cool girl

[thisishangingrockcomics-deactiv]

It’s hard for me to come back to or look at this blog and think about having an internet presence because I feel so disconnected from who I was in my early twenties. I’m 28, the last time I used this platform I was maybe 22, insecure, dealing with a lot of pain and looking for sources to externalize and project that onto, “reasons for being”, preoccupied with identifying with concepts, virtues, pursuits rather than enacting behavior, which are all a natural part of growing up and coming into yourself though less than fortunate to have relayed publicly. Just something on my mind recently as I think about wanting to share or publish recent work.

This footprint is largely an amalgamation of adolescent “stories we tell ourselves to live,” spending a long time away from it while being judged in earnest rather than reinforcing a self-concept, becoming enmeshed with earnest unrewarded curiosity (I study soil biology), building things to lose and losing them, has left me far removed from the “I am this, I am that, you are this, you are that” tendency I spent formative years cultivating. It can leave you with some bright, catchy things to say and even string together if you’re halfway witty and observational but lacking in true meaning and actualization. Quippy, defensive, ad-copy writing that falls apart at the seams because as long as we know everyone else better than ourselves no one can hurt us.

That’s what’s on my mind right now, I hope you’re well.

[thisishangingrockcomics-deactiv]

To me, 2020s futurism is about recognizing that there are a limited number of resources, human and material, on this planet (less and less of each in our lifetime) and what we do with them or direct them towards matters. Similarly— people have their own limited internal resources, cognitive and emotional, attention and energy, and what we do with that matters. We’re better than mindless tribalized participation in the “take” economy. It’s designed to make you feel like you’re doing something real and participating in something but you’re not it’s just dopamine and ruins complex systems thinking in the long term.

When design or lack of design (like inhuman optimization or digitization that atrophies real world utility, QR codes are so guilty) does not meet our emotional and social needs or reach for overarching cultural goals (community, pride, independence, creativity), it fails us. It’s about learning from but not wanting to talk about or relive the 20th century forever. An end of self conscious, self referential meta-culture in pursuit of what’s next.

I think that’s pretty much where I’m at right now and what I believe in. I was a theory addled doomer for years (probably not a coincidence I was also psychotically depressed) but now it feels like we’re actually starting to shake off the Covid years, it is not too late for things to be better than they are now.

[thechills]

A QUICK GUIDE TO TRANSCENDENTAL HORROR

the ecstasy of the agony by sean t collins / annihilation (2018) / apostle (2018)  martyrs (2008) / jennifer’s body (2009) / the vvitch (2015)

[dct239394cvvd098dffgggp]

i dont think any of you understand how important i am to the plot

[dct239394cvvd098dffgggp]

you can kill me off but everyone will stop watching

[disease-deactivated20210414]

[neoyorzapoteca]

Sour Girl: Jenny Zhang | Office Magazine

[jitterati-deactivated20190311]

womanhood and having a voyeuristic relationship with your own pain

[jitterati-deactivated20190311]

“am i suffering beautifully?” “is my agony lovable?”

[literatigifs]

Maybe we’ll catch up, in a better time.

[girlsugly]

op.....this is stunning....gilmore girls content from one of the best episodes......multi-media mixed beautifully..... completely original art and yet it perfectly fits the aesthetics of the show itself.....a piece that accurately depicts the grass-is-always-greener comparison hell of your early 20s....I'm literally floored......thank you 

[astrolocherry]

[t-e-l-e-p-a-t-h-y]

“If you see beauty in something, don’t wait for others to agree.”

— Sherihan Gamal

[mysharona1987]

[witchinghhour-blog]

Love has been so deeply commodified that we can’t understand anymore what it is beyond flat lists of “what we are looking for” on another person–“handsome” “smart” “good sense of humor”

We think, well, we find an object we are looking for, we buy it. We find a person who meets these qualifications, there! We will make them “ours”. The end

Surface qualities have literally nothing to do with deep compatibility, the ability to reconcile difference in communication, in expression, in experience, and ppl are beyond foolish to think love is as easy as buying something

[weltenwellen]

I wanted the past to go away, I wanted to leave it, like another country; I wanted my life to close, and open like a hinge, like a wing, like the part of the song where it falls down over the rocks: an explosion, a discovery; I wanted to hurry into the work of my life; I wanted to know, whoever I was, I was alive for a little while.

Mary Oliver, from “Dogfish” (via weltenwellen)

[sheholdsyoucaptivated]

“Then he said, leaning forward: ‘You’re strange animals, you women intellectuals. Tell me: what’s it like to be a woman?’ I took my rifle from behind my chair and shot him dead. ‘It’s like that,’ I said.”

— Joanna Russ, On Strike Against God

[days-of-reading]

Maggie Nelson, The Argonauts

[megadonna]

Atelier Biagetti x Gufram

[195195119511951-deactivated2021]

Writer’s block remedy: I remind myself that language isn’t my job. Writing a poem isn’t my job. My job is the human job of waiting and listening, and language is just what poets use—like wind chimes—to catch the sound of the larger, more essential thing. Wind chimes themselves are not the point. The point is the wind.

Wilder Forms: Our Fourteenth Annual Look at Debut Poets