I've been back in England for 9 days and it honestly feels like I've never left. I was told this would be the case by all of my more experienced traveler friends, but I never thought it would be exactly the same. In some ways it's amazing that everything is the same. If my friendships had altered of faltered in any way I would have been devastated; they were the main reason I came home early. Being homesick is a strange emotion. I didn't feel any need to come home the whole time I lived in New Zealand. It felt like home. I'd only been away for 21 months so it didn't seem long enough to worry about what I'd be missing. When I flew out of Queenstown last August, it wasn't really out of choice. I still had 2 months left of my visa that I begrudgingly forfeited: I couldn't find a job and I'd already worked the maximum amount of time I legally could. I had enough money to buy my Australian visa, my flight to Cairns and about a weeks worth of accommodation in a hostel. That was it. Leaving New Zealand was the worst feeling. I found who I was there, I made friends for life and I fell in love with Wellington. When I moved to Australia, that's when I had my first bout of homesickness- not for England but for New Zealand and the life I had left. Nimbin was an easy place to call home. I had my cousin and his family that instantly welcomed me in to their lives. I had a fun job working at the hostel and I was seeing Jimmy. I was having too much fun to be homesick. My plan was always to move to Melbourne though, that's the sole reason I left. In hindsight I would have stayed in Nimbin for a few more months and then moved to Melbourne to finish off my visa. I've realised though that I have a fear of missing out. I couldn't bear the thought of becoming stagnant in familiarity. Melbourne lived up to my expectations; it's truly an amazing city. But really it's nothing if you've got nobody to share it with. There were times where I felt Melbourne was too big for me, not in size but in it's presence. I felt inferior. When I left I didn't feel a twinge of anxiety or sadness; I didn't care at all. In fact, everyone I encountered on that day either walked impossibly slowly in front of me or was just generally rude and annoying. I was grateful to be escaping a massive city. I was overcome with sadness quite suddenly. I'd felt a bit down in Melbourne for a while but I thought it would pass. I still laughed every day, I got to make coffee, I enjoyed the basic things. After a while though you need more in your life than just going to work, eating out, reading a book, having a chat to someone you don't really care about, sleeping in a 4 bed dorm then getting up to work for someone you think is a wanker again. It's all well and good saying 'I'm living in Melbourne' - it sounds glamorous - but it's a facade to carry on living somewhere for the cool points. I had to get out before I started to resent it. I decided I needed to come home when I was very drunk (standard Georgia). I called my Dad crying and told him that I couldn't do it anymore. I needed to have my friends back and I missed my family too much. I'm sure I didn't say it as eloquently as I thought I did at the time but the emotion was real and I don't regret calling him. It probably would have been better to call him sober and not at 2am though... I flew in to London after a 28 hour journey and saw my dad waiting for me. It was surreal that one minute I was in Australia in 32 degree heat and the next I'm driving to Hemel Hempstead with my Dad, 28 months after leaving. The thing is, it felt so normal. When I saw my brother Saul, apart from hugging for about 30 seconds and noticing his beard is even bigger in real life than it is in pictures, the excitement was sort of over. I love him more than anything and I probably missed him more than anyone since I left, but we just molded back in to how we were before I left. The same goes with the friends I caught up with. It's like I hadn't seen them in 2 weeks, not 2 years. I only saw a few of my friends when I arrived back in England. Naively I thought I would be bombarded with texts and messages from everyone vying for my time. I forgot that actually, everyone else has responsibilities and lives. It's me that decided to leave and suddenly come back. I can't expect everyone to drop everything they've got in their lives just because I'm home. Especially not in the first two days, if I don't see them within a month, then maybe I'll have a problem but 48 hours isn't really a fair amount of time to catch up with every one you've missed since 2012. Coming to my mums was the most exciting thing about coming home so far. I had a 4 hour train journey before I arrived in Cornwall so I had a lot of time to think about how it would be to see her again. I stepped off the train and my mum, Hobbit and dog Dave were all waiting for me. My mum ran over with tears in her eyes which made me feel validated. Hobbit was excited and Dave didn't know who I was (he's 15 and slightly deaf and blind now) I did force him to love me though by cradling him like a baby and not letting him go. After the initial rush of happiness and excitement of me finally returning home in one piece, the novelty has worn off and I'm just back to being a part of their everyday life. Now that I'm back, no one really cares what I've done and why should they? The last two years away have been mine, and no one back home knows what it was like. They're happy I'm home so I can create new memories with them, but honestly it will be so boring for them to listen to stories about people they've never met in places they've never been. There are definitely perks to being home: avocados are so much cheaper; I finally got my Boots meal deal after longing for one for 2 years, my make up collection is back to it's prime; I have all of my amazing clothes back that I forgot about (it's like having a brand new wardrobe that you haven't had to pay for... well not again any way) It's great to have my style back. I lost it when I was away. I do love skater skirts and crop tops, but it's definitely nice to have other options! I feel like I'm not a mystery anymore. I'm no longer elusive with my own independent life. I'm back to normal, just like everybody else. I loved being away- that was my thing. Now I have to find something else. It really does feel like I've come to an abrupt stop and I haven't braced myself, even though it was me driving. I've come home and it feels like you could have erased the last two years of my life and nothing would be different. I keep having to remind myself that actually, without those years I wouldn't have experienced any of what I have or met those people who have changed my life. I'm so proud of being away for such a long time and I'm so happy it happened. Being back in England is still a part of my adventure so I don't need to mourn my travels. I get to spend the next year with my friends and family, go to festivals and holidays and have an English family Christmas. Returning home has given me heaps of mixed emotions. I've definitely done the right thing by coming home, I know that. It is just very hard to go from one extreme to another. Once I have a job and a real life back I'll feel normal again. At the minute I'm sort of in limbo, with endless free time to think over and over my decisions and second guess myself. If feels so cliche to compare your life to a book, but it really does feel like I'm refusing to move on from the last chapter of my life because it was so perfect. How will I find out what happens next if I keep rereading the same thing? It's time to get closure on the last two years and say thank you for the best time of my life, but it's time for new experiences and new memories to be made. I'm about to start the next chapter.