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@goldblumstandard
People always ask me how I pronounce my name.... I always tell them the same thing:
How dare you speak to me?
a jeff goldblum multimuse, lovingly growled at by ren
FEATURED MUSES: mac, dr. ian malcolm, mickey holliday, the grandmaster, & non-jeff flavors in william shakespeare, dio theoinos, & the collector HIGHEST MUSES: mickey, mac
rules ✨ dossiers ✨ more to come!
sideblog to/follows back from @wickedlywonderful @neverhangd // template credit
These go absolutely hard like ga damn
Anyone wanna start some mess?
Send “I know your secret...” for my muse’s response!
- Mr. Right?
- Yeah, Mr. Right is like, the guy you dream of meeting ever since you were a little girl,,,
Earth Girls Are Easy (1988)
Punch the heart and I’ll stick a ‘blum in your inbox.
𝐘𝐎𝐔'𝐑𝐄 𝐅𝐔𝐂𝐊𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝐄𝐕𝐈𝐋 | 𝐀 𝐂𝐎𝐋𝐋𝐄𝐂𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍 𝐎𝐅 𝐒𝐄𝐍𝐓𝐄𝐍𝐂𝐄 𝐏𝐑𝐎𝐌𝐏𝐓𝐒.
a bunch of starters for things to say to evil muses !! trigger warning for mention of murder and blood.
“ get off of her/him/them !! “
“ you’re a fucking psychopath. “
“ you’re evil. “
“ don’t you fucking touch her/him/them !! “
“ you’re insane. “
“ you really can’t stop being evil for one second, huh ? “
“ what now, huh ?! you gonna kill me ?! “
“ don’t you ever get tired of being terrible ? “
“ you’re an awful person, you know ? “
“ you killed her/him/them ! “
“ you’re a fucking murderer ! “
“ how many people have you killed ? “
“ get away from me, freak ! “
“ if you touch her/him/them again, I’ll kill you. “
“ don’t hurt me ! please ! “
“ you are a thief of joy. “
“ you’re a fucking monster. “
“ why are you so mean ? “
“ give up. I’d never die by your hand. “
“ that’s not very nice of you. “
“ oh, my god ! you stabbed me ! “
“ so you’re trying to kill me now ? “
“ that was a creative way to kill someone. “
“ you’re covered in blood ! get the fuck away from me ! “
“ what’s your problem, huh ?! nobody loved you as a child ? “
“ I’m sorry that you turned out this way. “
“ we could’ve had something, if you weren’t so fucking evil. “
“ don’t touch me ! “
Anyway. Starters?
Why are you problematic
just for fun
Alright, the jazzy mood has hit! ✨ I’ve got one reply, like for a starter when I finish with that! Only offering those with published bios rn. (Mac, Mickey Holliday, the Grandmaster)
Other takers?
You could also send memes. 🥺 Oscar’s memes, GBS memes.
𝐒𝐔𝐁𝐓𝐋𝐄 𝐍𝐒𝐅𝐖 …
✦ a collection of prompts that can be considered nsfw, with a lot of teasing and tension driven prompts. adjust as needed ; send ‘ + reverse ‘ for sender and receiver to switch spots. Combine prompts by sending more than one.
「 SQUEEZE 」 : for sender to rest their hand on the receivers thigh , giving it a squeeze .
「 LINGER 」 : for senders touch to linger on the receiver.
「 MASSAGE 」 : for sender to give receiver a massage .
「 LOTION 」 : for sender to rub lotion into the receivers skin
「 SLIP 」 : for senders hand to slip between the receivers legs.
「 TUG 」 : for sender to tug on the receivers hair
「CLIMB 」 : for sender to climb into receivers lap
「PULL 」 : for the sender to pull receiver into their lap
「BITE 」 : for sender to bite the receiver ( include the location )
「 MARK 」 : for sender to leave hickies on receiver
「 BARE 」 : for sender to undress in front of receiver
「 HELP 」 : for sender to help receiver undress
「 GRIND 」 : for sender to grind against the receiver
「 HOT 」 : for sender and receiver to share a heated kiss
「 OOPS 」 : for sender to accidentally send receiver a risqué image.
