Ghosts Be Lurkin

I crave the sweet release of a good nights sleep

[guerrillatech]

[audible-smiles]

People die on the job every summer. Remember that water and shade breaks are crucial when working in the heat, and calling emergency services for signs of serious heat illness (fatigue, nausea/vomiting, headaches, dizziness, clammy skin, confusion, agitation, slurred speech, high body temperature, rapid heart rate, etc.) is entirely appropriate. If you’re afraid to call 911 for reasons such as being undocumented, you’ll need to get very familiar with how to prevent, recognize, and treat heat illness. If you are symptomatic and not allowed a break, water, or medical treatment, walk out. No matter how broke you are, your job is not worth your life.

[ominous-signs]

Official please put yourself first sign

[isawken]

going over to my minimalist girlfriend’s house and she apologizes profusely for the mess and there’s just a single perfect, fresh pea on the floor of her living room

[bluelois]

Blue Lois

[isawken]

can i help you

[redmarge]

Red Marge

[isawken]

jesus christ. I Am Under Fucking Attack

[worldheritagepostorganization]

World Heritage Post

[isawken]

i deserve a medal for this post. not because i was particularly funny but because i survived an onslaught of nearly one hundred gimmick blogs in the wake of this post popping off, and the fact that i didn’t try to track any of them down and snuff them out with my bare hands is a testament to my immeasurable strength and should be rewarded. at one point i had “the official letter h” add on to this post. you wanna know that blog’s gimmick? the really funny and original and worthwhile gimmick the official letter h blog had? yep you guessed it they just gave me the god damned letter H and then fucked off. only jesus knows the suffering i endured over that harsh winter, and he wept for me

[xyrm-deleted-deactivated2018080]

escaped medical leech

[shadybacon]

There are medical leeches!?

[jesus-lizard-journal]

Yes! They work very hard to get their medical degrees. 

[roachpatrol]

not this one, though. this one’s trying to ditch class. 

[apathy-tied-in-knots]

what was the class, color theory?

[yugirl]

WHY THE HIFL WOULD YOU HIDE THIS IN THE TAGS!?

[ryanthel0ser]

oh mein gott someone get a blanket for this baby, he's only 2 apples tall

there we go

sleep well little hero

[tedisfishing]

funi in my head, stupid in execution. Anyway, happy pride.

[grymmoires]

[inexplicably-gaining-followers]

This stupid exchange between friends has become a cultural icon.

[the-haiku-bot]

This stupid exchange

between friends has become a

cultural icon.

Beep boop! I look for accidental haiku posts. Sometimes I mess up.

[just-being-a-chill-guy]

@adriennewantsyoutodrinkwater

@hellsite-hall-of-fame

[klapollo]

at planned parenthood and they're playing regular show

[klapollo]

[cutecipher]

"dude if you don't get this abortion benson is gonna fire us"

[lemonheadart]

WELL...

[tenten18282]

TUPAC BACK

[raphalorem]

it doesn't matter

[shamebats]

"it's just stress" oh thank god, it's just the silent killer that slowly kills you, perfectly harmless, no need to worry

[trashfishhh]

[someniceguy]

oh god .. can i use this idea in my fic, please??

[forestfullofberries]

[poltergeist-404]

Based on this tweet!

[chromaticrainarts]

I think this ship (spaceship) is really funny

[cookiekate-art]

“Slipping into Love like an Oil-Slick” by Viiridity on Ao3

Text-free below the cut 💕

[stuck-in-jelly]

I find the concept of BloodyMary hilarious especially if you account for Pet Grace to Eridians because imagine you have this squishy fragile little alien friend

He was so sick for so long and its a miracle he lasted long enough for you to understand what he needed to survive and build an enclosure for him to survive in

It look a lot of scientist and doctors but he’s healthy and happy, you took careful work to make his enclosure as enriching as possible and he seems genuinely happy!!

Then one day, this fucking thing washes ashore. It’s nasty and putrid, but still you want to study it.

There is something that is at the very least VERY similar to your squishy alien friend.

Your alien friend is excited, he wants to see the human or kinda human thing he wants to talk to them

But it’s covered in fucking ooze, you dont know what diseases it could bring in! Your squishy alien friend JUST got better!!!

But no, squishy alien is clawing at the walls of his enclosure he hasn’t had actual full human contact in years

You forgot your alien friend is an extremely social creature and physical contact is super important to them

Your alien WANTS the flea ridden stray