How do you actually get yourself to act a certain way and change? Like I can tell myself i'm going to start acting more socially acceptable and be more productive but I can't actually go through with it because it's like there's another layer of me that just does what it wants and thinks what it wants and I can't get much control over it at all.
It feels like i'm telling a separate person who's having problems how to get better but they refuse to listen and all I can do is watch them get worse but that person is me.
You have to break your old habits and your old ways. It’s extremely hard, and will be a long struggle, trust me. I’ve been slowly changing myself on my own for the better for 2 years, and just started therapy so the process should speed up, but it’s a fucking struggle but you CAN do it!! I believe in you. You just have to want it more than you have to want the self-destructive impulses.
My only personal caveat, and idk if anyone else is like this: I still don’t get myself to do things I say I’m going to, I still don’t follow through on my own personal plans — but I do other obligations like following through on work, family, and social events because THEY deserve it. But when it comes to me, myself, and I? I don’t take care of myself. And that’s comes down to the neglect and abuse I give myself from BPD — the abuse and neglect I experienced as a child that then has transferred into how I treat myself.
submissions are open and so are asks and i think messages too?? if anyone wants to chat. my therapist told me to talk to more bpd folx and get into some support groups and ig tumblr is a good place for me to start-ish since is i like. started here with my self-diagnosis LOL
The notes were getting kinda long so I wanted to split them up a bit! Sorry >w<
2 - Take a “REST”
Relax - Evaluate - Set an intention - Take action.
Changing any behavioural habit is difficult!!! You have to want it, when you want it, and what you want to change. But just as important, you have to remember. Often, this is the hardest step - remembering that you want to change - especially when you’re feeling overwhelmed by your emotions. When overwhelmed by painful emotions, often times the first instict is to react impulsively and to engage in some type of habitual self-destructive or problematic behaviour. This happens because, unless prepared, you might not even remember that you had planned to do something differently.
Use “REST”. (i’m going to write this word-for-word, so it’s going to be p long. sorry.)
Relax. The first step of the process is to relax. Stop what you’re doing. Freeze. Take a breath. Pause. Step away from the situation for a few seconds to get a different perspective. Just don’t do what you normally do. Don’t act impulsively. Do your best to remind yourself that you have an opportunity to behave differently. Create some “space” between your desire to act impulsively and yours actual reaction. Maybe even say out loud, “Stop,” “Relax,” or “REST,” just to remind yourself to not react so quickly and automatically. Then take a few slow breaths to help yourself calm down before choosing an alternative meaningful action.
Evaluate. Next, ask yourself what’s happening in this situation. What are the facts? Just do a quick evaluation. You don’t have to figure it all out, and you don’t have to do an in-depth analysis of why you’re feeling the way you do. You don’t even have to solve the problem if it’s too complicated. Just do your best to get a general sense of what’s occurring. For example, observe what is happening for you physically, emotionally, and mentally. Also observe what other people around you are doing. Maybe just ask yourself a few simple questions, like these: “How do I feel?” “What’s happening?” “Is anyone in danger?”
Set an Intention. The thirst step is to set an intention to do something. In this case, an intention is a target, goal, or plan about what you’re going to do. Decide which action you’re going to take. Ask yourself, “What do I need right now?” Whatever you choose to do, it doesn’t have to be the final or best solution to the problem right now, but hopefully it will be something healthy that will help you cope.
Take Action. Finally, take action. Put your plan into motion. Proceed into motion. Proceed mindfully, which means move ahead slowly and with awareness of what you’re doing. Whatever your intention was in the last step, do it now as calmly and effectively as you can. Again, this action may not be the ultimate solution to the problem at hand, but if you follow these steps, your mindful action is likely to be healthier and more effective than the self-destructive actions you would have taken if you had just reacted impulsively.
This might seem like a lot to do - especially when dealing with overwhelming emotions - but with practice, these steps can be accomplished in just a few seconds and become a new habit for you. Also, you might have to use REST more than once in a situation, and that’s okay - go back and use it again, as many times as you need to. Maybe you missed an important detail or something changed quickly. Keeping “RESTing” until you feel like the situation is resolved, or until you can effectively get out of the situation.
The next step in changing your self-destructive and problematic behaviours is to identify and anticipate when you will likely have to use REST. Usually you’ll know there’s an opportunity to do something differently when you’re feeling an intense negative emotion, especially an emotion that makes you want to avoid something or become aggressive with someone. This will be an indicator of a choice: act impulsively or use a new coping skill (i’ll link those when i have them!) to do something differently. Another indicator is to use REST if you’re in sudden emotional pain, either emotional, physical, or mental, and you have the desire to act impulsively and use one of your self-destructive or problematic behaviours. Each of these indicators and conditions that you have a moment of choice: you can either do what you normally do - react impulsively and potentially cause pain for yourself and someone else - or you can REST and use a healthier coping skill.
