women are everything bad about men (predatory, ugly, crude, oppressive, aggressive) while we’re also everything bad about women (weak, hysterical, emotional, over-sensitive, shallow, superficial, etc.).
Cafab trans people get positioned as valiantly “transcending gender” while trans women are used to mark what sorts of people simply shouldn’t fucking exist.
And most cafabs are well aware of this and aggressively exploit the situation to their advantage, which is why the non-binary population is almost wholly cafab.
This:
We’re both seen in many ways as embodying aspects of both male and female, but rather than cis people seeing both of us as simply “in between,” trans men and cafab trans people in general tend to be seen as somehow possessing the better qualities of men and women, while trans women are seen as abominations embodying the worst of both genders.
Trans mascs get to have their manhood validated while also being reassured (and reassuring everyone else) that they have no icky core of misogyny or oppressive maleness, and that they essentially have all these positive woman qualities in place of the “bad parts” of maleness.
i feel like one of the weird divisions in trans lesbian community is between those who strongly identify and probably overidentify with aspects of cis lesbian culture (to cope), and those who strongly disavow and distance from cis lesbian culture (to cope). im very much the former but i have a lot of sympathy for the latter. the cultural exclusion of trans lesbians is a really deep wound and i can’t imagine any of us have a simple relation to it. i feel myself constantly drawn towards the aesthetics and politics of radical (cis) lesbians, and they’ve done a lot for me, but i’m also deeply alienated by them. in many ways i see my engagement as a reclamation of something that i should never have been excluded from. but there’s always something missing. there’s a certain flatness to cis lesbian culture, a desire to hide from the gruesome horror of love and feeling and if i sound emo that’s because emo starts as a cis and trans lesbian discourse for grappling with this (and then is brutally recuperated) (im not even gonna argue about this at this point, gerard way and ray toro are basically already out). like, cis lesbians are missing what it takes to love trans lesbians (not, like, on an individual level, but as a culture), what it takes to love women who have been so brutally excluded from womanhood (you could argue the same about other intersections with lesbianism that totally dehumanize women). at the same time, cis lesbian culture carries with it so many secret contributions to trans lesbians, a real desire and need to escape gender and establish a loving world. and that’s so fucking beautiful? and it’s so fucked up that i and other trans lesbians feel so alienated from that, especially to be alienated around the very difference lesbianism seeks to escape.
people always talk about the extreme no homo mentality in guys sports teams but don’t talk about the severe lesphobia in girls sports teams. growing up playing team sports really fucked me up as a kid. straight girls i’ve played with were always scared of being perceived as gay for being athletic and because of the stereotypes of lesbians in certain sports. this was universal in the 3 sports i played: volleyball, softball, and basketball.
there were always strict unwritten rules about how you presented yourself while playing. for instance the ribbon in the hair for softball and a bow in your ponytail for volleyball. if you didn’t prove your femininity while playing you were a lesbian. there was so much effort in not being seen as a lesbian and proving that you /weren’t/ a lesbian was really important.
girls would always talk shit about girls with short hair on opposing teams. “we’re playing the team with the d*ke” was something i heard often as a kid. something i still heard in high school. being a lesbian in girls sports teams is predominantly what made me feel trapped in the closet in high school. I only felt comfortable coming out after i quit sports altogether
so if we could stop acting like straight girls have less of a stake in homophobia that’d be great
Yeah my MS and HS soccer and softball coaches had unofficial official ponytail requirements and the soccer coach would sit even the best players for visibly unshaved legs. Other unofficial official femininity requirements were unforced by coaches and players alike too (still happens on my D1 team). All coaches were women. Lots of homophobic teammates. Slacking in practice and the gym to not look “mannish” (still happens on my D1 team) then complaining that those of who do push our bodies to it’s peak have an unfair advantage or accuse us of being men (also still happens on my D1 team) if we’re taller than 5′6. Getting patted on the back when I score goals but mocked for running like a man and playing aggressively when we watch tapes. Them bringing boyfriends or husbands to award ceremonies is all fine but I’m making a statement or reinforcing hurtful stereotypes if I bring a date.
