textpost_spam_mmm_delicioso

i dont post nearly enough to be considered a spam account. . ...... . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . textpost_spam is not affiliated with or endorsed by Hormel Inc., the creators of Spam. . . . . .. . . . . . . . . . .. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . however it should be.

[getyourbeesoffmysouffle]

Mucus left on public surfaces and waste bins can lead to the spread of COVID. Please, help stop the spread and if you pick your nose, eat it. 

[getyourbeesoffmysouffle]

never chew gum and eat chocolate at the same time unless you’re high in which case especially do not because you’re going to make a mess of yourself

[getyourbeesoffmysouffle]

forgive me father, for I have sinned worn visible black socks with my white shoes

[getyourbeesoffmysouffle]

I’m just waiting for my knight in shining armor

wait.

that’s the waiter

[getyourbeesoffmysouffle]

sometimes i get sad because my posts don’t get any notes but then I remember that the tumblr cheezbot liked my la croix post and I feel a lot better

[getyourbeesoffmysouffle]

...

[getyourbeesoffmysouffle]

my teachers are crazy 

like

some are like “I play online poker and my math skills help me make six digits but my wife wants me to have a real job so here I am” and some are like. “I run a tandem bike shop out of my garage in my spare time and some are in videos of mountain biking and some won state piano competitions when they were younger

but some are all like yeah I drink instant coffee in the morning. I haven’t had an original thought for 47 years, gonna throw a party when I make it to 50. It’ll be fun, we’re gonna tailgate during rush hour. 

[getyourbeesoffmysouffle]

i am pear. apple away

The world is full of red delicious apples that look amazing and sound enticing but when u take a bite there’s just apple flavored flour inside

be like one of those weird brown pears

really strange lookin’ but the best freakin snac i swear those pears are evidence that god is real

[getyourbeesoffmysouffle]

“dunno” is brilliant. 

“ain’t” is so succinct. 

we all know it’s pronounced, “elemeno”, not L-M-N-O

“y’all” alone has probably saved me a whole minute of my life that I instead used to sit awkwardly and try to involve myself in the social circle I am slowly trying to incorporate myself into. 

but lets be honest no one actually goes through the painstaking work of saying GRANDMA . WEE ALL SAY GRAMMA. why are we foolin ourselves here cmon lets cut to the chase and spell it the way God intended. 

[getyourbeesoffmysouffle]

the date makes sense

but the line on a ziplock bag meant for writing the contents of the bad is STUPID

like the bag is literally clear. If you don’t know what it is by know the scribbles of your frenzied roomie it’s probably some extra-rare foreign food they brought back from their spring trip to Vanuatu that even if you knew what it was called it wouldn’t mean anything to you

[getyourbeesoffmysouffle]

Why la croix is good

what, would you rather have NORMAL water?