This blog is all about observing and appreciating the greatest love story never told - the one of Jensen and Jared. Here you'll find theories, stories, pictures and analysis with a side-order of perving. Quite a bit of wincest, too. Mostly a positive blog. ASKS: OFFLINE. Note: This blog is no longer updated. var sc_project=11377455; var sc_invisible=1; var sc_security="6a50e87e";
I know this is probably the last thing anyone wants to hear right now, but judging by what transpired between the Js over Twitter, I can’t help but think it’s over between them. There’s just no other logical explanation my brain can arrive to.
Perhaps in time they’ll work it out, or perhaps they won’t. In either case, I wish them both the best in their private and professional lives.
An Archive of Our Own, a project of the Organization for Transformative Works
Chapters: 1/1
Fandom: Supernatural
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Relationships: Dean Winchester/Sam Winchester
Characters: Sam Winchester, Dean Winchester
Additional Tags: Episode: s15e20 Carry On, Getting Together, Heaven, Happy Ending, I love them so much
Summary:
Just like on the day he died, Dean is surprised it’s today of all days, but he doesn’t question it as he breathes Sammy in. Pulls him to his chest where he belongs, slots them together like a jigsaw puzzle. Just like that, Heaven is a home, not a holiday.
——
A season finale coda in celebration of the end of an era.
I have heard the news from Tumblr and naturally I grew curious - what is the state of this blog? Has anything of mine been tagged as NSFW?
Well. Many of my old posts have. A good amount of them unfairly so, while some of the posts do deserve the tag. I wanted to keep this blog online for archiving purposes, but it seems there is a risk of deletion looming over it, and I’m unsure of how to battle this. I am downloading an export, so nothing should be lost for good, but I can no longer guarantee that my posts will remain visible to whomever wants to read them.
I apologize for the inconvenience, should any of you still be using this blog for info digging or research. As long as this blog is online, I’ll continue logging in every now and again to see if there are private messages waiting. I will not return to the fandom, but I will try to help finding lost posts and the such.
I’m emerging from obscurity briefly to share my experiences from Jib. I had booked the tickets back in July last year, and had no idea I would be leaving the fandom before the event. Despite my lack of enthusiasm, I decided to go ahead and attend the con anyway - there were, after all, a lot of people I wanted to meet, and the prospect of hugging J2 was still very appealing to me. Prepare yourself - this story is going to take a while to tell, and it’s going to be very subjective. I’m recounting my experience rather than listing observations.
We landed on Friday afternoon, and most of our evening was spent meeting my online friends. Beers were downed, laughs were had, and then... grave news were heard. Supposedly con-goers wouldn't be allowed to talk with the guests aside from a “hi” and a “bye.” We despaired over the change of rules - many of us had things we wanted to say during the autograph sessions. Luckily this would turn out to be a rule only for the photo-ops, as we discovered on the next day.
Saturday
The morning started with all of the guests taking the stage and welcoming us fans to the event. I couldn’t refrain from smiling as I saw J2 again! It hadn’t been long since I left the fandom and stopped keeping tabs on them, but it felt like I hadn’t seen them in a lifetime. They looked well-rested and happy to be there. I stuck around at the panel room to view David’s panel - he elicited a good amount of chuckles out of me with his jokes, but I couldn’t stay for the whole duration as there was a Jensen photo-op to be had.
I took my sweet time smoking cigarettes outside before I braved the queue. To my surprise, I was ushered in before the abysmal queue (at this time I hadn’t really thought of the privileges my demon pass would bring me) and I didn’t get the chance to get nervous about meeting Jensen. I walked in, he hugged me and the photograph (on the right) was taken before I had the chance to register what had happened. I quipped my thanks as well as a “I love you,” he winked at me and I was out of the door.
Of course he looked phenomenal, because how else could he look? He also smelled fantastic! A lovely woman I had met outside gave me a tip to take a deep breath and really smell him. Luckily I remembered her advice and did just that. I would later return for my second Jensen op (on the left).
I took some time to be by myself after that. It wasn’t because of nerves or anything like that - I’m merely the kind of a person who needs a fair deal of solitude, especially when I’m exposed to large crowds. At some point I noticed that the corridors had quieted down, and I woke up to the fact that I’m probably missing out on something particularly interesting. After a quick peek at the schedule, I gasped and galloped towards the panel room - the J2 panel was starting! Not the best time to be zoned out at the hotel lobby.
