100 years of solitude

[gideondarby]

emberleland·:

ember would never wake again. she could hear him, the last few things he said, telling her to rest… and then she heard sobs, the most heartbreaking, earth-shattering sounds, that got fainter and fainter until they were gone. and then… nothing. she saw nothing. she wanted to scream and wail and beg the world to bring her back, to put her back there and let her see him again, but the world was cruel and uncaring.

her sight shifted and she was standing at the edge of a dark river, a boat waiting for her. a man in a dark cloak held out his hand, and she didn’t know what he wanted. anxiously searching her pockets, she found two gold drachma – greek coins she never owned, but found their way to her pocket nonetheless. every soul was granted their way to be judged, she supposed. she got on the boat, but her thoughts were not those of fear for what was coming. all she could think about was gideon. how she missed him.

– – – – – – – –

hera never thought she’d laugh this hard. watching that wretched girl die, seeing her tragic beloved sob over her lifeless corpse, it was all utterly hilarious to the goddess. “it’s what she deserves,” she mutters to aphrodite standing beside her, who simply looked shocked. they watched from above, hera was waiting for the perfect moment to appear. “i want to give him a moment to grieve! it’s only fair,” she noted flippantly.

aphrodite shook her head and watched gideon. her heartstrings tangling at the sight of two perfect lovers. she felt some guilt for making gideon immortal, but she knew it was a lesson he was always learning, and she was proud of him for that. and think, if he wasn’t immortal, he never would have met ember! but… but aphrodite didn’t expect hera to go out and murder the poor girl. she had to fix this, somehow.

he wasn’t ready. he hadn’t been ready. but how could he ever be ready to look up at his darling, beloved girl and see... nothing. nothing but vacancy in her. “it’s okay, love.” he cupped her precious cheeks, fighting the sobs though they shook through his very core. “you don’t have to feel pain anymore.” he couldn’t do it. he couldn’t say goodbye to her. not now, not yet. all he could do was hold her close and cry to her.

he didn’t know how long he must’ve been there like that. grieving. unable to move from her. the only measures of time in his mind were the memories flashing before his eyes—how they met. that first night with her. learning her. all her favorite places to be touched and kissed and everywhere they’d ever been together. every song he ever sang to her. and among those, her version of blackbird that had quickly become his favorite ringing in his ears. at the time she hadn’t been too sure of herself in it—she never was, but. ember had a way of making things look easy despite not knowing her own power. she took care of him. she loved him. she saved him.

and now she was gone. and he was alone again. he still felt her, in his chest, but. the air in the room had changed. the light in the world was gone. and where she used to give him warmth he now felt cold and empty. “please,” he whispered, unwilling to leave her. “please come back to me.”

[gideondarby]

emberleland:

“b-because i saw your soul,” she answered him softly, “and i saw something b-beautiful, and strange, and a little bit broken, but it was good.” of course she wanted to marry him. he was perfect to her in every way. nothing, not even his four-day bender, could deter her from him. it made her sad to think he’d never truly know every single thing she wanted to say to him. it made her even sadder to know he’d never believe a word.

hearing his vows made her feel much more calm. she felt… cozy, and safe. and despite the horrific pain, the blood fighting to spill, despite how hard it was to breathe, she felt happy. at his prompting, her eyes opened. god, she was tired. and weak. and it hurt so badly, she could scream. “you’re so handsome…” she murmured, giving a cough. “my handsome husband…” she tried to lift her hand up to touch his face, but it wouldn’t stay there for long. “i love you, darling.”

and slowly, everything faded to black.

in her words—beautiful, terrifying, gripping, and final. for once, he didn’t argue. he didn’t even counter it with all the things he saw in her or some other lovestruck sentiment. those were valid, and true. and had this been a normal day, maybe that’s exactly what he would’ve done. but right now—all he could do was look at her. hold her cold hands. stroke her cheeks while the life faded from them. “it’s alright, love. it’s alright. just rest now.” it wasn’t alright. it wasn’t right. it never would be again. his whole body felt like it was shaking and trembling with the absolute height of emotion, the full fear of loss. but he didn’t pay it any mind. gideon simply kissed her forehead, and smiled at her.

