I’m a 25 years old gal and i live in France! I love playing video games, drawing and reading!
@succarine is my main account, but i only use it to reblog random/funny stuff!
This blog will be used as my personal blog so no serious stuff will be posted here, only my current 'fixations' and some babbling over it! (and maybe some art here and there lol)
Also, english isn't my first language, so i apologies in advance if some sentences may sound weird ! Don't hesitate to tell me if you don't understand what i'am saying !
I'm feeling good for the first time in a few days so I'm gonna just go ahead and reveal one of the mysteries of the universe to you:
How do you make your writing flow better?
It's simple! Stop making your sentences juggle. 🤹♀️
In a novel, just like in a speech or a conversation, each sentence is a thought. Writing has good flow when it feels like the thoughts are chained together naturally. And, by extension, writing feels clunky when there's too much going on in each sentence.
Example time!
"The sun sank in the horizon as she turned the key in the lock of her apartment."
This sentence is not the worst in all history, but it can use with some clearing up. What is the purpose of this sentence? Right now it's juggling two things at once.
The sentence establishes the time of day AND that the protag is entering her home. There are ways to make those two work together, though I'd argue that before you start re-writing you consider the following:
"Would this passage be improved if I split it into two sentences?"
This is not a *hard* rule, but it begs stating:
There is no long sentence that wouldn't benefit from being split into multiple, shorter ones.
What if you split a sentence (such as the example I provided earlier) and you realize that, when broken up, the sentences are not saying much? What happens then?
If a sentence doesn't say much, you can add more to it to complement what you meant to say. Or you can cut it!
Either way, you can't make your story flow better unless you really zoom in, question what you're saying, and focus on clearing up your message.
Wanted to draw a bit and practice on drawing characters with plump bodies and since i’m very much into Ouroboros, @honeypeabrain ‘s IF, i decided to draw some more Marie in her working clothes (without the hunter gear and all that stuff)
I'm definitely going to draw more Ouroboros stuff! Gotta practice drawing buff men and women now (and armor for my beloved mist man)!
After discovering @honeypeabrain's amazing IF, Ouroboros-IF, i couldn't help myself to draw my MC!
I have replayed the demo like 5-6 times (maybe more) now because i love it so so much, so i decided to create my MC (will update it with the progress of the story, i'll also make a proper character sheet later for her.)
Name: Marie Villivent
Appearance: Human female.
She has familiar, soft and rounded features compared to the other species.
Body: Plump
Height: Short
Skin: Pale
Hair: Mulled wine long, wavy hair
Eyes: Blue
Here's Marie, she was the leader of a travelling mercenary band! She's short (something like 5'1/1m55) and has a plump body; i like to imagine that she used to have a rather musculated body during her time with the Hunters but decided to let herself and her body rest during her retirement. Oh, and she got piercings!
Personality: Marie has unfortunately been accustomed to hiding her true self to protect herself, when surrounded by strangers, she seems stoic, observant, serious and almost shy. But when she is surrounded by friends or colleagues, she is sweet, fun and mischievous.
I see her as a 'Melancholic' and 'Phlegmatic' type of person: She is a very caring person as she tries her best to help others when needed, often putting others before her. She is seen as someone approchable and rather friendly even if she has a natural frowning face when thinking or just daydreaming.
During her time as a leader for the mercenaries, she learned to stay stoic, neutral and independent so she doesn't get stepped on.
However, don't push her buttons too much, unless you want to have a free, natural dark eye shadow that will stay on for a week or two.
Speaking of buttons, she, however, loves pushing them just to mess with others for her own amusement, claiming it as 'friendly teasing'. (if she likes you, you are in grave danger, she’s a menace.. She will tease you mercilessly, and when she will be done, she’ll be as soft as a butterfly with you)
Besides that, she is constantly afraid of being forgotten or no longer needed by the people she used to be close. Taking her retirement was some sort of 'self-punishment' by isolating herself from the world.. Waiting for something or someone to save her from her eternal brooding..
Random fact: She has learned many ways to whistle and imitate creature calls (she is very proud of it and likes to brag about it even though some of them are really not very good...).
Random wish: She dreams to have her picture in someone's locket necklace oneday. (she's a hopeless romantic okay, she just want to be loved)
As I said... I love Siobhan's art... characters always look smooth and they are always very well balanced
But it's just... boring to see so many stories with same art... if it is themed like the arcana, then it's ok, but fictif started with 4 stories with 4 different art styles and that's kinda... missing now
It also started with 4 stories where you had a route for each LI and you could enjoy more of the time together without just using stars to have some alone time with them and get to know them...