Luckily I didn’t miss anything, and J2 came on stage shortly after I had situated myself.
This moment was right at the beginning of the panel, and it couldn't have been a better start to a panel that surpassed all of my expectations. Fans were asking terrific questions about the show and the brothers, and some interesting answers were provided by the J’s. They appeared to be in a really good mood, and again I found myself smiling at them. I even went as far as yelling out some enthusiastic “WOO-HOO”s. I believe I saw a tender moment between the J’s as a fan asked them to say something nice about each other - Jared appeared to be very touched by Jensen’s answer (”He lights up the room.”) to the question, and avoided lifting his head. Perhaps to hide some moisture that could have welled in his eyes?
Misha joined the panel at some point, but it continued as a J2 show to the end. After the panel was over, I gravely needed a moment of peace with my cigarettes. I met @maspwinj2 at the lobby afterwards, and we retreated to my room to discuss the details of the J2 panel (she is so nice, you guys!). We’d both heard Jared calling Dean Sam’s bae, and I urged her to tweet it.
I skipped the first Jared photo-op session, since I figured most angel and demon pass holders would take their chance to have their Jared ops then. The next session would be more likely to get me past the lines with my demon pass, so I spent the time socializing with my friends. I met with @soy-em as she queued for her Jared op, and we had a brief discussion on how things were going so far.
Next it was time to get my second Jensen op, to which I’d formulated a pose idea - we’d stand back to back, looking seriously at the camera. It’d amuse my boyfriend a great deal, as it’s a pose he does with everyone he has his picture taken with. I once again flew past the queue and got our picture taken swiftly. No specific details remain from this short moment, except that eye contact with Jensen can really do things to a girl’s knees.
Briefly after, I was sitting at Jensen’s panel, listening to him telling stories about filming and writing. It’s always very satisfying to hear a person go into detail about something they’re passionate about, and this is especially true for Jensen. Some personal questions were thrown in the mix, because obviously we can’t have a show-only panel. *rolls eyes* I had to leave briefly to get my Jared ops taken (I was sweating bullets, trying to calculate the optimal time to get there.)
Once more, I was blessed with a short wait and I didn't have the time to overthink about what was going to happen. I was getting two ops done at once this time, and I planned to have a hug and another back-to-back. I was standing before Jared, whom I’d observed happily swooping fans into hugs for a moment. Daniela was in the room with Jared, overseeing the operation.
A happy accident happened when the volunteer was explaining the poses to Jared - he thought we were going for the hug first, and then it would be time for the other pose. I had thought it the other way around, and Jared ended up hugging me from behind. Listen - there’s no way one can get tired of having Jared Padalecki draped around one’s back. It turned out to be a lovely picture, but unfortunately a challenging one to crop myself out of - sorry about the bad clipping!
We turned around for the second picture and I instructed Jared to look angry. He asked me “Really?”, sounding surprised. I only managed a “Yeah.” As you can see, the man delivered beautifully. My spouse was delighted to see the pictures I had taken especially for him - even though I forgot to ask Jensen to look angry as well. I left the room with a thank-you, mentally cursing myself for having had no presence of mind to tell him that I loved him.
I made it back to the Jensen panel, and saw some disconcerting news on the screen shortly after - Jared’s ops had been halted mere ten minutes after I had seen him. He had moved to do an extra autographs sessions instead. I met with my friends after the Jensen panel, and we all seemed to have horrific thoughts swirling around in our heads. After consulting each other for a while, I decided I would go get my Jared autograph to see if he’s alright. I had planned to do that on Sunday in order to have maximal J2 observing time, but this was far more urgent than my tinhattish desires.
The line went fairly fast, and I kept my eyes on Jared. Everything seemed normal to me. Daniela was sitting with Jared, who was speaking with the fans. When my turn came, I handed over my Entertainment Weekly magazine with a J2 picture. I said hello, and proceeded to tell him how much I loved him and how inspiring he was. He looked up at me after signing the picture, surprise in his eyes. I froze for a moment, and then told him I loved him again. I had to get out of the way for the next person in line, and Jared kept looking at me as I walked away. It was strange and I questioned my behaviour for a while afterwards.
Finding no fault in what I said, what I did, and what I had signed, I returned to the group of ladies I’d left earlier. I told them most of what I had seen was normal, but nobody seemed very convinced. I doubt I was very convincing. I recounted the experience in detail to them later that evening over beers. It was time to attend the Jared solo panel.