and then he cried. really, truly cried. because he knew what was happening now. he knew and he couldn’t say it. couldn’t even think it to himself. he just... laid his head on her chest. squeezed her hands. tried, as best he could, to keep them warm. and cried. no one would ever love him like this again. no one. she was it. she was his one. the one who made him better. the one who put the stars back in the sky for him. the one who made him feel the sun again. and now... now. oh god. “ember?” he cried weakly. his voice just a mere shadow on her paling skin. “darling?” he finally looked up, but maybe he wasn’t ready. maybe none of this was real and he was just waiting to wake up from a bad dream. yeah. this wasn’t real. she wasn’t really gone. tomorrow he’d wake up and she’d be curled around him loosely in her sleep. she wasn’t gone. she wasn’t gone.

[gideondarby]

emberleland:

seeing gideon look so sad and hurt made ember’s pain so much worse. she was hurting him. she hated herself so violently. “i-i can- can start,” she whimpered quietly. “i’ve had mine written since… since that day i f-found you… d-drunk and-and bleeding…” oh god. oh god. he was gonna be like that again. she was gonna turn him right back into the depressed mess he was. she hated herself.

ember was getting weaker by the second. her voice was so soft and pained it was nearly inaudible, but she had to try. she had to give her vows. “g-gideon, from… from the moment i met you, i loved you. i-i knew you were my soulmate. and- and even when you m-made fun of me, and- and i joked back, i- i could tell we just c-clicked. and we-we’ve been thr-rough so much, i-i can’t help but feel like th-the luckiest girl in- in the world…” she had to stop to cough up more blood. her tears grew stronger. “i’m s-so lucky to be h-here, in th-this dress, surrounded by l-love and- and joy – i have n-never felt happiness before r-right now. i-i know that you and i will always- always be t-together. s-stuck together like b-bees to honey.” her eyes fell shut, just for a few moments. god, she was sleepy. she never felt so sleepy before.

be strong. tell her you love her. you might not get another chance. god. he was crying. actually tearing up. and it was hard to talk. he felt... shock. from this, from all of it, but especially hearing her say she’d had her vows for such a long time. “you knew you wanted to marry me even then? but... why.” he honestly still couldn’t imagine. couldn’t fathom. how someone like her could love someone so empty as he was. with so little left to give. but what he did have, he gave to her every last bit of himself. and he knew she would take it with her when she left.

not if. when. the small and sudden realization of his acceptance rattled him even more, and he took in a sharp breath, hearing and seeing how weak and fragile she was becoming. and it terrified him. it couldn’t be so soon. they had to have more time. but then... he also knew he didn’t want her to suffer. he wanted to keep her. but he knew it was hurting her to hold on. part of her words made him smile, but every time he did it was met with a pang in his chest. there were so many things he wanted to say. i only teased you like that because i loved you so much so fast. i’m the lucky one. even in losing her. even knowing her for this small amount of time. he was lucky. “honey,” he repeated, kissing her forehead and warming her hands with his own. “i never knew i could be so happy until i met you. i never thought i would be this happy or this lucky.” even though he was... god. he was choked up. “i don’t think i believed in people or good or love or any of that more than as abstract concepts before you came along. you... you changed everything for me, love. you’re my honey. my gold. my sunlight.” all he could do now was kiss her through unbearable sadness he was trying to mask. “and i’ll love you forever. i promise. i’ll honor you and cherish you, and, and—write silly little songs about you and dream about the way you look in my bed. i promise to make fun of you, and love you, and make you laugh... forever. and i’ll... i’ll take care of you. i promise. we’ll take care of each other and protect each other and... and we’ll be in love. okay? that’s the promise.” gideon felt like he might be shaking. “ember?” was she even still there? it felt like ages since he’s heard her speak, and now that he thought about it he was petrified to know the answer.

