Rem Saverem

Affiliated with Isola Radiale Written by Beetle

[drunkelreporter]

He still hasn't heard a single peep from Vash. Both Meryl and Wolfwood have spoken to him but Roberto hasn't seen a single trace from the kid and he's starting to think that's very much on purpose.

He won't lie, the fact that Vash hasn't so much as sent him a message saying hello hurts a bit but then, he hasn't messaged either. Didn't want to pressure the kid after everything in Archimedes. Guess he'll have to though, to get anything out of him.

Before he can do more then think about reaching for his phone it buzzes at him, a message from someone unknown showing up on his screen. Curious, maybe its someone asking for an article, he's been putting feelers out for a job.

Not so much but equally interesting. He doesn't know a Rem Saverem and he can't tell from her phrasing if she knows Vash from home or not. Could be someone after him, could be a concerned citizen. Could be a number of things.

[Txt] Hey there. I interviewed quite a few people who know him for that piece so there's a bit I could pass on. I'm sure you gathered my opinion on the whole mess from the tone of the article so I'm sure you'll understand that I'm not interested in you telling me how every death was his fault and using whatever I tell you to go on a witch hunt. Just so we're clear here.

He'd gotten more then a few angry people who'd lost loved ones in the chaos trying to tell him what they thought of his article and there's no way in hell he's going to let someone weedle information out of him to go chase the kid down. Roberto can ignore the abuse hurled, Vash takes every little thing to heart.

Better him be a target then the kid, at least in this regard.

[geranirem]

Roberto's reply brings with it a variety of emotions. It's good to know that there's "quite a few people" who know Vash, and that they would speak positively about him despite the circumstances. It also hurts to know that witch hunts were clearly common enough for the man to need to lead with a warning about it.

The thought reminds her of the way Vash broke down blaming himself for her death. No doubt he felt the same way about what happened. Even less doubt that it's exactly why he hasn't and won't talk to her about it.

[txt] I'm from the same world as Vash. I knew him when he was younger. I know what a sweet boy he is, but he won't talk to me. He's clearly carrying the weight of the world on his shoulders and I want to understand the man he's grown up to be.

For the most part, it's the truth. All of the important points are there, at least. Rem leaves out explicitly stating that she's his mother, though, just in case. She's not naive enough to not realize how that might be used against Vash.

[txt] If he won't open up to me, then I'll just have to play detective. (•̀ᴗ•́)و ̑̑

[geranirem]

With little else going for her since her arrival in Spirale, Rem often finds herself passing the time by picking a direction and just walking. At some point, she'll need to find herself a job or, at the very least, something more productive to spend her time doing, but that's an issue for future Rem to deal with.

During today's trek, she crosses paths with a little fellow messing around in the dirt. It actually looks like quite a lot of fun, but Rem restrains herself and just watches with mild amusement. For a little while. Eventually she caves and wanders over to crouch down next to the other person.

"Hello there," She greets with a friendly smile, "What are you up to?"

@gunsmokeheart

[geranirem]

When Vash was a child, it seemed so easy to comfort him, but that was when Rem still knew him. All of his likes and dislikes, and his wants and needs. The man here in Spirale might as well be a stranger. It would be so much easier if he was a stranger. Maybe then she could be a balm instead of salt in the wound. Maybe then she wouldn't have to find out about his struggle across the city from the news.

Maybe not.

As she scrolls through news articles, Rem debates whether she should try to reach out to Vash again or not. She hates herself for leaning towards the latter, but with the way he and his doppelganger react towards her Rem can't help feeling like it's almost crueler to try and be a presence in his life. Almost selfish, in a way.

Then an article cuts through her spiraling thoughts. One that feels a little too personal. It reminds her that speaking with Vash isn't the only way to find out more. Maybe there are others here who might help her see the greater picture.

[txt] Hello. My name is Rem Saverem and this might seem a little out of the blue, but I saw an article you wrote about a man you call "Vash the Stampede". I was wondering if you might be able to tell me more about him.

@drunkelreporter

[geranirem]

I had work and no energy to actually plan something, but Rem wouldn't miss the boy's birthday. Sorry, Rem. o7

[geranirem]

Thinking about how Rem is Gunsmoke's greatest hero, but no one knows who she is or what she did.

[geranirem]

It's a good thing there's a well-informed man from Rem's universe here now or she'd never learn anything. :)

[geranirem]

Cont from here w/ @blankticket

It didn't turn out to be anything big after all.