Jared took the stage, but not alone. Jensen, Rob and Rich joined him. I could tell something was going wrong with our dear Jared, and proceeded to watch the panel with anxiety constricting my chest. Jensen laid out the royal flush of cards with which he distracted Jared - touching, joking, blowing bubbles, pouring him water, playing the guitar... you name it. It took a good while before Daniela escorted him off the stage to continue doing his autographs.
Fans asked Jared some rather good questions about show-related things. We got to see a couple of pictures from Jared’s phone - one of them has Sam lying down, dead, from episode 21. The other one had Jared in a blond wig. Let me tell you, he looked gorgeous in it! Jared seemed tired, and his focus slipped a few times. I felt very sympathetic - it must have been such a long day to them all.
After the panel, a bunch of us gathered around a table for drinks as we recounted what had happened that day. Terrible concerns for Jared were gnawing our insides. Some rumours were spreading on Twitter that Jared had been drunk. Let me tell you - this is not true at all. I smelled no alcohol on him, I had seen neither him nor Jensen trying out the “apple juice.” Jensen’s behaviour at the panel, and Daniela’s presence with Jared made me think that there was definitely something unusual happening. We hoped that Jared would feel better in the morning, and that we’d get to see him take the stage the next day, but optimism was not in the air.
I spent the evening hanging out with the lovely @soy-em, and made her miss the Saturday evening concert with my talk diarrhea. At some point my boyfriend made it back to the hotel, and the three of us had dinner before saying goodnight. Thank you, Em, for the lovely company! You’re an absolute gem.
To conclude some of the things I observed on Saturday:
J2 trust Daniela
J2 trust Rob and Rich
Jensen is as protective as ever
J2 had clearly decided to lay off the apple juice this time
Sunday
The con day started with me feeling really nervous. Would we see Jared today or not? How was he feeling? What was going on? What kind of news would be heard this morning? I took my seat in the panel room and Jason came on stage. “I have some good news and some bad news,” he said. Uh oh. “The good news is that I’m here, the bad news is that the big guy can’t make it.”
The room fell into silence for a beat. I believe I’m not the only one whose heart skipped a beat.
“What are you talking about?” came Jared’s voice, and he entered the stage. Oh, thank goodness. That was so not funny. Jared seemed to be in good spirits, and he explained that his body had given in to exhaustion the day before. He said he had had a hard time focusing, and suddenly it all made sense. My strange auto experience, Jared seeming a little off at his panel... The same thing had happened to me the night before, as I attempted to pay for my dinner with my hotel key card instead of my debit card. Relief washed over me and I sat back to watch the panel, finally able to relax.
Many of the questions were about his “wife” and family, but Jared skillfully refrained from talking about G in favour of talking about the children. As much as was reasonably possible, anyway. One question in particular threw me off - someone asked something to the effect of “Does G get sad when you’re not at home?” Listen, believe what you will about J2, but that’s not the kind of a question you would ask a stranger. My mouth must've hanged open for a while with shock, and I can’t quite recall the response Jared gave. How is it that this fandom has normalized such invasive questions?
After the panel was over, I took some time for myself once again. After a quick smoke, I spent a good amount of time wandering the corridors, looking for a calm place to park. It would be a laid-back day for me, as I had managed to acquire most of my photo-ops as well as my autos (Rob, Rich, Alex, Jared), so all I was missing was my J2 op and Jensen’s and Misha’s autographs. I would have the chance to enjoy panels today, and also spend some time in my room, being a hermit.
I joined the line for the J2 op, queuing for around ten minutes. My plan was to hug Jensen, as those kind of ops seemed to result in Jared draping himself over one’s back. I was not disappointed!
As before, the experience was over very quickly, but not before I managed to say “I love you”s to the lovely men in the photo. I certainly don’t begrudge the staff for rushing us all through as quickly as possible. They were very friendly while at it, and I didn't feel mistreated at any point. Daniela had put together a crew of kind and helpful people. I rushed off feeling victorious - not only had I managed not to get nervous, but I had actually attained eye contact with them both, and said something!
Shortly after, I came across a very J2-fied @mooseintheocean and we talked for a little bit before I had to take my leave to the Jensen panel. She is such a sweetheart! Just as warm and kind-hearted as I figured she would be.
