Madness is like gravity

Genie The Bean Lover of cats, batman and everything else 21 years old

[thatonepapercut]

Vine… you will be missed

[stephfitblr]

I haven’t seen a lot of these ones before hahaha

[sheenalarson-deactivated2018021]

“nice, ron…” “oh am i not allowed to sneeze?”

[whyisthisfrenchguymasturbating]

THE SOCK MOM OH YM G-D,,

[kevinkeller]

[daverdad]

the entire lord of the rings from the rings perspective

[billywick]

hand hand river dirt gollum hobbits pockets pockets finger envelope fire hand neck neck finger hobbits neck neck neck pocket finger LAVA

[jeyawue]

“where are you right now?!”

“I’M AT SOUP!”

“which store are you in?!”

“I’M AT THE SOUP STORE!!”

“WHY ARE YOU BUYING CLOTHES AT THE SOUP STORE??!!”

“FUCK YOU!!!”

[gunvolt]

im going to have a stroke

[prideling]

Instead try… Person A: You know… the thing Person B: The “thing”? Person A: Yeah, the thing with the little-! *mutters under their breath* Como es que se llama esa mierda… THE FISHING ROD

[artykyn]

As someone with multiple bilingual friends where English is not the first language, may I present to you a list of actual incidents I have witnessed:

Forgot a word in Spanish, while speaking Spanish to me, but remembered it in English. Became weirdly quiet as they seemed to lose their entire sense of identity.

Used a literal translation of a Russian idiomatic expression while speaking English. He actually does this quite regularly, because he somehow genuinely forgets which idioms belong to which language. It usually takes a minute of everyone staring at him in confused silence before he says “….Ah….. that must be a Russian one then….”

Had to count backwards for something. Could not count backwards in English. Counted backwards in French under her breath until she got to the number she needed, and then translated it into English.

Meant to inform her (French) parents that bread in America is baked with a lot of preservatives. Her brain was still halfway in English Mode so she used the word “préservatifes.” Ended up shocking her parents with the knowledge that apparently, bread in America is full of condoms.

Defined a slang term for me……. with another slang term. In the same language. Which I do not speak.

Was talking to both me and his mother in English when his mother had to revert to Russian to ask him a question about a word. He said “I don’t know” and turned to me and asked “Is there an English equivalent for Нумизматический?” and it took him a solid minute to realize there was no way I would be able to answer that. Meanwhile his mom quietly chuckled behind his back.

Said an expression in English but with Spanish grammar, which turned “How stressful!” into “What stressing!”

Bilingual characters are great but if you’re going to use a linguistic blunder, you have to really understand what they actually blunder over. And it’s usually 10x funnier than “Ooops it’s hard to switch back.”

[keybladesoras]

#Spider Man Homecoming looks so good #what an original revision of Spider Man

[eminemisnotverytalented]

[catshatefire]

This whole fucking post is a rollercoaster

[somekindofrebellion-deactivated]

i just received a text from my best friend that said “so i think i’m gay” out of literally nowhere

so i’m like “dude sweet for real just like suddenly you realized or?”

and she says “well i pretty much just had sex with a girl so”

AND THEN DOESN’T ANSWER ME FOR AN HOUR

HOW CAN YOU SAY THAT AND THEN NOT EXPLAIN IT AT ALL

[somekindofrebellion-deactivated]

update: she couldn’t answer me because was still banging the girl

[fl33c3]

I wish this wasn’t so glaringly fake cause it would be kinda funny if it were real but its not real so its not funny and I’m being redundant for the purpose of conveying shut the fuck up and don’t make up bullshit for notes

[somekindofrebellion-deactivated]

i just scrolled back three months into a conversation to prove you wrong lmao bye bitch get off my fucking post

[thisishowik-roll]

THE POST GOT BETTER

[sad-n3rd]

every time i see this i sit and read the whole thing bc it just makes me laugh. every time

[paradisiak]

“Yes”

[stimmysuggestion]

concept: soundproof rooms where you go to scream. $5 an hour. they pay you.

[mysteriouspercentage]

Monsters Inc honestly could’ve just paid college kids to do this instead of exploiting the labor of young children… the real monster is the lack of ethical business practices…

[just-shower-thoughts]

CPR recommendations say use Bee Gee’s “Stayin’ Alive” to keep the beat. But you get the same result with Queen’s “Another One Bites The Dust”.

[richirou-deactivated20140123]

my kitten says hello

[imnotreallyhome]

WHAT

WAS

THAT

SOUND

[blueheavenols]

Upupupupu~

[uncannycookie]

Actually genuinenly enjoying my customer service job sometimes

Customer (calling from Ireland): “Yes hello, I would like to -”

Sheep in the background: *gentle baa*

Customer: “Uh, sorry, what I want to do is -”

Sheep: *slightly more insistent baa*

Customer: “No, not now! -cough- Excuse me. I have a reservation and -”

Sheep: *VERY LOUD ACCUSATORY BAA*

Customer: “Arnulf! Please be quiet, I am on the phone! … Sorry, I sincerely apologize on behalf of Arnulf.”

me: “I love and forgive him.”

Customer: “Don’t, he doesn’t deserve it. Anyway, I’m calling about -”

Arnulf: *small, very self-satisfied baa*

[his-quietus-make]

I once took my kids to a local farm and we found a lil goat with its horns stuck in a fence, just sitting there kinda mournfully on the grass. We tried to help it get free but it was stuck tight. We petted it for a while and fed it some grass (as it had lawnmowered a circle around itself as far as it could reach), and then went back to the ticket office to tell them it needed help, but before I’d said more than: “There’s a goat-” the guy cut me off with a weary wave and said, “Yeah, we know. Stuck in the fence. That’s Brenda. She can get herself out whenever she wants. She just likes the attention.” 

Trolled by a fucking goat. 

[riddlemetom]

Overheard in the halls of Hogwarts inspired by x

[keterkid]

People who are younger than you but taller

[gondor-calls-for-aid]

People who are younger than you but better than you at something

[emeraldembers]

People who are younger than you

[discipleofpuck]

People

[gentlepanpirate]

Being turned into a llama

[stabilizedinsanity]

A LLAMA?! HE’S SUPPOSED TO BE DEAD!!!

[nemusou-blog]

yeah… weird

[idiot-titan-shifter-deactivated]

wake up america

[enrichmentpumpkin]

this is to educate my non-American followers. This really is how the US sees itself. (and yes, 95% of the time, Florida = WHAT?!)

In Florida the more North you go, the more “South” you get 

In Florida the central part pretends to be the south, the western part pretends to be the northeast and the south pretends to be the west I’m not even kidding you 

[ninjaboots]

… Please tell me you guys are kidding.  

[savannahgambino-deactivated2023]

Florida is like it’s own country I swear

[interruptingpanda]

I’m from Florida and I can confirm this. Also, South Florida is basically Miami and alligators.

[pumpkinskull]

oh, i always assumed florida was part of The South?

[jimmyfury]

north florida is yes. The rest is not.

[kittydoom]

I’m from Florida, and grew up in SC/NC. Can confirm all true. 👍

[wilwheaton]

Um. This is so wrong.

[oswinstark]

You’re forgetting the part where California sees itself as its own entity.

We do not want to be grouped in with everyone else, thanks.

[kichizone]

[manwiththesquidhat]

clearly none of you have ever met someone from texas

[stability]

[sweetmalkah]

😂😂😂 this is so cute

[itsagifnotagif]

Dogs are too pure honestly