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@gedco45
i’m back
ur mcm wakes up , it is 3 o clock pm. he rolls over on his twin sized mattress which is on the floor n grabs his weed pipe he got at the indian store. he proceeds to try n hit a bowl w absolutely nothing innit except hopes n dreams. after inhaling some hot air he proceeds to cough for exactly 16 seconds straight. finally collecting himself he sits up and winces in pain as the dried semen from last nights onlyfans session cracks and pulls the small hairs on his tummy. he grabs his samsung milky way x2 from 2013 off his cigarette ash stained nightstand n opens fb. "quarantine or not the grind dont stop , ima chase a bag till they put me in the dirt omm 💯💯" he posts , completely satisfied w his first fb flex of the day. he goes n peeks in his moms room , thrilled that she is in fact still at work. he walks over to her dresser and rummages thru it collecting $10 in loose change , an ativan , and 3 pall mall ultra light menthol 100's. he lights one immediately. "todays gonna be a good day" he thinks to himself. it was in fact not a good day. he walked a mile away to the nearest convenient store to meet up w his weed man and while sitting outside on the curb a homeless man came up and asked him for a cigarette. he was feeling generous due to his earlier collection of the $10 in change so he reached in his pocket and pulled out the cigarette case which contained the aforementioned pall malls and the $10 bill he had exchanged his change for. upon seeing the $10 bill tucked into the plastic on the cigarette box the homeless man proceeded to snatch the entire pack out of ur mcm's hands and take off in a full , u-could-never-ever-catch-him crackhead sprint. ur mcm started to chase him but after seeing the absolute fukn acceleration that man had produced he stopped in his tracks , defeated. moments later the weed man pulled up only to see ur mcm holding back tears. ur mcm walked up to his driver side window w tears in his eyes and proceeded to tell him what had just happened in hopes he might get a sympathy gram. he did not. the weed man laughed in his face , slapped him for wasting his time , then called him a bitch and told him not to ever contact him again. an attractive young woman , having seen these events transpire from inside the store , walked out and laughed in ur mcm's face while walking to her nissan altima. ur mcm walked back home w his head down and once within range of his home wifi he opens fb again. "real bosses take a L and bounce back 🚫🎩 #BusinessMind #Entrepeneur" he types. he takes a deep breath and clicks post before putting his phone back into his pocket. the microwave dings as he takes his offbrand ham n cheese hot pocket out. it is still frozen in the middle.
Doll vs golf ball
get fucked
Begone T O T
As I pull out my cherry mash and nearly expired strawberry Nesquik from my plastic bag, I noticed the writing on it.
“Huh…weird. I mean I agree with it, but like…why doesn’t it say ‘Thank You’ over and over again like the rest of the gas station bags?”
I throw the bag covered with “DESEXUALIZE THE FEMALE BODY” in bold red text in the trash and go about my day. Little did I know that in about three hours, Jim Carrey will die.
@hell-diver
im not kidding like objectively this is one of the all time best posts on this site
How old is this and why is it on my dash
i made this in 2018
I admire your dedication to period accurate historical recreation
i feel like it must be the height of luxury and decadence to be a kid sitting in one of those little trailers attached to your parent’s bike, being driven around like some kind of pompous miniature capitalist, relaxing with perhaps a small snack while your personal chauffeur takes you wherever you wish
I posted this on Twitter, but I can share this here as well.
(yeah, I remember when I was like 9 and I found a Kimba VHS, and I felt like I was in teh Twilight Zone. it was years alter when I actually learned what the heck was up)
Под надежной защитой.
Под надежной защитой.
These are hilarious. The last one especially.
i went to the dentist today and my dentist honest to god said “can i ask you a question…….what the hell is in your mouth”
it was in awe lmao
then the hygienist and assistant all came over to look too and they were like “wooooow” and my ass was sitting there like
oh my god i posted this and then went to work, and
story time
okay so to preface this, my hometown where i’m originally from is a really fucking weird place. like from the outside it seems like a normal suburban town, but once you’re there for awhile you get the feeling that’s something’s not…quite all together. a lot of people are really fucking weird there — so much so that that was a running joke in school growing up, that people in the town were just like that. everyone knew not to go out to the farm lands surrounding the town especially at night, we called it “the cuts” and people used to disappear out there all the time or get shot at by the especially weird people that would live out there. the news was and still is truly a thing of horror. every time i come back i’m regaled with even more stories of crazy shit that has happened there.