Jensen’s panel started out with a humorous note, as Daniela brought a guest star on the stage - Steve the unicorn! There was some talk of Jensen having to had waited for Jared (while Jared told us earlier that he’d been among the first people to get there - so what’s the truth?). There was some show talk, thank goodness, and some added humour as the spin-the-wheel resulted in Jensen receiving a pair of unicorn slippers.
The panel went by with Jensen and the crowd being in good spirits. He got the chance to talk about some interesting behind-the-scenes things - did you know that the coffee Sam and Dean drink is actually flat Coca Cola? Eugh. Overall the panel was very enjoyable, as I love to listen to the boys talking about filming and character insights. It felt like it ended too soon - listening to Jensen really took away any leftover concerns I may have still had after what happened to Jared the day before.
I queued a while for Jensen’s autograph, but then a familiar face walked by and I asked her what the situation was. She told me that Jensen had taken off to lunch, and I decided to take a break as well. I went upstairs to my room to lie down, and shortly after @maspwinj2 came up as well to do some mysterious crafting for her J2 autos. Try as I might (believe me, I’ve been trying to make her spill the secret for months), she wouldn't tell me what she had planned for the autographs that required such secrecy.
I decided to get Misha’s autograph after the lunch break. I queued for a while before I came up to him with my Entertainment Weekly. I inquired if he was enjoying the convention, and he assured me that he was. It was a brief and polite conversation, and Misha also seemed to be having a good time. He asked me if I was having fun, to which I could only respond with a firm “Hell yes” followed by a grin. I walked off to join jaredlovesjen and cuddlybuck at the panel viewing room, from where I managed to catch some of the Jared & Misha panel.
We had to leave it short, as it was the last chance for us to get our Jensen autograph. We stuck around for as long as we humanly dared, before braving the line for Jensen. Much to my surprise, everyone else seemed to be equipped with hunter passes, so I was escorted straight to Jensen. I dug up my magazine, and opened it to the same page Jared had signed the day before. “Hi Jensen. I love you. Your work has given me years of joy!” I managed. He looked me in the eye and went “Thank you!”
I walked away, feeling accomplished. I’d managed, in my mind, to make up for how ridiculously shy I had been at DC con the year before. At the same time, I didn't feel as though I was ready to step down and leave these guys for good. I hadn't managed to thank Jared for his ever-loyal portrayal of Sam, as I had been half out of my mind with worry on the day before.
I went upstairs and recorded some voice messages to a friend that had requested updates. It was strange to think that the convention would be over in just a few short hours! There was only one more panel left before the closing ceremony, and I wasn't about to miss it. As it turns out, I somehow managed to make myself show up late. A quick peek to the panel viewing room showed Jensen and Misha on stage. I took off to enter the actual panel room, and heard exceptionally loud squealing coming from there. Hastening my step, I came inside to find out that Jared had joined the panel!
I took my seat in a hurry. This was a brilliant plot twist! Jared gave Jensen some balloons, and my heart grew two sizes. It was clear that everything was alright. The three men chatted for a while on stage, after which Jared asked the crowd if he should go. I, among so many others, let out a resounding “NO!” The panel continued with fan questions, which were wonderfully inclusive to all three of the guests. It was a really nice way to end this experience.
It felt like it was only a moment before the rest of the guests came on stage together with Daniela, and the ending ceremony commenced. Daniela announced that there would be another con next year! The hand thing happened again this year (as it did the last), but unfortunately I was situated too far from the stage to see details like this. The guests left the stage as screams and applauses filled the room. It was over. I met up with some lovely ladies outside and hugged @maspwinj2 and mariaARIS3 goodbye as they left to start their respective journeys back home. It was awfully bittersweet - these women had been amazing company throughout the weekend.
To conclude some of the things I observed on Sunday:
The mood was incredibly good and everyone I talked with was having a lovely time
Jared joined the J/M panel, which to me was a manifestation of his well-being
Most of the people seemed thrilled by this development
Jensen was really attentive of Jared, and I could see the heart eyes <3
The Jared and Misha panel was outrageously funny to the point where I was able to see it
I made a hard decision - I wouldn't be attending the Monday concert, despite having the ticket. My significant other, who accompanied me on the trip, had been exploring Rome without me for two days, meeting his friends. It was time that I joined him and saw this wonderful city. I spent the evening with Em, discussing everything between the Earth and the Sun (and CHEESE!), before I bid farewell and soaked in the tub for half an hour. Sleep came easy that night.