「 CHIME 」 : for sender to purposefully send receiver a risqué image.
「 WHISPER 」 : for sender to whisper something suggestive in receivers ear
「 HOLD 」 : for sender to hold receivers throat
「 THROW 」 : for sender to throw receiver onto the bed
「 PRESS 」 : for sender to press receiver against a wall and kiss them
「 CAUGHT 」 : for sender to catch receiver pleasuring themselves
「 LIGHT 」 : for sender to touch the receiver with a feather light pressure.
「 INNER 」 : for sender to kiss along the inside of receivers thigh
A Handful of Headcanons: Mac Edition
This is not an exhaustive list but does contain information that’s becoming increasingly applicable to what I’m doing here. Feel free to pick my brain about whatever you see here, and to use and borrow for yourself as you see fit! Full disclosure up front, there are elements of 1980s camp-alien scifi that I just can’t do without, and that includes an out of place inclusion of royal hierarchy! 👑 ✨
Mac, Zeebo, and Wiploc aren’t just coworkers, they’re genuinely friends. Wiploc is the wild child of the bunch, a wannabe-lady’s man who Jhazallan girls think is a loser. He’s immature and undoubtedly the dumbest, but is very earnest despite his shoddy playboy “persona.” He’s actually the ship’s engineer, and a damned good one at that!, if a little…accident-prone. I can’t quite decide who Zeebo is in this friendship triangle, likely because I have never actually had one. I don’t know what stereotype he is and I am open to suggestion! I don’t even know what role he would serve in the dynamic except perhaps being the security chief? Perhaps he’s a jack of all trades and a master of none! Despite what his family (read: his mother) might tell you, Mac is the mature friend, the level-headed voice of reason who’s also unfortunately a hopeless romantic and endless optimist. He’s not just the ship’s captain; he’s Jhazalla’s crown prince, and by fulfilling the duties of the one role he’s shirking the responsibilities of the other. Much like me, when I hide here instead of facing Oscar.
Mac wants to explore. Anything and everything, it really doesn’t matter what! The universe, alien cultures, his lover’s body, the ways in which music connects us and the universe, everything that he can! That’s why he agreed to, actually asked for!, this exploratory pan-galaxy observation tour. He’s lucky his friends volunteered alongside him, or the mission never would have made.
By contrast, Mac’s mother and the Jhazallan Court in general would prefer if Mac would just find a fucking spouse, knock them up, and sit his ass down in the throne. It’s not a glamorous job, but somebody’s got to do it…right?
This is actually Mac’s last flight. After this, he has agreed to take the throne. He feels bad: his mother’s aging and this pursuit of exploration feels selfish under the weight of that knowledge. He might drag it out for as long as possible, and his friends might too—but unless the issues at home can be solved, he will always eventually have to return there.
He’s such a soft romantic boy. He plays the piano and enjoys cuddling. He’d love to teach his partner piano. (Related sidenote, I know nothing of music, sorrz.) He’s very tactile but I haven’t decided if that’s a him thing or a cultural thing.
I’ve noticed a weird tendency to write him as like…honestly not knowing what sex is. Which doesn’t really align with the way we see Mac processing and the utilizing language. He knows what sex is in that he knows what intercourse is, what it does, how it’s done, etc.. He doesn’t know what the word “sex” is. See also: that quick turn around on “Mr. Right” and contextually figuring out what a “girlfriend” is. The actions and concepts aren’t what are alien to him, just the language.
Speaking of language, I’m sorry: most likely you’ll never be able to speak Jhazallan. Not without undergoing risky and experimental surgery at least. The organ group we would recognize as the vocal cords—and indeed those are among its other parts!—include organs developed for the express purpose of manipulating itself to replicate non-vocal sound. It’s why they can so perfectly mimic any sound they hear!, but it also makes parts of their speech incapable of replication through purely biological means for the majority of species.
I’m obsessed with crooners-like songs so now so is Mac. His favorite is “Sway”, followed closely by “Moondance”.
A Handful of Headcanons: Grandmaster Edition
This is not an exhaustive list but does contain information that’s always applicable to what I’m doing here. Feel free to pick my brain about whatever you see here, and to use and borrow for yourself as you see fit!
