chronic illness/chronic pain is a bitch and today really was the most pain I have been.
idk how but I managed to pinch my sciatic nerve in both legs. The pain was so excruciating I couldn’t even sit. And standing isn’t fun for me either as I also lock my legs normally due to being hypermobile.
Even lying down hurts. It’s definitely gotten better now but I still have the tingly feeling in my legs and hips.
and ever since ‘Even In Arcadia’ album release, I’ve been putting together an outline to write something around the title track.
I wanted to get back into writing, to practice more descriptive things. The whole album is amazing, and I loved how in TMBTE and TPWBYT, all had creatures for each track.
Wanted to visualize the palace. (Arcadia/Eden) and wanted each creature to symbolize different things like a sort of god/goddess type deal.
TMBTE has 12 songs, I compared the creatures to being like the “Knights of the Round Table”. You’d have sanctions where some were chosen to tend to the palace and the gardens, and only 12 were chosen to be the knights that were part of the round table (the deities or gods)
Gethsemane would be an abandoned garden but still kept watched over in case stragglers strayed too far or anything.
I need to do more because I really wanna write something for it. There is a specific lyric line I wanted to use from Even in Arcadia (the title track) as like a swear in phrase when the 12 are selected for the guard.
“I am the final dawn, I am the flood. And what was missing from those scriptures will be written in my blood”
that bsd thing i reblogged, crazy that i posted it, note about taking time to visit passed loved ones and such...
little would I have known, that a very good friend of mine would be tragically shot 3 days later.
i miss him everyday. he played hockey, was the reason i joined the learn to play program he played at. now the arena isnt the same without him. his wife was like a second mom to me. he and his brother both were firefighters, and they all would always give me hugs when at the games.
he's is friend that if and when i get married, i would save a seat for him.
i miss him. I hope your skates are always sharp and you're scoring all the goals ever, man. </3
pairing(s): Oda Sakunosuke, Dazai Osamu x Reader (friendship based)
genre: memory angst
tw: mentions of death
wc: 2k
a/n: hey guys! Merry Christmas (Early)! Odasaku has been on my mind lately and I felt the need to do a Christmas themed thing for him. Unfortunately it’s a little sad, but in a good, reminiscent way. Just know that if you have someone in your family, a friend, or whoever that has passed, take time to one day visit them. it can be hard emotionally or physically for people to visit a lost loved one, but it can also help too. Grieving is different for everyone, and know that You’re never alone. <3
Winter in Japan can be bitterly cold at times, and tonight on Christmas Eve, it happened to be just that. Walking along the streets, not wondering where your feet are taking you, all you could think about was your late friend, Oda Sakunosuke. To this day, you still couldn’t believe the tragedy that befell on him. You always visited his grave, sometimes running into Osamu Dazai, another friend of yours that, too, cared for Oda. To everyone else, Christmas Eve was the final day to make preparations for the holiday to come, but to you, it was your day to talk to him.
trying to visualize an oc for gachiakuta (who i will shamelessly pair with Enjin). i cannot draw at all and wish i could because holy hell i wanna see this drawn LOL
first of all, she will have the hair that kei urana wanted Tamsy to have:
havent decided on color yet. heterochromia eyes (one hazel, the other blue).
facial piercings.
vertical labret, angel fangs, eyebrows (both done, but one brow has 2), septum, bridge, and double nostril (both nostrils have 2 hoops). She also has her tongue pierced.
she is based off the pugilist/monk class from the critically claimed mmorpg, FFXIV (LOL). i've decided her vital instrument is brass knuckles, and when activated, they turn into small claws. She will have her left arm as a full sleeve tattoo that is a dragon, where the head of it end around her neck and the tail wraps around all the way to her middle finger. she will also have the other parts of her left hand and fingers that aren't inked with the dragon to be of bones. (im visualizing here im sorry)
for a better idea of how i'm visualizing her piercings, her septum jewelry will be a pincer style. i like how beautiful the glass pincer jewelry is, and the color of it will be all black and will ombre into a green at the tips of it.
her angel fangs jewelry will be black. the tops will be the ball end, and will be black, and the "fang" part (coming thru the upper lip) will be green points.
her bridge piercing jewelry will be a black bar, with white ends. the pointy kind hehe
all of her other facial jewelry (nostrils, vertical labret, eyebrows) will just be all black.
she does have her ears pierced, main lobes are stretched, and has 3 additionals on each ear.
now as for her vital instrument and her abilities:
as i said, brass knuckles are the item. and that im using the monk class from ffxiv as inspo. in the game, monk has different forms. and combos. she doesnt just punch and shit. she uses her legs a lot too. there are 3 "stances"
fire, earth, and wind.
fire: damage buff. if she enters into fire, her claws will start glowing almost like they're on fire, adding additional power whenever she lands punches.
wind: a speed boost. she'll tend to fall into wind after fire, as a way to cool off, and to prepare herself to transition into her more in-depth combo enhanced drills. while in wind, she'll start doing more hook throws that'll make her more "acrobatic" and start doing kicks (tornado kicks, handstand kicks, flips, etc)
and finally, earth: more like a defensive/offensive use. being compared to the monk class in ffxiv, the class also uses "meditation" to strengthen the chakra gauge which grants high potency attack. when she brings in the earth aspect, she's starting to "meditate" by collecting her strength and grounding herself (defensive) and afterwards, she can use the strength in her legs more for harder hitting kicks.
she doesn't have a certain limit on how long or how often she can change between stances, but she's never tested it in full so she has never tried to cycle through it all multiple times.
she's 27, and short. havent decided on a set height yet but she is short so to speak lol.
she does do a lot of strength training on off days, especially with her legs (if you can see why) but she also likes to do punching bag exercises too to hone in on different techniques.
i havent fully thought of background yet on how she got her vital instrument, or how she became a cleaner, but im hoping this outline will help me progress. i miss writing fics and gachiakuta is super fantastic and i love the the characters a lot and such.
i said so much AHHH
so a lot has happened since my long absence from this app.
got a gym membership late 2023, and started working on myself in 2024. back in 2011 i slipped on ice and injured myself but had no idea the extent of it as it never hurt after that.
while working out and stuff, i noticed some severe pain in my left shoulder blade, worrying me. I scheduled an appointment with a specialist at a doctor office and had xrays and found out my left AC joint (collarbone/shoulder area) was completely separated and had developed bone spurs there as well. they ordered me an MRI (my 2nd one at this point in life) and literally 3 days before 2025, i found out i had something more severe than i thought. 13 years after the injury, i found out i have:
Humeral Avulsion of the Glenohumeral Ligament.
basically, when i slipped and fell back then, i dislocated my left shoulder so hard that it TORE the ligament that holds my humerus together in the socket.
i have the more severe aspect of it, so i need surgery to fix it but american healthcare is a bitch and i cannot afford it!! so im dealing with constant joint pain and have to carefully do things to not dislocate it again lol. Im also heavily double jointed (hypermobile) and have not been diagnosed with ehlers-danlos, but i wouldn't be surprised if i did have ED of the hypermobile kind.
my current job uses a lot of lifting and movement so getting surgery would ultimately make me "retire" it but although i have disability benefits at my job, after surgery i would be no-go by driving for close to 2 months, and would need to do rehab and because its my left arm, our registers have us scan with out left hands so...yeah..
gachiakuta has made me wanna try to get back into writing.
i have ideas for oc but its not solid yet.
i need to read the manga to really immerse myself.
(i love tamsy's design a lot. his hair is just so cool)