15. Great Idea
Having a great idea doesn't actually matter if you don't do it :/

bliss lane
taylor price

Love Begins
PUT YOUR BEARD IN MY MOUTH
sheepfilms
almost home
The Bowery Presents
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EXPECTATIONS
★
Not today Justin

titsay

izzy's playlists!
Claire Keane
Lint Roller? I Barely Know Her

Origami Around

@theartofmadeline

if i look back, i am lost
tumblr dot com
The Bright Sessions

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@genealogyofshelves
15. Great Idea
Having a great idea doesn't actually matter if you don't do it :/
14. Strawberry Boing
Omg finally caught up in writepril! Omg hiccuping in the library! Hiccup Hiccup Hiccup!
Spring is coming with its folded sticky note of ‘april’! With its wet and damp womb, but then a little warmth makes it conducive to life. A little warmth to the wetness, sugar to winter, wound, etc, cesarean section, being sectioned, being 5150’d, hating subjugation, vying for the captured. Perhaps i’ll go to the prison to meet someone, perhaps i’ll print out a sheet of paper with the word ‘relief’ on it then rip it in half and set it on fire for warmth, perhaps i’ll finish my homework just because, succeeeeeeed just because and in spite of.
I’m ‘caught up’ in writepril as in i’m caught up in the web of my own manifestations, sticky like cobweb attic, cobweb attic that Teo and I slept in in Kansas perfectly small and portalled and ready for a lifetime of escaping into mousehood. All the little stanleys, come close, i wanna tell you a story, about how I forgot for so many years that i have actual beauty (yes, cancel the myth) and an actual cunt (priceless) and you little mice should read kathy ackerrrrrr and drink a strawberry Boing and join me in the cave of forgetting …
EDIT: I was mistaken. I am still one entry behind. Boing....
13. Birth of Dionysus
Second one today. Quick check in about the birth of Dionysus:
Dionysus (who we all know, greek god (good) of wine, theater “ritual madness,” religious ecstasy, orgy, etc…) was born in an interesting way. What happened was Zeus fucked Princess Semele of Thebes and got her pregnant and then Hera (Zeus’ jealous wife) tricked the princess into asking Zeus to appear before her “in all his glory.” This glory was too much for the princess to handle and she was struck by thunderbolts and died. Zeus cut out the baby Dionysus and carried him to term in his thigh, hence him being referred to as the ‘twice-born’ god.
Dionysus was the ancient Greek god of wine, vegetation, pleasure, festivity, madness and wild frenzy. He was depicted as either an older, be
Interesting to think about, being twice born, and looooooving to get fucked up :P
So.... baby emerging from the thigh, born twice out of a man, dying from seeing lightning, the thing itself, ritual m*dness, toga, toga party, animal house, I'm so sorry for being so crazy, sculpture, rainy afternoon with focus, lofi beats to relax and study to, height different, size difference, can you be a 'pop diva' and be kind of gay? kind of in the way that incense is kind of smoke but it's something else yummier, I don't know..
It's like a little baby popping out of the thigh and asking for context for the conversation, asking for a soo-soo and then asking what every word means as you speak it
12. Deer
Affirmed on the phone to Kate today (with the help of Annie and the angel cards):
“I am a pop diva”
It’s always the antithesis, the thing you hate that trails behind you and whips you in the face. I feel confused and confessional and my energy levels are off. Telling truths, in spirit of telling truths, feeling overwhelmed. Like yes I need to go out and have a cigarette and no I don’t have one and yes this is what I believe and I’m walking on the knife…
Deeesire (my own desire) is like a deer, I look at it and pet it and sometimes I see it out the window of the train in ontario and it stands there with its family frozen and then hops away into the false little forests between the farms.
11. The Wasteland, T.S. Eliot
Quick! Before she finishes her geography homework.
‘Locking in’ is something like unlocking the key, had dreams last night of being in some perfect dense wooden house under moistness of trees, not british columbia, not anywhere canada or england or brazil or iceland, somewhere under and before all that. Been dreaming about the real place where magic hits the world, or comes up through the world like flowers come up through wet dirt in springtime. They’re already here! They’re already here..
