I love this, so imma expand. Let’s say Hondo, Finn, Rey, and crew still end up on Takodana somehow (Hondo is Maz’s ex. This isn’t a question. She’s the Pirate Queen. They’re exes) and Maz still feels it’s best to give the Skywalker lightsaber to the two strongest Force Sensitives she’s met in a while.
Hondo pipes up in the background, “You know, one of my best friends was a Jedi.”
Rey and Finn perk up; without Han, no one has told them anything about the Jedi yet. “Don’t worry,” Hondo assures them, remembering the various Jedi and Sith Lords he’s encountered and the havoc that tended to follow in their wake. He could use one of those lightsabers on his side for once. “Uncle Hondo will tell you everything you need to know…”
In this universe, Rey and Finn both encounter Force Ghosts FAR earlier than canon as Hondo’s “Jedi Lessons” manage to summon Obi Wan and Anakin solely because “holy shit you guys stop listening to him every word out of his mouth is w r o n g/get your damn hands off my saber Ohnaka I swEAR TO GOD—”
Having a lightsaber on his team does indeed help Hondo get jobs done— it’s a bit more of a pain for Finn and Rey, who constantly have to listen to a pair of ghosts bitching in their ear and trying to get them to relay insults to Hondo who can’t see them.
(Bonus: Hondo can absolutely see them, he’s Force Sensitive because come on, how can he not, he’s just a massive troll)
This all comes to a head when Finn and Rey get out of Anakin’s ghost the history of their lightsaber (“Wait, so you cut off your son’s hand?” “I was evil then but that’s not the point”) and how Anakin’s son is now sitting on his ass on an island somewhere.
Finn remembers Poe stressing about Leia stressing and how the Resistance needs more support. Rey’s eyes flash dangerously. “His sister needs him. He abandoned his family?”
Finn and Rey happen to be running with Hondo, the guy with the track record for most successful Jedi kidnappings under his belt.
Hondo has certainly not grown to like his new charges, oh no, he just thinks being on Leia Organa’s good side could benefit him overall.
Long story short: Luke Skywalker wakes up one day to find pirates have invaded his island.
Longer story short: The next day, Leia Organa wakes up to find a pirate ship dumping a tied up, disgruntled Luke Skywalker on her front doorstep. “Now apologize!” Rey bellows from the front gangplank. Hondo blows Leia a kiss while hiding safely behind Rey.
Finn turns from waving happily at Poe to Anakin’s ghost. “Alright. We brought your son back. Can you leave us alone now?”
Anakin pauses, not having expected to have gotten this far. “Well, I’ve also got a missing grandson… he’s Darkside though, not a Jedi.”
Finn and Rey look at each other. They then look at Hondo, who has also managed to successfully capture Darth Tyrannus, Darth Maul, and Darth Vader before he was Darth Vader.
“We’ll see what we can do,” Rey says.
Later, the First Order burns while Hondo and his crew promptly take control of Starkiller Base. Chased up a tree along with Phasma and Pryde and all the top FO officials, Hux sputters, “This is impossible!”
Menacing them from below with a lightsaber is Finn, who smirks. “Impossible? We’re pirates, we don’t know what that word means!”
Rey Force-punches Snoke/Palpatine in the shriveled dick and her and Finn drag Kylo Ren off by the ear.
The next morning, Leia Organa is woken up once more by a pirate ship, this time dropping off her wayward son at the front door in the same manner they did her brother.
After once more receiving an offer to join the Resistance, Finn and Rey decline in favor of gallivanting around the galaxy with Weird Uncle Hondo for the rest of their days.
Hondo is very proud of his children and forever proclaims he taught them everything he knows.
The Force Ghosts facepalm for eternity
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