On the next day, we took off to Rome and had lunch with Em (@soy-em), smughusbands and kelios. Me and my boyfriend demonstrated to the ladies how Finnish people can drink gigantic beers without blinking an eye. Great conversations and good laughs were had, but it all ended way too soon, as the concert drew nearer. It was tough to say goodbye to all these wonderful ladies, as I had no idea if I was going to see any of them ever again. We took a ride back to the hotel and spent the evening preparing our departure back to Finland on the next day.
“Do you think we can come again next year?” my boyfriend asked me at some point. I was surprised to hear this, since he hadn't even gone to the con. He explained that he had such a good time meeting friends (mine and his), that he wouldn't be opposed to the idea of doing it again. It was really a no-brainer for me to respond with a “Yes!”
So, it appears that I am going to another Jib. It was definitely an interesting experience to attend a con as a casual Supernatural fan, as opposed to a tinhat blogger with her notebook in hand. Believe me when I tell you that none of the shitstorm that followed after the con was visible when I was there. I witnessed no cases of bad behaviour from any of my fellow con-goers, and the atmosphere was very welcoming and inclusive. I talked to so many people, some that I knew from before and some that I didn't, and there wasn't a shred of negativity nor prejudice that I experienced.
Oh, and we were also in the same terminal at the same time with J2, but did we see them? Nope, we didn't even know that at the time! It would have been so lovely for my boyfriend to get the chance to meet them (he’s a Supernatural fan too), but sadly we were far too tired to keep our eyes wide open.
I’m sure this comes as a surprise to exactly nobody, but I am leaving the fandom, effective immediately. I had intended to stay until after Jib con, but I’ve already been here for longer than I’ve strictly wanted to. However, I’ve realized that I don’t have to stay against my will (duh!) - not even if I’ve made the plans to leave after my last convention. The decision is surprisingly difficult, but it’s the only right thing for me to do.
The reasons are numerous, and all of them are personal. The biggest reasons amongst them all are my changed interests (that are entirely non-fandom things), the fact that many of my friends have already left, and that I no longer feel as though I have something to contribute to the fandom. The well has been dry since last autumn, if I’m being honest, and I’ve been functioning on willpower alone. No more. I’m pursuing interests that inspire me to keep creating, to keep contributing, and that cultivate me as a person.
These two(ish) years I’ve spent here have been marvelous and incredibly exciting. I have learned so much from all of you who I’ve crossed paths with, and I couldn’t be more grateful to have had the opportunity to come to know some of you. I’m leaving this place as a more mature and self-confident person than I was when I came here. This is largely thanks to all of the support and encouragement I’ve received from all of you, and I don’t think I’ll ever forget it. It has been a wonderful ride, and I want to thank everyone who ever joined me in it - no matter how briefly!
So, this is it for me. This blog will no longer update, but it won’t be deleted either. I hope some of the things I’ve posted in the past can be of help to current and future J2 blogs. I will be online for a few more days in case someone wants to chat with me, but after that, this door will be closed and I tend not to revisit things I’ve left behind.
Farewell, my lovelies! I will miss you terribly. I wish each and every one of you happiness and prosperity.
god, I got to looking through your JP tag and HE’S JUST SO CLUMSY. KNOCKING THINGS OVER. GETTING STUCK IN PLACES. but for all that I bet he’s the least clumsy bottom in the world. like, Jensen pulled out too far? Jared grabs that dick and guides him back in like it’s nothing. Jensen’s not fucking him deep enough? you’ve never seen a man Jared’s size climb on top, line himself up over that thick, hard cock and sink down with such grace ~
so this moment is really great cos jared literally runs away as soon as he sees jensen unbuckling his pants and jensen is staring so intently all the while but jared can’t, he just can’t handle it
i can see him telling himself “ok jared calm down, think about dead puppies, dead puppies!!” trying to not focus on jensen while doing wtv the fuck on the piano lol
jensen knows this, he never stops looking at jared, he wants to make him lose it im telling ya, and its only when he looks away that jared feels in control of himself enough and what is this super awkward walk when he goes back to the chair?? is he really adjusting his pants? look at his face! he’s not confortable, wonder what happened down there
like jared is that gone for jensen that just barely seeing him unbuckling his pants brings out his pavlov effect lmao, it’s too funny
all i can imagine is when j2 are in private, jensen only has to unbuckle his pants to have jared at his feet, JUST SAYING