Sakaar is a pet project of his. Some days it’s precious to him; some days he thinks about imploding it and starting over again, or not at all. He’s very fickle about Sakaar and other things—but he’s also very possessive of Sakaar. These are “Hotel California” rules out here, people! You can check out any time you’d like, but you can never leave. This isn’t just because of his abandonment issues (although those are still a factor, I’m sure), but also because of the very few infra/structures in place on the planet to keep it functional even if and when he steps away. It’s a very delicate social ecosystem, never mind that fragile economy. Just a mess!
In a much sadder turn of events, the word “Sakaar” is actually a verb, and one of the very few examples of verbal communication from his previous culture. It roughly translates into to be lost. Unfortunately for you, unless the man himself or another Elder tells you that little tidbit, there’s no organic way to hold that information. His culture is so long-dead it’s thought now to have never even existed, and even when it did, its primary means of communication was psychic.
He is incredibly hot. Just. Very fucking uncomfortably hot. Insanely hot. He’s also warm to the touch! All jokes aside, he…technically predates the Big Bang. Pseudoscientifically speaking, which science-fiction also me to do!, En Dwi and the rest of his race were part of the singularity which creates the Big Bang. He and his kind retained much of that creational heat. It’s actually part of the reason he always seems so distracted: because some part of him is always monitoring his temperature, moderating it to keep it within whatever levels he deems acceptable. He despises cold weather and favors light, airy materials and clothing for the obvious reasons.
He probably doesn’t view you as a person. Let me explain! He is one old-ass motherfucker, literally has the gall to claim he predates the universe just because some of his molecules directly do. He was a completely different person at the beginning of his life, even his life as an Elder of the Universe!, than he is now. He’s grown sullen and jaded and he’s grasping at hedonistic straws to keep going! He’s seen so many people from cradle to grave that he’s grown completely numb to it. Except for that which stays around long enough to earn his attention, he doesn’t view anyone as a person anymore. In his frame of reference, the only “people” alive are other Elders of the Universe, other immortals—so it’s easier to think of only those same people as people. Everyone else is…a cheap imitation.
The Elder he is closest to is the Collector, Taneleer Tivan (who will eventually be appearing on this blog).
They share an exceedingly close bond, and while I’m open to changing the nature of it, that’s something I’m really going to insist on any time I interact with a Collector. If using my lore rather than building one together, the two have shared the culture of their respective homeworlds only with one another, and so to an outsider the cultures seem intertwined. They are, in fact, very, VERY different. The two have done this because they have claimed each other as a brother in a very real, close, kinship way. They have each adopted the most important aspect/s of each other’s cultures to signify this. To help differentiate I will post each one as its own bullet because, remember, I’m surfing in a canon of my own frankensteining. I am open to editing these as preferred per thread!
From En Dwi’s culture comes a fixation on the mouth and chin and a hierarchy in matters of touch. To signify status, elites from Homeworld would daily paint on a stripe down the lip and chin, the breadth, shape, and even color of which was used to express social status and identity. The stripe En Dwi bears now is considered sacred, and represents totality; by contrast, the stripe Tivan bears is self-made that would signify a bastard in its original sense, but represents his House in their own sense. These stripes are painted on daily. To smudge them is an insult, to apply them an honor. Both of these lead into the hierarchy of touch: unless otherwise invited, it is considered rude to touch someone of a higher social status than you until they had touched you first. For some statuses, such as the one En Dwi embodies, permission must also be obtained before you can touch them, even if they touch you first.
(As you can imagine, En Dwi is especially given to touching people while demanding they receive permission first, and often denying that. He usually touches people on the chin, lips, and nose, something that would have been considered obscene and possibly demeaning on Homeworld.)
From Tivan’s culture comes a fixation on hands and fingers and a different hierarchy in matters of touch. To signify status in the version of Cyngus I made up, nail polish and general upkeep of the hands was used and ritually attended to. To smudge or otherwise damage the nail/polish is insult, to apply it an honor—you get the drill! Deference is shown through the hands, and much like the social status determination of who can touch whomst explained above, the ability to touch or inspect a hand is supposed to be first offered to the higher status. (En Dwi has a fixation on hands, ask me about that later.)
