Call me Lawn, they/them. I'm a writer, apparently, and an admin for the LU Community Write-a-Thon! Currently LU Obsessed, 3 years strong now. "lawn clippings" for my replies, "bad irl" for bad stuff not related to fandom, if you send me asks on my fics i will love you forever.
Pfp by @nooneishereshh and background by @gurlgallade!
Hello and welcome! this is my main blog, where I can and will reblog anything LinkedUniverse-related and occasionally reblog things from a couple other fandoms. You can find me on Ao3 as TwoDumbasses, where I've written a few fics for LU! If you want to ask me questions about my fic, my day, anything, really, I'm all ears!
New tag for bad things! “Bad IRL” is now what I’ll tag for stuff that should be said but takes away from the fun of my blog!
My Works:
Ravioli:
U Want Sum Fluff - an offshoot of @breannasfluff's Wing AU, Hyrulian and Lorulian courting customs are different and misunderstandings occur (Ship: Ravio x Link)
Head Over Heels - (Ravioli) Lorule has some funky gravity and Ravio's got two left feet
Princess Ravia of Ordon - (Ravioli) Legend hates balls. He loves Ravio, though
Red Mug, Green Flag - @breannasfluff's Wing Bois AU Ravioli - Legend loves Red. but sometimes that is a BIG problem
Fluff:
The Sky is Falling! - light and fluffy Wild Re-meets the Chain and promptly attempts regicide (no TWs!)
WinterTime - a gift for @dark-angel-of-muses and her Seelies and Selkies AU
The Sun in the Sky - another Muse gift!
In Triplicate - In the War of Eras, "my brothers burned my homework" is a valid excuse.
Funny:
(Dignity's) Death from Above - Wild re-meets the Chain for roughly five seconds.
Who Wants to Make 50 Rupees - a crack rewrite of a Malcolm in the Middle Cold Open
Hyrule's Gender Swap Shop - turns out Fae can steal more than names
Cell Link Tango - I have no excuse.
Angst/Whump:
Where's the Rest of Him? - angsty thought of if the Chain found Wild's Gloom arm before they found Wild (happy ending, TW dismembered arm, TW presumed death, MIND THE TAGS)
Do Not Go Gentle into That Good Light - severe whump, Wild Shrine Trauma, a frankly obscene number of TWs, MIND THE TAGS!
Caught Ollie scratching at my laundry basket so now he has his own
So far every time I set it in front of him now he's jumped straight in, no questions asked, and upon further investigation he seems to enjoy being carried in it from room to room
I can't stop thinking about baby Time and baby Four, I just know they would be best buddies because they live next to each other in my head
that contrast of a regular boy who was raised by his grandpa near a big town, went to school and stuff, and the one who hasn't seen a single hylian until age 10... them talking each other's ear off about the minish and the kokiri.. young Time finally allowing himself to be a kid near Four...
must draw... must drop everything and doodle RAHHHHH
This is a long read, but worth it. Some takeaways:
-Don’t use “buy now pay later.” The fine print isn’t what it seems.
-The fine print on medical financing, store credit cards, and contactless payment is also not what it seems.
-Payday loans are still predatory, even when offered by your employer
-Rewards programs are an income stream for the companies that run them. The points systems are manipulated so that the house always wins. They depend on people leaving money in rewards accounts and not in interest-bearing traditional bank accounts.
-Electronic payment apps like VenMo are not banks. You don’t earn interest. Your money is not protected.
-Your financial information is not private if your money is not kept in a regulated bank.
-None of this is regulated by the FDIC. Your money is not protected if it is held by a non-bank doing banking business. Our economy is not protected from the collapse of financial institutions that are not banks.
-The Biden administration was making progress in increasing accountability for non-banks operating as predatory financial services providers. The current administration is reversing those protections to favor corporations.
A third of younger Americans hold their savings on nonbank tech platforms like Venmo
PEOPLE! DO NOT LEAVE YOUR MONEY IN VENMO OR APPLE PAY OR ANY OF THIS SHIT. FOR THE LOVE OF GOD GO FIND A REAL BANK OR A CREDIT UNION.