[gideondarby]

emberleland:

“i-i’m trying, i’m trying i-” she whimpered. it was too much, she felt so dizzy and the pain just kept getting worse and fucking worse. “g-gideon, we- we need to get married, r-right now,” she gasped. “i can’t- i can’t promise i-i’ll… just- we need to marry now.” she was fucking terrified. she was too young. she hadn’t been with gideon long enough. this was supposed to happen years and years in the future.

her shaking hand reached out to touch gideon’s chest. she couldn’t hold her hand up for long, but she needed to reach out, speak without words. i’m sorry. she felt fucking horrific for doing this to him – if she wasn’t such a monster, this wouldn’t be happening to them. if she hadn’t gotten so drunk, if she hadn’t slept with zeus… if she hadn’t ruined everything. gideon didn’t deserve this.

i can’t promise i’ll live long enough to wait. she didn’t say it, but she didn’t need to. he heard it in her voice. slowly, he nodded, then lowered his head to rest on her chest with his face covered. just for a moment. he had to process and he wanted to hide in her, but he was being careful not to put any pressure or weight on her. he was just simply... resting. for such a long pause that it almost became unclear what he was doing, his thumb occasionally curling the back of her palm.

and then he finally looked up, and it was clear he’d been crying. not the shaking sobs ember was trying to hold in, but still. tears stained his cheeks and his throat felt raw, clearing it and playing it off like he was shaking his head to wipe his nose and his face. “okay. i’m ready. how do we—shit, i only just started writing my vows. you know i’m a horrible procrastinator,” he laughed, albeit through the bitter sweetness of sadness and trying not to break into a cry. he almost did. his face—-god, he was sure he must’ve never looked so pained. he didn’t want to let her see it, but after a certain point he just didn’t have much of a choice. he was breaking. “i love you so much,” he started, kissing her forehead and lingering for a moment. he was still begging for a chance silently, praying for a miracle, even though he didn’t believe in those to begin with. ember had been the closest thing he’d ever had to one, and now—now it was being taken away. he knew she wanted him to try, but god, how could he. looking at her now—he knew he would never love like this again.

[gideondarby]

emberleland·:

ember sobbed. she couldn’t believe this was happening, they’d only just gotten engaged a few weeks or so ago, how could this be the end?? how could she get so close to the thing she dreamed of? she was in more physical pain than she ever had been, but the emotional pain was almost worse. “g-gideon, you… you have to move on, a-after me, i… i won’t let you be s-sad, and alone, forever, i- i can’t let you do it, i won’t let you,” she told him earnestly through her tears. this was fucking torture.

“g-god,” she whimpered, “w-we’ll never- n-never get m-married.” she coughed into the crook of her arm, yielding more blood and a cry of pain. the sight of his bracelet ‘round her little wrist nearly sent her into hysterics, thinking of how beautiful, how perfect that night was. and how it would never come to fruition. never. never. another sharp stab of pain sent her reeling, her teeth grit and face screwed up in absolute agony. she was trying so fucking hard to keep quiet, keep neutral, but her reactions we involuntary.

almost immediately he shook his head, holding her hands in his and focusing on the instinct to argue to keep from getting sad. or breaking down completely. “no. no, please, please, don’t talk like that. don’t say that, like you’re going to---” and then he stopped. he couldn’t say it. he couldn’t say die. “like you’re leaving.”

but he could be there for her. or at least, he could try, rubbing her back comfortingly to calm her, soothe her, anything. “ember.” gideon looked up at her, stroking her hair away from her with wide eyes. he knew in her mind she’d already accepted it. but he hadn’t. as long as she was still there he had a reason to keep fighting. to keep living. and she was right, there was still something they had to do. “that’s it, then, isn’t it? you can’t go. you have to marry me first. please?” cupping her cheeks, he kissed her forehead gently. pleading. begging with the universe to let him keep her. “stay with me.”

[gideondarby]

emberleland:

she wasn’t going to give up, but she also wasn’t sure how much of this was in her control. hera was clearly ripping her up from the inside, if that pool of blood on the floor was any indication. how much of this would be self-preservation, how much of this could she fight? could she survive every organ of her body getting torn to shreds? she tried to breathe properly and failed, every intake a sharp, tiny gasp. her lungs ached. everything ached. ember was going to die.

and she wanted to be strong for gideon, she did! she wanted to push past this and be powerful, but she couldn’t even breathe without pain, how could she get up and fight? “g-gideon? please, t-talk t’me, i-i’m sc-scared and- and it hurts so- so bad, i-…” she cried, her weak hand doing its best to squeeze his. “t-tell me good things, anything,” she entreated him.

