I have an asshole neighbour. He is an elderly-ish man - maybe around 60. Still works down in town. Anyway, we share the start of our driveway, except his goes past my house and down the valley a ways, where his house is.
Now we had just got our driveway paved, meaning he had to park up on the road for the two days they were laying the sand and pavers. Its maybe a 25 meter walk down to his house.
Not only did he berate me at long length when our paths met at the letterbox on the first day, but on the second, he outright abused me in front of my student (I tutor drums). I told my young student to go inside, as he was swearing furiously at me for having the nerve to ask him to park out front for two days.
Fast forward to the next week. He decides to park in the middle of where our driveways split up. Meaning I have to park out on the road. Keep in mind this is actually my property, he’s just a prick. That night, instead of abusing him the next time I saw him, I thought of a better revenge.
In the dead of the night, I take a pack of frozen shrimp out of my freezer. I sneak down my driveway and kneel down by one of his tyres. I then begin sliding frozen shrimp one by one into his hubcap. Pushing them far enough in that they are invisible from the out side. I systematically fill each of his four hubcaps with two kilos of frozen shrimp (4.4 pounds).
Now keep in mind this is in the middle of a boiling hot Australian summer. Even by the next morning i could smell the shrimp had thawed and were beginning to cook. Over the course of the next week I watched him inspect his car thoroughly, trying to work out where the abhorrent stench was coming from. He looked in his engine, all through his car, in his fucking exhaust for christs sake.
But never deep within his hubcaps.
They must have festered there for a good month before he finally sold his car. The smell was bloody horrible. Serves him right, the cunt.
