listening to champagne coast by blood orange in my underwear,
smoking weed like wiz khalifa,
dreaming of a life so far away.
falling in love with boys too out of reach and hating myself for it,
remembering the way their lips feel on my skin,
tracing stars on myself with my fingers,
wearing a cross and talking to jesus in my dreams.
reading prozac nation alone,
eating chinese food with a lump in my throat,
dancing around the lies i tell.
flowers grow in the ruins of my being,
roses around blood stained shards of glass,
sunflowers overtaking my soul.
after years of wishing for death,
nights of endless tears and unanswered texts,
fingernails dug so hard into my palms they turned red,
to feel the electricity in my bones,
to love again even if it means to lose again,
to laugh in the back of a pickup truck with my friends as we pass orange trees.
after fearing the harsh rays of the sun,
i find my own illumination under the technicolor club lights,
listening to the whispers of the world around me confirming that i am shining.
because when i look in the mirror,
i don’t know the boy, man, person, thing staring back.
but out of my rib cage i break free.
i do not need to be palatable.
i don’t need to be something i’m not.
barbed wire for thoughts,
and a wild wolf for a heart.
maybe this is what it’s like being a teenager.
sneaking out to watch the stars,
smoking cigarettes with my friend at the football field wondering when it gets better,
drinking coke under the scorching sun,
staying up all night reading,
loving until i’m bleeding.
maybe this is what it’s like being human.
or maybe this is just my life,
the only thing i really have,
what a beautiful thing to own.
i think my life is my poetry,
and it bleeds out of me with fervency.
this display of madness called living.
drink up the light and the darkness as if it were nectar.
even though it whips me like the oceans stormy currents.
i think i still might hate myself..
annaxmalina
tangentwithtanner
gummygunk
jacobvanloon
blakekathryn
dailybridgerton
areudirty