En Dwi’s homeworld is creatively named Homeworld, because its true name is a mental projection of the feeling of home and considered sacred—blasphemous to reject the feeling of!—but Off-Worlders struggled with ot rejecting the forced emotion. It was by necessity given a name, but En Dwi refuses to share that with anyone except with Tivan.
Can, has, does, and will continue to seek out mortal pets. You have been warned.
@euphoriabled somehow isn’t tired of my terrible old men yet.
Scrapper-163 has been on the shit-list for the last ten months—which might not sound like a lot, but time is…funny on Sakaar. It does such strange things to one’s perception, unless one happens to be functionally the planet’s god and more saliently most beloved dictator leader. Scrapper-163 hasn’t been on the shit-list nearly long enough for what she did and she knows it, and that’s exactly why she has come here tonight.
If she has nothing else, she has the audacity. The Grandmaster, En Dwi Gast, hasn’t decided yet if he likes that about her or not. Some days the answer is yes, some days the answer is treason: it’s a toss of the coin, really! Or any other multi-sided substitute. It’s safe to say that tonight—today?—the coin-or-applicable-object landed on which side means he’s irritated by her. At least until Topaz leans in and tells him what 163 had just told her.
The three depart from the party and return to the audience chamber where 163 left her new find in the orientation chair. They don’t hurry, and that they are coming at all is surprise enough, but…some kinda inter-dimensional courier sounded almost important, if 163 wasn’t just bluffing and had caught what she said she’d caught.
⸻ Sitting in the orientation chair, Aoife does her best to take in all that surrounds her. Her hands are neatly folded in her lap, but one might notice a bit of the fabric from her dress between her fingers upon closer inspection, rubbing the silk as a form of self-soothing. She had been nervous upon first landing, but speaking with the scavenger had calmed her. After all, she was to have an audience with someone important.
At least, she was rather certain that was what was going on. Why else would she be stuck in this room? She can't help but to admire the vibrancy of the colors; it was as if someone had turned up the saturation on this planet. Many of the sand planets she had encountered in her time seemed quite . . . bland.
Ah! Perhaps this is a rude thought, but she only means to say this planet has a lovely design, even if it seems a bit skeletal in places. She had gathered very little information on the way here, and now as she waits patiently for anything to occur, she finds herself very curious.
From what she has learned, there is a very powerful being in charge. Perhaps he shall grant her the ability to leave this place; to return as a better ambassador to Queen Aelsa, and to come baring gifts from her people. A cask of firefly wine could do wonders for the skin. Ah, and that sweetness could not be matched. She releases her dress from her folded hands and smoothes it for good measure.
In times like these, first impressions could begin before the other party even entered the room. Was there surveillance? Her eyes calmly look around for a camera.
The impressive (oppressive?) twelve-foot doors leading into the audience chamber open at their approach with no more than a distracted wave of the Grandmaster’s hand. It only takes a glance inside to exasperate him.
“Oh, for stars’ sake…! Topaz! To—Topaz. Could you, ah. Remind 163 here what the proper procedure for new orientation is?”
“Gladly,” she replies with a smirk, earning herself a light swat on the arm.
“With words! Cats! I can’t—well, I can, but you can’t—you can’t go re-orientating every scrapper we’ve got. You’ll just, ah, end up scaring the rest off, and then where will we be?” Topaz’s face offers an answer to that question, but she thinks better of mentioning it, which is undoubtedly for the best.
“All prospective purchases,” she intones from memory, “are to be subdued and restrained, then paced through orientation prior to inspection by the Grandmaster. Prospective champions are to be given an obedience disc prior to arrival to the City.”
The Grandmaster nods along as Topaz rattles off the procedure, ascending up the short dais to his throne, golden robes whispering along behind him where they drag slightly on the floor. He lowers himself into the seat with a loud exhale, crossing one leg over the other and snapping his fingers as if keeping time to music nobody else can hear.
“Yeah, yes, uh. Exactly! Now tell me, 163, does that prospective purchase look subdued or restrained to you?” 163 responds in her usual nauseatingly ingratiating way, her insectoid clicks laden with honey and her nose fully stuck up his proverbial ass as she kissed it. He scoffs at her answer, turning to Topaz, who had obediently mounted the stairs after he was seated to stand behind him. “Will you get a load’a this? She—she doesn’t think—.”
