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@gideonthethistlian
thistlian = genderless person who loves men
Gideon (it/they)
32 years old
gender:¹ genderless / genderNo / gendervoid / Bastard
gay-for-men + aromid (quoiromantic² graysexual and demisexual) + relationship anarchist
transgender, transsex, nonbinary, abinary, transmasc-aligned³, helian?maybe?,
flags in header are: trans, gendervoid, gray ace, quoiromantic, and symbol for relationship anarchy (icon is thistlian flag)
You guys need to recognize that the push to treat ace and aro discourse as stupid infighting that never left tumblr is indeed a manifestation of the continued erasure and devaluing of asexuality, aromanticism, and and ace and aro lives in an effort to pretend that the people who did it weren't part of a reactionary hate movement that completely decimated two entire marginalized communities both on and offline.
Like I try to be nice about this but I have seen SO many fucking people being like "lol yeah ace/aro discourse was one thing" and that is deliberate erasure of real and important queer history in service of dodging blame on the parties that did this who, for the most part, never fucking apologized or owned up to it, or, in the case of a few blogs I still see going around, clearly still stand by all of it and just hope you don't point that out, and ofc, no one ever fucking does.
Stop downplaying the absolute fucking devastation the queer community did to ace and aro people and our communities. If owning it makes you uncomfortable, good, go make it right, and start by not fucking lying about what happened, thanks.
Everyone will think I'm crazy, but I cannot stress that an atrocity was done to ace and aro people, and we never got so much as a fucking apology.
I do want to say if you got caught up in this I don't hate you, especially if you learned and changed, because like most reactionary hate movements ace/aro discourse was always presented as righteous and fun, and also it was EVERYWHERE and the people stirring shit were very well articulated. A lot of us were teenagers joining queer spaces for the first time ever and we wanted to belong and sometimes that means hating who the people who already belong tell you to hate. I get why people fell for it, I came close a few times myself when I was at my lowest and most desperate to feel like I belonged again. I get it.
I can't offer forgiveness or absolution to everyone, but you don't need me to forgive you to forgive yourself and move on, and I do think most of the people who got caught up in it have more than earned moving on.
However, what I want is for everyone to stop downplaying it. Don't call it stupid infighting, don't go "ace stuff was one thing but this with trans men is too far" don't claim it didn't leave tumblr or the internet, own how bad it was. If you were there you know, and your history is valuable, so even when it sucks please be honest about what happened. This part of queer history should not be forgotten, and especially not for the people who never really changed and have an interest in making sure everyone thinks this was just some silly infighting.
That's what I ask, do right by us, don't let us be erased again.
Especially because when you forget, when you downplay it, you downplay what's happened with truscum shit, with biphobia, and now with trans masc exclusion. You downplay it and you disguise that it's the same people saying the same things about a new group. I found out about the rise in trans man/masc exclusion because I saw someone saying that trans men are collateral damage secondary to the real targets of transphobia, trans women, and I immediately knew the person saying it was a shithead I should NEVER trust because that is exactly what they said about bi and ace and aro people. Word for word.
You do those who were hurt a disservice when you downplay what happened, but you also make our spaces less safe because if we pretend what happened didn't we can't stop it when it starts again.
And it always starts again.
Reblogging again after seeing YET ANOTHER person say ace/aro discourse wasn't mainstream and didn't leave the internet. People got kicked out of irl queer spaces behind this, stop fucking lying about what happened. At this point more someone pushes the "ace/aro discourse was bad but not mainstream/offline/as bad as what's happening now with [xyz group]" the more I think you have a vested interest in making it out to be not a big deal and that doesn't say anything good about you.
Like y'all claim to be against oppression olympics, but you're still engaging with it every single time you say anything even remotely like "ace/aro discourse was really bad but nothing as serious as what's happening now" and I'm sick of pretending it's not oppression olympics and also not a manifestation of the continued violence against ace and aro people. If the only way you're going to talk about what happened is through downplaying our suffering and/or spreading misinformation about it, do me and every other aro and ace person a favor and stop fucking talking about us.
I want to see more polyamory pride this pride month i'm serious. Stop being weird about people with multiple partners polyamory is awesome and beautiful and queer
@bread-lord-khubz this has the vibes of a legendary post
People need to understand that the point ISN’T “being single is not a failure if you’re aromantic”, the point is being single is not a failure full stop.
You can be allo and be single; it’s allowed. You feeling attraction doesn’t mean your priority NEEDS to be finding romance (it can be! But it also can not).
Being single should be normalized no matter what your romantic/sexual orientation is. It isn’t a tragedy.
damn then it's a good thing none of this ever happens in monogamous relationships. as we all know, jealousy, breakups, and pregnancy were all abolished for two-person couples in 1993 with the passing of the "stable happy marriages 4eva and eva" act.
It's about to become a fucking rule of mine that if you respond to, add comments to, etc. any post about polyamorous relationships with a comment which ALSO APPLIES TO MONOGAMOUS RELATIONSHIPS as if whatever you just said is somehow unique to polyamory?
I'm gonna fucking block you.
Literally 5 posts after this, someone replied to "can you imagine being in a poly relationship" with "I'm glad it works for some people I've seen multiple people become homeless from poly relationships that went badly."
I am not putting the username in bc I'm not putting this person on blast, just pointing out how FUCKING INCESSANT THIS IS and HOW ANNOYING A PERSON BECOMES WHEN THEY DO THIS SHIT.
That is not unique to or even more common in poly breakups than it is in mono ones. Fucking. Stop. It.
