mostly a mess @rosesnbliss - Tumblr Blog

What do I want?

I want the skies in my hands, the sea breeze on my sunkissed skin. I want the wind blowing by your hair, a vision of an ocean behind you, I want fresh fruits and new flowers on a rainy day, a home away from home with you. I want to run through meadows, your hand in mine. I want you, your dark eyes like a storm cloud, holding stars and lightning. I want your smile bright as the sun, hair wavy like the tides.

I don’t want to be alone.

05.29.20 // stay with me // k.l.

#wlw #lesbian #lgbt #lgbtq #gay #poem #writing #write #poetry #romance

tiredacademia

I would do anything for you, ma.

I would cross oceans, destroy my heart over and over for you. I can already feel it rotting in my chest, full of salty tears and words that have gone unsaid and unheard.

And yet, I will still never be enough for you.

05.26.20 // love me // k.l.

tiredacademia

I’m sorry I’ve hurt you.

I don’t truly know myself. I lost myself too many times in the past, the pieces scattered like stars in the sky, like a shattered mirror, a thousand shards and a thousand drops of blood on the ground that should’ve held me steady.

Please don’t leave me — don’t leave me like the rest.

05.26.20 // poison control // k.l.

tiredacademia

Three mothers.

I had three mothers, the first who birthed me, the second who raised me, and the third who raised me after the second.

First mother, you left me so early. Why? Was I not good enough for you? What could I have done at age three that made you hate me to my core? I barely remember you. I barely remember your face back in those days. Then again, I barely remember the majority of my childhood. Now, we fight.

You came back after my only father’s death, the funeral home cold, blasting A/C, mourners around me dressed in black. They didn’t know him.

You called me, you let me see my brother, and you took him away once more. I can’t even remember the call — everything that week was a haze.

I wish you never came back.

Second mother, you were hired. Gold was not unfamiliar under my family name, wells of cash and wells of debt racked up in different parts of the family. You loved me, I think. Some twisted part of you did.

I was little, drawing a figure — a home. It was you and I, alone, because that was what it was back then. A little girl and a paid nurturer. A glass of water tipped over, drenched you, the carpet, the edge of my oslo paper. Rage made you shove me to the ground, scream at me, tear up my drawing, sheets of paper drifting in the air above me, destroyed. I worked on it for weeks.

Did you love me? A month after my only father passed, you left me too. You had your own child, your own blood. Did you love me? Did you love the money? Was that what I was to you? A paycheck?

Because I adored you.

You were my saint, even when you taught me fear, deceit, confusion. Even when you left, I thought you’d still remember me, some part of you must’ve still loved me.

I was wrong.

What was I? Why was I so easy to leave behind, so easy to be left to rot, to forget?

Third mother, you loved me, too. I know that, and I’m sure of it. You just didn’t know how. You cannot fathom the hurt in my heart after you changed, after your son’s death, your son who was my father.

You were my one true hope of love that wouldn’t hurt.

There were days full of ferocious laughter, of grins and jokes, bright eyes. There were stormy days, the days when you told me I would never be good enough, that I wasn’t normal, that I never made you happy.

I would have done anything to make you love me. I spent days and nights wide awake, weeks without sleep, chasing grades that would please you, tried to break myself down and rebuild my image for you, again and again, each time more painful than the last. You begun the deadly chain reaction within me, a nuclear bomb in the making. Still, I was not enough.

I did not make you happy, but you said you loved me, that you did everything to make me happy. That I was ungrateful for my grief, for my depression that was a sea, surging, always at high tide, threatening to consume me, drown me.

You cradled me like a child in your arms, as I screamed quietly, tears trailing my cheeks, panic seizing my heart. You cradled me, and said, why can’t you make me happy? Why can’t you just be happy?

I don’t know.

I’m so sorry I was not enough. I apologize for my tears.

