Sweet Foreign Sugar’s Guide to Freestyling: Segment 1
I see people on Tumblr complain all the time about how sugar sites are full of splenda, salt daddies and worse. Women are tired of being jerked around, lied to and threatened by these online creeps.
So what is a SB to do? Freestyle. Freestyling is basically the act of seeking out a sugar daddy offline, the good old fashioned way. I have found, and most everyone I have ever talked to about the topic has found, that you find much higher quality men via freestyling but yes, it is more labor intensive, and it has its drawbacks. But, like anything, you get what you put in. Although the initial input is much higher with freestyling, the rewards can be much higher.
Part 2. Freestyle Anywhere, Freestyle Everywhere
In my personal opinion, if you’re a SB really trying to become a pro, you need to always be on your toes and be on your game. Your life is a long series of freestyling events. I think when girls on here generally talk about going freestyling, especially in a group, they mean go out on the town (to bars, clubs, lounges etc.) and while those are all viable options of places to meet POTs, those aren’t the only places. You can meet POTs anywhere, from restaurants, to charity events, to the dry cleaners, to the grocery store.
This also brings me to my next point. It pays to be nice to everyone. You never know who is going to be a good networking connection later on. Sure, the older woman at the country club talking about her grandkids is kind of dull, but maybe she’ll introduce you to someone who could be a POT. Any sort of restaurant or bar staff are great to be friend, you never know what kind of gossip they’ll have on people who come in frequently. Maybe the guy grabbing almond milk next to you looks pretty average, but for all you know he’s a tech millionaire who dresses down while running errands. You just don’t know. So, my best advice: be nice and be friendly to everyone.
Part 3. Freestyle Location Ideas
I know I just got done saying that anywhere can be a freestyle location, and anywhere can, but I think we’re all smart enough to know that there are locations where you’re more likely to run into someone who could become a POT. I’m just going to create a list here; I’ll try to be as thorough as I can but feel free to add to this.
Lunch locations popular with local professionals (for example, in NYC, lunch locations in FiDi popular with Wall Street patrons)
Art Auctions (and really any sort of high end auction)
Country Clubs (*This may present a large upfront cost to you)
Through Rich Friends**(see below)
Sporting Events (especially regarding big stadium events, where somebody is seating can give you a clue as to their disposable income)
*Also, just thought of this as a possibility: Sporting Events at Ivy League or comparable Unis here in the US and abroad; I went to an ‘upscale’ Uni and I meet a lot of wealthy people at Alum events, so if you aren’t an alum of an ‘upscale’ Uni then perhaps you could meet Alum at a sporting event or some other event
**I want to expand on this one a little bit. I have friend who are successful SBs who will be wing-women and help me along. Then I have friends who don’t know I’m a SB, and I don’t want them to know. When you’re introduced to a man via a friend who you don’t want to know that you’re a SB, tread lightly. If you lose a POT (or a SD) you don’t want to also lose a friend (and all of their networking connections!).
Part 4. Yes Looks Are Important
Whenever you are trying to make a good impression, and while you’re sugaring you should certainly be trying to make a good impression, you should strive to look good. This means different things for different venues. It is very important that you dress appropriately. A mini skirt and crop top are not appropriate for many venues; a “Sunday’s Best” church dress is also not appropriate for many venues. If you look like you fit in, people won’t be as suspicious of you. If you come to the country club in a micro mini, you may as well hold up a flashing sign that says “I AM A GOLDDIGGER”.
Dress well. Dress Appropriately. And stand out..just not too much. You want to try to be the most gorgeous woman/most handsome man in the room, but keep your look within the boundaries of the venue, event, time, location, etc. Look good, but look like you fit in.
Part 5. How to Talk to People
Ok this is really difficult for me to write. I really don’t know how to teach you in a post how to talk to people, but I get asked about it frequently enough that I need to address it. Every situation is different, every person is different etc.
I’m happy to give tips, tricks and pointers but the best thing you can do is practice. I wrote in a post a while back that if you’re going to be in any job that requires a lot of human interaction, and you aren’t completely comfortable talking to people, then you need to practice. Go to the grocery store and start striking up conversations with people in line. Go into these practice conversations with a goal: you want to learn 3 things about this random stranger by the end of your conversation. It will feel weird at first, but the more you do it the better you’ll be at it, and more importantly, the less nerve wracking it will be.
