Trash @golden--trash - Tumblr Blog

kosmogrl

Mom

Jan 16 2025

I used to hate a lot of who I am. I’d hear an echo in my head of my mother and sisters commenting on their own bodies.

“I shouldn’t eat that”

*pinches tummy*

“Im embarrassed of the way my veins pop out my hands”

But a moment later, a stranger would tell me, “you look just like them!”

They meant it as a compliment. But does that mean I’m supposed to hate my body, too?

Around 5 years old, I was laying in a church pew with my mom and Angela. I held my mom’s hand. I used to trace her veins with my fingers pretending they were race cars and she was the track. I thought it was magical to have such powerful veins that stuck out so boldly and strong. She prayed that they would lie flat. I prayed mine would look just like hers.

Now I’m older. But I haven’t followed in my mother’s footsteps. While they may look the same, my view is rather different. I look at my stretch marks and am reminded of the waves of the ocean. I’m powerful like a tide. I see grey hairs. I am wise and lucky enough to have lived this long. Someday I’ll have a pooch stomach and think I am magical and created a life inside of me.

I think my two oldest sisters have a hard time forgiving my mom. But I think it’s because they haven’t forgiven themselves. They still look at their body with hatred. And my mother’s body mirrors it.

It’s hard to forgive something you want to rid of.

It’s not my mother’s fault. She’s beautiful and magical and so so strong. But where I see beauty, they sometimes see flaws.

#me #mine #personal #txt

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