If Venmo were to close tomorrow all your money would vanish. There's no insurance or guarantee on any of these things. I know banks aren't great but legit banks will have the "FDIC insured" logo on their doors and websites, which means if my bank goes under tomorrow I still get my money back. Also I guarantee you there is a credit union somewhere in your town, go find it.
You can leave some money in Venmo or Apple pay or whatever, but NOT ALL OF IT for the love of God.
No, it's misleading. Go to Green Dot's T&Cs, search for "FDIC," and you'll come across this:
your funds are insured up to $250,000 by the FDIC in the event Green Dot Bank fails
In the event Green Dot Bank fails. Meaning the only time your money is protected is if Green Dot goes under. Not if Apple goes under (unlikely, granted). Or if Apple changes its terms (entirely possible). Or if you got scammed. Or if Apple freezes your account because they think you're the one scamming. Or any of the other countless mishaps your money could suffer. Green Dot is insured, but Apple Cash is not.
This is the disclaimer (highlighted) you see before you set up Apple Cash:
As someone who's worked in the industry for a decade now, here's a quick rundown (US specific,) of what your schools and parents didn't teach you:
For the love of god get an account at a federally insured institution. Look for FDIC (banks) or NCUA (credit unions) insured and regulated financial institution. They are legally required to have this status publicly available and accessible so it's not hard to find.
The FDIC and/or NCUA will insure your accounts up to $250,000 PER AUTHORIZED SIGNER and per account type. These are factors to max your coverage to even higher than $250k but the key point is that if something happens to your bank or accounts there, that first $250k of your money is secured anyway.
Banks are for profit. Credit Unions are exactly what it sounds like: unions. They are not for profit and member owned.
Bigger institutions have more money and resources at their disposal; they have the fancier apps, 24/7 phone banking and more locations. But watch out! They are no different than any other large corporation you've heard of when it comes to ethics. Smaller institutions have more limitations, and lesser size is not an indicator of morality, but it's something to consider when choosing where to keep your money.
These institutions, regardless of what kind you choose, will offer interest bearing accounts. Money Market Savings and Time Accounts (also called Certificates of Deposit,) are popular choices to put the money you already have to work for you. You can earn money just for having your money in an interest bearing account type.
All financial institutions charge fees of one sort or another. They are offering products and services, after all. Nothing is free! They will also disclose options to avoid paying those fees, usually based around meeting specific criteria such as minimum balances or direct deposits.
Take this information and do your own research so that you can make an informed decision. Now you know what to look for! Don't be taken advantage of!
whumpee whose blood has some sort of magical properties that are desirable to others and so they get tied down and get the blood forcefully taken from them
(which can be done in unethical and unsafe conditions!! or they can be kept there for weeks or even months or years, not to mention they'd be fucked from the constant blood loss)
As somebody who has been getting cyberstalked by somebody I was once very close to irl:
Aside from job/medical/legal stuff (and have separate accounts for those!)...
Do NOT give an app or game your phone number. I have been found this way -some of them will notify people who have your phone number saved if you log in / are active.
-> And remember, if you have someone's phone number you can find a lot of shit about them. Never give your phone number to strangers online (like if someone on Tumblr asks for it. Discord, email, and other services are always available! Even to irls you might not wanna share with yet!) Here's a link to a lost of things that can be done with your phone number: link
Do NOT put your legal name out there unless it's a site that you can make your account completely private and are only adding irls/trusted people. Like how on Facebook you can private your account, then all people who haven't been added by you can only see your profile picture and bio.
Do NOT assume that just because somebody has blocked you doesn't mean they can't unblock and reblock on a whim just to see what youre doing or to message you - even if it's a private account.
Do NOT use the same username for everything. You wanna play video games and write fanfiction online? Use separate usernames. If you get harassed by someone and have to take down your accounts, your fanfic account is going down too and vice versa.