Feeling like:
I’m gonna apply myself, i’m gonna work all my shifts start to finish make those orders wash those dishes produce the stickiest granola i can while being Relaxed worker-non-worker vibey girl and friend to my bosses
I’m gonna let the creative thing (which im learning is a ‘big thing’ that lives in a million small things) come out, little doses like how one little drop (300 𝝁g) can get you so far
The flickering light of the big circular lamp in the library might be lightning, seeing as it’s raining outside
I’m innocent, i’m innocent, i wanna be unsupervised, trust
I’m ovulating today
///////// secretly im ******* the ******* **** in **** *** and i ****** **** ***
It’s not even a secret tho at this point (don’t want it to be)
I got a sexy dress and a green screen
What’s the utmost one?
Anyways yeesh … ups and downs.. Erotically fulfilled (whatever that means) and nervous, lots of things to do.. Waking up tired every morning,
Reviewing my theology, eschatology, little guys returning, stanleys, walking through “a field in england”
Hospital section of the library
Selectress I always think of The Wasteland by T.S. Eliot at the start of April
10. Addison Rae
Days behind on writepril...
Listening to Addison rae, drinking raspberry cider, love the key change at the end of Diet Pepsi, eating Reeses, burning my last stick of incense, thinking about eating you out ..
Truly don't give a fuck, fuck the ancient idea, it feels so good now, no more supervision, desires equals ... "I'm transforming and realigning"
oh my godddddd
9. Perils of Ecofeminism(s), Energy Drink Poll
Didn’t have time to write the past few days. Stimulated in all directions, stress and tension of enjoying and building things, worries in multiple directions and excitement. Things should subside soon. Here are my notes on two articles I read for a paper i’m writing:
“Mother Earth, the Cyborg, and the Queer: Ecofeminism and (More) Questions of Identity”
Catriona Sandlilands
Val plumwood says postmodernism has nothing to add to ecofeminism as it ‘denies the possibility of positive identity’ - “deconstructive trap”
Sandilands argues “ecofeminism must rethink- perhaps even deconstruct- some of its undiscussed assumptions about identity, politics, and the relations between the two if it is to continue as a viable social movement” (p.18)
Identity as “historically specific political myth” (p.19)
In the past, women were treated as nature was treated, perhaps still? These identities are merged
Myth of identity
Equation of women with nature
“Symbolic construction of woman is always subject to a slippage of meaning” (21)
Affinity and coalition
Haraway’s cyborg “thrives on its lack of closure, on its resistance to any form of categorical symbolization” (23)
Antiessentialism
Performativity
‘Nature’ and ‘women’ both constructs, ecofeminism identifies with both
Greta gaard quote “one task of ecofeminists has been to expose these dualisms and the ways in which feminizing nature and naturalizing or animalizing women has served as justification for the domination of women, animals and the earth” (26)
Social ecofeminism
Carlassare’s conclusion is that “the category ‘woman’ must be understood as a politically strategic invocation” (28) interesting dispute here…
Page 29-30 chaos theory!!! Destabilization of nature
Social ecology, nature as a “realm of freedom”
“Alaimo begins with the question: if the positions "woman" and "nature" have no predetermined meaning, then how can one assess the political value of two vastly different visions of their articulation, the one (ecofeminism) focused on building "woman" and "nature" as coherent and connected actors, and the other (Haraway) focused on destabilizing both?” (30)
“Not only does Griffin's text rely on a naive epistemological correspondence between women and animals (e.g., that any human can really imagine what it's like to be a horse), but its particular blurring of boundaries between women and nature occurs under the very monolithic conceptualization of "womanhood" and "victimhood"; this blurring "supports the historically ingrained position of women and animals as Other to a male subject, roles that easily fit misogynist narratives of oppression" (Alaimo 1994, 140)” (30)
Destabilizing the idea of nature
Strategic essentialism- knowing essentialism is ‘wrong’ but employing it anyway
Donna haraway talks about cyborg and coyote
In haraway “The displacement of the idea of nature as a ‘passive victim’ of the social is tied to the displacement of nature as a ‘solid ground’ to naturalize human activity” (31)
Nature as agent