Rem reads the words about a dozen times, and each time hurts just as much as the last. Even if there were some cosmic guide to being a parent, Rem's not sure there would be a chapter that covers something like this. Vash died and came back and he didn't think that was something he could tell her. Rem knows, of course, that children will have their secrets, but doesn't he know that she's always happy to comfort him? Even if he didn't want to tell her, he could have come to her for comfort, but he didn't and she can't fathom why.

It's that uncertainty that gives her pause. She can't just sit alone with the knowledge, but she also doesn't want to force the issue and cause more hurt than help. Rem labors over it for over a day before she finally sends Vash another series of texts.

[txt] Oh, I forgot to mention! [txt] I met a man named Legato the other day. It was the day you were having your troubles, actually. [txt] He told me you were his friend and that you're helping him out. Which… I mean the nicest way possible, but he seems like he needs it. [txt] Proud of u! [txt] But make sure you take care of yourself, too!!! (っ´ω`)ﾉ(╥ω╥)

A bit of pot calling the kettle black there at the end, but hopefully enough to give a hint she might know what happened. If it is, maybe it'll break the ice enough for him to open up about it. If not, it's at least a reminder to take care of himself.

[deadlydevotion]

He twitches a little when she brushes over the scar Knives gave him but otherwise only obediently tips his head up to let her do as she will. He doesn't have any inclination to fight the care.

It feels nice, to be cared for without any expectations of him. He'll bask in it while he can, before someone has a chance to fill her in on who he is.

He's wisely going to stop talking about his relationship with Knives though. He's at least self aware enough that their whole... thing is a mess, even if it is still getting much better. It's better then where they started and its the only thing he wants regardless.

"It wasn't long ago that everyone was considered better then me. Its a difficult mindset to unlearn. Your son has been helping me work through a great deal of things like that."

[geranirem]

"Good I'm glad to hear it," Rem smiles, she pauses, then gently adds, "I'm not sure what sort of health services are available here, but you might want to seek out a therapist, too, if you can find one. It's good to have people in your corner, but there's some things your friends or partner aren't going to be equipped to help you through. A therapist can help you with that, even if it sounds a little scary."

There. She managed to slip in that little tip in a way that's mostly natural. Legato doesn't seem like the type to be receptive to the suggestion, but maybe if she plants the seed, he'll eventually come around to the idea of taking his mental health more seriously.

[deadlydevotion]

Legato is fairly certain that, whoever she is besides being the twin's mother, Rem is very much better then he is. He has enough sense to keep his mouth shut this time and accept the glass of water to sip at, which does help considering all the water he's lost in the form of tears today.

He does snort a little into the glass at her summary of their current situation. Had he been any less obviously out of it when she'd come across him it would have been a very stupid idea indeed to do as she's done. Luckily, Legato is currently about as threatening as an overcooked noodle.

"Oblivious, dare I say sometimes more then a little stupid," Legato rolls his eyes, both exasperated and immeasurably fond. If he's going to allow himself any small amount of complaining about Knives and his obliviousness it would be to her. "Knives is not very good at parsing feelings, other's or his own. I had to repeatedly clarify myself before he understood I was telling him I love him."

The ridiculous man thought he was in love with Elendira. He really ought to never let him live that down.

[geranirem]

That's probably the first good thing she's been told about this Knives, so at least there's that. She's still skeptical, but it's not really her place to judge the relationship of two complete strangers. At the very least, Legato seems happy.

"As long as Knives being dense doesn't mean he's undervaluing you, I suppose dumb boys can have their charm," Rem concedes, shifting away from cleaning Legato's face to his neck. Luckily, the man's clothes did their job to keep the rest of him manageably clean, the only big hurdle left is his hair.

"I mean it. He's not better than you, remember that."

[deadlydevotion]

".... I'm making this worse." He pulls his face away from her hands but only so he can tuck it down against his knees and make a muffled frustrated noise. He doesn't know what to say to her to make any of this make sense except to tell her the truth about the situation, which more then likely no one will appreciate. That would absolutely be one way to make everyone dislike him even more then they already do.

He's doubtless already said too much.

"I don't know how much I should tell you or how much it will matter if I do," he says to his knees. "Neither Vash will be happy that I've spoken with you this much. Every time I make an attempt to improve the situation I make things worse. I got them killed and now they'll all be angry when they come back."