...I guess it takes less time to write one chapter with all LIs than coming up with different content for 3 or 4 different LIs...
i just finished the last chapter of 'Isle Of Enchantment' and now i'm just wondering which character we'll meet next and which book they're from? Maybe Pinocchio? Alice in Wonderland? Merlin from The Sword in the Stone? Robin Hood?
Sooo.. I just started 'Isle Of Enchantment' on Fictif because i was curious and the characters looks attractive as hell.. But some stuff are bothering me and it turns me off a bit (please keep in mind that i'm only at chapter 1, this just my first impression)
Also, what i'am about to say is only a personal opinion, i know that some of those things are here or made like this for a reason, this is just me telling my thoughts.
I respect the people that worked on it.
>Long post incoming and spoilers<
I really like the artstyle, and the characters design are really neat,, BUT, in my personal opinion and taste, i would have preferred their design to be more pushed. Let me give you some example:
>Rogue is the wolf in 'Little Red Riding Hood' but in a human form, he lives in the woods, he hunts and his fashion style is "Hunky Woodsman".
I think his design would have been interesting if they would have made him more "beefy", a bit like Lucan in Last Legacy.
I think his outfit is a bit too simple for my taste, just a black blouse, a pair of classy pants and boots (i think)? Nah dude, aren't you supposed to survive in the woods?
Anyways, let's say that after all, he's more on the classy side. Give him more accessories. Like a nice belt, a long earring, some rings or even a fringed shirt.. Anything. But maybe make his design less empty?
>Now, Captain Hook, she is, well, Captain Hook in the Peter Pan story. She is a pirate and her fashion style is "Pirate Queen".
She is missing some accessories! Where is the gold? Where is the 'Queen' in 'Pirate Queen'? Give her the famous white blouse with the neckline that everyone drools over when a character wears it, she would look great in it! Or on the contrary, give her classy pirate clothes, just like Captain Hook's original design; give her the infamous hat with the feather on it!
(i'll draw some of my ideas when i'll be done with my school stuff)
Now, about the MC, the writing and all:
>The backrounds are amazing, the musics are bomb. It puts you in an instant mood of adventure so that really cool!
>The writing: well, everything went so fast, maybe a bit too fast (almost rushed) but that's alright. I was expecting to have the first chapter to be more focused on Rogue and the woods, but nope, we met two love interests and they seem to already like us (it feels like they are already seeing us as friends), we know our goal and the plot of the story.
I just wish that some interactions were more "realistic", like when Rogue tell us to not talk to any stranger while he gets something, he legit turn his back for maybe 5 minutes and he finds us almost pinned to a wall when he comes back. I was expecting for him to tell us something about it like: "we're lucky it was only her, next time i'll have you to follow me everywhere for your safety." or something.
>The MC: Another naive/perfect kidnapping trope MC, and because of that, some of the dialogue makes me cringe and makes me scream internally "why would u do/say that??"
In conclusion, i'm neutral on it, it feels too early to judge the whole story/plot but for the moment, i'am not convinced and i will not spend any of my stars on it :/
Also, please NH, focus on the stories you already started and finish them before starting new ones.. :(
So i had this idea for a while and i was wondering if you could write the M4's reaction to LoS kidnapping the MC and later on, realizing that LoS is forcing the MC to marry him (you know, like those clichés where the villain is marrying a character by force so he can have access and have a hold on their magic and becomes stronger)
I find this significantly funnier if it's all the M4 together at once. Colored bullets are romantic with the LI of that sentence (Felix, Anisa, Sage, and Rime).
GN!Reader, MC Took The Braincell With Them, Mostly Light-Hearted
Okay but imagine that,, like it was the middle of a battle and you're all fighting and suddenly these dark tendrils wrap around you and lift you off the ground and jerk you over to LoS and they're cinched around your throat and curled over your mouth so the most you can let out is this choking, muffled scream and you're just,,,,,, gone,,
Obviously everyone is freaking out.
Felix is pushing himself well beyond the brink of exhaustion trying to find a spell he can cast, a potion he can brew, a god he can invoke, anything that will help
Anisa is broiling in a pit of self-hatred. Her father did this. She let this happen. She's your knight, she was supposed to protect you. How did she let this happen? You would have been better off if you'd never met her.
Sage is trying to keep from letting his corruption overrun him but it's hard. It's hard 'cause he's never felt this level of rage before. He's going to save you, and anyone who gets in his way will be ripped apart.
Rime is seeking out every single ally he used to have on LoS side, every single favor he was ever owed, anyone who will listen. He knows what kind of man LoS is, better than the other Starsworn, and he won't let you suffer there for a minute longer.
