wait, is that KITTY WILDE? they kinda look a lot like SYDNEY SWEENEY, don’t they? i heard the TWENTY-ONE year old is known as the SOCIALITE around mckinley. it seems like they auditioned to be in THE TROUBLEONES which is so lame? people at campus have said they’re BEAUTIFUL, but don’t be fooled since they’re also CRUEL. rumor has it, you can find them at CHEERIOS AND CELIBACY CLUB when they aren’t belting show tunes. their entire vibe revolves around AN IMMACULATE SOCIAL MEDIA FEED, ICE-COLD EYES THAT CAN FIND AND EXPLOIT YOUR WEAKNESSES WITHIN SECONDS, THE PERFECT CHERRY RED LIP GLOSS but no one pays attention to that here in ohio.
HEADCANONS
All of Kitty’s life has revolved around being perfect. Her father was an extremely successful entrepreneur, and her mother was your typical trophy wife, so Kitty was expected to be the immaculate trophy daughter. She largely took it in her stride, and her mixture of familial wealth, inherited ruthlessness, and the most devastatingly beautiful face her small town had ever seen was the perfect concoction to be mutually adored and feared throughout her adolescence.
(Sexual assault TW) When Kitty was eleven years old, she was assaulted at a sleepover by her friend’s older brother. Being generally maladapted to deal with her own emotions, as well as wrestling with a lifetime of religious shame, Kitty never breathed a word of it to anyone, choosing instead to pretend that it hadn’t happened and enacting her indirect revenge on her abuser’s sister. She tells herself that it’s fine and that she’s moved on, but the truth is that she’s never been further than a chaste makeout session, and it’s not because of the cross she wears around her neck as armour.
Despite this, Kitty has a reputation, and not one that most people would be happy with. It doesn’t bother her though, and she’s never found herself in a situation feeling pressured to engage in any activities she wasn’t enthusiastic about- not that any guy who valued his face remaining intact would ever try to pressure her. She’s never attempted actual dating; her romantic involvements have been sporadic and commitment-free, despite some genuinely trying otherwise. Any desire for a relationship is spurred on by her image than any genuine feelings.
The need to be perfect still permeates Kitty’s entire existence- at least, that is, the need to appear perfect. She wakes up at 5 am every morning to complete her 18-step skincare, haircare, and makeup routine as well as squeeze in an hour at the gym before class. Her flawless GPA has never wavered for a moment, despite a manicured Instagram feed that shows her at every party within a 20 mile radius of Lima, occasionally also taking private flights to LA and New York for more exclusive events. Kitty’s life is the stuff of legends, but you’d be hard-pressed to hear her describe herself as ‘happy’.
BASICS
full name: christina “kitty” elyse wilde
pronouns: she/her
nicknames: k
hometown: sun valley, idaho
birthday & age: october 7th / 21 years old
relationship status: single
sexuality: straight, but not narrow
occupation: student at mckinley arts college
sports/clubs: cheerio, celibacy club
glee club: the troubletones
major: fashion design
CONNECTIONS
hunter clarington: turns out you can't have the most insane hots and sexual tension with someone like that without eventually catching feelings. kitty's never been very good at being a girlfriend but for hunter? she's damn sure gonna try.
quinn fabray: the candle on kitty's altar bears the holy image of quinn fabray.
marissa gardner: kitty tortured her in high school. still does every now and then.
kurt hummel: the most unlikely pair at mckinley, but he's one of the few people in her design classes that don't make her want to scream
dottie kazatori: kitty’s charity case, but she’d be lying if she said she felt total disdain for the girl.
ryder lynn: you know when you break up with a situationship because he chose a catfish but then six months later you trauma bond and are now friends?
madison mccarthy: madison's most common reaction from kitty is an eye roll but what kitty would never admit is that they're friends.
sugar motta: sugar cheered her on while she poured sand over aaron tomson's head in kindergarten. they've been joined at the hip ever since.
sebastian smythe: friends, but if you ever see a knife in kitty’s back, check sebastian’s kitchen drawer first.
jeff sterling: when kitty joined sterling silver she’d hoped for a slightly more chilled-out frontman.
Sugar: Good luck to Hunter there
Sugar: You know Papa Motta will be happy for you though 💚
Sugar: Omg. What are the chances? Don't get her anthrax or anything else that will get you on a government database.
Sugar: Why she's yelling so much? Maybe I should get her tickets to one of those rage rooms where you just smash a lot of china for an hour
Sugar: Okay that's a good start, thank you.
Kitty: I still need to figure out how to approach the topic of “I have a serious boyfriend who btw is the son of the guy who almost cost you your business oh and also he swiped my v card pre-marriage”.
Kitty: Papa Motta would be so happy that I finally have a use for those damn condoms.