He just wants someone to talk to, someone with a half decent grasp of how to be a person and maybe someone who actually knows how a relationship should function but now he's gone and made things complicated. He muffles a frustrated growl against his arm and resists the urge to dig his nails into familiar scars on his biceps.

"Things between us have been getting better." He says almost fiercely, trying to figure out how to get her to understand without just telling her everything. She doesn't know he's from a different but adjacent world as Vash is and there's plenty of nonhumans here. That should be safe enough. "Knives isn't... he's not human. He's always been better then humans, thus me. Neither of us have liked humans in the past. Things were done to me in my very early life that.... I can't forget or shake off. He saved me and he was above me in more then one way. That gap has been shrinking rapidly but it's... it's only been a few months here. I served him for a decade. Our relationship is complicated but getting better and I love him more then anything. Even if he's a bit... dense in that regard." He sighs and picks up his head again to give her a tired look.

"I'm sorry. Your son has befriended a very broken man among broken people. We must all sound like a disaster to someone like you."

[geranirem]

Legato mentioning that he knows both versions of Vash catches Rem a bit off guard. She'd been running under the assumption that he only knew her Vash, and that he was the only one who died today. A weird mix of emotions fills her chest when she thinks about both of them being taken from her in one fell swoop, but she doesn't dwell on it. Not that she really has time to. Legato moves on and everything he says really does make things worse.

It's even more to unpack, and she knows even less where to start. To buy herself more time, she grabs the glass of water, satisfied that his face is clean enough now that there's little worry of the blood getting into it. "Drink this," She says with a soft sigh.

"It's very kind of you to say someone like me, but I would reserve your judgement. You don't know anything about me. Frankly I have enough self-awareness to know that picking up a random stranger off the street to go home with them and give them a bath may be virtuous, but it's not necessarily the marker of someone who's all put together," She laughs softly at the absurdity of the situation, to avoid thinking too hard about it beyond that. Self-awareness doesn't have to come with self-refleciton.

"Not being human doesn't make someone or something better than you, Legato. You're just as important as he is, and any special treatment you think he deserves, you deserve, too." A pause, as she considers how much more she wants to say, and then she ends with a question, "What do you mean by dense?"

[geranirem]

Rem, being told about Legato and Knives' relationship (she doesn't know Knives is an alternate reality version of her son):

[deadlydevotion]

Ah yes, he should absolutely make friends with Wolfwood. That would go over fantastically considering their track record and especially this morning.

Although... Livio might speak to him. God knows the conversation would be awkward as all hell and Legato is still... unnerved by him a bit. But it would be better then being alone and far less of a minefield to attempt to dance around then with Rem.

He doesn't know the others from Vash's world well enough to reach out with any confidence, even if they have been more well mannered in his general direction.

He tucks that plan away to think about when Rem leaves. Now that he has something to focus on he's far less likely to slip sideways back into broken grief and despair.

"He killed Knives because I don't deserve what he never was allowed to reach for. Because he's a... he's better then me and I'm bringing him down to my level. He killed Knives to save him from me tainting him." Legato breathes out slowly. "Logically I'm... I'm realizing he's not so different from me, but it still feels wrong to think that after a decade of always looking up at him. That... makes our relationship sound... odd, doesn't it?"

[geranirem]

"Odd is one way to put it," Rem answers with a polite laugh. The more Legato talks, the less codependency seems to be the biggest problem with whatever he has going on with Knives. Rem wants to give him the benefit of the doubt that it's a product of whatever world Legato comes from. She really does, and she's really not one to judge, but… Well, she's definitely judging now.

"Legato, um…" God, where does she even start unpacking all of that. The right answer is probably to tell Legato to see a therapist and backpedal out of the conversation, but that doesn't really feel like it'll be helpful in this moment. It sounds like he needs something to hold onto, but she's not sure what to give him.

"You… You really shouldn't view someone as better than you or that you're bringing them down to your level. Especially not a partner… Relationships should be based on equality." She hesitates, then frowns a little, "Does Knives think he's better than you?"

[deadlydevotion]

It occurs to him, belatedly but most things are delayed at best right now, that he'd had a brief conversation with Knives about the other version of him, Vash's brother. About how his name was different. They'd both shrugged it off as a curiosity and moved on at the time but now he apparently has a decision to make.

Because this Rem doesn't know who he's talking about and, likewise, probably has no idea about any of the things Knives has done. Does he clarify? Does he tell her that while he'd been befriended by and then forced to kill her son he was... involved with a different version of her other son? The possibilities make his head hurt frankly and he's not actually sure either Vash or Knives himself would appreciate Legato of all people being the one to bring Rem up to speed.

