Just The Imagination Of A Girl

Ask is open. If you send an ask, please be patient with me and give me time to answer. Block B, exo, bts (solos too). Who else? 💜

[gongsanghada]

Hi friends and new followers! 👋🏻

I’ve had a difficult December and start of the new year. Lots of health difficulties (I’m fine).

Desperately sorry for not posting updates for the fics. I have them. I just don’t have the energy.

Sorry for the lack of activity.

I genuinely hope you all are having a great start to the new year! 🤍

[gongsanghada]

Stay | Part 2

He squared up with Tristan, “First of all, I’m not “your guy,” I’m hers.” He nodded towards me, “Secondly, I’d be happy to settle this outside.”

Almost two weeks had passed since I met Yoongi and I was still at his house. It was like I had fallen into some weird alternate dimension.

Every time I tried to bring up the subject of me leaving and going back to my place he changed the subject or said “Okay. Later.”

I’d pretty much stopped going to work. Though my third job I did pop in a few times when Yoongi was busy writing. I was surprised by how much writing he actually did considering he was enlisting soon. When I’d left for work those few times I did stop by the apartment and only went in when I knew Jamie wasn’t there. I grabbed whatever I could and shoved it into a backpack so I could have some of my things at Yoongi’s house.

We didn’t leave his house much. Tourist season had really picked up and we both knew he wouldn’t be able to go anywhere unmasked without being recognized. Even with a mask I thought he was recognizable.

I almost felt like I was on one of those tv shows where you marry someone without knowing who they are and you’re forced to live with them for the next month to decide if you want to stay married or break up. It was so weird, but also felt so normal and comfortable. Yoongi was an absolute gentleman and was never intrusive. Everything stayed exactly like that first day and night I spent with him. He was kind and caring, never overstepped boundaries. We did sleep in the same bed, but I think he was still scared I was a “flight risk.” To be honest, I wasn’t sure if I was or not. I was still wrestling with my own feelings of existing. He was never touchy feely. If we ended up laying next to each other then we just let it happen, but we never intentionally decided to snuggle.

“Hey.” He walked into the kitchen where I was and leaned against the counter in front of me. “We need to talk.”

The one horrible phrase no one ever wanted to hear. I took a breath as I tried to steady my nerves, “Okay.”

“Let me just say all of this before you interrupt and disagree with me, okay?” I did have a habit of disagreeing with him. He was making me nervous and I just wished he’d get to the point.

I nodded so I didn’t already say something that would disagree with whatever he was going to say.

“I don't think you should go back to the apartment. I know you need somewhere to stay so I was thinking you could stay here.”

I started to speak, but closed my mouth when he held his hand up, “You can stay here and we’ll look for somewhere for you to stay…” He paused, “Or you can just stay here indefinitely.”

“Yoongi.” I started.

“I’m not done. The house stays empty when I’m not here. It would be okay if you stayed while I was gone, at least until you found something, or I came back.” He said the last line slowly, hesitantly. He waited for a moment and spoke again, “Now I’m done. Go ahead and disagree with me.” He said playfully.

I smiled and shook my head, “I don’t want to go back to the apartment either and I like being here too. I don't mind staying here as long as you’re here, if that's okay with you.” It was true. I genuinely enjoyed being at his house. It was cozy, it was safe, it didn’t house my ex best friend and ex boyfriend, and Yoongi was here. I liked being here, but only when he was here.

His brow furrowed, “Why is this going better than I thought?”

“But.”

“There it is.” He sighed and leaned deeper against the counter.

“After you leave… Yoongi everything goes back to how it was, or worse. Even before the shit with Tristan and Jamie I wasn’t happy. Nothing felt worthwhile, my life was going nowhere. I’d just go back to that, except now I have no job and no home. You’ll be gone and I won't even have you. I honestly don’t know what I’ll do or how I’ll feel.”

He laughed but in a shocked, almost offended way, “Wait so you’re telling me that even after everything, the last two weeks, I could go back to Korea for enlistment and not know if I’ll ever see you again until I get done with my training?”

“I don’t know.” I said quietly. I could feel that disappointment feeling rising up again. It was always my fault when I felt disappointed. I could stop it from happening if I just changed my answers, but then I’d be lying about how I truly felt and I also didn’t want to do that either. I guess thinking it was “my fault” wasn’t accurate. That would insinuate a pressure on me to have the “right” answers for him. It wasn’t really that, it was more like I just wanted him to be happy. I didn’t want him to be unhappy with me and I often felt like I wasn’t good enough because of my brain’s inability to behave appropriately.

He nodded and without a word turned and walked away. My heart broke watching him walk away. His face was so betrayed.

I walked to the front room of his home. There was a little window seat at one of the front windows that I always sat at since basically moving in with him. It made me feel like I actually lived here. I could look out this front window and watch people walk by or the snow fall. I pulled my legs up and wrapped my arms around them.

I really did feel like a disappointment to him and  I hoped he didn’t feel that way. I was just being honest. I’d be miserable after he left. I’d already been miserable with life before meeting him. I’d be in a worse spot than I was before he invaded my life, and now I’d have all of these incredible memories and experiences with him. I truly had nothing now. No home. No job. No boyfriend. No friends. Nothing to hope for or look forward to. What was the point? Yoongi was the only bright thing keeping me here and he was leaving.

My breath caught in my throat when it all clicked. Yoongi was leaving, but not forever. He owned this house, he’d be back. Sure he’d be gone for two years, but all I needed was something to look forward to and hope for. That was what I was depressed about before, I had nothing in my future. Now I did. Yoongi had been an incredible friend during all of this and I had just been a brat. He probably thought I was so ungrateful for constantly being unsure about my life’s status. I felt awful, but it really all just clicked right now. God, I felt so stupid for only now realizing. He probably had been thinking this the entire time and I was being little miss raincloud.

I looked up just as he walked in.

He smirked, “You remind me of a cat. Always finding the window and looking out. Maybe for a way to escape?”

I shook my head, “Ani.”

He put his hands into his pockets and became serious, “You’re not going back to the apartment. You’ll stay here and we’ll either find a new apartment for you or you’ll stay here while I’m gone. Okay?” His tone was firm and final.

I nodded in agreement, “Arrasseo.”

“Why can't it always be that easy?” He sighed and came to sit down on the window seat with me. “We’ve been stuck inside for too long. I’m sure you’re going crazy. Let’s go somewhere touristy.”