Some of the most transphobic and homophobic women I’ve met have been straight women athletes. Outsiders and fans see women’s sports as some haven of women’s camaraderie and girl power blah blah but the truth is the thing I hate most about women’s sports is a lot of the women I play with/for and sadly some of the women athletes I used to look up to when I was little that I’ve met now that I’m older. I guess if you’re straight maybe it’s some women’s utopia but if your gay or god forbid trans it can feel like a snake pit a lot of the time. They’ll love you on the field then turn around and hate you in the locker room.
People give women a lot of leeway on things likes homophobia, and transphobia, and racism because yeah we aren’t out here literally beating and murdering people but we forget how often we can be the instigators, escalators, and agitators of violence towards minority women and minority people in general. We also forget that nonviolent bigotry can do so much harm too.
Here’s a thought - perhaps a suggestion. When you, a bi/lesbian woman, is looking at other women, and they’re just kind of filled with an awesomeness, and you’re envious because you don’t see yourself that way:
You see them that way because you’re gay for them, sweetie. It’s not that they’re different to you - it’s that you’re not gay for you.
(I expect, and will be disappointed if I don’t get, at least one “speak for yourself: I’m completely gay for me” reblog)
all the doctors are friends (but not *our* friends)
this is just because i’ve been having some conversations about kids and gender and transition and puberty-blockers and so on. and having some feelings about that.
(to get a few things out of the way as a preamble)
what i want in the world is for folks (of all ages) to be able to make and put into effect any decision they want about what to do with their bodies - which means, practically, working for there to be more and more possibilities available to more and more people. in the realms of gender and sexuality that includes access to all kinds of body modifications, whether towards or away from any particular socially recognized gender position, and also access to all kinds of options for reproduction, from permanently or temporarily preventing it to actively facilitating it. what’s important to me is the possibility of real, meaningful choice, and the removal of restraints on that.
probably because of coming up right before and after the arrival of antiretrovirals, i think about most of the access-to-medical-transition stuff as a “drugs in bodies” question, through the analogy of AZT. in the absence of much actual decent research on HRT drugs (either to learn more about their longterm effects or towards making better ones), we already know they’re generally shitty, but bad drugs in living bodies is better than dead bodies.
(and here’s the meat of the post)
so: in the current conversations, mostly things are framed as a fight in which advocates for kids’ access to puberty blockers face off against advocates of “reparative/corrective therapy” to normalize kids to their assigned genders. that’s how, for instance, julia serano sets things up in her mostly useful piece on Medium last year.
and that’s generally how things play out among trans community activists, parents, TERFs, and other folks outside the medical institutions involved.
but here’s the thing: that’s not a divide that exists among the doctors.
the best-known puberty-blocker doctors and the best-known “reparative” therapists work together, publish together, and generally see each other as collaborators rather than opponents. kenneth zucker and peggy cohen-kettenis, for instance, co-wrote the chapter on “gender identity disorder in children and adolescents” for a 2012 “handbook of sexual and gender identity disorders”. and that’s not an anomaly: even a mild bit of googling finds the two of them as co-authors on papers all the way from the late 1990s to the past few years (with at least a few also including ray blanchard in the credits). and that collaboration isn’t just on the page: well-sourced gossip tells me that before zucker’s clinic was shut down (finally!), he was known to send so many kids who didn’t respond to his “conversion therapy” bullshit to puberty-blocker clinics that he was considered one of their biggest referrers.
whether or not you agree with the analysis i lay out in the rest of this, if you care about trans lives, you need to think long and hard about that. not just the fact of the collaboration and mutual support, but also the fact that it’s not part of the public conversation (even the parts of it that well-informed folks like serano help to shape), and the amount of work that has gone into keeping it out of the public conversation.
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