Andrew?

Andrew | Malaysian | 30 | Mess & a half |

[gloomiersteak]

i only reciprocate. I do not stay in place where i feel like i’m not wanted. But then again i dont make effort for a rs

[gloomiersteak]

我给钱刷礼物。为什么我还要开导。要换爱播了？

[gloomiersteak]

It’s like i’m in the backseat watching me driving my life into a ditch. Why am i not working? I’m going to lose my job and fail out of the phd. How hard is it to just write?

[gloomiersteak]

I think a lot of people are friendly. I’m just not living my authentic self therefore i have issues to form meaningful relationships and maintain them. Hiding this and that all the time, putting up a different front for different people just creates a gulf between me. It also tires me out always having to think and perform, so after a while i distance myself just to rest.

[gloomiersteak]

Just thought of a new way to un alive. Dry ice in a sealed room. Sounds plausible

[gloomiersteak]

Why do i always get intense feeling of guilt and wanting to unalive after sex

[gloomiersteak]

When i said “no worries about replying. Dont stress it” i meant “reply whenever, no need to be immediate” not leave me for days and reply one sentence with nothing else to keep the convo going.

I’m not a social person but i’m trying to move this conversation along. i’m feeling very defeated with max effort, no reward.

If you dont like me, just say so, so I dont have expectations. 😞

[gloomiersteak]

I’m writing down his likes and dislikes. I-

[gloomiersteak]

When will i stop compartmentalising my posts and just put it all in one acc? It’s tiring that i gotta post in a diff social media acc every other thought i have.

Like oh gay? Must not be on facebook or instagram.

Oh horny? Must not be on my main Twitter or my bl acc

Oh rant about horny gays? Must not be on my horny gay acc coz they be drama there too. Listening in on people convo in “Space” is a mistake. They form clans and speak in code and shade people. This aint what porn twitter is for sis.

And here i am back to tumblr to rant when i cant elsewhere. It’s tiring hiding parts of me. Will i ever be free to be me fully? (within logical and moral codes of course, not buttnaked in a park).

[gloomiersteak]

Gay world is so strange. I enter anon/alt twitter space to listen and leave with new insecurities. I cant do anything about my voice sis

[gloomiersteak]

Haters will say this is fake

[gloomiersteak]

Are you lost if you dont have a destination?

[nevver]

Dancing with Death, Melchior Grossek

[gloomiersteak]

[gloomiersteak]

Hi

[myselfsquared]

✨ Star-Fallen Animated Short ✨

Bonus: They’re fine they are happy, no gays die, I will never ever kill my gays.

[acecroft]

be like ripley, don’t break the quarantine

[fluffmugger]