Here’s something I’ve had in the back of my mind for almost as long as I’ve been an Outlander fan.
Jamie and Claire have always and will always find each other. Literally.
Claire is born in 1918 and falls through time in 1945. She arrives in 1743, spends 3 years there, goes back to the 20th century, stays there until 1968, goes back to 1766. Presumably lives the rest of her days with Jamie until she dies (Diana Gabaldon has repeatedly said that she expects the series to end circa 1800, in Scotland, but then again she said that Book 5 would be called “King Farewell” and that there would only be one more book after that…but I digress…)
Anyway, the key point is that even if Jamie and Claire pass away circa 1800, Claire will be born again in 1918. She’ll fall through time again in 1945. She’ll meet Jamie again in 1743. Etc.
So they’re in an endless loop of finding each other, losing each other, and then finding each other again.
Here’s food for thought: If Jamie and Claire are in this loop - and have been in it countless times - what iteration are we reading about in the Books? Is this their 10th go-round? 100th?
But it doesn’t matter - because they always, always find each other.
So, after writing Dance Yrself Clean and my other fics on Ao3, I've come up with my own backstories for Patrick and Paul. This post details their issues, upbringing, and how it's all relevant to Dance Yrself Clean. Enjoy this 2k text post lol
CW for mentions of rape, SA, suicidal thoughts, abuse
Paul Allen:
Paul was an insufferable jock in his highschool years and a fratbro in his college years. He's always generally been well-liked + the life of the party. Was always hooking up with girls because he had horrible committment issues. Has melllowed out significantly in his adulthood, far less of a dick for brains but still quite the hedonist. A little ignorant, will occasionally make insensitive comments but he genuinely doesn't have any hatred in his heart (think: well-meaning white guy). Not the best person to go to for mental health issues (Paul is pretty mentally ill himself, has clinical depression/suicidal thoughts + literally no dignity + will tout insensitive solutions to mental health problems)..... (more under the cut.)
Despite his jock childhood, he was always quite brilliant (got into Stuyvesant high school, to his parents' pride) and landed his position at P&P purely on merit (...and "sweet talking", but that doesn't count).
Paul's childhood home was in Forest Hills, Queens! His family were middle class. He lived in a three bedroom house with his parents and three siblings growing up (two older brothers, one younger sister. Paul shared a room with his younger sister). Paul had tons of boy band posters/male underwear ad cutouts taped to his walls, but he was so masc when he was a teen that his parents didn't suspect anything (meanwhile, his siblings always knew Paul was queer). Paul's upbringing was pretty standard, he's close with his parents and siblings despite moving out. Paul's relationship with his parents wasn't perfect (he got beatings) but they'd reconcile as he got older.
Jewish, but mostly in culture rather than religion. Does not keep kosher (lol). Didn't really think much of his religion/upbringing until the guys at work kept making anti-semetic comments.
Paul got into a can of worms at Yale. Started experimenting with his bisexuality, but was taken advantage of frequently (Paul was still kind of naive at this time), subjected to sexual hazing when joining his fraternity. Paul would also use sexual favors to get connections (part of how he landed P&P) but make sure this is portrayed as traumatic and imbalanced. This would form much of his relationship trauma. It gets to the extent that Paul becomes utterly desperate for someone to show him any sort of kindness -> turns to hypersexuality because he believes that this is the only way he could get anyone to care about him. Important note, Paul believes everything is his fault and doesn't think he's a victim.
Is obsessed with Patrick to the point that it's horribly pathetic. He's never had someone love him back to this extent/a relationship this meaningful, so Paul is desperate to keep Patrick his. Paul had thought Patrick was a loser when they were first dating, insisted to himself that he wouldn't fall for him, but Paul was completely wooed by Patrick's care for him. Paul knows that Patrick is insane, but tries his best to support him (Paul doesn't sound the most sympathetic, would probably call Patrick a schizo, use abrasive terms, but Paul means well). Paul doesn't think any of Patrick's murders are real, just a byproduct of a deeply sick mind (Paul loves him anyway).