“This retrieval of nature from reductionist and determinist understandings is intentionally and intensely transgressive: nature and culture are not opposed as object and subject; nature is not a ‘realm of necessity’ to culture’s ‘realm of freedom’ in which crude and slavish cyclical repetition can be easily counterpoised to human creativity and ‘beginnings’; ties to nature are not a question of determination or inevitability. If nature is understood as an active and unpredictable character (or series of characters)–– as an agent cocreating the world with other, human agents–– it is difficult not only to justify its exploitation as passive and inert ‘resource’ for human activity but also the dualistic terms through which humanity has progressively come to understand itself as ‘separate’ from nature” (32)
Affinity
Biological determinism
“Playing in this gap is about not only creating ‘new’ ideas of women and nature (which are, in my understanding, already inadequate) but actively engaging with the old ones and disrupting notions of gender solidity, natural necessity, and reified identity in order to reveal their impossibility” (33)
Parody, irony, playfulness, perfomativity
Invoke the connection between women and nature in an ironic way that highlights the falseness of both
“The assumption that identities must remain solid for ecofeminist politics of remain solid is [...] extremely problematic” (36)
“Ecofeminism Revisited: Rejecting Essentialism and Re-Placing Species in a Material Feminist Environmentalism”
Greta Gaard
Charges of gender essentialism against ecofeminists
Ecofeminism becomes unpopular by the late 90s
Greta gaard looks at criticisms of ecofeminism, argues that it should be recuperated/revised
Looks at accomplishments of ecofeminism
Work of susan griffin, carolyn merchant and mary daly “exposed the historical and cross-cultural persecution of women as legitimized by the various male-dominated institutions of religion, culture and medical science [...], linking the physical health of women and the environment with the recuperation of a woman-centred language and thought” (28)
Women and eco activism - ‘women for life on earth’
Ecofeminism HAS been intersectional
‘Rape of the wild’
Gaard reviews the history of ecofeminism (actions and texts) and say that it seems “very promising” (31)
Poststructuralist feminisms “portrayed all ecofeminisms as an exclusively essentialist equation of women with nature, discrediting ecofeminisms diversity of arguments” (31)
Ecofeminists critique poststructuralist feminists as being anthropocentric
Gaard argues that “the charges against ecofeminists as essentialist, ethnocentric, anti-intellectual goddess-worshippers who mistakenly portray the earth as female or issue totalizing and ahistorical mandates for worldwide veganism–– these sweeping generalizations, often made without specific and supporting documentation, have been disproven again and again in the pages of academic and popular journals, at conferences and conversations, yet the contamination lingers” (32)
Mallory (cited) concludes that “fear of spirituality is at the root of academic feminism’s resistance to ecofeminism, since spirituality is seen as both apolitical (or regressively so) and essentialist” (39)
materialism
Quote from another paper “the more feminist theories distance themselves from ‘nature,’ the more that very nature is implicitly or explicitly reconfirmed as the treacherous quicksand of misogyny” (42)
Some ideas for you. Positive vibration by Bob Marley is suchhhhhhhhhh a good song. Its sad that he switched up on Lee Scratch Perry like that but I guess Scratch was really crazy. Fame and fortune, etc, prophecy, etc, cancer, politics, vibration. “Who the cap fit?” Maybe I’m gonna start drinking energy drinks. Now I’m gonna do more research and actually write my essay. Should I start drinking energy drinks? Vote in the comment.
8. Gratitude, Penn State Isolation Cell
Emily said not to do a lethal dose of lsd and you know i’m so far from doing that but it’s sort of funny and cute that it was even on my mind. I’m here in the library sending spirited emails and nottttt structuring my essay but you know what that’s alright, I'll get to it, it’ll get done, I bicycled today. I’m not wearing deodorant or a bra, I’m at the library, I’m one of the people that smells at the library. But .. smells like elated morning bike ride after sleepover? Smells like clicking musically into Isaac and Islay and actually connecting in the falafel place about feeling far from god? Smells like “intense gratitude” (Isaac’s words) I’m now feeling (contagious) for my friends, beautiful woman in my life, the fact that I can actually share in the mystery with people who know what i’m talking about, IKEA world, looking at the gnostic book and with the help of my friends NOT buying it, and joking about it, and the hug manual, and sharing my giddy news and my addictions and truly coming together, commiserating, I don’t know the right word. Sharing I guess in the realest scariest questions and beautifulest ideas? Funny how my vocabulary fails me in the moment of dopest and most grateful connection-mood.