oh god. oh god. he couldn’t do this. he—that was his wife. not legally, not officially, but damn it, she was supposed to go after a long happy life, or, or—or never, if he had his way of things. but there were so many things left they still had to do. so many songs she hadn’t heard yet. places that he’d promised to take her. no. “no,” he cried, painfully and shaking his head into his hands. be strong. be strong for her, he told himself. he couldn’t let her go out like this.

he didn’t want her to go at all. but he couldn’t let her be scared. so he nodded, slowly, grabbing her hands in his own and kissing them softly. “okay. okay, my love. just... focus on the sound of my voice,” he said, lip already quivering but he’d be damned to let her see it. he could do this. he could do this for her. “there was a guy i knew. back in ireland. we were good friends once, we grew up together. me, him, and his girl. they went together like peanut butter and jam, danny and niamh did. but, you know. things took a turn, people moved around. last i heard they’d gotten married and had a few kids, that was just after the... anyway. they went together so well, it was the type of thing you just... know? when you see it? and everybody saw it. everybody knew how good they were, just from being around them. i mean. i never believed in it for myself or anyone else ever, really, but i did for them. and deep down i always wondered what it would be like, you know? to have someone i knew as well as myself. to be so in love with someone that people could tell how strong we were just by the way i looked at them. to be the thing people think of when they think of a pure, genuine love story. and i never really believed i could. i didn’t think i could see myself doing that. being so enamored that i wake up wanting to dance with them in the kitchen for no reason, or being unable to keep my hands off of them for more than a minute, or being unable to sleep without the sound of them breathing next to me. or that i could see myself marrying a girl ever because i didn’t think i would ever love—no. i didn’t think anyone would ever love me like that. and that—that’s how you make me feel every day. you’re my wife, ember. i don’t care that we’re not legally married. you’re my one. and i want you to know that, okay? i want you to know... no one’s ever loved me this much, and i—“ he was shaking. he felt like he couldn’t breathe. this wasn’t fair. “i love you. i love you so much, my beautiful girl. thank you for giving me the kind of love i always dreamed of.”

[gideondarby]

emberleland·:

that phone would ring for hours and it would never reach emergency services. ember could even tell that much- hera was suppressing the call, meant to drive them mad with dial tone. ember waited, shaking, for as long as she could before she finally met gideon’s eyes. and she shook her head. it’s game over.

with the little strength she had in her body, she struggled to even crawl to the couch, gasping and giving up partway through with the effort. lying there on the floor, feeling utterly pathetic and in more pain than she’d ever known. she coughed up more blood- too much blood. there was no way this was a human affliction. “g-gid-gideon, please,” she whimpered. help her onto the couch, help her clean the blood from her lips, help her die.

he was furiously dialing, googling, doing anything---anything at all that might help her. it was better than just sitting there watching her and doing nothing. but the look on her face suggested otherwise, and his resolve threatened to break. “no, don’t. don’t do that. don’t shake your head. don’t.” and now his voice was cracking, and he was stroking her cheek.

“ember!” he got up to follow her, trying to help her up---then came another cough. worse than last time. so much so that he froze for a moment. and it killed him, but he couldn’t not help her. he couldn’t just leave her there. "okay--okay. don’t move too much, love. it’s okay. i’m gonna get you to the couch but you have to promise me you won’t give up. don’t give up on me. please.” deny, deny, deny. everything was going to be fine. he couldn’t handle the alternative. after he carried her to the couch, he held her hand and pulled out his phone again. because he didn’t know what else to do. he couldn’t think---she wasn’t. she wasn’t.

[gideondarby]

emberleland:

ember knew better than that. “i-i feel her, i- i know she’s b-behind this, i know– g-god!!” she wailed as the pain just got sharper the more she talked about the vengeful goddess. her hands desperately grabbed at her stomach, at her ribs, anything to quell the pain. anything. anything. she sobbed and gripped at gideon’s shirt, wishing she could crawl inside his chest and hide from it all. the pain was blinding, she couldn’t breathe properly, she-… she was going to die.

weakly, she found herself curling up, sobbing into gideon’s chest. because she knew. she knew how this would end. hera couldn’t kill gideon, so she waited until it would hurt most, then kill the only mortal in the situation. “i’m gonna die, i’m gonna die,” she gasped to him, her eyes screwed shut.