In my nightmares, your disappointment haunts me — your pursed lips, your sharp tongue that drove my heart into a pit of insanity. You hurt me worse than abandonment could ever, worse than any beating. You guided my destruction, the scars on my wrists and thighs, red and pink, paler against pale skin.

Never enough. A label branded into my skin. I was hurting, and all my mothers rubbed salt on my wounds, goddesses in my eyes.

I am terrified of all of you, and yet I long for it. I long for the hurt. I long to be in your arms, even if that meant broken skin, a broken heart.

I still chase after you all, for your love.

I run a losing race.

05.24.20 // losing race // k.l.

#poem #writing #write #tw #family #childhood #vent #memories #quotes #secrets #self harm #trigger warning #child abuse #tw: child abuse

tiredacademia

One day, I will make it out of here.

One day, I’ll be far from this hell, from the prison I grew up with, the prison I called home for so long, and I will heal from what you’ve done.

I so desperately want to hate you, to sever any connection that exists between us, but I can’t help but love you — the hand that fed me, the hand that beat me. I wish I would not have to break your heart to earn happiness, but I cannot grow in the place where I died, over and over. No amount of money can make me forgive you, because I was a child. I was a child, and all I needed was love — not bribery. I was a child, and I didn’t need to be strong — I needed to be loved. I needed to be protected. I didn’t need to be broken over and over, not like this.

I am terrified that I will become you, one day, and that it will be my child crying alone in her bedroom because all I’ve learned from you is deceit and conditional love.

One day, I’ll heal. One day, I will learn to love myself, and one day I will learn that the girl in the mirror is no enemy of mine, just a friend.

One day.

// k.l. — one day

cherrqr

My Older Brother’s Medical Bills

My older half brother, a twenty-year-old, got into a bad car accident last night. He has no insurance whatsoever and will be missing a lot of work due to his injuries. I don’t know too much about them, but he has a punctured lung, broken ribs, an injured pelvis and a lot more. We need help raising money for his medical bill.

He’s an amazing person, a great brother, and an all-around funny guy. We were not sure if he was going to make it last night. He’s had several blood transfusions, and has been in surgery almost three times.

We are extremely worried.

If you want to donate to help him out, the link is here.

If you currently can’t help out, that’s okay! Please try to reblog this. Thank you.

lesbianversememe

Girls, Girls, Girls

👧 - at what age did you realise you were a lesbian?

🥰 - who was your first crush?

👩‍❤️‍👩 - when did you get together with your first gf and what is something you loved about her?

💘 - have you ever fallen in love?

🚫 - an awful comphet moment/how did you get over your comphet/have you ever experienced comphet?

↕️ - are you a top, bottom or verse?

😍 - best thing about being a lesbian

😣 - worst thing about being a lesbian

💋 - do you have a type of girl you like?

☕️ - what’s something you wish more people knew about you?

🐾 - cat or dog lesbian?

🧸 - how do you feel about the tumblr ‘soft innocent lesbian’ aesthetic?

🌈 - ever been to pride? If so tell a story from then.

😈 - strap or no strap?

⛅️ - what was your coming out experience like/what do you think it will be like?

🙈 - most embarrassing thing you’ve done in front of a girl

🥉 - what do you think of the useless lesbian stereotype?

🥺 - what is something a girlfriend can do that makes you feel giggly and full of butterflies?

❓- flannel, denim or leather lesbian?

👄 - most attractive thing about a girl

rosesnbliss

hey yall, this is me coming out. i’m gay as fuck

mcdolans

ha?

every single person who reblogs this

every

single

person

will get “doot doot” in their ask box

finding-a-way-to-run-away

Parent: yells at and threatens child over a mistake

Child: doesnt want to spend time with them afterwards

Parent:

tasmanianstripes

Parent:*yells at and threatens child over a mistake*

Child:*doesn’t want to admit their mistakes and starts keeping secrets from their parent*

Parent:

this-account-is-a-mistake

parent: *yells at and threatens child over them self-harming*

child: *doesn’t talk to parents about their issues and feels worse*

parent:

chibi-blue-scapula

Parent: *attributes all their child’s achievements to god and all the mistakes to the child*