“Are you sure that’s a good idea? Someone might recognize you.”

He shrugged, “I’ll change and wear a mask.”

“Where do you want to go?” I wasn’t positive that him changing clothes and wearing a mask would keep him from being recognized, to me he was always recognizable no matter what he wore. Something about his eyes gave him away in my opinion.

“The Empire State Building.” He said as he stood up.

I groaned. He really loved doing all of the typical “New York tourist” things, which was fine, except the majority of the things I’d done with him had terrified me. First ice skating and now the Empire State Building.

“What? You don’t want to go?” He leaned against the wall and crossed his arms. Another one of those simple normal things everyone does, but when Min Yoongi did it, it made my heart flutter.

“It’s not that, I'm just afraid of heights. Actually it’s the whole idea of plummeting to my death I’m not fond of.”

Yoongi laughed quietly, “You’re really picky with how you want to die aren’t you?”

I smirked, his death jokes always made me smile as odd as it sounds. “I only get one shot at it.” …

We stood on top of the roof of the Empire State Building. The ice cold wind whipped around us. I tried to keep my hair somewhat ruly, but every time I got it to be where I wanted it, the wind just pulled it out of place.

Snow covered the concrete half walls of the roof and was packed against the base of the walls. Thankfully they’d sprinkled salt on the floor so it wasn’t slippery. That would increase my anxiety exponentially.

“Let's take a picture.” Yoongi pulled me to him and wrapped his arm around my waist. I smiled happily as the wind blew my hair around and he took the picture. He pulled his phone down and looked at the picture. I couldn’t help but look at him. I always found myself stealing glances of him when he wasn’t paying attention. He was dressed head to toe in black. Even in his oversized black hoodie, black mask and black bucket hat I still felt like he was immediately recognizable. His black hair fell in his eyes blocking them from my view. I loved his eyes, they were possibly my favourite part of his face. Every part of him was handsome, but something about those eyes made me feel like he could see into my soul.

“Let’s do it again, that one wasn't cute.” He pulled his mask down and I immediately got nervous. “Try to look cute this time.” He joked with a smirk.

I turned to look at him, shock plastered on my face. “Did you really just say that?”

He laughed, “I was hoping you’d say something in Korean.”

I wasn’t upset about his statement, I knew he was joking even when he said it. He would never be that intentionally mean. I knew what he wanted me to say, and just for his snarky comment I wasn’t going to say it.

“Take the picture.” I pulled him back to me and leaned my head on his arm. He took the picture and looked at it again as he pulled his mask back up.

“Would you like me to take a picture of you and your boyfriend?” An older woman tapped me on the arm gently. I started to answer, but Yoongi spoke before me, “Oh I don’t know her.” He took a few steps away from me as the older woman looked shocked and walked away.

“Ya!” I ran over to him and playfully slapped his arm. “Wae geurae?” I asked why he was being so annoying. He turned around laughing, “That wasn’t the phrase I was wanting, but it’ll work.” I knew he wanted me to ask if he wanted to die in the typical joking manner. For some reason it was his favourite thing for me to say. “Come here.” He took my hand and pulled me over to the edge of the building to look over the edge. I immediately went rigid only this time I wasn’t sure if it was from my crippling fear of heights or because Yoongi had his chest pressed against my back.

I gripped onto the fence as if flimsy metal would save me from falling to the sidewalk below.

Yoongi leaned forward, his body pressing even more into mine. His head moved past mine and he looked below. “Everyone looks tiny.” I didn’t want to look at the people below, not only would it scare me but it would take my attention away from him. If I was going to make it two years without him I wanted to remember everything. Every experience, every moment, every inch of him.

He stood up and looked at the sky, “Look up, it’s like we’re flying.” I followed his instructions and let my head rest on his shoulder. One of his hands went to my hip to steady both of us, or at least that’s what I assumed. All I could see was clouds, there was nothing else, no buildings, no trees, just sky. It really was like we were flying.

I closed my eyes and just enjoyed the brief moment of being here with him, in his arms. Even if it wasn’t romantic, being in his arms felt safe.

“It’s freezing, let’s go inside.” He took my hand again, both of our hands felt like icicles. “Do you want a souvenir?” He pointed to the gift shop.

I thought about it for a moment and nodded. We started to walk towards the shop, “What do you want?” I pulled his hand so he’d stop walking, “The pictures.”

I wish he didn’t have to wear the mask, it was so hard to determine his emotion when all I could see were his eyes.

“Hand me your phone.” I could hear the smile in his voice and was grateful that he was smiling. I put my passcode in and handed it to him, “What am I in your phone?” He asked as he scrolled through my contacts.

I smirked, “A cat emoji.”

He stopped and looked at me, his eyes looked confused, “Why?”

“Fans always use a cat emoji when they talk about you. I didn't want to put your name in my phone just in case someone saw it. It’d start a lot of drama for you. That’s why I don't say your name when we’re in public.” I looked around, remembering that there were other people here and it wasn’t just him and I.

“You need a nickname for me.” He laughed as he transferred the pictures to my phone.

“Goyangi.” I suggested the word for “cat.”

“Ani.” He said flatly, disagreeing with me.

“But it's cute and close to your name.” I unintentionally whined. It was cute.

“Gwiyeopda.” His voice was quiet, but I heard it. Every time he said “cute” I never knew if it was about me or what we were talking about.

“Ani.” I disagreed with him either way, “GoYoongi.” I nudged him and suggested a mix of “cat” and his name.

“Ani.” He kept looking at my phone.

“Yeah its too long,” I shoved my hands into my pocket, “maybe if I shorten it to…” I thought about different combinations before I settled on, “Gogi!” I used the first and last syllables of “GoYoongi.”

He stopped looking at my phone and looked at me, “You’re going to call me “meat?” He sounded completely unimpressed.

I bit my lip trying not to laugh, “Ani.”

“Here.” He handed me my phone, “I changed some things in your phone, like my name.”

I unlocked my phone as we went inside. The warm air was incredible. It felt so good after being outside. I could feel my fingers beginning to thaw out.

He changed my wallpaper to the picture of us without his mask. It was such a cute picture and such a sweet gesture for him to change it to that picture. I’d be too nervous to do it. I’d feel like he thought I was trying to be clingy.

I opened my contacts, there was no longer a cat emoji contact. “What did you change it to?” I scrolled and looked for anything obvious.

“An appropriate nickname to call me.” He wrapped his arm around my shoulders and led me to the elevator as I looked at my phone’s screen.

“Go-gi?” I said slowly as I scrolled to the G’s. He laughed. I felt like now I had to call him “gogi” every once in a while as a joke.

There was obviously nothing there. Which also knocked out “goyangi” and “goyoongi.” I scrolled to the M’s maybe he put in his full name, “Min Yoongi.” There was nothing. I went to the Y’s for “Yoongi.” There was nothing.

I looked up at him, “What did you set it as?”

He took my phone again and a second later handed it to me. On the screen was his updated contact. The picture was the picture of us and the name he’d chosen as an “appropriate nickname,” made my heart skip a beat.

내 윤기

I looked at the words and re-read them over and over, making sure it said what I thought it said.

“My Yoongi.”

It was so sweet, but also confusing. I wasn’t sure what that meant. Was he just being his normal, adorably frustrating self and put “My Yoongi” because I threatened to call him “gogi?” Was he doing it just to try and get me to say the Korean phrase he loved to hear?

Or did he do it for more romantic reasons? We’d not done anything romantic together. Everything we’d done so far had been fairly platonic.

I was going to say something about it, but my phone started vibrating. I looked at the name and groaned.

“What is it?”

“Tristan.” I held up my phone to him.

Without hesitating, he grabbed my phone and answered it. I gasped, “What are you doing?” I asked quietly.

“What do you want?” He asked in his most serious voice.

“It doesn’t matter who I am.” He responded to whatever Tristan asked.

I grabbed the phone from Yoongi, “What do you want Tristan?”

“Who is that?” He asked.

“What do you want?” I repeated my question.

“Baby, come on.” Yoongi leaned in and spoke near the phone. I moved the phone away from him. I felt like I stopped breathing. I looked at him with wide eyes and mouthed, “What the fuck?” He laughed.

“Baby?” Tristan asked.

“Did you call for a reason or just to be annoying?” I asked my ex.

“I have some of your stuff.”

“Fine, drop it off at the apartment and I’ll get it later.” I hung up the phone without letting him answer.

The elevator door chimed and a group of us filed into the tiny compartment.

“You’re insane.” I thought about what he’d done and it was pretty funny. I knew he was just trying to make Tristan jealous.

Yoongi pulled me close to him to make room for other people. I stood in front of him as the rest of the passengers crammed in.

He put his arms around my waist and leaned down to whisper in my ear, “That girl has a BTS shirt on.”

I looked over and near the front of the elevator was a girl who looked to be near my age or younger was wearing a BTS shirt under her winter jacket. I nodded, letting Yoongi know I saw her. I turned my head to him, “Just keep your head down.” I tried to be as quiet as I could.

He let his head rest on my shoulder as if he were tired. I tried to ignore her. The elevator ride was surprisingly long considering how many floors it was. I tucked my hair behind my ear and heard a quiet gasp.

Fuck

I knew it was her and I knew I was the reason she gasped. I always forgot about my stupid tattoo, she must have seen it when I moved my hair. I saw her scooting towards me out of the corner of my eye.

“You’re Army!” She said quietly, not wanting to disturb the other passengers.

I smiled and nodded.

“Who’s your bias?” She asked excitedly.

This was going to be an awkward conversation I could already tell.

“I’d probably say Suga.”

She gave me a sympathetic look, “Oh he's cute isn’t he!”

I smiled. I didn’t want to nod or respond verbally since “Suga” was standing right behind me.

“He seems like he’d be really nice.” I added.

The girl nodded, “Yeah…He also seems a little crazy.” She looked off into space imagining “crazy Yoongi.”

I laughed quietly, “Oh definitely. He’s definitely insane.” I joked. Yoongi’s arms tightened around my waist as if to show his approval or acceptance of my statement.

“You know though, that could be a good thing, if you catch my drift.” She winked at me.

I bit the inside of my cheek, I knew exactly what she meant and it was something I didn’t want to think about at this very moment. I couldn’t stop myself from smiling though at her suggestion. I just didn’t want Yoongi to know how I felt about the subject.

“Oh sorry!” She looked at the head on my shoulder. “Your boyfriend probably doesn’t want to hear you talk about how good other guys would be in the bedroom… I mean...” She made a suggestive face, “Unless he does. I know some couples are definitely into that. No judgement.”

“I’m definitely okay with this convo.” Yoongi’s voice came from behind me. He kept his head resting on my shoulder.

“Ohh, you’ve got a winner!” The girl joked.

I shook my head in disbelief. If I was going to ask him if he wanted to die this would be the time to ask him.

“Jimin is cute too.” I said as a challenge to Yoongi’s insane amount of confidence.

The girl visibly swooned, “He’s my bias. He’s such an angel and I love every single thing about him.”

“He seems like he’d be a handful. An angel, but a handful.” I added.

“Absolutely, but he’s one of the youngest and  a dancer, so he has more stamina.” She nudged me. It was nice talking to someone about BTS. I felt like this girl definitely wrote smutty fanfics for BTS. No judgement, I enjoyed the occasional smut fest myself, I’ve just never discussed it with another human being.

Yoongi’s arms fell from my waist. I knew he was annoyed that we had moved the conversation from him to Jimin. I reached down and grabbed his hands and pulled his arms back around me.

The girl was quiet for a moment and I knew she was deep in thought about her bias. I always thought Jimin was attractive, but had never had those types of feelings about him. He was just a cute little cinnamon roll to me.

“That boy.” She finally said, clearly flustered, “He basically makes love to the stage every time he performs, I can’t even imagine how he’d perform...” She trailed off as her eyes glazed over getting lost in her own little Jimin fantasy. I smiled to myself, her admiration for that boy was cute. I just hoped she wasn’t a crazy fan.

Yoongi’s arms attempted to fall from my waist again, but I held them tightly in place.

Thankfully, the elevator doors chimed and opened just in time. Everyone started to file out and we waited patiently. I started to move just as the others in the back began to file out, but Yoongi’s arms held me tightly in place against his chest. It was a small thing, but it felt very dominant. There were a few times since meeting him he did things like this that just made me melt and do whatever he was asking or tell me.

I tried to move again and this time he took my hand and we walked off the elevator. He kept his head down and I saw the BTS shirt girl waiting just outside the elevator for me.

I pulled him to face me, “Go wait for me outside.”

He looked at me, for some reason he looked concerned.

I smiled, “Just go wait for me at the car, it’ll be fine.” I wasn’t sure why he looked concerned but I tried to be as reassuring as I could. There was no reason for him to be concerned or worried about anything.

He nodded and walked away.

I smiled at the girl and walked over to her.

“I’m Krista by the way.” She placed her hand on her chest.

“Madi. Nice to meet you.” I smiled and looked past her. Yoongi hadn’t gone outside, he waited inside the lobby just at the doors and was watching us. Something about him watching so intently was somehow very hot.

“Do you have Kakao or something?” Krista’s voice pulled my attention away from Yoongi.

I shook my head, “I don’t.”

“Oh…” She sounded genuinely upset. “Well I’ll give you my handle in case you ever decide to download it and you can message me!”

“Sure.” I opened my phone and felt my heart stop as my homescreen was now a picture of me with Yoongi. I quickly opened my notes app so she wouldn’t see my wallpaper. “Here. Just leave the app up otherwise I’ll forget.” I made an excuse for her not to close the app. I wasn’t sure if she would, but I didn't want to risk it.

“I do that too, leave apps open so I don’t forget something.” She typed in her info and handed me back my phone. “It was really nice meeting you.” She smiled again and waved as she walked away.

I wasn’t sure if I’d download the app or ever talk to the girl again, but it was nice meeting someone with an interest in kpop. Jamie was never interested nor cared, she never even pretended to care or let me talk to her about it. She’d say it was boring and would walk away.

I walked to Yoongi. He pushed open the door for me before I even got to him. He was silent and I felt something was off with him.

I reached for the car door handle, but he took my hand and opened the door himself. I tried to ignore it, but it was another sign that something was off. He’d never done that before and I wasn’t sure why he was now all of a sudden.

He rolled up the partition between the front and backseats as he shut the car door.

“What the fuck was that?” He asked as the door shut. It wasn’t aggressive at all, he actually sounded upset.

“What?”

“Jimin? Really?” He looked upset now.

I smirked. It wasn’t that I wanted to upset him, but he had been so okay with us talking about him in a suggestive way, that I wanted to challenge him. This was why his energy had changed–he was upset about me talking about Jimin.

“What about him?” I asked, pretending to be unaware.

“You guys were talking about sleeping with him.”

I made a face, “Actually, I never said I wanted to sleep with him. I just said he was cute.” Yoongi just looked at me. “Yoongi, you were totally fine with her talking about you in the bedroom.”

“Of course I was, it’s about me. I don’t want to hear about people’s Jimin fantasies.” He looked out the window.

“It was a bit arrogant. That’s why I said Jimin was cute.”  It was honest.

“Fine, you don’t want to sleep with him, but you still think he’s cute.” He didn’t look at me, he kept his eyes on the world outside the car.

“He is cute.” I admitted, “And so are the rest of you six idiots. All of you are cute.”

He finally looked at me, “It’s Jimin, though. Girls love him. You saw how she responded when you brought him up. People don’t respond to the rest of us like that.”

I shook my head, “Are you kidding?” I was actually shocked by his statement.

“Okay, fine, Jungkook get’s that response now too.” He pushed his hair back and looked out the window again.

I turned to face him, “They get that response from their fans. You guys get that response from your fans too. You should see some of the things your fans say about you online.”

He looked at me again, his face looked hurt, “My fan just changed the subject to Jimin though.”

It was like a dagger into my heart. I wanted to die right then. He was genuinely hurt and upset about what I’d said. I did the only thing I knew to do to try and cheer him up.

“Ya…” I pushed his arm, “Jugeullae?”  I asked his favourite question. He started to smile and pushed it away. He shook his head and looked out the window.

I unbuckled my seat belt and moved next to him. “You’re my bias, all day, every day until the end of time.” I  thread my arm through his and let my head rest on his arm, “I don’t like arrogant guys and I’m sorry if I upset you by bringing up Jimin. Every single one of you bangtan boys are cute, but only one of you has spent every day for the last two weeks keeping me alive. No one will ever take that bias spot from you.” I looked up at him, he was still looking out the window, but had a small smile on his face. I poked his cheek with my finger and quietly said, “gogi” in a quiet sweet voice. His smile grew and he shook his head.

“Nae Yoongi.” I called him the “appropriate nickname” he’d chosen.

He smiled even bigger and wrapped his arm around my shoulders.

“I don’t want to be called “meat” but somehow it's cute when you do it.”

…

“Stay here.” Yoongi instructed me as we got back to my old apartment. I watched him walk around the car to my door and opened it. I gave him a confused look as I stepped out.

“What was that?” I asked as he shut the car door.

“You never let me open your door, you always do it.” He looked down the road to make sure there were no cars coming.

“I didn’t know you wanted to.” I didn’t know guys still did that. Tristan never opened the door for me. He actually never did any of that sweet stuff.

He nodded and looked down at me. His eyes were so gentle and kind, “I do. Let me.”

I smiled as my heart fluttered. “Okay.” He was such a gentleman. Something this small shouldn’t make my heart flutter… Did that mean I was easily impressed, or did it mean I’d just had horrible boyfriends in the past?

I stood in front of my old apartment door and read the sign that was hanging on it. “She’s having a bridal shower.” I wasn’t sad, surprisingly, I was more annoyed and disgusted.

Yoongi pulled the sign off the door and tossed it down the hallway, “Who cares.” I smiled and laughed quietly. His whole “devil may care” attitude was really attractive. It was the sweet, but also bad boy vibe he had that I loved.

Jamie was sitting on the couch surrounded by her friends and some family. I knew some of the family members, but the friends were all new to me.

“Madi.” Jamie stood. Her voice sounded shocked. “You came.”

I raised an eyebrow, “Not for you.” I kept walking towards my room when Yoongi spoke in a loud enough voice Jamie would hear.

“Is that the girl he’s with now?”

I nodded.

He laughed slightly, “What an idiot.” He put his arm around me and we walked to my room.

“Thank you.” I said as I shut the door on Jamies party.

“For what?” He plopped down on the bed.

“For being a jerk.” I smirked and looked at him. He looked so relaxed and handsome.

“That’s a first,” he laughed, “but you’re welcome.”

I looked through the box Tristan had dropped off. It was little things I had given him that used to mean something, but now meant nothing. Essentially it was a box of trash. I sighed and put the box on the floor.

“Let’s go out tonight.” Yoongi leaned back, holding his body weight with his arms behind him.

“Tonight?” It was already evening, it felt very last minute.

“Yeah, We’ve never gone out out. And now we have something to celebrate.” He smirked.

I wasn’t sure what he was talking about, “What are we celebrating?”Nothing happened, other than Jamie having a bridal shower and him being a jerk about the entire situation, which I did appreciate.

“I’m your bias.” He kept smiling, proud of the nonaccomplishment.

It was cute that that was why he wanted to celebrate, but I hadn’t gone out to a club since I first moved here. I wasn’t even sure if I had anything to wear. I walked over to my closet and moved some clothes around. “I really need to get the rest of my things.” I pulled a short black dress from the closet and held it up.

“I’ll call someone.” He responded to me as if it were no big deal. He was incredibly sweet for wanting to take care of everything, but it also made me feel bad because I felt like I was relying too much on him. “That’s cute.” He pointed to the dress I was holding.

I had pulled it out of the closet because I thought it was too skimpy. It was incredibly short and had a small slit on one side of the skirt. The top was also low enough that with the right bra I’d have plenty of cleavage. I wondered why I had it in my closet. Hearing him say it was cute, settled it: I would wear this dress.

… I wrapped my bare arms around my waist as if that was going to keep me warm in the November New York night time air.

Yoongi shook his head and smiled, “Come here.” He opened his leather jacket. I slid my arms around his waist and let my head rest on his chest. He closed the jacket around me and I happily welcomed the warmth of his body as we slowly made our way to the front of the club.

He looked incredible tonight. He was once again in all black. His black tee was tucked into his black jeans. His hair was parted to the side and every now and then would fall in his eyes. He once again wore a black mask to keep from being noticed. I was grateful he was trying to remain private and not have our time out surrounded by fans, but I also hated it. I just wanted to see his smile.

“What do you want to drink?” He asked over the loud music of the club.

“Whatever you’re getting.” I stood on my toes to shout in his ear.

The music was impossibly loud, I could feel the bass of the songs vibrating through my body. Yoongi took my hand and pulled me to the bar and ordered two drinks. I looked around the club as we waited. It was dark, as most clubs are, lights were flashing and there were so many people squished on the dance floor. Around the club were tables where it was even darker. I hoped that if we got a table he’d take his mask off.

He handed me a drink with a straw and I took a sip, it was something fruity and delicious. It wasn’t a drink I expected him to choose and I knew he only chose it for me. It was one of those “dangerous drinks,” the ones that don’t taste like alcohol but get you incredibly drunk incredibly fast. A few moments later he grabbed his drink and turned to me. “How are you halfway done?” His eyes were wide as if he were shocked with how quickly I had downed the drink.

I shrugged and smiled, “Just thirsty I guess.” He took my hand and led me up some stairs to an empty table. It was extremely dark just as I had hoped.

He pulled his mask down to take a drink of his and I finally was able to see his beautiful face. Yoongi looked up and caught me staring at him. He smirked, “Are you going to message the girl you met today?”

I shrugged and took another drink, “I don’t know.” I wasn’t sure why he was asking, was he still upset about the Jimin comment? He couldn’t be. Him being jealous or upset was normal and totally warranted, but he didn’t seem like the type of guy to dwell on little things like that.

“You should. You two seemed to get along and you deserve friends that aren’t Jamie.” He brushed his hair back so gracefully and sat his drink down on the table.

I smiled, he wasn't upset. He just wanted me to have good friends. I nodded, “Maybe I will then.”

He slid his drink over to me as I finished mine, “I’ll get another one.”

“Are you sure?” I knew it was a bad idea to drink two drinks so quickly. I’d be stumbling down the steps soon enough.

Yoongi nodded with a smile and pulled his mask back up as people walked by. I turned to look at the dance floor as I took a drink. I hadn’t been to a club in so long. Tristan never liked going to clubs with me, he said they were noisy and boring. After he and I started dating I just stopped going. It felt like I was cheating on him if I went alone or with friends to the club. I had a boyfriend, why did I need to go to the club? At least that was my thought process at the time. Looking back, I could see how incredibly flawed that thinking was. I could’ve gone to the club because I liked dancing and letting loose and hanging out with friends.

I looked back at Yoongi, he was watching me intently. I realised I was unintentionally biting the straw in a flirtatious way. I lowered my eyes feeling my cheeks get warm with slight embarrassment.

“I love this song.” I said out loud to no one as the DJ began a new song. It was one of those songs with extremely suggestive lyrics that seemed almost too inappropriate to play on the radio, but I loved it.

“Let’s go dance then.” Yoongi held out his hand.

I took one last drink and shook my head, “No, I can’t dance with you.”

“Why not?” He pulled his hand away.

It wasn’t that I didn’t want to dance with Yoongi, but it was Yoongi. He was a performer, I'd feel so unskilled next to him.

“I can’t dance.” I answered kind of truthfully.

He laughed, “Neither can I.”

I furrowed my brow, “That’s literally your job Yoongi, at least some of it.”

He shook his head and took my hand to lead me down the stairs to the dance floor. My head felt light and the room already felt a bit spinny. Those drinks were definitely doing their job. Maybe it wouldn’t be so bad, dancing with Yoongi. I’d had two drinks, and was always considered a “lightweight,” maybe I’d have no inhibitions. Maybe I wouldn’t care how I danced or looked.

He pulled me onto the crowded dance floor and wrapped my arm around his neck. I couldn’t help but smile, it was a very cute and smooth move. His hands gently found their way to my hips and he pulled me to him. As our bodies moved together I couldn’t help but let my cheek rest on his, my other hand slid up his back. I felt like my heart was going to beat out of my chest, it felt so strong, he had to feel it. His hands stayed on my hips, he was being a gentleman and I wasn’t sure if I appreciated it or if I wanted him to do more. Our bodies moved against each other and I loved feeling every inch of his body pressed against mine.

“There’s a guy over there who hasn’t stopped looking at you since we came over.” He whispered in my ear through his mask. I pulled back just enough to look him in the eyes, “Maybe he’s staring at you.”

He shook his head and looked behind me, “He’s definitely staring at you.”

“Then let him keep staring.” I leaned back into him and let my hand slide up the back of his neck. That was the only time his gentle touch on my hips changed. As my hand slid up his neck his hands tightened on my hips. The rest of the song was spent pressed against him, our bodies moving against each other. It was pure heaven. Every movement increased my eagerness for him. It had to be the alcohol, but I wanted to do more with him. I wanted to kiss him, I wanted to pull his clothes off, I wanted more. I knew it was the alcohol. I wasn’t that confident.

Yoongi let his hands fall from my waist and pulled away as the song ended. “I’ll go grab a couple drinks.” He turned and went to the bar.

I nodded and started to walk back to the table just as a girl came up to me, “Hey.” She smiled brightly. Her perfume surrounded me, she was one of those impossibly beautiful girls, tanned skin, long dark hair slicked back into an Ariana pony, her make up was incredibly perfect. “Hey.” I responded nervously.

“Is that your boyfriend?” She glanced back at Yoongi standing at the bar.

“Oh, um…” I wasn’t sure how to answer that question. He wasn’t my boyfriend, but I didn't want her to go after him. “No, he’s not.”

She nodded, “But you like him.”

I started to laugh nervously, “What do you mean?”

“Listen,” She threw her pony from her shoulder, “you look stunning, I noticed you when you came to the dance floor, my friend and I,” She pointed to a guy behind me, “couldn’t help but watch you and your man and the chemistry there is fire. How are you two not dating?” The guy had to be the one Yoongi said was staring at me.

I shrugged, “It’s complicated.” I shifted uncomfortably and glanced over at Yoongi, he was leaning towards the bar, but was looking at me.

“Then let’s get it going, dance with me.” She confidently put her arms around my waist, “Trust me, I’ve done this multiple times for friends. Guys love to see two beautiful girls dancing together. I don’t know, it awakens some primal thing inside them.” She shrugged, “Anyways, all of my girls have ended up with their guys after this.” She winked, “Oh I’m Aribella by the way.”

I didn’t know what else to do so I put my arms on her shoulders, “Nice to meet you, I’m Madi.”

“So why is it complicated? Is he married?”

I laughed and shook my head, “No, definitely not. I don't know, it just is. We’re just friends–.”

“With benefits?” She cut me off.

“No benefits.”

“Girl! He likes you, for real. I don't know how neither of you can't see the thirst in the other’s eyes.” The way Aribella danced was almost more sexy than the way Yoongi and I danced together. She was definitely trying to elicit a response from Yoongi on my behalf. I liked this “girl code.” Clearly my previous friends knew nothing about “girl code,” but I was starting to realise it was a blessing. If Jamie hadn’t betrayed me and gotten with Tristan, I never would have met Yoongi. Even if it was complicated with Yoongi, it was the most incredible complication I had ever experienced.

I looked over at Yoongi. He had his full body facing me now, only one elbow was leaning against the bar. I met his eyes and he shook his head. That head shake made my heart race and my entire body tingle.

The song ended too soon. “I hoped that helped.” Aribella winked at me as she walked back to her group of friends.

I took a breath and once again began walking back to our table. I glanced at Yoongi again, he kept his eyes on me as I passed him.

I walked up the steps still feeling his eyes on me. Something about him tonight was just electric. Maybe it was the alcohol, maybe it was the dance, I wasn’t sure, but everything he did was incredibly sexy tonight.

“Mads?”

I looked up and saw the last person I wanted to see– Tristan. The man could never go to the club when he was with me, but now that we weren’t together, here he was.

“Wow, you look–.”

“I know.” I cut him off. I didn’t need or want to hear whatever fake compliment he was going to give me. “Where’s Jamie?”

“Oh,” he nervously rubbed the back of his neck, “I’m just here with some of the boys.” It was extremely suspicious that he’d be here at a club with “the boys,” as an engaged man when he couldn’t ever come with me and told me he hated the club.

I nodded, unimpressed with his answer, and took a step around him to get back to our table. I was hoping he’d take a hint, but of course he didn't. I didn’t want to talk to him, I didn't want to be around him. I looked back at the bar and made eye contact with Yoongi again. I wasn’t sure what it was, maybe I looked helpless, but he ignored the bartender handing him a drink and came running up the steps.

“Everything okay?” He took his mask off as he made it to me, his arm protectively went around my waist.

I nodded, “This is Tristan.”

He looked at my ex in front of me, “Oh the idiot.”

“Excuse me?” Tristan puffed up his chest.

He laughed, “Aren’t you engaged? Or is this what you do? You get girls to fall in love with you then you cheat on them?”

“I don’t know who the fuck you think you are, my guy, but we can take this outside and settle it if you want.” Tristan took a step closer as if to threaten Yoongi. I had begun to realize that Yoongi didn’t seem to feel threatened by guys who were actually threatening him. It stressed me out.

He squared up with Tristan, “First of all, I’m not “your guy,” I’m hers.” He nodded towards me, “Secondly, I’d be happy to settle this outside.”

My heart skipped a beat. What the fuck did that mean? I smiled. Hearing him say he was “my guy,” was an incredible feeling but also kept confusing things and complicating things.

“Yoongi, don't. He’s not worth it. Trust me.” I looked at Tristan as I said the last line. He was such a big waste of time now that I thought about it. And I realized I wasn’t sad or heartbroken to see him, the only feeling I had towards him was annoyance and anger.

“Wait, is this the guy who answered your phone earlier?” Tristan stepped back and held in a laugh.

“You don’t get access to my life anymore Tristan. You lost that honour when you cheated on me.” I spoke from behind Yoongi, he kept putting his arm in the way every time I tried to step around him.

“Here’s the deal, you will never talk to her again, got it?” Yoongi spoke firmly to Tristan.

My ex laughed, “And if I do?”

I looked up at Yoongi and saw him smirk, “Don't do that.” It wasn’t an answer to his question, but to me it seemed more threatening than any consequence he could blatantly say.

Yoongi turned to me, took my hands and pulled me a few steps away from Tristan, “I don’t want you talking to him again, okay?” His voice was the same firmness as it was with Tristan, yet his hands holding mine were so gentle. I felt my heart pounding eagerly. It had to be the alcohol affecting me. His firmness wasn’t new, he’d been firm before, but something about tonight just made me weak.

I smiled and nodded, “Okay.”

Yoongi smiled, his stern appearance softening. He let go of my hand and wrapped his arms around my waist.

“Are you shitting me Madi? You’re going to let a man you’ve known for a few days tell you what to do?” Tristan spoke near us.

I kept my eyes on Yoongi’s. He’d told me not to talk to Tristan and that’s exactly what I was going to do, and happily.

“Wait, you're really going to do what he said.” my ex scoffed, “You’re much dumber than I thought you were. You’ve known him for two seconds.”

Yoongi’s arms dropped from my waist and I could feel him begin to lunge for Tristan. “Yoongi, hajima.” I held on to him tightly as I told him to stop. He stared at my ex. “Nae Yoongi.” I spoke again more softly, he didn’t move. “Gogi..” I said slowly, dragging each syllable out in a sweet voice.

His body relaxed almost immediately and he turned to me shaking his head trying to hide a smile. I smiled for both of us knowing it worked.

“I hate that that’s what gets me.” His arms found their rightful spot around my waist.

“You’re fucking pussy whipped dude.” Tristan laughed,  “You just wanted to swing on me and you let my ex girlfriend stop you. A real man would have swung.”

Without hesitation Yoongi laughed and looked at Tristan to answer him, “You’re here with your “bros,” and I’m here with your gorgeous ex. Who’s the real man?”

Tristan scoffed and walked away, thankfully. I didn't want him ruining the whole night.

Yoongi’s confidence and dominance was so incredibly attractive and such a turn on. I had to assume his description of me being gorgeous was just to make Tristan even more jealous. He’d never made a comment about my appearance before, so it had to be for a reason now.

I pulled myself to him, letting my head rest on his collarbone. I listened to his heart beating. It was surprisingly calm for a guy who just wanted to hit my ex.

“Sorry for lying.” Yoongi said quietly when Tristan had gone.

I looked up from his chest and shook my head, “It's fine, he lied to me, so,” I shrugged, “he deserves to be lied to.” Admittedly it hurt to hear him say he lied about his comments to Tristan, but on the bright side it clarified some things.

“Did you enjoy your second dance?” He looked down at me, that same intense look returning.

I bit my lip to keep from smiling, “She was nice.”

He nodded, “You two looked like you were enjoying it.” I shrugged, “It was okay, I’d rather dance with you.” I almost told him what her plan was behind it all, but I really didn’t want to know what he’d say about it. Especially after his apology for the “her guy” comment. Maybe Aribella was wrong. Maybe our chemistry she saw wasn’t actually there.

He pulled me back into a hug, “Me too.” My heart began pounding again and the confusion settled back into place. Maybe I should go with the obvious. Neither of us had said anything about wanting to be with the other. I’d let it slip once when we first met that I liked him, but that was it. We just acted like friends…I think. I’d just stick with, “he was my friend.” ...I think

…

Yoongi helped me stumble into his house a few hours later. We’d spent the rest of the night dancing and drinking. Well I was drinking for the most part, he had one drink. The rest of the dances were just as hot as the first dance. I told myself I’d just see him as my friend, but being pressed up against him, grinding our bodies together had me struggling to see him as just a friend.

“Why didn’t you drink with me?” I whined as I struggled to pull my shoes off.

“Someone needed to take care of you.” He said sweetly as he walked down the hall to the kitchen.

“Ani, I can take care of myself.” I had to put my hand on the wall as I walked so I didn’t fall. The entire house seemed to be spinning.

He handed me a glass, “Drink.”

I took a sip and grimaced, “What is this?”

He chuckled, “Water. Drink it so you don’t have a headache tomorrow.”

I shook my head, I didn’t want water, “We have a bottle of wine right there, that is what I want.” I slurred my words a little and went for the bottle of wine. Yoongi put his hand on the fridge, his arm blocking my path to the counter which held the wine bottle. “Yoongi.” I drunkenly whined.

He looked down at me, “I said no. Drink the water.” My breath caught. It was the voice he’d used earlier, the voice that wasn’t mean, but was firm. The voice that made my knees weak and made me want to do whatever he said.  

I went back to the counter where my glass of water sat and drank it without argument. I still felt tipsy, but something about that voice sobered me up just a bit. I was more aware of his actions, his words, his energy. This interaction made me feel like I never wanted to get drunk around him again. Not because he was mean, but because if I were drunk I wouldn’t be able to enjoy this energy as much and I might not even remember it the next day.

I finished the water and set it on the counter. He grabbed it, and began washing it. “Go upstairs and change so you can go to bed and rest. I’ll be up in a minute.”

I bit the inside of my cheek. I didn’t want to rest. I wanted to be around him. I turned too fast and quickly put my hand up to not crash into the wall.

“Will you be able to make it up the stairs?” He asked without turning around.

“I’ll be fine.” I answered and almost crawled up the stairs, literally.

I pulled my dress off and let it fall to the floor. I grabbed one of his shirts from the laundry basket that hadn’t been folded yet and pulled it on. For two seconds I thought about putting on some shorts, but  decided that was too much work and I was almost positive if I bent down to try and pull shorts on I’d faceplant and probably throw up.

I sat on the edge of the bed and looked at my phone. The picture of us as my wallpaper was so cute and I desperately wanted to know what we were. He probably wasn’t even thinking about it. I’d spent the last two weeks telling him I had no long term plans for my life. How could he fall for someone who didn’t have any plans of staying? It made me mad at myself for being so depressing, but I had only realized today my reason for staying– him. Was it too late though?

“Nice shirt.” He handed me another glass of water with a smile. I sat my phone down and took it. The way he could go from “do what I say” to “let me melt your heart with my smile,” was impressive.

He knelt down in front of me, “Are you going to go to bed?”

“What are you going to do?” I wasn’t sure why, but I felt nervous.

He sighed, “I’m going to respond to some emails, maybe do some work, take a shower, then come to bed.”

I nodded sadly. I felt like he didn’t want to be around me. “I’ll stay up for a while.” My voice was unintentionally quiet.

“You need to sleep. You’re going to feel awful tomorrow.”

I slid off the bed and sat in front of him on the floor. “It’s just…” I looked up at him, his dark eyes looked so caring and I felt like I was taking a risk by even saying this, but the drunk part of me didn’t care, “I won’t be able to sleep without you.”

Thankfully he smiled and tucked my hair behind my ear. “The emails can wait then. I’ll take a shower and come to bed.” He stood up and pulled me up with him, his arm wrapped around me to steady me. I began to smile, but my phone started ringing. Both of us looked at the screen and I think both of us had the same internal reaction of disgust.

Tristan

Yoongi picked the phone up and answered it silently.

“Mads?” Tristan’s voice rang through the phone. “Ugh Mads, it was so good seeing you tonight. I miss you baby.”

Yoongi’s body went rigid as we listened to Tristan. It was so awkward listening to Tristan profess his true thoughts knowing he was engaged to my ex best friend.