”okay, it’s okay, hey. you’re okay.” he was desperately clinging to her now, phone ringing in his ear. why won’t they pick up faster? there was no way he could move her, she was in too much pain and he couldn’t stand it. “it could be—muscle spasms, or, or—something digestive. ulcers. all treatable. you’re okay. you’re okay.” that’s all he could say anymore, stroking her hair and trying not to cry in front of her.

”no—no. don’t you dare say that. you are not going to die. do you hear me? you’re going to live, so many long and beautiful days, and we’re gonna get married and have an annoyingly adorable family of our own, and a cozy little house at the end of a street filled with other cozy little houses, and, and—“ god, why was it so hot all of a sudden? he felt like he couldn’t breathe. “you’re going to be absolutely fine. i love you so much, darling girl. you hear me? everything’s going to be okay, i promise. i promise.” gideon kissed her head, willing for help to come faster. for someone to answer him. “please.” was it a prayer? a question? he wasn’t sure. he didn’t even know who he was asking or sending it to anymore. or if anyone was even still listening. ember included. “i love you. please.”

[gideondarby]

emberleland:

the pain just kept growing, worse and worse, until her cries were turning farther away from whimpers and nearing screams. “it- it hurts!! everywhere, it- it’s everywhere!!” she was trying to breathe deep but just the intake of oxygen was agony. she coughed up more blood into her hand, her other gripping onto gideon’s sleeve. she wanted to sob for help, she wanted him to fix her, but she knew there wasn’t anything gideon himself could do.

“d-doctor, call- call for –” she choked herself off with a cry, another ripping stab going through her body. it was so strong it sent her further into gideon, collapsing into him, her knees still on the floor but her top half was essentially useless. so much pain it was almost numbing. and then it lulled, just for a second, so she could feel a familiar shiver.

“hera! hera!!” she sobbed.

that name struck him with a deep sense of fear, but he wouldn’t let her feel it from him. he kept himself calm, rationalized it—it was only a scare, they had no reason to suspect hera’s influence, she was going to be fine. she was going to be fine. “okay. it’s okay, baby, look, i’m right here.” oh, god. anything, he could handle anything but her cries of pain. the sound of that tortured him worse than dying. “i’m gonna get you to the hospital, okay, can you—“ he was panicking. there was no way in hell she could walk. he wouldn’t even let her try it in this state. even though the old him would’ve felt like crying, or drinking, or melting into the floor—maybe all of the above—what kept him strong was her. and the deeply innate need to be there for her.

when she collapsed, he instinctively went to grab her, wanting so badly to protect her. instead all he could do was hold her. he didn’t dare leave her side, trying to soothe her as much as possible while still calling for help even though his fingers were shaking. “you’re going to be okay,” he promised. whether it was more to himself or her—he wasn’t sure.

[gideondarby]

emberleland·:

ember was pretty sure it was only a bug or a cold. she felt pretty woozy and weak for a few days, swearing she’d get over it soon. it wasn’t that big of a deal, it just meant a few more days were spent in bed than going out or having crazy sex. it wasn’t the end of the world, not at all.

the morning came on the fifth day, and ember woke up feeling great. she got out of bed, happy and excited. she put on a nice dress, did her hair and makeup, made breakfast for herself and gideon, and was having so much fun. at the suggestion of a date, she grinned.