No, he'll let her mention the name at some point to one of them and learn more that way. Safer for him and... possibly less stressful for her.

"Knives is the only one who knows anything who would speak to me about it, but I don't know that that would be a good idea," he sighs. "It is... complicated." He pauses and thinks, trying to work through how he would describe their relationship to someone who knew neither of them, who knew nothing about the circumstances of the world they came from. She'd never have even reached the ground, after all.

"He gave me purpose when I had none and I devoted my life to him. I served him with everything I was. We're... he's called us lovers," Legato says softly and his whole body relaxes, a content smile tugging at his mouth before his expression turns troubled again, folding into despair. "My future killed him too. And I can follow the lines of logic he used to justify it."

[geranirem]

"Oh!" Rem maintains a politely blank expression, but even from the brief description, it sounds a little like some of those complications might involve codependency. Not that she's exactly one to talk, but Rem gets the feeling that perhaps she should encourage Legato to talk to other people.

"Mm… It's not good to put everything on your partner, complicated or not. It might seem hard or scary, but if there's other people who know you should ask them. Sorry to be a bit presumptuous, but if the reason they won't talk to you is because of your future… Understanding how he hurt them might help you understand him more. At the very least, making friends with them would already be a step down a different path, right?"

As she finishes scrubbing off the worst of the blood from Legato's face, Rem discards the rag she's using and grabs a clean one to do another quick pass to get the last remnants off.

"It's not something you have to decide now, just something you might think about," Rem continues, "Tell me more about your future's logic and how you could follow it."

[deadlydevotion]

".... I don't know what I want. I've not been... allowed to want before." He hums. "I've been no more or less then a weapon and tool my whole life. I don't know what I want now." He chews on that for a bit as gentle fingers remove the splattered blood from his face and the fall of water washes it away. His hair has turned several shades darker blue and plasters itself to his skull, preventing him from hiding behind it now even if he wanted to remove his face from her hands.

"I want to stay here with Knives and love him in whatever way he'll let me. But I don't know what else I want. There's... too many options." He sighs and leans his face into her hands slightly.

"I don't want to be the monster that killed them. I don't want to let the cracks deepen enough to swallow me whole like that."

[geranirem]

For better or worse, Rem has no idea who "Knives" is. There's no blink of recognition or reaction to his name being brought up. It could be reasoned that's just how she is given the way she's reacted to everything else, but… there's still quite a lot she's been left in the dark about.

She does give Legato a small, knowing smile at the information. Not because of her son, but because all she's ever done is built her life around other people. It's something she can work with.

"If there's too many options, then just stop looking at them all," Rem suggests, scrubbing the side of Legato's face a little longer than necessary where he leans into her hand to give him that comfort before she shifts down to scrub his nose, chin, and lips. The latter, she tries to be quick about so he can still talk.

"You have two things to focus on already. If you care about this Knives guy, then just think about the things you can do to make the relationship you want with him a reality. If you tell me more about him and your relationship, I could probably come up with a few things to get you started," She hums. "As for not becoming that "monster"… If there's anyone from your world who might know more about your future, it might help to talk about it with them. Figure out what brought him to that point, and learn to avoid making the same mistakes."

[deadlydevotion]

He doesn't move as the water starts up or as she adjusts it to fall on him proper, letting warm water wash over him without complaint or comment. The runoff tints pink near immediately, dragging some of the tacky blood from his skin and down the drain, away.

"I've been hurting my whole life, its nothing new," he says softly and only closes his eyes to avoid getting soap in them, though he doesn't think she'd allow that. He's pliant and obedient in her hands as she cleans the blood from his face, tilting this way and that as she needs him to with hardly any pressure required. Used to being guided.

Its not like when Knives had first taken him back to the Ark and Conrad had cleaned him up. That was clinical and efficient, a throurough scrubbing down that left his skin clean but raw. This is gentle and soft, so so careful with him like he's made of porcelain that's liable to shatter to pieces. He didn't know he needed this.

"Its hard," he chokes. "All I've had is hate and fear for so long. I don't know how to be a person yet, I don't know how to want to live. And now a future I haven't yet remembered may destroy what little progress I've made. I don't know if I can pick up the pieces if it has."