*(i would like to note that only YOU can figure out your tells and signs for when you would need to use REST - nobody else, unless they know you that well. whenever you’re getting into an episode, or getting out of one, figure out what triggered it, how you felt previously, and then start finding out your patterns and apply REST to the beginning so you can become even just a tiny bit healthier in your relationships)
Hi guys!! I wanted to write down things from my DBT workbook that are important and I think would be life-changing to share and hear, and things that I’ve highlight (which will be bolded) that have helped me since reading it!
*It’ll be under a read more for the tags after a brief description of what DBT is!
First off: What’s DBT?
“Dialectical behavior therapy (DBT) treatment is a type of psychotherapy — or talk therapy — that utilizes a cognitive-behavioral approach. DBT emphasizes the psychosocial aspects of treatment. DBT is a specific type of cognitive-behavioral psychotherapy developed in the late 1980s by psychologist Marsha M. Linehan to help better treat borderline personality disorder. Since its development, it has also been used for the treatment of other kinds of mental health disorders.” (Source)
DBT is the main treatment for BPD folx, and it’s honestly something I’ve unknowingly been doing on my own (poorly) for abt 2yrs now since I’ve self-diagnosed. Now, onto the notes! It’ll be under a read more for the tags.
Basic Distress Tolerance Skills
1 - What Are They?
Pain is often unavoidable and unpredictable, and the best you can do is to use the coping skills that you have and hope that they work.
For some people, emotional and physical pain feels more intense and occurs more frequently than it does for other people. Distress comes on more quickly and feels overwhelming. It feels like it’ll never end and they don’t know how to cope with the severity of their pain. (my workbook calls people like this people with “overwhelming emotions” so we’re gna keep that) People with overwhelming emotions tend to cope in unhealthy and unsuccessful ways because they don’t know how to do it any other way - which is understandable. When a person is in emotional pain, it’s hard to be rational and think of a good solution. Many coping strategies they [people with overwhelming emotions] have currently only serve to worsen the problem.
Here’s the list that they provided of unhealthy/problematic coping strategies to pain (i’m going to bold the ones that i do and am working on fixing):
You spend a great deal of time thinking about past pains, mistakes, and problems.
You get anxious worrying about possible future pains, mistakes, and problems.
You isolate yourself from other people to avoid distressing situations.
You make yourself feel numb with alcohol or drugs.
You take your feelings out on other people by getting excessively angry at them or trying to control them.
You engage in potentially dangerous behaviours, such as cutting, hitting, scratching, picking at, or unprotected sex.
You avoid dealing with the causes of your problems, such as an abusive or dysfunctional relationship.
You use food to punish or control yourself by eating too much, not eating at all, or by throwing up what you eat.
You attempt suicide or engage in high-risk activities, like reckless driving or taking dangerous amounts of alcohol and drugs.
You avoid pleasant activities, such as social events and exercise, maybe because you don’t think that you deserve to feel better.
You surrender to your pain and resign yourself to living a miserable and unfulfilling life.
All of these coping methods are unhealthy and cause even deeper pain, because even the strategies that offer a quick-fix will only cause you more suffering in the future. Pain can’t be avoided, but many times suffering can.
The first group of distress tolerance skills are labeled as “distraction” - distract yourself from the situations that are causing you emotional pain. These are important because they can temporarily stop you from thinking about your pain and they give you time to find an appropriate coping response. Do not confuse distraction with avoidance, however, because you still intend on dealing with it in the future when your emotions have calmed down to a tolerable level.
The second group of distress tolerance skills are “self-soothing” - these are often necessary before you face the cause of your distress since your emotions might be too “hot”. Many people with overwhelming emotions panic when faced with an argument, rejection, failure, or other painful events - before you can address these with your new skills (later notes i’ll re-link here when i have them!) it’s often necessary to soothe yourself to regain your strength. Self-soothing is meant to bring you some amount of peace and relief from your pain so that you can figure out what you’re going to do next.
This skill also serves another purpose - it’ll help you learn to treat yourself with compassion. Many people with overwhelming emotions were abused or neglected as children and thus taught more about how to hurt than to help themselves. The second purpose of self-soothing skills is to teach you how to treat yourself kindly and lovingly.
Sooooo I got officially diagnosed and I’m gna start DBT and I’m on a mood stabilizer and my life is ???? getting fixed ????? I’m so ????? 24 years of hell finally getting fixed ????????? holy shit ???????
This sis gna sound awful but lol does anybody else get kinda super annoyed with other ppl who have “easily curable” disorders??? Like Susan you have smth that is an acceptable disorder and can be cured within a year, meanwhile I have this trash tier disorder that even psychologists don’t wanna take seriously and will take up to 10 years to be cured LUL
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