“perfect, let me grab my purse!” while gideon went to the door, ember went to the bedroom to grab her purse. as she was crossing through the living room to get to him, she froze in her tracks. a flash of lightning went through her, like something was literally cutting her in half. hera. it could be no other – she had found her loophole. ember let out a cry and dropped to her knees, her hands clutching at her torso- trying anything she could to find the source of the pain. a sharp cough yielded blood into her palm. no. no. no.

it was just a little cold. it’d been a while since he’d experienced sickness---his body tended to heal itself pretty fast. so it was almost strange to see it up close like this. it was definitely worrying. even if it wasn’t anything serious, it was still hard to see the woman he loved more than anything in pain. 

and then the day came when she woke up without groaning or sniffling. at first, he was worried she’d gone off to the bathroom and maybe passed out somewhere, but when he bounded quickly round the corner, he heard humming in the kitchen. and then he thought he smelled... breakfast? almost immediately upon seeing her looking so lively, he clapped his hands to his face, grinning stupidly. you’re up, he’d said, and the rest of the morning went by so smoothly that once they’d eaten and he’d gotten ready for the day, he suggested going out to celebrate.

and it---it’s cruel, really. the way fate seems to tease with a false sense of calm just before the storm.

“ember?” his feet couldn’t move fast enough. it seemed as though everything was going in slow motion. his body was too heavy, the air far too thick. “ember!” gideon’s voice rang out in a cry, finding himself by her side suddenly. time was passing in pieces out of order, and he couldn’t tell real from mirage. “honey?” his hand rubbing her back, he held her steady, brows furrowed in fear. “baby?” every time he spoke, his voice got softer, and a little more scared.

[gideondarby]

emberleland:

she nodded a little, her eyes slipping shut. she was already getting drowsy- honestly she was just too lightheaded to continue anything more strenuous. she could hear the laundry finish, but she was too weak to get up and move it over. she’d take care of it in the morning. “i love you,” she whispered, just so full of love. her rosy cheeks never lost their color.

lightly rubbing her thumbs on his cheeks, she blushed. “wait a moment… didn’t you call yourself icarus? that’d make me apollo, then. he’s one of the good ones too, i think.” she smiles softly, weakly. “you make me happy, when skies are grey,” she murmured with slight melody. “you’ll never know dear, how much i love you… please don’t take my sunshine away…” her head lulled forward to his shoulder and she giggled softly. “now get your dick outta me so i can crawl to the shower or something.”

”well look at you, advocate for the gods. you’re one of the good ones,” he chimed, nudging her face with his nose affectionately. and also a little intrusively, but. he just loved to love on her. and it was true, anyway. the way she still had so much love and light in her even after the cruelness of the world tried to snuff it out of her—it was something he could’ve learned from her. or maybe they were learning to be less sad together.

”i love your voice,” he smiled, before fully erupting into laughter at the next thing to come out of her mouth. “alright, jeez! don’t be so bossy, i might get turned on again.” it was a joke, but also, it really wasn’t. he never seemed to get tired of her. which was why pulling away and giving her her space usually left him with a cold feeling. but tonight, he watched her moving and kept his smile, knowing that he’d fall asleep to her and wake up to her. just as he had every night before. and this time there was no fear that she might be stripped away from him. at least—not tonight.

[gideondarby]

emberleland:

ember let out a moan as he came inside her, the feeling sending shocks up and down her spine. cheeks red and breathing heavy, her hand went up to tangle in gideon’s hair as his face was buried in her neck. “f-fuck,” she whimpered with aftershock. “y-you’ve ruined me,” she continues in her innocent sounds. “m-my legs, my everything- it’s all dizzy…”

she moved and put her hands on his cheeks, forcing him to look at her. “you’re a god,” she murmurs. “i mean the good one. it’s hades and you.”

gideon held her close with his arms wrapped around her, shaking just slightly while he wore her warmth. “it’s okay,” he smiled, looking up at her with loving eyes. he kissed her once, simply because he couldn’t help it. “because now we get to cuddle and rest until you fall asleep. and i stare at your angelic face and feel you breathing against me and wonder how i got so lucky.”

and then he frowned, feeling her hands holding his face. it was hard not to immediately object—mainly because, well, he knew he wasn’t one. he’d tried to be one and that was what cursed him for eternity. and he’d wanted it so badly was the funny thing. now, looking at ember, he couldn’t even remember why. all he really knew and felt was that this was the closest he’d ever felt to being one. to being anything important or worthy. to feeling like he mattered. “you know what that makes you, right? persephone. a light in the darkness.”

