10 Things not to ask or say to a new mom (that I have experienced)
1. Weight Questions or Comments in any form -Looking super Thin or still pregnant is nothing that needs to be discussed. There is so much going on after giving birth physically and emotionally and all of that affects weight. Not to mention, we have to get used to what our bodies look like after giving birth in general so, why is that something that needs to be talked about. I mean I don’t think it’s right to walk up to anyone and say that they look Fat or like a skeleton so why would we talk about weight with a new mom?
2. “Are you breastfeeding?” – I HATE this question. It’s so personal and people ask this like it’s nothing. I don’t ask people I don’t know what they ate for breakfast, lunch and dinner. Nor do I ask people I do know if they pooped that day. Think these things don’t correlate...well they do because that’s exactly what people are doing when they ask if a mother is breastfeeding. Your asking what my child eats like your going to be the one to feed them and your asking me about my body. Its None of your business. Truly, none at all. You have no right, no say, and your opinion isn’t wanted. So, it would be great if you could just stop with that question forever. Thanks!
3. “You can’t drink if your breastfeeding!” – Figured I would continue with the breastfeeding topic for just one more moment. Since you already shouldn’t have asked if I’m breastfeeding. But now you know I am or I’m not. If I am, and I’m going to have a glass of wine, well then I’m going to have a glass of wine. Moms can pump and dump, they can also have a glass of wine and still breastfeed. They can also take certain medications and vitamins and well the list goes on and we probably got the list and the instructions from our doctors of what we can and can’t do. We see those doctors often, so believe me we know what we are allowed to do or not do. Your opinion on how I need to take care of my body to properly feed my child is again unwanted, unneeded, and none of your business.
4. “Oh you look like you’re a new mother!”- Trying to tell me I look tired? Um, thanks? Lets break this down, Newborns sleep and wake up often, so likely I’m not sleeping. And since that’s the case, I’m going to look tired. And since I look tired and I already know I look tired, why point that out? Is it because you want to remind me that I look bad since I have no time to take care of myself right now? Or is it because you feel bad that I look horrible so you have to point it out to make sure that I’m aware that you feel bad? You see where I’m going here…there is just no good reason to make this comment or any comment similar to this.
5. “When are you going back to work?”- So my question in response to this is why is this something you need to ask about at all? Aka why does my employment concern you? It’s just a rude comment because it starts to open a can of worms that you should have no concern with and it always ends with judgements that a new mother doesn’t need to hear.
6. “Ready for Another?”- I just had this one, and its overwhelming, life changing and so amazing that right now focusing on this child is all I have the capacity for. So let me speak for all other new moms and tell anyone who feels the need to ask this question…we will have another when we have another, and don’t worry you will know when I’m pregnant again, so why ruin the surprise?
7. “Sleep when Baby Sleeps”- Doesn’t that sound like a great plan…but that’s just not going to work because well that’s just not how life works. Life doesn’t stop because we had a child. And someone needs to be responsible and get things done. Or when baby gets up and I’m supposed to feed, bathe, entertain, keep alive this child, I don’t want to also add the responsibilities of the mundane like laundry, when I can just do that and feel semi normal when baby is sleeping and I’m not a mom in that moment, I’m just me doing laundry. Besides, they made coffee for a reason.
8. Posting photos or making announcements about baby without permission- This one isn’t a saying or an ask but it’s an action that people don’t realize isn’t ok to do. Everyone has their own parental views and social media is newer phenomenon that people forget is still something that has some etiquette. And basically just think of it this way, if something amazing happens to someone, it wouldn’t be right to tell everyone about it before they get a chance too or if something happens to someone and they want some privacy, respect that and don’t post information or photos of their child because that is their family, their little bundle of joy and as a mother, I can tell you, I will do anything for my child. So don’t mess with my kids 😉
9. “Just wait until he/she turns…Insert age”- Thank you for officially making me even more overwhelmed. I’m still getting used to this kid and your telling me it’s going to get worse! I’m barely sleeping and trying to keep myself together emotionally…and your telling me it’s going to get worse!! Oh, and I’m trying to tell myself lies about how it’s going to get better…and again your telling me Its going to get worse!!! Please go away…
10. “Who will take care of your child?”- This one is beyond not ok. There is personal questions and then there is judgmental personal questions. This one is in the same territory as when are you going back to work? Just know this, I take care of my child as I should. Well fed, well dressed, bathed, entertained, well rested and alive, so the manner in which my husband and I decide to make sure my child is cared for when we can’t be with him/her is for us to worry about only.
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