Before and during the events of Dance Yrself Clean, Paul is utterly miserable, hates his job and his coworkers and sort of wants to die but finds solace with Patrick. The two live in Patrick's apartment! Patrick brought him over when they started dating. Patrick refused to live in Paul's apartment because it was so much nicer than his own (Patrick does not say that this is the reason, makes up bullshit excuses) and was stubborn enough that Paul eventually just moved to Patrick's instead. Patrick absolutely loves their arrangement.
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Canon divergence occurs when: Paul eagerly greets Patrick at Evelyn's Christmas party while trying to get away from a creepy guy. This is a major change, as Paul is actually "interested" in Patrick this time, actually tries to make sure their exchanges go well. Paul cuts the sleazebag act this time at their date at Texarkana, and instead rambles about how empty his life is (Patrick relates, and this stops him from killing Paul. Patrick feels seen by Paul at this moment). Paul thinks Patrick is funny, thinks it's hilarious how Patrick doesn't know how much of a loser he is. On the other hand, Patrick thinks Paul is genuinely into him and grows deeply infatuated with him as they become friends (Patrick really idolizes him). Patrick thinks Paul is deeply genuine, actually has meaningful conversations with him and starts feeling strange things (love!). Patrick frantically fights off these feelings at first, mostly because he's never felt anything like this for another person, acts really mean to him just as he starts falling because Patrick is terrified of feelings. This doesn't last long because Paul becomes noticeably distant and Patrick immediately stops because he doesn't want Paul to leave. KEY DETAIL: Patrick never once thinks of Paul as "girllike" (to add to the theme of Paul being Patrick's escape from a conformist society). He always perceives Paul as masculine, an archetype of the perfect man, but, and this is important, with a soul.
They hook up. Patrick insists it's a brotherhood thing (???) to justify it, while Paul is just really horny. Patrick and Paul become friends with benefits, but it's pretty obvious Patrick wants more despite not wanting to admit it (Paul doesn't want more, he has committment issues and think this will end horribly). Patrick doesn't actually deal with a lot of internalized homophobia because he's more concerned about having feelings rather than having feelings for a man. Patrick's homophobia is actually mostly just performative (he tones it up/down depending on who he's with). The romantic tension eventually becomes too much to bear and Paul reluctantly confesses to Patrick (who eagerly agrees). Patrick breaks up with Evelyn without much thought, Paul and Meredith weren't really on the best terms anyway so he has no trouble ending things with her either (Meredith was always distant, Paul was a bastard, kept cheating on her.). Patrick and Paul's relationship is not the healthiest objectively speaking (Patrick cycles between periods of deep affection and neglect, their communication is horrible. Patrick is deeply mentally unstable. Paul constantly waits for the other shoe to drop and is on edge because of past relationship trauma, expects their relationship to fail eventually) but this is the healthiest relationship both men have been in. Patrick has absolutely no idea their relationship is unhealthy, sugarcoats everything and thinks their relationship is this perfect thing. Paul is a little aware that things are unhealthy, but doesn't really care because this is the best treatment he's ever had in a relationship.
Dance Yrself Clean is the culmination of all of these insecurities and unaddressed problems. Patrick and Paul can no longer push all their issues under the rug, this fic is meant to show the fallout that occurs (is salvaging their relationship worth it?). At this point in their relationship, Patrick is just starting to open up to Paul because he knows Paul prefers him when he actually gives a shit (it's pretty difficult for him, he hates being vulnerable). Paul's insecurity/jealousy/trauma plays a large part here. Paul keeps thinking Patrick is out screwing someone else, but when he thinks he sees actual proof of the cheating he's unable to deal (Paul thought his worst fears were just that: fears. He's crushed when he realizes Patrick would actually betray him like everyone else has). There are indications of Paul's non-commital nature in the earlier chapters, but Paul's relationship with Patrick has made him unhealthily clingy around him (utter refusal to cut things off this time, a total 180 of his previous attitude). Paul holds out hope that things will return to normal and stays with Patrick purely for that reason, but Patrick's hysterical outbursts make it really hard for Paul to stay.