-> And NEVER feel that just because you're close to somebody you have to give them access to every area of your life. If you don't feel comfortable with sharing your fanfics with them for ANY reason, you do not have to. You should feel comfortable sharing things with them. While obviously I'm not saying go behind your partners back and cheat, nobody should be pressuring you to share your harmless hobby with them just because they want to see it when you already feel uncomfortable. This is just using fanfics as an example.
Listen, I'm having fun playing with the ultra patriotic voice, but after a couple years in blue-collar landscaping jobs, you really do need to phrase things like that.
"I'm pretty sure that fella ain't here legally."
"Well, that ain't your business Chip, it's his."
They hate being preached to. If you pull out words like 'gender wage gap' they'll tell you you're brainwashed by the far left media.
Also, please understand that SO often the real issue these people have is that they just want to say something inappropriate. They don't like being told they can't say "fag", so they'd say it for a reaction, just like a teenager would.
Shut down the conversation without reacting.
"His dick, not mine" will get you much further to shutting that guy down than "well it's really inappropriate to call someone a slur while I'm the job site".
And that's the point. To shut them up. To make them quit saying shit like that. The first one makes him seem kinda weird for caring about what that guy does with his dick. The second one gives him something to fight against and make a big deal about.
It’s zelink week apparently, which if I’d known ahead of time I would’ve planned better which chapter I was posting today... but oh well. It’s got zelink bits in it (as do all the chapters lol).
I worked really hard on this chapter, please enjoy it!
Ao3 link
First | Previous | Next (coming soon)
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Link runs into the darkness of the passageway before him, heart pounding in his ears.
Ganondorf is close. So close. Closer than he has been since Link cane here with Zelda initially, since his arm was ruined, since he missed catching her hand by a fingertip.
He’s glad he doesn’t have a moment to stop and think about it all, because if he did, he’s fairly sure all the battling emotions in his head would paralyze him. Seeing the mural that Zelda had been so excited about all those months ago again had been bad enough. Now that he’s nearly at the cause for the last picture he uncovered, for the ache in his arm, for Zelda and his daughter, for everything...
A loud rumble comes from above Link’s head, and he dives forward, narrowly avoiding the avalanche of rocks that burst from the ceiling. Huge boulders rain down, piling up behind him in a deafening cascade.
As the dust settles, Link carefully stands, his stomach sinking at the sight behind him. The tunnel is blocked off.
He’s trapped.
He swallows, and clenches his fists.
But at least I’m trapped with him.
He turns and puts it out of his mind, deciding it’s a worry for later as he follows the thick roots of gloom. They lead him down into a wide cavern, one that reminds him of where he fought the Calamity under the castle, and his gaze is drawn to where the roots converge and weave into a strange swirling pedestal, one that stands high above him.
And at the top is Ganondorf, sitting in a meditative pose, looking not unlike the countless Sheikah monks Link has seen before.
Link gets on the defensive immediately, a hand hovering by his sword. Yet Ganondorf doesn’t react at his arrival, remaining in place, skeletal form unmoving. Is he... asleep?
“How disappointing...” Ganondorf says finally, voice rasping through the cavern. It scrapes out of his throat and into Link’s ears like sand, like the crackles of dry leaves in winter. Like bone scraping bone. “This world should be shrouded in darkness, not bathed in insufferable light.”
Link stares up at him, the ancient king sitting on the pedestal like it’s a throne, like he’s already won, and a hot, burning feeling begins to trickle through his veins. He’s dirtied and tired and been feeling the weight of the gloom more by the minute as he’s gotten deeper down here. He’s run through most of his supplies, and what he has left hangs heavy on his person, his strength faded after everything he’s done just to get here.
But at the sight of his foe, all of that fades.
“All these weak, peace-loving cowards running rampant...” Ganondorf continues in a sneer, his mouth the only part of him that’s moving. His pupils suddenly appear, and fix on Link, a fiery orange. “It would have been more... satisfying, to overcome a worthy foe.”
