Ghostlife

green is my favorite color

[ghostlife111]

I love me in all of me

I love when my mind is on a rampage and I squabble to find a place to sleep my thoughts into

I love when I spill my coffee and sigh a heavy burden as I clean it, or the time when I watch a rom-com movie and pathetically sob for the second lead

I love when I try to write something but the feeling never turns into pages so, I frantically search words after words to connect the dots

I love when a random song plays on a radio and I get all nostalgic, mushy and puff, I burst into tears

And I absolutely love when my nearly dead plant sprouts leaf of life, or the way I stumble upon a long lost memory and roll onto the floor with giggles and laughter

I love when it’s cold outside and I am wrapped up in sweater, underneath the blanket, feeling utterly disappointed to raise up, only to close the door

I love when its 3 am and wail of anguish floods form my eyes and I try to brush it off playing cool, surrendering to sleep

I love when some chores on Sunday afternoon become a long session of ballad, while they are just series of puttering on any regular day

And I love it when I get all excited only to forget what I was about to say and fall into slumber of thoughts

But I love all of it even more when I recollect all of life on a warm summer night with a glass of sweet, bitter wine and fill the pages with memoirs.

-uminonami , diary of thoughts

-smriti

[thebookquotes]

“We sometimes encounter people, even perfect strangers, who begin to interest us at first sight, somehow suddenly, all at once, before a word has been spoken.”

— Fyodor Dostoyevsky, Crime and Punishment

[ghostlife111]

13th jan, 2024

Dear diary,

Today I woke up and chose to be happy. For no reason I smiled at myself and it felt amazing! The light that entered my room through the narrow slits of the curtain made me warm. I loved the color blue on my walls and all the fallen art pieces on it. The coffee smelled too good and my breakfast made me full. And I even loved that little hair that keeps sticking up. Today I dressed myself in all odd colors and weirdly I didn't skip any songs on my playlist. How easy was living! One intention of deliberately choosing to be happy changed my entire day.

[ghostlife111]

20th dec, 2023

Dear diary,

I'll never regret living so slow, falling in love so late and giving up so early. All my life I always thought of myself as some warrior, hero in need, a saviour of my family, my siblings and myself. Maybe because everyone only ever embedded the word 'strong' in me I always thought of me as a provider. Never learnt to lean on anyone. So, when I first fell in love I was so scared. So scared to be this vulnerable for a stranger. I never talked with him, not even once did I hear his voice but his mere presence was enough to make me so weak. I stumbled and cried every night, fighting with every breath that spoke his name. With all that fighting and struggle- I surrendered. I gave up on him- on possibility - on ever happening - on what if. Three years have passed but his name still quivers my heart. I suffocate with a mere thought of giving someone everything only to lose it all. Since then, I have been waiting. Waiting. Waiting for who exactly? For what exactly? I know its not him. I know for sure. Not him. Then? This feeling of wanting to be held and loved, why does it ache?

Yesterday, I sat on the bridge staring at the sun set for a long time with my bestfriend. She didn't utter a word neither did I. One was aching over a broken heart and the other over what was never there. But all those sadness submerged in the flowing river painted in golden. I could feel my heart pounding so fast, so awake and so alert. This was it. This is it. The feeling of living. Feeling of life, of love. And I just knew how much I cherished this time, with her and everything that was. When it was time to part, we didn't say, "goodbye" or "see you next time" but- just left 'in silence'.

[thebookquotes]

“I’m not all that smart. It takes me a while to understand things. But if I do have the time, I will come to understand you — better than anyone else in the world.”

— Haruki Murakami, Norwegian Wood

[ghostlife111]

This has to be the 'butterfly effect'. I try not to be too involved, stay ignorant and innocent but the breeze still gets me.

-diary of thoughts, uminonami

[curiousgemstone-deactivated2016]

[ukulelewrap]

THIS ALSO GOES FOR WRITING

[ghostlife111]

You are everywhere, everywhere I am.

The places you don't reach, are embraced by death.

And the places you are, are followed by life

All along I live by you, you that is untouched and unseen.

My days, my growth, all, are counted by you

And I've lived everyday drinking bowls of you; ungrateful.