[gideondarby]

emberleland:

“n-no, no, you’re so much more,” she promised softly. “you’re mine,” she sighed, the one word encompassing all that gideon was to her, and more. gideon was the love of her life, he was her home, her rock, her angel, her lover, her best friend in the whole world. she kissed him deeply, slowing down just a little to feel everything with as much focus as she could. she didn’t pay this much attention when she was baking; she wanted every single atom of the two of them to be thoroughly felt.

she whimpered, her whole body shaking as she got closer and closer, knowing her finish would be soon. “i love you, m-my fiance, my darling,” she moaned, setting her forehead against his for a moment. her whimpers and moans were growing more and more frequent until she finally came, her head lulling back slightly as her whole body reacted to it, her fingernails digging into his shoulders.

the gentleness and care she took with him was... otherworldly. even when he was feeling gnawing in his chest from his own steady rough movements, her softness calmed him. it was. maybe the warmest thing he’d ever felt; he didn’t quite know how to react. had he ever been loved like this before? had anyone in the world? or was this—her. was it special? one of a kind. he always thought the notion of calling someone the most beautiful person in the world was a nice but glaringly false sentiment. the person being talked about in those loving words were always never that objectively unique or perfect.

and then he met her. the most beautiful person in the world. and he’d fallen in love, and he knew it for sure. he understood. she... she was special. “i’m yours,” he nodded, kissing her temple, and then trailing to her neck, and finally deciding to land on her lips, blinking when he heard her sweet words and her even sweeter moans. and he grinned. maybe it was cheesy, or a bit self inflating, but. it was also the truth. “my sunlight.” gideon held her where she was, rocking against her with increasingly shallow and guttural breaths, groaning out when he felt her body clinging to him in a beautiful finish. he hoped her nails left marks, not because he wanted the harshness present, but he wanted the reminder of what this felt like. he wanted to turn around from her shower in the morning and see her love burned into his skin. he wanted to think about her kisses every time a guitar strap rubbed up against a hickey on his neck. he loved her. he loved her. he—oh. he moaned into her neck, letting his head fall to her while he came inside her, pressing close just for a moment. he never knew something so small and delicate could crush him with the weight of the whole world. that something so pure and innocent could fall on him and knock the air out of him like a violent, angelic war. he loved her. he loved her. like he’d never loved anything. like he’d never loved even himself.

[gideondarby]

emberleland:

this gentle pause of theirs was doing much more to heal ember than she realized. the deep, loving kiss made her feel warm and weak, and she could finally, finally see it. the love in his eyes. she could see it. “god, i…” her words trail off, she’s utterly lost in him. she’s trembling like mad.

when he started thrusting again, her body seemed much more sensitive and aware of what was happening- her whimpers and moans appearing much more frequent. when he moved so they were sitting up, she gasped at the sudden new angle and she started picking up the slack for gideon so he wouldn’t have to work so hard, her hips rolling and snapping into his. “i love you,” she mewled, “you feel so fucking good, you make me feel incredible.” she wasn’t just talking physically.

he could finally feel her starting to relax against him, her body soft and elegant in his lap. this was his favorite way to watch her, but it helped to be able to feel her falling deep against him, too. only. he wasn’t just fucking her. it wasn’t just any roll of his hips or shake of her movements, but it was kisses on her jawline that melted into pressed smiles under her ear. it was the warmth in his hands on her that matched the warmth in his chest. he could say it back very easily, but he almost didn’t need to. it was there, in the very essence of him and her.

but he said it anyways. “i love you forever,” gideon promised, nipping under her ear while his voice sounded almost gravelly in his requests to her. “let go, angel. i know you want to. i’m merely here to help you get off and feel properly taken care of, hm?” and god, even the sound of it—-he was filled with lust in a way he knew was reserved for her. for the hold she had on him. there was no doubt in his mind getting her off would cause a chain reaction in him, and he’d be finishing with her as soon as she came around him. but it was fun to make her blush. especially when he was good at making it sound so innocent.

[gideondarby]

emberleland:

she opened up her eyes again and could see how worried he was. fuck, fuck. she hated herself for backsliding so fast, for going so quickly between being so happy and on top of the world to devastated. she refused. ember refused to fall victim to herself again. not right now. love him.