The stone on his forehead lights up, and his eyes glow with it, the hair on Link’s neck standing up. Gloom focuses around Ganondorf, curls around his hand and twines around his arm, gathers around him like a storm forming. He then slams a palm into the ground and the gloom explodes around him, whirling in a cyclone of crimson and black.
Link watches as the gloom swirls, his breath getting faster as the feeling in his veins gets hotter and hotter. And when Ganondorf emerges, his flesh restored, body muscled and powerful, appearing exactly as he had in Zelda’s memories... he sees red.
Ganondorf drops down and starts saying something about how he’ll crush Link, crush Hyrule, about destroying and twisting it into ruin under his kingship, but Link’s barely listening, rage sweeping through him.
This man is what pushed Zelda to act with such desperation. This is what doomed her, and Hyrule. This is the cause of nearly every suffering Link and Zelda and everyone in the kingdom have gone through, since... since before he was born.
The Master Sword shines with light as Link draws it, Zelda’s light, and he grips it tightly. It’s a pinprick of blue in a sea of red, a tiny dinghy against an ocean, but he finds himself energized with its glow, the red mist receding from his vision, a surprising calm settling on his shoulders.
Link points his blade at Ganondorf, and holds it with a strength that surprises even himself.
All Ganondorf does is chuckle, and then he draws his own weapon.
The fight starts slow, the two of them circling each other without making any immediate move. Ganondorf is the one who swings first, and Link parries, then lunges back to strike at him in turn.
The struggle that follows... isn’t as bad as Link was fearing it would be. He’s kept on his toes certainly, and he knows without a doubt that Ganondorf would kill him if he got the chance, but he’s a little surprised at how easy his attacks are to deflect back at him. Ganondorf’s skill is comparable to a lynel’s— difficult, but manageable.
Link leaps away from a swing, then rushes forward and bashes his shield against another strike. It almost feels like... Ganondorf is testing him. Trying to feel out Link’s fighting style, all while still attacking him too.
Or... perhaps it’s more like a predator playing with its food before killing it.
That thought makes him shiver, but Link ignores it, focusing intently on the fight. He should strike while the iron is hot. If Ganondorf is underestimating him, then that’s all the better for Link.
So he ups his game, moving faster, striking harder, bashing his shield against all manner of attack. He jumps and stabs and uses the Master Sword with perfect technique, and Ganondorf can’t quite keep up.
Link manages to slash at his shoulder, deeper than any strikes he’s managed before, and Ganondorf grunts and steps back, a small chuckle escaping him.
“What a feeling...” he laughs, almost grinning at Link. He clenches a fist. “I had almost forgotten the thrill of battle after so long. That feeling as blood surges in my veins...”
His face suddenly loses its mirth, and he spears Link with an expression that makes him feel like a blupee on the other end of an arrow.
“And I am not even nearing the limits of my power.”
Again his stone shines, a sickly red of gloom, and it rushes around Ganondorf in a rapid swirl, leaving him changed again as the gloom ripples away.
What stands before Link now is monstrous. Horns jut from Ganondorf’s forehead, fangs from his lips. He towers over Link even more now, his skin pulses with gloom, he’s clothed in it, made of it, his hair glows and writhes with it as the gloom just keeps growing and strengthening him more and more—
Link takes a step back, panicking at the near effortless display of power, and the Demon King smiles.
“Enjoy these final moments. I will be taking far more than your arm this time,” he says as he forms a blade of gloom, and Link clenches his sword.
“You already did,” he spits, and their blades meet with another flash of dark and light.
Ganondorf shoves his blade aside, swinging a fist at Link that he barely dodges. He’s not sure where to even start with this, some deep part of his soul screaming in familiarity at flaming hair and burning robes, and he doesn’t even get a chance to formulate a strategy before things get bad.
A flicker of red is all the warning he gets before gloom wafts up from the ground, and takes the form of Ganondorf, multiple of him. Phantoms like the ones he’s fought so many times after gloom hands, except bigger, stronger, and they all converge, trying to overwhelm Link with sheer numbers.