Solitary confinement cell in the Pennsylvania Department of Corrections State Correctional Institution at Cresson, Pennsylvania, which closed in 2013. (Encyclopedia Britannica) (maybe where they are keeping god)
Tomorrow I want to write about re-birth.. I was going to write about it today but got overwhelmed with gratitude for the getting-to-share. I had a spiritual crashout in the woke cafe on campus yesterday and cried to Kate about being far from God, cried cried and FELT the torture of separation. Kate said “when you die it’s gonna feel like a reunion” or something like that. I said something like being on earth feels like my lover is locked in solitary confinement and I can’t ever see them or talk to them but I know they’re there. And then I start to go crazy thinking oh god my love is trapped in a metal box, wait do they even exist? I think that my love is real, I have ideas about them, I feel so strongly about them, I miss them, I read books about them, but wait when we the last time I actually saw them? Have I ever actually seen them? Did I see them when I was a really little kid or did I see them when I was on LSD or did I see them in the idea of Heterosexual Marriage? And then I call psychics and mediums and play card games to try to connect with my lover who is stuck inside this windowless metal box, this holding cell. And all these methods are so harmful to me, the games I play to try to get in contact with them. They hurt by body and my mind and my heart. But I can’t help feeling like god is locked inside this metal box, so hermetically sealed and the only time i’ll see them (the time i’ll be reunited with my lover) is when I die. But I don’t want to die yet (at all!!!) because this life feels so precious and I know it’s precious and I experience it’s preciousness but it also sometimes feels like my Lover is trapped in a box, the only person I know is locked in solitary confinement and I have to go to the grocery store and do homework and keep it together in spite of that. Sometimes I almost think I hear a banging from the inside…
7. Clockwork Winding With Eyes Jumping Teeth Ghost Teeth Toy Denture Model Kids Toys Jumping Teeth
Early to the doctor’s, little dermatology office with a perfect fake window in the ceiling, reminding me of a spring that feels like it never will come! It’s so funny to want so badly that eternal summer, see my lizardness, feel my connection to deserts and rainforests AND to be waiting to see the dermatologist about my growing moles. Will I only ever be able to bask in sunshine temporarily and slathered in chemical? Imagine this tricky little chattering teeth, imagine
Clockwork Winding With Eyes Jumping Teeth Ghost Teeth Toy Denture Model Kids Toys Jumping Teeth
Clockwork Winding: You’re a redhead, you’re irish and french and scottish and every way canadian, your families have lived for a long time under cloudy weathers of the north and YOU listen to cumbia on long walks and cry and wish you were somewhere else where it’s hot all the time and psychedelic plants grow (and you don’t take them) and you can sweat and eat tortillas all year round. You’re the redhead, you’re prone to skin cancer, you’re sensitive, white, in no place to surrender to the sun like that, welcome home, find your happiness somewhere else..
Me: But I like it.. And it’s the 21st century meaning that summer unfolds you into reality and winter folds you up not into solitude and contemplation but into phone! Into reels and away from the Real… lol
Clockwork Winding: Remember before you got the idea of the desert and the cave and the arroyo… You had the idea about the forest
Me: where da fairies live….
Clockwork Winding: !!!!! *clattering teeth*
Clockwork Winding:
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It can cultivate children's intelligence and wisdom imperceptibly during play, expressing parents' expectations and friendliness towards their children
Jumping teeth of Toys and Hobbies
It can be worn for dormitory outfits, yoga and fitness. Even at an affordable price, it can still have a high-end feel
Clockwork Winding With Eyes Jumping Teeth Ghost Teeth Toy Denture Model Kids Toys Jumping Teeth Feature: Brand new and high quality Winding up, it will jump (open and shut) and go forward, which looks very interesting. Good props for Halloween, haunted houses, party decorations, etc. Suitable for adult children's toys, tricky little toys. Add more interesting atmosphere to the Halloween party. material: plastic Size: 5x4.5cm Package Contents: 1 X toy
6. 2019 Homemade Duck Boat
The real April 6 is right now (12:23 on April 7) but before I go to sleep tonight. Now friends are reading a play in the other room, and the wobbling up and down beam of car headlights hovers on the vinyl sign of my work. I have a job right across the street from my house and I can watch it from any window (except for my bedroom) day and night. I’m here for it, I’m “here for it” and I’m really not a private person at all.