Patrick spirals as Paul accuses him of cheating, it becomes evident that Patrick is way too dependent on Paul. Patrick also has slight themes of self-sabotage, idolizes Paul so much he feels as if he doesn't deserve him. His character progression devolves a little (Patrick went from opening up to Paul to saying horrible things to him when Paul confronts him). Not spoiling anything further, but the character arcs will be resolved in the last chapter.
Still ironing out what happens after Dance Yrself Clean, but they get married eventually :) Patrick is very close with Paul's parents because they're so sweet to him/remind him of Paul. Paul is half-convinced Patrick is only with him because he wants his parents. Paul's parents are very hospitable, treat Patrick as one of their own and admire his success. Things are FAR more stable and healthy as they age, date for longer, and eventually get married.
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Patrick Bateman:
Patrick wasn't a geek or outcast when he was younger, but he was certainly not well-liked (people could sense that there was something off with him and stayed far away). Patrick was a very quiet child, but was still able to worm his way into in-groups because of his rich dad. There were deep themes of loneliness and isolation throughout his life, Patrick could never truly connect with people (due to his pretention, mental illness, but also because the people in his social circle were all so very vapid). Patrick grew up with his brother, Sean, and his parents. His parents didn't really raise him, and enlisted the help of nannies and maids to do most of the housework/child-rearing. Sean and Patrick were closer in childhood, but had a falling out as they grew older. Patrick was a protective figure to Sean when they were younger (Patrick had been raped by his father around the age of 14, but he's repressed the memory so hard he doesn't recall it at all. Still, a protective urge/distaste of his father remained) The repressed memory would manifest into his adolescent and adult psychotic episodes in the form of imagined sexual violence against women (this is how I explain away Patrick canonically being a rapist.. he doesn't actually do these things in my fanon pls). Patrick and Sean fell out because Patrick was always his father's favorite while Sean was nothing more than a loser. They were both deeply attention/love-hungry, and Patrick constantly being preferred over Sean kind of broke something in Sean. Sean would lash out, causing Patrick to grow exhausted of him. Patrick still holds some (minimal) affection for Sean, while Sean loathes Patrick.
Patrick has ASPD, NPD, psychotic episodes... it's all a bit unclear because Patrick doesn't have actual diagnoses. Regardless, he always had violent tendencies and would torture/kill small animals when he was younger. Patrick has trouble with social cues. Patrick attended Phillips Exeter Academy for prep school, and grew up in a lavish Long Island estate. His parents were filthy rich, Patrick got his job at P&P/got into Harvard because of his father. Because of this, Patrick never really had to try. Patrick's childhood was horrible -- there was a lot of domestic violence at home, his parents were only staying with each other out of obligation. While Patrick's father was a violent, narcissistic man, Patrick's mother was deeply unstable/suicidal (Patrick would take more after his father, Sean to his mother). Important to note, there was no "lesser evil" here. Both of Patrick's parents were responsible in creating this hostile household.
Patrick and his family are Irish-American and catholic. No one but Patrick's mother remain religious.
Patrick is obsessed with Paul, views him as an escape from his yuppie hell. Paul is different -- middle class, crass, holds sympathy for others, a man that Patrick has very homosexual feelings for, but not too different. Paul is still conventionally attractive, intelligent, and incredibly charismatic, so Paul's differences don't completely scare Patrick off. Patrick is aware of Paul's suicidal thoughts and depressive episodes, and is concerned for him. Patrick is a horrible person to go to for mental health issues, but they comfort each other in their own way (sex, canoodling, dates). Patrick's fantasies of murdering Paul are manifestations of his own emotional constipation. Patrick has no idea how to handle being in love with someone this deeply, has previously filed all of his strong emotional responses under "intense bloodlust."
Before and during the events of Dance Yrself Clean, Patrick is starting to be more vulnerable with Paul, and so thinks that they're perfect (Patrick's father had never shown any emotional vulnerability). Patrick, surprisingly, has been thinking less about work and more about Paul. He's eager to come home to him every day, they've created somewhat of a domestic arrangement. Patrick is happy for the first time in his life.
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