Ganondorf continues to swing at him, all while his clones do the same. A blade catches his arm, another his leg. Ganondorf himself kicks Link square in the chest, and he barely manages to recover from it in time to avoid a strike at his head.
Link is pressed closer and closer to the wall, desperately blocking attacks as he bleeds from countless small hits, and Ganondorf grins.
No!
Right as Link begins to panic, familiar voices shout his name, and the sages once again fly to his rescue, breaking into the room and fighting off the clones. Link sends them all a weary smile as they buy him time to chug a potion, and then he faces Ganondorf himself again, able to largely ignore the clones with the assistance.
What did I ever do to deserve such loyal friends?
“Pitiful,” Ganondorf scoffs, and again they engage.
It’s curious— Link doesn’t remember dueling anyone from before he lost his memories. Zelda has told him he used to do it all the time, mostly at festivals and tournaments and things like that, but he doesn’t have any recollection of it, and he doesn’t do anything more than the occasional spar now. He rarely fights anything human at all, anything that needs extra technique and finesse. Lynels come close, and the occasional Yiga that actually knows how to handle a blade, but those are both rarities.
This, though, takes skill.
Ganondorf is no longer holding back in any way. He moves like a wave in the ocean, slowly building with careful movements, then crashing into hard strikes that leave Link reeling, over and over. He’s wickedly fast, his sword slashing with a speed that matches Link’s, and it’s a struggle to keep up.
He uses his entire body, swinging with his fists when he misses with his sword, kicking out at Link when he dodges a strike. Link shields and thrusts and throws a dazzlefruit in his face once in return, but he’s struggling.
It’s a hard fight. It’s a long fight.
Every time he thinks he’s finally getting somewhere, Ganondorf leers and strikes back twice as hard and twice as fast, and Link is pressed just to keep all his limbs attached.
But he doesn’t falter. The Master Sword flashes as it strikes against Ganondorf’s blade, the two of them whipping around each other so fast they’re mere blurs to anyone else. Link manages strikes here and there, a slash to his side, a cut on his upper arm. The Master Sword does its job, almost singing whenever its steel hits gloom-seared flesh, and Ganondorf grows angry.
He throws out a burst of power and gloom, blasting the sages back, but somehow Link stands firm, and keeps fighting.
Ganondorf lands a hit, and Link strikes back with one of his own. Link dodges a series of swipes, and then Ganondorf does the same. Gloom gets launched at Link in more ways than he can count, exploding out of the ground, shot at him in bursts, coming at him in waves, and his legs shake as he dodges it all as well as he can.
The moment comes when Ganondorf raises his blade to attack, but Link takes his chance, reacting at split-second speed and avoiding the strike.
He moves in to strike back with a flurry rush, but somehow Ganondorf blocks it, and then does one back at Link.
He’s thrown back, blood splattering, and he downs a healing item as soon as he can breathe past his scream. Ganondorf grins, and Link stumbles to his feet in shock, wiping blood from shaking hands.
He’s never met anyone else that can do that. Ever.
“You know, that insufferable Rauru mentioned you,” Ganondorf breathes, obviously a bit winded from the fight himself. “What a fool. So much hope placed in one insignificant boy... by a king who let an expecting mother fight for him,” he says slowly, a smirk pulling at his lips. “I wonder... how do you feel, knowing so many threw their lives away for nothing?”
Link yells and lunges for him.
His swings get sloppy, imprecise, red approaching the edges of his vision. The walls crack, the grief rears up, and all he can see in his mind is Zelda, their baby, tears as she swallows and screams his name, gone, gone, gone gone gone GONE—
A sword cleaves through the mist in his vision and Ganondorf nearly takes off Link’s head when he overcommits to a swing. He skitters back with a gasp, the sting startling him as he wipes away the thin line of blood across the back of his neck.
The Master Sword flickers in his grip, glow brightening as something chimes in his ear, and he dives out of the way of another blast of gloom.
He needs to calm down.