“i want you to do whatever you want to me,” she replied, her fingertips going up to run through his hair. and then, she touched his face, soft and tender as can be. “i’m sorry,” she whimpered, his thrusts still very much affecting her through her confession, “i-i just don’t know how to be loved, and i’m not doing a good job for y-you. i’ll be better, i-i swear it.” she didn’t take her eyes off of his for any of it- she needed him to see she was trying. she was trying so hard for him.

gideon felt his heart softening again, emotions not easily read on his face. most likely because he was processing, or maybe protecting. he didn’t want to say or do the wrong thing when she was really trying—this was important to him. she was so important to him.

”no, you are. you’re always doing your best, love, that’s all i could ever hope for. and i’m so proud of you for it.” he held her face in his hands, pausing for a moment. he knew she didn’t want him to stop, and he wasn’t going to—he just needed to kiss her and feel her for a moment. and look at her. he did all three, not necessarily in that order, but he did linger on her lips and with his eyes matching hers, stroking her cheek with his thumb. “i’ve never done any of this before, i wouldn’t call myself an expert. all i really do know is that i’m a hopeless fool for you,” he sighed, starting up again and kissing her neck. he wasn’t as soft now, but that was because he wanted to get her back into a particular... headspace, so he was teasing her chest and angling her hips to get her closer than she was before. and he was feeling close, too, but he was kind of liking the way they were doing this right now. instead of flipping her he rolled so she was on top, sitting in his lap and him pushing up to meet her.

[gideondarby]

emberleland:

she teared up. she just couldn’t help it, hearing that phrase, you don’t have to be sorry just for existing, it breaks her on impact, her heart spiderwebbing like a windshield. she kept his gaze as he moved her head, but she said nothing. if ember opened her mouth to say anything she knew she’d fall apart, so she had to just bite her tongue and focus on the physical, focus on the way his body was making her feel.

she closed her eyes because his gaze was too strong, too intrusive, she wanted to escape him somehow. she moaned and rolled her hips to meet his, trying to get really into the physicality of the moment. that would make it all better. right?

she’d closed her eyes and he wanted to frown, wanted to stop and pull her close and just hold her instead of wondering why he was being shut out. maybe he didn’t have to wonder. maybe he knew instinctively that she wasn’t pushing him out, but the feeling of being loved itself. everything he was saying and the way he was looking at her. normally he would’ve shouted at himself in his head, blamed himself or shut down, too. maybe gotten harsh and distant. but. he couldn’t. he saw her too well. even when she didn’t want him to. and he felt everything she felt, whether he wanted to or not.

”you want me to be rough?” he wondered, driving his hips harder against her, but still not lashing out. he was hurt, but not blind. she needed to take her mind off of it. and this was the best way he knew how. so he nipped at her neck again, toying with the idea of flipping her. but he was still waiting for her reaction. it killed him not to tell her he loved her audibly through all of this, because he desperately wanted to. as a reminder. a promise. anything. but he couldn’t.

[gideondarby]

emberleland:

at his nip she let out a squeak- it was involuntary, just the product of a rough motion on a particularly sensitive part of her. all the things he was saying made her want to cry; it was clear he could see how insecure she was about her body.

more often than not she felt like she had no right to feel self-conscious about her looks because she was skinny and what many would consider conventionally pretty, but no one knew the toll zeus had taken on her self esteem. she still hadn’t told gideon what happened those few nights she was with him. she was scared. focus on here, focus on now, ember. she didn’t have a clue how to respond to all of this, so she blurted out an instinctive, “i-i’m sorry.”

”hey, shh. it’s okay. you’re perfect, you know that? you don’t have to do or say anything. i just love you.” and that was the honest to god truth. she could’ve left him lonely then and there for the rest of eternity and his heart would’ve still held onto her until the end of time. he was hers now, for better or for worse. he supposed that’s what marriage really was. not just commitment, but the continued choice to love someone. no matter what.

”you don’t have to be sorry just for existing. if you knew... how much i need you. how much i’ve always needed you.” he smiled to himself, rubbing his hands over her sides and pausing his motions for a moment just to look at her. “plus it’s not just your tits. i mean, look at you. do you know how hot you are? god, i’m fucking lucky.” and he hummed, kissing her nose once before starting up again, tipping her jaw towards him to catch her eyes while he was inside her.