I feel like many binary people don’t consider that there’s many nonbinary people who regardless of transition could never “pass” as their gender in a binary world. That it’s just impossible because there’s not a social place for our genders, no matter what we do or look like we will at best be seen as confusing and weird or an *insert slur here.*
And we, as said nonbinary people, don’t talk enough about how exhausting it is. That we will never be casually correctly gendered in day to day public life. That’s not something we get to have. It’s get misgendered or try to start a potentially dangerous and overall socially unacceptable dialogue about your gender and pronouns with every person who *might* address you (impossible). And we don’t talk about it for specific reasons. The reasons is exorsexism
i think ive said this in some fashion before but i think the cure to being nervous about starting testosterone hrt is to know and love trans women with all your heart
the """worst case scenario""" of taking testosterone that everyone was warning me about is that i would take it, go through testosterone puberty, and then want to be a feminine girl again.
luckily all of the most beautiful women in the world also went through testosterone puberty. so basically i dont even need to worry about it at all
Every queer discourse boils down to “I think your identity exists too close to the status quo, and if you hid your identity from everybody and pretended to be a part of this status quo AND nobody looked too closely, you might be able to appear like One Of Them. and since we all hate everybody who has a status quo identity (even though their “status quo” identity is just as personal and valid as anyone else’s and don’t deserve to be hated on) that means we hate you too. And if you disagree, clearly you are just trying to attack people who aren’t a part of the status quo.”
It’s what the biphobia discourse was about, it’s what the aphobia discourse was about, it’s what the transandrophobia discourse is about. Some of y’all heard “nobody should be excluded because of their queerness” and turned it into “Some people should be excluded if they aren’t queer enough” and that’s a big problem. You shouldn’t be trying to get people to prove they’re queer enough. You shouldn’t be forced to out yourself in order to participate in community. “Well what if the cis straight guy gets in-“ well as long as he’s not doing anything wrong, then who gives a shit. You can’t tell who is going to do evil based on their identity. You can’t. It’s only through their actions that you can determine that. That should be the foundation of your belief structure.
Why are you gay? 🎤
Men.
Unconditionally accept nonbinary identities. I am no longer asking
you will not call others theyfabs or theymabs unless they label themselves that. You will not screencap people using bun/bunself and slap them in cringe comps. Do you understand?
if your response to this is "Yeah! Let kids have fun!" You have lost the plot
people identify with xenogenders seriously.
Explaining to straight adults that much of queer history happened within their lifetime and they were unaware of all the extremely important events and how many laws there were to prevent us from thriving because they werent part of queer circles themselves is like...
-leans in close-
How would you like to know about the war in Ba Sing Se?
My dad LOVES learning about the Cold War. It's full of drama. Backstabbing, cross-double-cross, spy gadgets, secret identities. It makes for great stories and as a journalist he loves a good story.
Me: oh yeah, I was just watching a documentary on the Lavender Scare. Fascinating that it was so recent in our history.
Dad: ....the what?
Me:
Me: -explaining that the moral panic of the 50s slowed down in the 70s only to start back up again with the aids epidemic in the 80s-
Dad: I remember that. It was scary times because no one knew how it was spread.
Me: what if I told you... that they could have slowed the spread of it, but chose not to because it seemed like only queers were affected by it and the government didnt see any problem with all of us dying.
Dad:
Dad: okay heres a simpler question for you- what's with drag queens and Judy Garland and Barbara Streisand? I feel like every drag queen I've seen has a Dorothy costume in their lineup.
Me: -deep breath- okay so let's go back to that lavender scare for a minute and how it intersects with the golden age of hollywood...
Me, ten minutes later: and that leads up to that famous picture of a drag queen dressed as Dorothy protesting in front of Trump Tower with the sign that says 'surrender donald.'
Dad: that's a pretty recent photo though.
Me:... uhhh... 1982.
Dad: ... you've been hating that guy since before you were born, huh?
Me: oh man, wait until you hear about my opinions on Reagan.
Me, ranting about queer history:
My dad, just excited he can learn something new:
I feel like many binary people don’t consider that there’s many nonbinary people who regardless of transition could never “pass” as their gender in a binary world. That it’s just impossible because there’s not a social place for our genders, no matter what we do or look like we will at best be seen as confusing and weird or an *insert slur here.*
And we, as said nonbinary people, don’t talk enough about how exhausting it is. That we will never be casually correctly gendered in day to day public life. That’s not something we get to have. It’s get misgendered or try to start a potentially dangerous and overall socially unacceptable dialogue about your gender and pronouns with every person who *might* address you (impossible). And we don’t talk about it for specific reasons. The reasons is exorsexism
i think queerplatonic relationship kinda got the same treatment as nonbinary where people assume its a special third relationship status directly between the romance and friendship binary. which it CAN be but its also an umbrella for "literally anything that isnt quite friends and isnt quite romance" you can be official queerplatonic partners or you can just be something unspoken and undefinable. you can be fuckin homestuck moirails for all i care. its all queerplatonic babey. thats the point.
“Well you wouldn’t be discriminated against if you just hid everything about who you are from everyone”
Hey. Hey. Listen. Come close. Closer. Yeah. Listen.
*blows an air horn in your ear*
it's actually kind of crazy that everyone is sorted into 2 arbitrary categories at birth that supposedly predicts every single one of ur interests, skills, and personality traits throughout the next 80-90 years. and if, at any point in your life, you decide you don't really like this chosen-for-you persona, and you feel bad about being forced to act like it anyway, this is actually a diagnosable mental disorder in the DSM and half the country kinda wants you to die for "having" it. like personally I don't think there's anything mysteriously wrong with a trans kid's brain just because some doctor wasn't able to fortune tell that kid's life by reading the shape of their junk like tea leaves. you know?
who’s up thinking about after the threesome they both take you home by sue hyon bae i’m thinking about after the threesome they both take you home by sue hyon bae
normal time. im having it