Link breathes in and out through a tight chest, even as Ganondorf throws more gloom at his face. The Master Sword warms somehow, in a way that reminds him of Zelda, and Link steadies himself as he sets a hand over the pocket with the shard of her horn, and the scale from Sundelion.
Protect them all.
He can’t do that if he’s drowning in rage.
Link dodges another blast of gloom, and briefly runs away to buy himself just a few seconds to get ahold of himself. Ganondorf stalks after him, but Link forces himself to calm, to ease the knot of grief crippling him.
He wrestles with the anger that clouds his judgment. The grief that drags his limbs and weighs his heart. Instead he pulls on the strength the Master Sword is giving him, the light that Zelda left for him. He can’t be sloppy. He can’t let Ganondorf get under his skin.
Okay.
...Okay.
Link heaves in a breath, wipes tears from his eyes, and turns back to Ganondorf.
The Demon King lunges and their swords lock, gloom screaming, Master Sword singing. Another flurry rush gets parried, but Link is expecting it, and dodges the blade that swings for his arm. He manages to flurry that attack, and actually manages a hit, Ganondorf lunging back with a snarl.
They’re both bleeding and breathing fast, sweat slicking hair and skin. The air is stifling, clouded with gloom, and it sucks at Link with an intensity only the gloom straight from Ganondorf has, slowly siphoning energy away like it did when he lost his arm.
But Link keeps going.
Ganondorf’s confident demeanor never falters, but he grows more angry as the fight continues, gloom brightening along his skin, hair writhing around him. The sight only makes Link more determined, and the scale in his pocket almost seems to warm, giving him some extra strength.
This man— this demon— is the reason his family is lost, the reason Zelda gave herself up. The reason his daughter has never known a day as a Hylian, the reason for so much pain, across all of Hyrule.
Link is the only one who can stop him. He’s not going to lose this fight.
He can’t.
His heart pounds in time with the pulse of the Master Sword, striking with it like it’s an extension of his arm. He fights for his kingdom, his friends, for the sages still lying on the ground— but most of all, for his family, his daughter and Zelda, who gave up everything so he could win this fight.
And finally, he strikes Ganondorf straight across the chest, blood and gloom spraying into the air.
The Demon King falls to a knee with a choked noise, looking furious. Then he bends backwards with an enraged howl, Link gasping for breath and wiping blood off his chin.
The Demon King glares at him with fire in his eyes, also heaving for breath, and bares sharp teeth.
“I will yet... rule this land... you will not stop me!” he snarls, practically foaming at the mouth. “A mere mortal... will not stand in my way!”
His hand claws at his forehead, and he tears off the stone that’s imbedded there in a spray of light and blood.
“My mind... my body... everything,” he spits as blood runs down his face, clutching the stone in a trembling hand. “I’ll sacrifice it all... to destroy you... and plunge this world into eternal night!”
Ice pours into Link’s stomach, but before he can do anything, Ganondorf lifts the stone high, and shoves it all the way down his throat.
Then he laughs.
He laughs and laughs and keeps laughing even as he hunches over and his pupils contract, and then turn a sickly green.
Darkness bursts from his form, an explosion of power so fierce Link is pushed backwards. The shear of gloom and light from the blast is blinding, overwhelming in its intensity, and Link can’t see anything for several moments, the switch from dark gloom to pure white stealing his sight.
His eyesight returns in time to see a vaguely serpentine form burst from the gloom, eyes glowing through a cloud of shadows, and a primal fear seizes and roots him in place as he takes it in.
Calamity, his mind screams, and then the massive head covered in shadow and gloom lunges for him.
It slams into Link like a boulder, and the few awake sages cry his name as he’s snatched off his feet. It’s so fast he can’t struggle, and suddenly they’re flying towards the ceiling and there’s a deafening sound and violent movement and pain—
"I knew I could trust you since we met. Your heart is true and your friendship is invaluable! I'm glad I can count on you, and I'm happy every time you ask me to teach you how to play the flute. Listening to its melody soothes me, and somehow, when you play it, it feels... right. When I get my body back, we will have countless adventures! I promise."