Child: *actively avoids academic achievement and becomes an atheist*

Parent:

thou-creature-of-the-deep

THAT LAST ONE IS WHY I STOPPED ATTENDING CHURCH AFTER I STARTED THERAPY.

bri-lin-biscuit

Parent: *uses personal info,told to them in confidence as ammo to make child feel bad*

Child: *never tells the parents about how they feel or their personal insecurities*

Parent:

therapist-anon-deactivated20220

wolfsteax

wow this tea is exceptionally tasty tonight thank you

laim-o-nade

Parent: *tells child they’re overreacting every time they speak up about poor mental health*

Child: *never tells parent what’s wrong until they break into a screaming match with parent*

Parent:

lauraexplorer

Parent: *immediately dismisses or laughs at child’s ideas about plans, future and clothes choices, without consideration even when asked for ideas.*

Child: *becomes indecisive or never gives ideas because they’ll just be dismissed regardless of how good they are. Answers every question with ‘I don’t mind/ care.*

Parent:

florencesn

frootsnaacks-deactivated2023081

Child: *shows parent art they’re proud of*

Parent: *points out bad parts of art, makes fun of it, grimaces at it*

Child: *doesn’t show parent any more art*

Parent:

writing-reigns-deactivated20200

boyswhofellout

Child: *tells parent about their interests*

Parent: *seems inconvenienced/annoyed/isn’t even listening or paying attention, or worse, makes fun of them for liking said interest*

Child: *stops talking to them*

Parent:

valkiria-28

💕 Rue’s gif pack 💕

valkiria-28

💕 Rue’s gif pack 💕

nomournersnofuneralsjustwaffles

Kaz & Wylan

"And how will you take him from me?" You are outgunned and surrounded."

"I don't need to take him from you. You never had him. That's not Kuwei Yul-Bo."

"A sorry bluff at best."

"I'm not big on bluffing, am I, Inej?"

"Not as a rule."

Van Eck's lip curled. "And why is that?"

"Because he'd rather cheat," said the boy who was not Kuwei Yul-Bo in perfect un-accented Kerch.

Van Eck startled at the sound of his voice, and Jesper flinched.

The Shu boy held up a hand. "Pay up, Kaz. "

Kaz sighed. "I do hate to lose a wager. You see, Van Eck, Wylan bet me that you would have no qualms can about ending his life. Call me sentimental,but I didn't believe a father could be so callous."

. . .

A nearly perfect replica of Kuwei Yul-Bo stood before them, but he had Wylan's voice, his mannerisms, and—though Kaz could see the fear and hurt in his golden eyes—Wylan's surprising courage, too.

After the battle in the Djerholm harbor, the merchling had come to Kaz to warn him that he couldn't be used as leverage against his father. Wylan had been red-faced, barely able to speak the words of his supposed "affliction". Kaz had only shrugged. Some men were poets. Some were farmers. Some were rich merchers. Wylan could draw a perfect elevation. He'd made a drill that could cut through Grisha glass from parts of a gate and scavenged bits of jewelry. So what if he couldn't read?

thestovetops

Reblog if a fanfic has ever made you cry

owlmylove

tumblr will never die because we’re all too incoherent and petty to leave. someone will just pirate the source code and start running “tunglr” and we’ll all move over like the chucklefucks we are

owlmylove

every time web developers try to “rebrand” or “repurpose” this website we just sink our heels deeper into the quicksand of our own absurdity

owlmylove

look what im saying is there was a story abt a group of artists whose house was demolished in order to make room for a new shopping mall and, once it was constructed, they fueled their rage and pettiness at being displaced into finding an unused room in the building, renovated it into a condo, outfitted it with a fully stocked kitchen, china hutch, AC, TV and gaming system and then proceeded to live in the mall undetected for years. that creativity? absurdity? sheer stubborn pettiness? thas tumblr babey!!!!

dreamilypurpleoutcast

drdougdouglass

meetnategreen

vampireapologist-archive-deacti

It’s literally impossible for you to make yourself known to everyone you meet. Some people will just get the wrong impression about you and you have to let it go.