He shakes his head in equal parts disgust and disappointment before turning his attention back to what is supposedly an inter-dimensional courier-of-sorts.
“You,” he says. His snapping stops. He doesn’t place the brunt of his not-inconsiderable attention upon them, the maybe-courier, but he does give them more of it than he normally would’ve at this point. There’s something in his golden gaze that both disconcerts and unsettles, the spark of that same primal instinct for destruction that haunts so many sentient species. It “Tell—tell me something. Do I, just little old me and none of the, ah, the accoutrements, do I look like a threat to you?”
PRE-ESTABLISHED RELATIONSHIP MEME 0.2
over a year ago, i made this meme & since then, it’s blown up. so, over a year later — i thought i would make a new one. so here it is, after several requests & a pile of brains, THE PRE-ESTABLISHED RELATIONSHIP MEME 0.2 send me a ✿ and i’ll fill out the template below. bold for things i could definitely see or want, italics for things i could see or am unsure of and striked out for things i don’t want or cannot see.
FRIENDSHIP. childhood friends / work buddies or coworkers / family friends / friends with benefits / smoking buddies / adventure buddies / fake friends / recently friends / party buddies / friendship of need / dying friendship / circumstantial friendship / partners in crime / old friendship / [ your muse ] is the good influence / [ your muse ] is the bad influence / [ my muse ] is the good influence / [ my muse ] is the bad influence / opposites attract / ride or die / frenemies / roommates or flatmates / penpals / exes to friends / enemies to friends / other
ROMANCE. childhood sweethearts / [ your muse is mines ] childhood crush / [ my muse is yours ] childhood crush / exes / exes to lovers / forbidden lovers / highschool sweethearts / secret relationship / opposites attract / long distance / unrequited [ from your muses side ] / unrequited [ from my muses side ] / unrequited [ from both sides ] / skinny love / friends to lovers / enemies to lovers / spurious relationship / power couple / newly entered / soulmates [ metaphorical ] / soulmates [ literal ] / awkward / turning toxic / toxic love / cheating [ on your muse ] / cheating [ with your muse ] / other
FAMILIAL. siblings [ half ] / siblings [ step ] / [ my muse ] is an older sibling figure to your younger sibling figure / [ my muse ] is a younger sibling figure to your older sibling figure muse / [ my muse ] is a parental figure to yours / [ my muse ] is a child figure to your muse / guardian figure / legal guardian / adoptive child / foster child / [ your muse ] is taken under mines wing / [ my muse ] is taken under yours wing / other
ANTAGONISTIC. dangerous to each other / dangerous to others / unpredictable / rivals / petty / developing into sexual or romantic tension / based off family matters / based of off circumstance / based of professional matters / based off misunderstanding or lies / conflict of ideology / betrayal / hero - villain dynamic / enemies / fight club / friends turned enemies / lovers turned enemies / exes turned enemies / other
nonsexual acts of intimacy --- select from the following for my muse to respond to:
♔ : Finding your muse wearing their clothes ♕ : Holding hands ♖ : Having their hair washed by your muse ♗ : Your muse falling asleep with their head in my muse’s lap. ♘ : Cuddling in a blanket fort ♙ : Sharing a bed ♚ : Head scratches ♛ : Sharing a dessert ♜ : Shoulder rubs ♝ : Reading a book together ♞ : Caring for each other while ill (specify which party is which) ♟ : Patching up a wound ♤ : Taking a bath together ♧ : Your muse playing with their hair ♡ : Accidentally falling asleep together ♢ : Forehead or cheek kisses ♠ : Your muse adjusting their jewelry/neck tie/ etc. ♣ : Back scratches ♥ : Your muse crying about something ♦ : Slow dancing
Alright, the jazzy mood has hit! ✨ I’ve got one reply, like for a starter when I finish with that! Only offering those with published bios rn. (Mac, Mickey Holliday, the Grandmaster)
Other takers?
You could also send memes. 🥺 Oscar’s memes, GBS memes.
