When saying step forward and then don’t look back. To me, it does not mean to forget, but not to be haunted for too long.
“From AIESEC to after-AIESEC, for now I am less than a freshman to real world”
Challenges and new environments these weeks, refresh me but also crash me, a lot, or, more than a lot.Position change, environment change, those are not really new thoughts to me. Cause like every alumni walks by aiesec says that. Yeah and totally true in many ways. But the most shocking and unexpected change to me is that, my passion and motivation toward my job.
I used to think myself as a work-holic, like it is not specific to any kind of job description, I just simply regard working as a way to experience learning, to be self-recognized and make something a better one. And that brings pleasure to me. So it is not too terrifying when one work-holic meets another, devote ourselves hard and we share our pleasure by working together. That is totally the same way, when we see some others love to score high in studies, love to perform music, or love to compete on the sport, it is the same pleasure we gain from those activities, which we value much in our life. Perhaps it’s already beyond love, it is sort of a ‘’drive’’ to move ourselves forward and wanting a thing so bad.
However, this time I felt differently. I found myself not quite involved into my work, or did not really get excited about the work. Not too bad, but just not as crazy as I used to be. Then I realized, I do because I know I have to do, I work hard because I know I am here to experience as an intern, so I gotta try hard as my first job. But despite that kind of rational reasons, I have no enough drive for myself to involve in that much. As if, I cannot devote myself, from the bottom of my heart with great passion, and then turn it into action. It is hard for me to get through when this haunted me for like few weeks.
Then I realized for second time, I do not have ownership now for the company I just currently stepped into it. Yeah but that is natural, just a matter of time perhaps. Also it depends on the culture and mission that company connects with an employee, but I believe I love it. So, what’s next? One of my best friends remind myself that I always need KPI and competition to drive as motivation, at most of the time. And it’s just not the environment is currently creating, or I gotta figure out myself.
And for the last one, perhaps the position change still influence in some ways. I love to do things, with some of my thoughts combined with, I love to have freedom to take in and overachieve every goal set ahead. Some bigger companies will potentially have less stages like this for new employees, not to say interns. Aggregate one by one, step by step, I still keep my patience, but it won’t be as fun as, when you manage the whole product flow, and lead a group of people to improve, and to create things like every time we meet. It is true, somehow past experience as LC EB rocks, but we all have to be honest that, it does not happen often in real world. In real world, it’s natural that promotion to higher management will fix that, which is relevant to a matter of competitiveness, patience, and ambition as well. But then I am thinking, what if I have alternative? Will I still insist on this way, what I would like to live my life and achieve myself? Probably I will need time to think about it.
In current generation, luckily, many of us ,are men and women of choices. If not, we all gotta figure out by ourselves. Life purpose, is often not what others think as correct, but things that we ourselves think as correct. Only condition is that we have already thought and analyze about it thoroughly.
I still got more than a month to go,even a summer will not be enough to me to experience. Live the limited days as unlimited maximum. The environment changes should not change a bit of myself. That’s the point.