to put it in perspective we generally never had “normal crime” like robbery or anything like that when i lived there, though that did happen sometimes. the news stories were always like, “a kid was kidnapped by local residents and tortured in a house around the corner,” “a random person was chased down and shot for sport in a really nice neighborhood,” “someone was gored to death by a bull while out car shopping,” etc. (these are all real, btw). everyone does drugs and the whole town is located really close to a government site where they test nuclear weapons and chemicals and shit. this is how i grew up, in this bizarre environment.
i need to preface it this way so that you get that it’s weird. it’s a fucking weird place. i used to listen to the welcome to night vale podcast and make comparisons from it to my hometown, that’s how weird it is.
i only say this so you know that this town is where i got my orthodontics from.
all the kids in my town went to this one particular orthodontist. i also used to go to a dentist in town that a lot of people went to as well. i had a permanent retainer put on my bottom teeth after braces and no one had ever said anything to me about the model of retainer itself or it being weird type of retainer at all. i saw a ton of other people (mostly other kids that were my age at the time) that had the same type of retainer as me too so i never thought about it.
so i kept my retainer in — it’s never caused me problems and it keeps my teeth straight, why not?
however i went to a dentist for the first time in a metropolitan area now, and when he saw it in my mouth his literal first reaction was to say “uh can i ask you a question….what the hell is that”
LITERALLY the words that he said
which in hindsight makes almost too much sense. of course my town of all towns would put these weird unnecessary contraptions in kids’ mouths, and of course it happened so much that everyone just thought it was normal. that sounds exactly, to a T, like my hometown.
my permanent bottom retainer is apparently this prototype that is so rare that he’s literally never seen it before in his life, not in dental school, nowhere. it’s not that it’s an outdated type, it’s just rare as fuck. they were still staring at pictures of it on my chart in wonder when i left the office.
so just know somewhere out there, in a weird ass suburban town where they test nuclear weapons and a good portion of the residents go fucking nuts, there’s probably hundreds of people still walking around with this same contraption in their mouth that exists nowhere else in the world thinking, “yeah, that’s cool. that makes sense. let me go drink the definitely not-contaminated water now and never move away from here.”
This sounds like an X-files episode
Okay, so I looked into it and I think that the town is Tracy, California.
I looked up the bull-murder thing OP mentioned and Tracy seemed to be only town that came up with a matching case. Though the man didn’t actually die from his injuries everything else matches up one for one. So just to make sure that it was the right town I looked to see if there was any murder-torture of young people in Tracy, and unfortunately there was. It was a 17 year old boy who escaped and survived the torture. And just to solidify that it was in fact Tracy I looked up shootings in residential areas and there was one of a 20 year old man who was shot and killed in a nice neighborhood.
Okay, but I decided to look into Tracy more to find out more information about it and the town is super suspicious. There’s been a lot of murders and shooting in the town. Back in 2009 an 8 year old girl, Sandra Cantu, was kidnapped and murdered by a Sunday school teacher who said she had no idea why she killed Sandra. Another case happened in 2018 when four underage boys were shot and one was killed by four teenage boys. There’s a lot of news stories on shootings, homicides, and drug busts in that town. It’s a really cute town from the outside, if you just look up Tracy, California there’s a lot of really cute businesses and nice articles on sweet things that happen in the town, but if you actually look into it the town is really sketchy.
So yeah, this sketchy town with a military base, multiple homicides and shootings is maybe Tracy, California.
………………..yeah, you guys caught me
i grew up in tracy
also i have to add another person’s tags to this since it’s honesty hour because they’re hilarious and true
Honestly I wasn’t even surprised when I found out it was in California. Even less surprised when googled it and found out it was near the Bay Area. That sounds about right.
Apparently the motto is “Think Inside the Triangle” and I’m not sure how to feel about that.
Im rebolgging just to add that it’s illegal to see the news from the city in UE. Like, LITERALLY:
it’s….what now
Please get out of this place
Inclusivity win: Gays can be war criminals now!