I went to maxi and then I went on a little mission after and I’m feeling sort of like how can my angel card of the month be innocent and how can I be so okay when so recently I was feeling so vulnerable like death was right behind me and I was half of the only person in the world? Is it really okay? Like, strength and weakness, like, oh my god, like, pink pink, like, black pink, like, 23 degrees, like, where would this fantasy land:
2019 Homemade Duck Boat
Dill in the jar, yellowing slowly
Turns it’s one little tendril toward me in asking
Floral in book in 1950s
Sitting on the duck boat without owner
Waiting on facebook
Imagining a swamp belonging to no one but me
And the night time falling on it, and swamp that could exist even in Quebec
And screen door creaking for a thousand years, not many times but
Just once, slowly
Yellowing wings of the moth fluttering under the jaundiced light
Of television and ambitionless sitting on the porch as
Time starts to turn around toward oneness
I don’t know is it so sad or so fucking happy and we live in the future and I don’t even have a screen door and there’s no eternally muggy swamp in Quebec and I’m not ambitionless and there’s no endless mosquito twilight in a rotting america or maybe there is but I sure as hell don’t have access to it and I’ve already passed it, I was even born past it. The screen has been installed in the house, bluetooth pings when I come in, the radiation clears the dust from the room but at least there is (here)(in montreal) a laughing joke of the design on the can, the ai generated mouse, two grey chairs in blissful awkwardness staring at eachother. All dressed chippy and black pink music video terribly projected.
5. Eminem movie
Another try at (write)ing which I have to do twice today. Thinking about how this thing is kind of secret and kind of not. My friends are sitting in the other room and laughing and we just watched 8 mile and Eminem’s eyes were really intensely blue and I loved the sound of him breathing and looking so upset. A little bit funny feeling at the end of my beer when it comes to:
..Feeling really tired at the middle-end of each day, crushed by the weight of the erotic, friends and how can you tenderly tell a story again and again, again, is my condition actually a sign of being “lost in life” like that psychologist said in the book? Is it actually worth it to keep recording the song over and over and will it ever be right? Missing the smell of old sweets and missing the beginning of my adulthood even though I feel like it’s happening again? The recurring theme in the first few days is how you get a little bit more free and you are presented with the opportunity to fulfill desire and then you look to yourself and there’s the cross, there’s the cat-o-nine-tails, there’s the mirror and the razor and the pen, there’s the painting of the garden. As in the exciting things come along and you get paralyzed because the only thing that feels real is self-flagellation, the only thing that feels really really trustworthy is that old looking-through-the-window-at-the-void and grabbing the glass with your hand until you are defeated. ..
Buuuuuut (eventually) I remember a few weeks ago when I went alone to my emotions park (parc beaubien) and I saw the mist just hovering over the still pond at night, moving almost imperceptibly, creeping just slowly enough to let me think that it was still. Amused but not re-assured, actually just assured, I was just okay with the suspendedness of the moment. I sawwww all of those terrifying things like the plane landing, the separation, the tears and away-from-home-ness, the new gaze into the new eyes, the song forming in the ether, the gelatin holding it all and I was not afraid.
Thinking about the desire to do drugs. Strangely enough in the feeling of a newfound ‘emotional freedom’ (freedom from emotionz) i’m feeling there’s this like desire from somewhere robust (or maybe not so? wooden?) in the heart/mind to depart into that other world. Like finally i’m okay enough again to take the risk. But I’m not gonna but the back that back of the ribcage just wants to meet the wall, the way I want to close my eyes while walking, the way the vision wants to touch down in front of me..
Two dead pigeons slowly disintegrating in the street represent:
The ecstasy of homosexuality
Reading two books at the same time
Our eyes
The B+J pillars flanking high priestess
The Toronto Blue Jays
Trying something and then Trying again
Easter
187 views
What could I register today? Could I even begin to speak about Syd Barrett? Is he standing right behind me?
Inside me I feel
Alone and unreal (Late Night, Syd Barrett, 1970)
And then how could I speak about my sleepover? And colours pink? The little gap between the pink of my tongue and the pink in your hair and the wood in the back of my chest. Is wood growing innocent? Maybe only when it is still green and before it turns brown? Are we alive and overflowing with maple syrup?