I think the hardest part about talking to someone is the introduction. There are settings where you really won’t be left with any other choice other than to walk up to somebody, shake their hand and tell them your name. When doing this remember to approach from the front, establish eye contact, speak clearly and give a firm handshake. And remember, listen to their name. Sometimes we’re so in our own heads that we don’t actually listen to the other person then we forget their name. It bothers people when you forget their name, so make a point to try to remember it. The more details you learn about them the easier it will be; remembering “Sally” is hard, but remembering “Sally” who is from Michigan, loves baseball and vanilla ice cream is a little easier.
Although that is one common way to make an introduction, you can’t just walk up to random strangers and shake their hand. I mean you can, if you want them to be really surprised and not want to talk to you any further. So, how then do you start the conversation? Well, as a general rule, I like to start one of two ways: either being funny, or by complimenting them. I picked up the latter method after working as a nanny to this woman who could charm anyone; I asked her for her secret and she said she always starts with a compliment. First, it often catches people off guard, and second, most everyone loves to be complimented. It’s flattering. I use this more on women than I do on men because when I use this on men I run the risk of laying it on too thick. But either way, this is one trick to make sure a conversation starts off on the right foot.
My own go to method, though, is to be funny. This, like complimenting, does not have a 100% success rate but it’s high enough that I keep using it. This has a lot of risks involved. You might offend someone. You might not be that funny, or have a sense of humor other people don’t like. You might meet someone with no sense of humor, or they’re having a bad day and don’t want to laugh. You don’t have to be a comedian to be a good SB, this is just what I personally use.
And sometimes I use humor in a way I know is especially risky. For instance, the other day I was parking my car and parked it backwards so my trunk would be closer to the elevator. My neighbor, who was also in the parking garage, saw it and when I stepped out of the car he told me I did a good job parking it. I could have said thank you, and moved on. Instead, I said, “Were you expecting me to crash it just because I’m a woman?” He was completely taken aback and caught off guard, and I knew he’d probably respond in one of two ways: think I was a bitch and not talk to me anymore, or, be suddenly very intrigued by his cheeky neighbor. He reacted the latter way; sometimes men like to be verbally spanked.
There are a lot of ways to use humor though. If you aren’t a cheeky person, don’t use cheeky humor. Find a method that reflects who you are. And in general, no matter which way you choose to introduce yourself to people, there is the risk it will be unsuccessful. That’s why, and this applies to all parts of sugaring, I say to cast a wide net, and not put all of your eggs in one basket. You’re going to fail sometimes, you’re going to be rejected sometimes, it’s just a fact of life, and the better you get at dusting yourself off after it happens the better off you will be.
Bottom line, don’t be afraid to be friendly, put yourself out there and start up a conversation with someone.
Now, once you make it past the introduction, it’s key that you keep it going. Be friendly. Be interesting. Don’t talk about depressing things or be a downer in any way, shape or form. And do not overshare, that’s so uncomfortable when people do that. Be warm. Be genuine. Ask questions. Don’t just talk about yourself. Listen to the other person.
If this is someone you think could be a POT, ask questions that will help you gauge if they could be a POT. Ask about their job, do they like to travel, etc. Be somebody who knows a lot about different topics so that you can keep up an intelligent conversation with somebody. If you’re talking to a guy who works in hedge funds, it’s going to be a lot sexier to him if you at least know what a hedge fund is versus if you giggle and say, “Wow you must be so smart. All of that economics stuff goes right over my head.” Don’t play dumb, be intelligent and well rounded.
Also, as far as how you talk: speak clearly, don’t mumble, don’t shout, and if you like to use your hands to talk, use them but don’t be so wild with them you become a spectacle. Nonverbal communication is great when used appropriately. Smile, nod your head, show you’re listening.
This is all I have for this segment. I’m breaking up this guide into 2 or 3 segments (we’ll see) because it was getting too lengthy for one post. So I’ll post the other sections at some point this week!
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