Eyyyyyyy

Gage | Bassist | Lifeguard | Wrestling | Swimming Instructor Snapchat: elem_egag You do you, I'll do me

[under-the-arch]

[indagold-orchid]

A scientist actually wrote this. 

[hollowtones]

and every day i am thankful that they did.

[somecutething]

[carnival-phantasm]

Every apex predator, looking at a capybara chilling: “…nah, I can’t eat this dude, that would be fucked up”

[slbtumblng-deactivated20221210]

[raejin99]

[divascreech]

I just wanna s*** some d***

[sawsbvck]

HOW MANY DOGS ARE YOU LOOKING TO SELL

[spacetaters-deactivated20200722]

ok but can we like start a petition for Cards Against Humanity to make a John Mulaney themed pack because i would be willing to spend all my money on that

[taylormademagic]

Suggestions:

Black cards-

• THERES A ______ LOOSE! IN THE HOSPITAL

• Eat ass, suck a dick, and sell ________

• Canceling plans is like ________

• Do my friends hate me? Or do I just need _____

• You have the moral backbone of a _______

• I’ll keep all of my ___________ right here and the one day I’ll die

White Cards-

• what’s new pussycat played 7 times followed by its not unusual followed by what’s new pussy cat

• smoking cocaine the night before your college graduation

• a 28 year old healthy man trying his best

• one black coffee

• STREET SMARTS

• shushing animals even though they’ve never spoken

• Delta Airlines

• the one thing they can’t replace

• an on fire garbage can… could be a nursery

• a sea of drunk toddlers

• a pre- y2k asshole

• Xanax

[hoardofhyperfixations]

Do my friends hate me? Or do I just need what’s new pussycat played 7 followed by it’s not unusual followed by what’s new pussycat

[an-anxious-gay-mess]

Eat ass, suck a dick, and sell the one thing they can’t replace.

[cyncity2000]

THERE’S a sea of drunk toddlers LOOSE! IN THE HOSPITAL

[emilyenchanted4]

I’ll keep all of my STREET SMARTS right here and the one day I’ll die

[mcdonaldsmcdonaldsmcdonalds]

I have more suggestions!

Black Cards-

Anyone who’s seen my ______ and met my parents needs to die.

Everyone get out of my way! I just want to sit here and feed my ____!

I am very small and I have ______, so you can imagine the amount of stress that I am under.

You could probably pour _______ into my lap and I’ll probably apologize to you.

We don’t go to jail for ______, you silly billy.

Too old to be ______, quack quack!

White Cards-

a Tall Child

Ocean’s Eleven, but with women

the thing I’m sensitive about

a Best Buy rewards card

a meal voucher that doesn’t work

a secondary location

[punsandfingerguns]

More black cards

Why buy the cow when you can get ______ for free?

We bought a ______ for our dog

Was there ever really a ghost mother? Or was the little Victorian girl just ______ all along?

My wife is _____ and I love her so much.

Because we’re _______ and life is a fucking nightmare!

More white cards

Petunia the french bulldog

Bill Clinton standing outside the library to walk you home

A proud Asian American woman

Summoning Diet Cokes just to throw them at people

Some Dutch prick

These new Nazis

Getting nervous on airplanes

A protest of midgets on this building

[rosesnbliss]

enjoy yall

[the-clown-wars]

[cadaverofdays]

Darryl for most underappreciated character

[invaderxan]

[powerfulwizard]

Me: Hi

Bisexual character written by a straight person: Oh! I don’t like labels. I don’t like to pick sides. I just like people. I like to shop at two different grocery stores. I like to eat at Burger King and McDonalds, if you know what I mean. Let’s just say I wear two different socks. I prefer ketchup AND mustard on my hamburgers. I’m just gonna say that I own two different pairs of underwear. I don’t want to be like one of those people, but how about I just say that I like to drink my coffee from two different mugs?

[wang--fire]

Bi person irl:

[sprachtraeume]

I wanna move abroad so bad to the point that I sometimes feel like it would solve all my problems, as if I would not be just as lonely and unloved but in another place

[sprachtraeume]

[ghostofgogu-deactivated20161116]

that gamer feel when……ur gaming

[sorryfortheraybans-deactivated2]

explain

[ghostofgogu-deactivated20161116]

only gamers will get this

[versacetbh-blog]

i literally dont talk to anyone unless they talk to me first

[viewtiful-kim-deactivated202105]

NPC Energy

[rah-bizzle]

Recently I was in a public place, chatting quietly with my friends, and this unattended child came out of nowhere and asked me to clarify one of the things I’d said. So I explained myself to this kid, and as soon as he got an answer, he turned around without saying anything and continued on his way. It really felt like he’d just walked up to me and pressed A. 

[crustrocket]

20,000 flies tied to strings pull my lifeless body into the sky

[madelyn-mads74]

You would not believe your eyes

[acidpanter]

Unpopular opinion:

Not all dogs…

Are good boys.

[acidpanter]

[acidpanter]

Sometimes…

They are good girls!!!!1!!

[ohbuddyboyitssmueer]

UNBLOCKED

[thebestoftumbling]

[marauders4evr]

THIS SHOW IS SO PURE!

It’s worth noting that Kenneth spent the entire episode making the game (and the subsequent fight) as inclusive as possible for JJ and his disabled friends (all of whom were played by disabled actors/actresses).

[marauders4evr]

BONUS:

[marauders4evr]

Bonus #2

Of course I had to show the best part: