kip is a ghost sometimes

kip / 18 / body dysmorphic disorder bitch blog mostly but sometimes i monologue about how cool i am

[ghostsingold]

things DO get better. isn't that just buck wild. was adolescence the fucking problem all along.

[tiredfiver]

EVERYONE MOVE OVER I FOUND THE BEST AI GENERATED RESULTS

[thinthinthinnnn-deactivated2020]

im spending my teenage years being horny and depressed

[ghostsingold]

the powers that be tossed my sex drive years ago to make room for more depression

[ghostsingold]

stop liking my old BDD posts im normal now

[ghostsingold]

presently realizing that being wrestling a food addiction for 6 years then abruptly watching it disappear completely... is bad. like i did not realize the amount of shit that control was holding in. now everyone in my life is getting a front-row seat as i turn into an agoraphobic scribophile who cannot sleep properly, or hold a job, or use words that start with E. this is worse than my "an ancient goddess is talking to me" era

[ghostsingold]

can't wait to see what the next mutation of my freakish need for control is. maybe i'll become a dominatrix. i don't know. i am not running this show anymore

[ghostsingold]

me when i realize in the middle of making a sandwich that i recovered from my eating disorder by developing a new mechanism of total escapist control and this is actually going to be an endless cycle until i get my ass in therapy and i have not magically cured myself like i patted myself on the back for doing

[ghostsingold]

honestly this is what is probably happening to those people who recover by working out 6 days a week and going vegan

[ghostsingold]

whatever i prefer literary control issues to whatever the fuck i had going on then

[ghostsingold]

me when i realize in the middle of making a sandwich that i recovered from my eating disorder by developing a new mechanism of total escapist control and this is actually going to be an endless cycle until i get my ass in therapy and i have not magically cured myself like i patted myself on the back for doing

[ghostsingold]

honestly this is what is probably happening to those people who recover by working out 6 days a week and going vegan

[ghostsingold]

me when i realize in the middle of making a sandwich that i recovered from my eating disorder by developing a new mechanism of total escapist control and this is actually going to be an endless cycle until i get my ass in therapy and i have not magically cured myself like i patted myself on the back for doing

[ghostsingold]

i haven't been this obsessed with anything since i was starving myself holy fuck. i was writing on my phone during my own washing machine installation. installers said "hey there's a problem with your hookup" & i felt like saying shut up i am possessed and i don't care if my washing machine works. freak

[ghostsingold]

went off in my notes app about how my novel is swallowing me and read it over and damn i'm looking right at a maladaptive daydreaming diagnosis

[ghostsingold]

i don’t think i was meant to be a person. i think i was meant to be a small mushroom growing on a decomposing log deep in the forest. i think that would be ideal. 

[ghostsingold]

I GOT PUT ON PINTEREST AND THE COMMENTS... THE COMMENTS... I WILL HOLD AND KISS YOU ALL. WHY ARE YOU SO SAD? IT WILL ALL BE OKAY

[ghostsingold]

what do i do if everything i want to be conflicts with the fundamental core of my being

[ghostsingold]

you know it was a good night out when you come home at 3am with chest pain and a DM from some guy you met at a gas station who wants you on his album

[ghostsingold]

crossing some LINES in this whip/WIP tonight (driving several friends to a downtown nightclub and writing some very off-the-wall graphic content)

[ghostsingold]

faints into your arms. if u even care

[ghostsingold]

i'm the type to make up a religion and then start believing in it, and i know that because it's happened twice.