Kitty: Fine. A live snake. Or a dead one?
Kitty: That’s actually not the worst idea. Something to sedate her. I don’t know what her deal is these days.
Sugar: Damn, what would Alyssa say?
Sugar: You know I will.
Sugar: Quinn
Sugar: I know you practically worshipped her for at least freshman year so I thought you might have some ideas or tips
Kitty: She'd make me memorise an old testament prophet book and then probably castrate Hunter with her bare hands. Unless, of course, Christopher actually murdered Hunter first.
Kitty: God, can we trade? I got Satan. Tell me not to get her a box of anthrax.
Kitty: My first instinct is to say Xanax, but honestly that would be more of a gift for me. I'm sick of her yelling at us during practice.
Kitty: Something classic maybe? She's not as flashy as us. Something understated, maybe vintage. Chanel or Dior.
Sugar: You're like a new woman
Sugar: What?
Sugar: Oh! No! It's not guy related. Though I did downloaded Hinge last night so I'll keep you posted.
Sugar: I wanted to ask for your help with this secret santa thing
Kitty: I know. I bought a push-up bra the other day. Like, who am I?
Kitty: God, thoughts and prayers. Send screenshots of anything embarrassing.
Kitty: Who did you get?
Sugar: I'm scandalised
Sugar: Yeah I'm good thank you, just the same old same old.
Sugar: I was just wondering if you could help me with something though
HUNTER: That is true. Which I am incredibly impressed with. Your willpower is certainly something to be admired.
HUNTER: I already have the best prize I could've asked for.
HUNTER: Although I am curious what kind of prize you'd have in mind.
Now that you’re locked down, has the cherry popped?
On the off-chance that my mother ever comes across this account, I'm going to say; absolutely not, celibacy is the paramount of human virtue. I don't know what a cherry is, I don't know what it means to pop one, and my focus is still entirely on my Heavenly Father, not being tempted by snakes, especially if they only have one eye.
For everyone else; I tendered my resignation from the celibacy club last week. I'd go congratulate Hunter if I were you, Lord knows he's earned it.
HUNTER: Because now there's no way that you can deny that I was right. You couldn't resist me.
HUNTER: Plus have you seen yourself? Getting you to date me will forever be up there with one of my greatest accomplishments. I deserve to be proud.
HUNTER: The feeling will be mutual when I do the same in return.
HUNTER: I would offer to something to help get you through, but we both know it would have the opposite effect. I am irresistible after all. I would hate to put you through further torture.
HUNTER: I have plenty of spares, feel free to keep it.
HUNTER: Lord knows I wouldn't complain seeing you in it at some point.
HUNTER: But you already knew that.
Hunter. Never thought I'd ever have an answer to this question, but he knows me inside out, and I'm actually stunned at how okay I am with that. I guess that's what trust is.
How does it feel watching Ryder move on with Sebastian?
I feel pity for both of them, honestly. Sebastian, because he has to deal with Ryder's nerd shit, and Ryder because he has to deal with Seb's menopausal mood swings.
If you could have your dream Glee Club, which 12 members would you pick?
Of course, the head bitches of the Tones, minus Satan, because this choir will not have bad vibes. Then from the Nude Erections, I'd have to go with Quinn because duh, Ryder because the choir can't be too cool, and I hate to say it, but Berry. As long as she keeps her mouth firmly shut when not singing during rehearsals. Nobody from Vocal Adrenaline because they're terrifying. And then from the Warblers, Smythe and Nick can hold their own, and of course Hunter, partly because of talent, and partly because of boyfriend nepotism.
Knock yourself out, but he'll just call you a minion of the antichrist and say you're probably a spy from Deep Pharma.
He does, my dad funds his grocery bill ever since he ended up in the hospital with severe dehydration. Of course, the majority of water companies are in on the conspiracy too, so his options are limited. I'm telling you, it's hell inside this man's head.
Yeah, he doesn’t need to know that. And honestly, neither do my parents. They’re not insane like him but I wasn’t allowed to listen to music with drums in it til I was fourteen.
Yeah, the tax evasion isn’t a secret either, he’s really proud of it. Honestly, it’s kind of inspiring.
RYDER: Me either, stuff never works out well for me.
RYDER: Part of me is still waiting for the other shoe to drop.
RYDER: Nope, no freaking. We've been doing the other stuff since his birthday though so it made it easier to trust him.
RYDER: Oh, good to know.
RYDER: But you're still friends, right?
KITTY: Honestly, same. I keep waiting for Hunter to realise what a massive bitch I am sometimes and pack up and go. But he’s still here and, like… devoted? It’s wild.
KITTY: Do you think things could keep going well with Seb?
KITTY: Well it’s good you could build up to it. Congrats on the sex.
KITTY: Yeah, of course. We’re just friends who fight.