Look at me now, gasping for even a drop of you.

Afraid without you I am no more.

-uminonami, dairy of thoughts

[ghostlife111]

Birthday

Until 19, every birthdays are slow. It comes around midnight and looms till dawn. For me, even 20 was slow. "A day entirely gifted to me-birthday." It was not till 21 that I got really scared of birthdays. I only ever counted my years. Ignorant that the people around me were growing as much as I was. This birthday I lost some people. Some left to never come back. Some just decided to walk away but some stayed to grow another year together. Strange, but the older I grow the more people I wish to have around me.

ps- Happy Birthday!!!

-uminonami, diary of thoughts

[ghostlife111]

Everything is slow

Everything is slow- morning comes in and slowly creeps under my blanket with tiny, low knocks of the day. I try resisting it but slowly roll out of the bed with tiny, clumsy steps for the day. And today of all, the noon grows longer and slower with every slow bite of the lunch. I keep peeking at the clock and its slow moving minute's hand. I pace myself and slowly, swiftly complete the task then with placid steps make my way to home. But as the morning, the night comes in and slowly untangles my braid with low, soft whispers of lullaby. Few rounds of slow tossing and turning, I give in to sleep, with looming thought that morning is again going to creep in.

[ghostlife111]

Change

Not that anything has changed. My house is still in the same place, the road to my old school is same, the hills still look the same, sunrises the same way as before and the minutes hand is never shorter but without you here these spaces look awfully empty and different... 12 years should not have changed this fast, I feel foreign on my own land. *sigh* the numbers adding on me certainly changes everything, too fast, too much.

-uminonami, dairy of thoughts

[ghostlife111]

I am all over the place, sailing in thoughts and sloppy story line. Sometimes swallowing gulp of lies and bitter truths. Weighing with exhaustion and draining in reality.

But I swear, the pondering lights escaping through the potholes of fluffy cotton clouds as they touch my bare skin, all the frightful nights and exhausting daylight washes away and I am left with nothing but empty shell so profound, and drenched in life.

-uminonami, dairy of thoughts

[ghostlife111]

Oh Wise Man!

Where are you, wise man?

Are you hiding behind these dense clouds?

Or, perhaps in a slumber to be never found?

Do you hear me as I cry for your strength?

Do you hear me as I speak your name?

Oh wise man, where do you hide?

Exhausting mounts of steps and quick exhales

I’ll follow you to every last of your trails

And if I ever reach the pearly gate

Will I find you in all of your grace?

Or, to nothing but a barren land of lies?

Oh wise man, where do you hide?

Faith is abandoned, drowning in distraught

Sky remains nothing but pool of dead stars

It takes more than glints of hope and war,

To seek you and be friends for life

Maybe you are to be hidden behind the veil

And this path to seek you is my only holy grail

Even so at times I gravely wish for you to be beside

Oh wise man, where do you hide?

-uminonami, diary of thoughts

-smriti

[ghostlife111]

What a pretty day to be alive!

hi, people of internet, hope ur having a wonderful day <3

[ghostlife111]

All these feelings, do they even have a home?

-uminonami, diary of thoughts,

somewhere thinking about you)

[ghostlife111]

Oh Wise Man!

Where are you, wise man?

Are you hiding behind these dense clouds?

Or, perhaps in a slumber to be never found?

Do you hear me as I cry for your strength?

Do you hear me as I speak your name?

Oh wise man, where do you hide?

Exhausting mounts of steps and quick exhales

I’ll follow you to every last of your trails

And if I ever reach the pearly gate

Will I find you in all of your grace?

Or, to nothing but a barren land of lies?

Oh wise man, where do you hide?

Faith is abandoned, drowning in distraught

Sky remains nothing but pool of dead stars

It takes more than glints of hope and war,

To seek you and be friends for life

Maybe you are to be hidden behind the veil

And this path to seek you is my only holy grail

Even so at times I gravely wish for you to be beside

Oh wise man, where do you hide?

-uminonami, diary of thoughts

-smriti

[ghostlife111]

"the moon is beautiful", she muttered

"so is the night", he whispered back

-uminonami, diary of thoughts, it rained that day