They're all willing to do whatever it takes to get you back.
Except they're all really stupid and panicking and can't work together because they're so all over the place so there's that
Surprisingly it's Felix that takes the leader role. Anisa can barely remain conscious because of how much she's running around trying to find answers, Sage can barely get out three words before starting to growl and snap, and Rime is too busy consorting with shadows and corrupt politicians to even wear his shirt the right way, much less organize the rest of them.
,,, Felix doesn't like taking the leader role all that much. Responsibility and pressure just isn't something he contends well with.
There's a lot of fighting between Sage and Rime. Some of that strangling has to be sexual at some point.
Anisa is mostly panicking and crying and blaming herself, always blaming herself. She didn't want to lose you and look what happened! LoS wanted you even back then and she didn't do anything to stop him. But not again. This time, whenever he comes back, she's putting an end to this. She isn't losing you. She can't.
Sage has to calm himself down a lot. You'd probably be real sore with him if he went all crazy and beat up Rime. So when it gets to be a little too much, he goes into your room. Curls up in your bed. Buries his face in your favorite pillow. Tells himself everything will be fine. He doesn't believe it. But he has to tell himself something.
Rime gets nightmares a lot. He can't help but wonder,, if he hadn't worked with LoS way back when, would this be happening now? Would LoS have taken such an interest in you? Probably. You're powerful, more powerful than you maybe even realize. But he can't help feeling this is some sort of universal punishment. Do the stars have to hate him so much?
Felix thinks you'd be proud of how he's handling this. No breaking down, no withdrawing from everyone around him. He's focused on his objective and not letting despair overtake him. It's hard. Gods it's even worse than when Rime died, because at least Felix knows what happens in death. He has no idea what's happening to you now and that terrifies him.
For two weeks they're desperately trying to find a way to get you back. And then Rime hears something through the grapevine;
LoS is forcing you into a marriage so he can steal the power of the Astrolabe.
.......
Anisa, Felix, and Rime all have to sit on Sage's back to keep him from storming out right there and now
Felix has to use a spell to knock Rime unconscious because Rime is Bouta Fucking Lose It and start sending ice spears everywhere
Sage just picks Felix up from under the armpits because Fe is trying to open a portal except he doesn't know where he's going so who has any idea where he'll actually end up?
Rime has to catch Anisa because she's so scared and angry and sick and exhausted (gods she's exhausted she hasn't slept in two weeks) that she just curls into a ball and starts crying and won't talk to anyone for a good several hours
Luckily, Felix is able to use a tracking spell to find the Astrolabe, meaning he can find you. The Starsworn struggle to come up with a plan because One Person In Particular wants to just burst in and won't actually talk strategy
They decide that Felix and Rime will open a portal and Sage and Anisa will grab you and run. Simple but effective.
Ten minutes before the ceremony is set to start, a portal opens in your dressing room, and all four of the Starsworn stumble into your room. You are,, in a stunning outfit of elegant black lace and dark chiffon and ribbon and you stepped out of a gothic dream
Do I have to say it? You're hot and your partner knows it. And despite all the terrible thoughts and fears they were faced with a second ago about what tortures you've endured, I mean,,, like right now those are all out the window because holy shit you're a sight to behold and some of them are getting hornier than others.
*looks over at Anisa* 'I can't believe I got [ ] this close to becoming your step parent' 'MC that's disgusting!!' 'YEAH HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL HE'S THE ONE THAT POINTED IT OUT '.... well that's disgusting.' 'Y E A H'
Anyways you reveal that you technically could have left basically,, whenever because the Astrolabe can open portals and ,,, you wanted but you were busy getting information,, also LoS had a bunch of Earth snacks and you had to steal all those. As you're explaining this you're snacking on some pockys.
Anisa is still upset so you feed her one
Felix is too busy hugging you to even notice it honestly
Sage also wants to eat one but only if you do the pocky game
You offer Rime one and he smacks it out of your hand because How Are You Snacking Right Now
Anyways now you're having to hold back all four of your dumb idiot friends because they all wanna square up against LoS. Luckily the Astrolabe is extra friendly today and helps you open up a stable-enough portal to get back to Fathom.
For the next,, like,,, week,,,, you cannot get any alone time. Someone is always watching you.
Felix is constantly putting protection spells on you.
Rime is constantly putting warding spells on all of the entrances, exits, windows, secret passages, etc.
Sage will growl at anything and anyone who gets too close to you, even the other Starsworn.
And Anisa still feels incredibly guilty, no matter how much you tell her it wasn't her fault. But when you hug her tight and thank her for saving you, well, that helps a bit.