3. Aeolis
First thing that entered my dome was the Aeolian scale, and somehow in my storage I thought it was a kind of pump. And actually Aeolian is an ancient Greek ethnic designation for the inhabitants of Aeolis, a coastal region in which the Isle of Lesbos is nestled.
Thinking of my current orientation, thinking of a steam pump, thinking of an island, thinking of a minor scale.
Pictured above is a coin from Lesbos under the Achaemenid Empire, c. 510–480 BC (sourced from Wikipedia).
Night time rolls in on a crazy movie, a faster and faster walk with friends towards theatre, a little freaked out by my meaning-making capacity and also reassured by my coming-down-to-earth-ability. The friends are helpful and taking 'one step forward' to ask them to drum in my show is like meeting on the bridge in an Avril Lavigne song.
2. Morglick Imbroglio (2003)
And then? Something existing within the constellation of medium-walls, out in a forest norther than one would think, and in little holes below the ground. But back up, back to just whatever are the mediums of Right Now that create a hologram of the world we’re not gonna see. Bruce said that when you swing all the way around you can see into the past and that’s the luck of the foghorn I guess. Is it lucky or unlucky to see them? Sticky or unsticky? Beautiful or dangerous?
Never going to be a ‘folk artist’ (not again after being transformed by society) but is there a way to have a little bit of sincerity about art as a medium for séance? You think too much and feel so essentialist about it then feel so postmodern about it and then you just Look: look sometimes at the erowid.com Arts and Culture section…
and see: Morglick Imbroglio(2003) by Quobe Tzesto
About it he says this:
“(there are several views of this one work - click on next image to see all sides when in viewer) Deep within the realms of my mind, this piece was conjured. Bit by bit the creation served as an escape, an everyday high that encapsulated my mind in a cloud of timeless abandon. I did not have any intention except that of entertaining myself and others that were interested. I think that people create and display what they have made to appease and stimulate others. Beyond this I feel that there is an underlying energy that is invoked by the creator when an aspect of their work strikes another as aesthetically pleasing. Perhaps this energy is addicting, maybe it instigates the drive that motivates the mind of the artist, but whatever it is that makes the artist do what they do is much more than a one sided mirror. Hidden behind the image the artist sees is much more, a different and distinct view that is experienced by each and every person that is privy to sight. Nothing can stop art from happening; the concept is immutable, the need is never ending, and the energy that is derived from creating and experiencing art is omnipresent.” (Tzetso, 2003)
Instead of wondering: “what does this thing make me?” “is it lasting” “is it consistent with the model of what I think I want” maybe just the ecstasy of painting, the ecstasy of the shadowbox, of putting something down, bringing something up, clay.
1. Prometheus' Garden (1987)
Just watched a film called Prometheus’ Garden (1987) by Bruce Bickford in which he
Looks into the part of life in which there are little people who live in holes in the ground
Makes sure that comeuppance is doled out immediately
Admits to the spookiness of looking in the mirror in a dimly lit room with just a little light coming in from outside
Explains once and twice the ‘luck of the foghorn’
Would it be possible to do a genealogy of the little people who live underground? I have my little tea and I drink it and wonder about this. Terence McKenna wondered about them I think, and Yvonne gave me that book. Not exposing them though. I guess that’s the method, just documenting your own insight, playing with them, knowing they’re there but secret. Only portal to access is one’s own ‘eye.’ I guess it is not a genealogy then. It’s a nod. Definitions flashed on the screen of Emily and I today. Here is a definition that did not appear:
genius(n.)
late 14c., "tutelary or moral spirit" who guides and governs an individual through life, from Latin genius "guardian deity or spirit which watches over each person from birth; spirit, incarnation; wit, talent;" also "prophetic skill; the male spirit of a gens," originally "generative power" (or "inborn nature"), from PIE *gen(e)-yo-, from root *gene- "give birth, beget," with derivatives referring to procreation and familial and tribal groups.
The sense of "characteristic disposition" of a person is from 1580s. The meaning "person of natural intelligence or talent" and that of "exalted natural mental ability, skill in the synthesis of knowledge derived from perception" are attested by 1640s.
(from etymonline.com, accessed April 1, 2026)
So gladly (at least for now) genius can be a tutelary spirit, and the generative nature Itself. Which takes the pressure off and reminds me of how easy it is for the little people in the holes to reproduce and reproduce and reproduce not from love affair but from clay.