I was walking down the street with my brother on a hot day on our way into a bookstore and I said “I hate the sun. It’s too hot. Name ONE reason we need the sun. Literally I can’t think of a single reason why we can’t just figure out a way to block it”

And a guy turned and looked at me with the most dumbfounded and horrified expression Id seen since the last time someone looked at me like that (about a week before) and then turned to the girl with him and they both looked mistified in the worst way.

They really thought I don’t know what the sun’s for.

I could’ve told them I work in environmental science but I was having a conversation with my brother.

Those two people think that’s the day they overheard probably the stupidest thing any human being has ever loudly said in a bookstore.

That’s fine.

I know I know what the sun’s for.

vampireapologist-archive-deacti

bone-cement-huffer

memeception

hashtagloveloses

WE’VE HIT TERMINAL MEME

bl00dlikeice

@caesarianconfection

fidefortitude-deactivated202011

I’ve said “I hate this” so many times on this website, and never actually meant it, because “I hate this” is just shorthand for ‘this is an example of a meme given a twist I wasn’t expecting with intent to surprise’. Which is, in of itself, a meme on this site. God damn it.

But this… This is something else.

The rapidity of a meme’s introduction to its zenith to its decline is so rapid that in ten years, you’ll need a damn twenty-page manual to explain this. It’ll be as unfunny and hard to explain as jokes in Shakespeare plays, except even more inexplicable because fuck, at least Shakespeare’s jokes are usually about anal or fucking your mother, good wholesome sex jokes we can all get behind.

For the love of fuck, how do you explain loss.jpg? How do you explain gun?

mommacomms

….I THOUGHT THIS WAS A YMCA REFERENCE

pagesofkenna

it is a YMCA reference - that’s one of the 6 memes being represented here

ok let me see if i can break this down easily. YMCA is the easiest place to start - the song itself has become a meme over time with people changing the lyrics to reference other pop cultural events. so YMCA is meme one (1)

this first lyric replacement (”take the breadsticks and run”) is a reference to the tumblr meme ‘stuffing breadsticks into my purse’. i think everyone remembers that one so i wont bother to explain it. that’s meme two (2)

“man door hand hook car door” is a meme of its own, a creepypasta from i dont remember when. it was a terrible stupid retelling of the generic ‘stuck in a car while hook handed man tries to kill us’ story so the stupid title caught on for memorability. that in and of itself is meme three (3)

‘gun’ is… yeah i dont know how to explain gun. long story short you add gun to the end of a phrase instead of what you expect the last word to be. its shock funny. its everywhere but its popular to add to “man door hand hook car door” for.. some reason? gun is meme four (4)

and the thing is, this four meme combo is something thats gone around before. meme combos are, itself, a meme. which means taking this meme combo and mixing in another meme actually becomes meme five (5)

which leaves us at loss.jpg. loss.jpg was a terrible bad comic supposed to be about some tragic event, but it was presented so poorly literally no one takes it seriously, and for some reason recreating the four-panel setup has become popular. so thats meme six (6)

(but i need to add that this is the greatest version of loss.jpg i think i’ve ever seen. the initial ‘young man’ lines up with the guy bursting through the door, and the shock meme ‘gun’ matches the shock scene of the woman in the hospital and idk if OP even thought about that but it makes this just so much better)

animatedamerican

I wasn’t going to reblog this, but @pagesofkenna‘s comprehensive meme-by-meme annotation is a thing of beauty and should be shared.

captainlordauditor

average tumblr post contains one meme, this post, which contains six, is an outlier and should not be counted

japhers

it might also just be a coincidence due to loss.jpg’s format but the whole white minimalist four-panel setup is also suspiciously reminiscent of those early 2000’s rage comics