[geranirem]

It's impossible to know what kind of life Legato lived just from looking at him. Rem hasn't even caught on that the two of them come from the same universe slightly removed. Neither Vash seemed particularly interested in speaking about what they've gone through, and she hadn't yet grown to feel like she had any right to ask. Or maybe she selfishly didn't want to know. No doubt she would feel some level of guilt over it. For leaving Vash and Nai alone with humans they may not have been ready to integrate with.

"Mm…" Rem hums lightly as she rubs a spot under Legato's eye with her rag-wrapped thumb. "Can I tell you a secret?" She asks with a conspiratorial smile, but she doesn't leave room for Legato to answer. "Nobody knows how to be a person. We're all just scrambling to find a way to make it through this thing we call life. I have no idea what I'm doing, but what I do know is if I'm going to be here I want to put more kindness into the world than before I was here."

"Forgetting about being a person, or Vash, or hurting, or anything else. What do you want to be able to say at the end of it all? Do you want to say you were kind? Smart? Strong? Or maybe something like… That you've eaten every kind of pizza there is."

[deadlydevotion]

"The same as me then." A tiny smile cracks through for a moment, distracted and pulled partly out of the fog by reassuring her instead. Hmm. Is that why she'd been so focused on him? A distraction from her own grief? He'll take being a distraction honestly, considering all the other possible outcomes.

"I shouldn't. We've only just met, I shouldn't be laying my sins at your feet. It's not right." Is it better or worse that so many of them were committed in service to a version of her other son? Worse, probably.

"You should...." he wants to tell her that she should go, that she should worry about her own reaction to the news, something. But the words get caught in his throat because now he's thought of Knives and been reminded that he's entirely alone with the trauma of the morning and he selfishly doesn't want to be. He wants company and he wants help but he doesn't know how to ask or think he deserves to. So he just closes his mouth and tips his head to hide behind messy, bloodied bangs and hopes she won't go still.

[geranirem]

Seeing Legato smile does a lot to boost Rem's mood. It's a sign that she's doing something right. Even if it's followed by the man trying to push her away and minimize his worth again. Before she continues she warns him that she's going to switch on the shower head. It's not quite falling on Legato, so she stands, adjusts it and then settles back down at his side.

"Who said so?" Rem asks, grabbing one of the rags she brought in and wetting it, "What's right is taking care of each other. Maybe we've just met, but you're hurting and I'm able to listen. It doesn't need to be any more complicated than that."

Satisfied with how wet the rag is, she grabs some soap and lathers it into the fabric before gently placing one hand on the back of Legato's head to guide and support it as she tries to clean the blood off of his face.

"You were saying that you don't think Vash understood how broken you were, but it doesn't matter. I didn't raise him to care about that sort of thing. Broken as you may be, you're still here. As long as you're still breathing, you can pick up those pieces and find ways to fill those cracks, or, at the very least, learn to live around them."

[deadlydevotion]

He lowers his hand enough to peek through at her, brows drawn together in confusion. Why wouldn't he? They're practically neighbors, even if Vash shuns him he'll at least see him around-

"Oh. Oh you don't know," he breathes, brows shooting up in alarm. "I'm sorry, I thought you knew, you were... too calm for not knowing." He drops his hand entirely and reaches for hers, a mix of regret and wonder on his face now that he realizes the pure strength of this woman.

"He'll be back, death is temporary here. It is painful, agonizing really, but he'll be back tomorrow. He's the one that told me and I've died before myself, I thought you knew." Too calm by half for losing her son what she thought was permanently. How could she manage to focus so much on him when she should have been mourning her child?

"You are... stronger then I thought even, for being able to manage like this. I can't. I can't even focus when I know he'll be back."

[geranirem]

There's a slight hitch in Rem's breathing as she's hit with a sense of vertigo when Legato explains the rules of Spirale. It's an unbelievable claim made believable by the nature of this world. If it could bring her here from the brink and harbor two versions of her son then why would it be bound by the laws of life and death she thought were so certain.

It's the straw that breaks the camel's back, so to speak. As relief quickly overtakes grief, tears well up in the corners of Rem's eyes and are soon falling down her cheeks. "Sorry," She laughs softly, using her free hand to wipe at the tears. "No, no I didn't know. I've only been here a couple of months, I'm still learning how all of this works." Rem inhales, then exhales with another laugh. It's the only thing keeping her from sobbing.

"I've always been good in a crisis, it's no big deal," She explains. It is a big deal. One big messy coping mechanism sized deal. "Anyway. Sorry, we were- You were talking about you, I didn't mean to derail."

That was all that needed to be said about her.