“You looked amazing in that dress, I wanted to rip it off you and bend you over the table.” I cringed at his comment. I wasn’t sure what it was, but just knowing how awful of a human he was made me sick no matter what he said. I saw Yoongi’s hand grip the phone, his jaw clenched as if Tristan’s words pissed him off.

“I’m at the apartment. Jamie’s asleep, you should come over.” I wanted to jump through the phone and slap him. Not necessarily for Jamie, but for me. How could he think that I would even entertain the idea of getting back together with him.

“I thought I made it clear that you weren’t going to talk to her again.” Yoongi’s voice entered the conversation.

Tristan laughed on the other end, “I knew you’d answer.”

Yoongi’s arm fell from my waist, his hand slid into his pocket. He took a couple steps away from me, “And you still decided to try and seduce me?”

“What? No!” Tristan was taken by surprise at Yoongi’s comment. “You don’t decide who I talk to. She was in love with me first, she did everything for me, I was her everything. I manipulated her into a relationship once, I can do it again. She’s easy.”

Hearing Tristan confess that he was a manipulator and that our relationship was basically fake, made me more than angry. It was hurtful to hear someone talk so negatively about me. That feeling  was why I ended up at the pier that day. Tristan made me feel worthless.

Yoongi turned and looked at me, I wasn’t sure what he was looking for, “You have no chance with her.” The corner of my mouth pulled into a smile. His confidence was more intoxicating than the glasses of alcohol I’d drank tonight. He continued, without looking away from me, “I do decide that you don’t get to talk to her.” He turned away again, “I thought I made that clear, but I guess not.” He huffed a quick laugh, “Guess I’ll have to take care of that.” He hung up on Tristan without another word and handed me my phone as he pulled his own out and dialed a number.

“Who are you calling?” I asked curiously and a little nervously.

He turned and smiled, “No one. Just some friends.”

The way he said it made me even more nervous, “Yoongi…I don’t know what that means, but please don’t do anything stupid.”

“I’m not doing anything.” His smile turned into a sly one.

The other line picked up and he spoke to them only in Korean. “Yoongi.”  I was pleading quietly. I didn’t want anything bad to happen.

He looked at me again, took a breath and smiled. He said one more thing to whoever was on the other line and hung up.

“What was that about?” I asked as he set his phone on the dresser.

“Tristan didn’t listen to me, so I’m just sending some friends to check on him.” He walked by me, I grabbed his hand.

“Min Yoongi…” I waited for him to turn and look at me, “What does that mean?”

“Don’t worry about it, nothing bad is going to happen. No one is going to get hurt.” He pulled his leather jacket off and laid it on the chair in the corner of the room.

“So you just have your friends go intimidate people who don’t follow whatever you say?”

He sighed, “No Madi, I don’t.” He leaned against the dresser and folded his arms. He looked slightly annoyed. “I was serious when I told him never to talk to you. He broke your heart, he doesn’t respect you, he treats you like shit. I don’t want you to find comfort at the pier again Madi. Especially since I won’t always be able to be here physically to protect you.” He shook his head, his chest fell sharply as he exhaled. “I want him to know I’m serious about talking to you. I’m trying to protect you now so I won't worry about you when I’m not here. No one is going to hurt him, I made that clear.”

It was strangely nice of him to try and protect me. The way he was going about it was unusual to me, but still sweet of him to try and put Tristan in his place.

I walked over to him and wrapped my arms around his waist, “I think you are a bit crazy like Krista said, but thank you.”

He eased up a little, but not completely. His arms stayed folded. He sighed and looked down at me, “Madi when I said you weren’t going to talk to him, I meant that too. I don't want you talking to him.”

I smiled to reassure him, “I know.” I unwrapped my arms and opened my phone, finding Tristan’s contact in my phone. I scrolled to the bottom and clicked “block.” “There, now he can’t call or text me.” I turned and tossed my phone to the bed, “When I found out about him and Jamie I blocked both of them on social media. He has no way of contacting me now.”

He completely relaxed now and pulled me into a hug, one of his hands held my head against his chest.

“Gomawo.” He thanked me.

…

I sat on the bed and scrolled through my instagram feed as Yoongi took a shower. Embarrassingly enough it was full of Army fan accounts. There were so many incredible fan made videos of the guys, my favourite posts were the accounts that drew or painted pictures of them. I wished I was that talented. I was very happy to see so many drawings and paintings of Yoongi lately. They all looked amazing. I looked up as his phone chimed on the dresser. I was tempted to go look at it, but I knew it would be in Korean and my level of Korean would be nowhere near good enough to translate a majority of it and I’d mistranslate something and would end up with something not even close to the actual meaning of the text.

Then it started ringing. I froze. I didn’t know what to do about it.

“Is that my phone?” He called from the bathroom.

“Yeah.”

“Can you bring it to me?” He asked as he turned the water off.

I stood up and grabbed his phone. I couldn’t help but glance at his screen. A few of the words from the text I knew and one of them I was confused about. I knew what it was, but it didn’t make sense in this context.

“Um..” I stood outside the door unsure of how he wanted me to get him his phone.

“You can come in, I’m covered.” His voice sounded so amused that I was nervous about walking in on  him.

I opened the door and held his phone out for him. My heart stopped when I looked at him. My eyes went to his bare chest first, not realizing that he wouldn’t have covered his chest. And because that made me feel awkward I lowered my eyes which landed on his towel and a not so  inconspicuous bulge in the towel fabric. I finally looked to the floor just as he took his phone and answered it. He was unaware of my awkwardness and I was so thankful. It wasn’t that I didn’t want to look at him, but it was so shocking. I don't know why I didn't expect him to be shirtless just out of the shower. I sat back on the bed and tried to get every memory of what I saw out of my head. My cheeks felt so warm already, I didn’t want him to come in and ask why I was blushing.

He walked in from the bathroom, still in a towel and still on the phone. I pretended to look down at my phone, but every now and then I would peek up from it and look at him. He wasn’t necessarily “ripped” like a bodybuilder, but because of the constant movement his job required he was in pretty good shape, enough to have definition. I looked over his torso, water beads sparkled in the dim light of the bedroom. I was pulled from my thoughts when I heard him sigh and thank whoever he was talking to. He hung up and looked at his text and began responding.

The sigh made me nervous. Did they move his enlistment up? Was he leaving sooner to start his service? The unknown made me feel ill.

He sat his phone down and pulled on some sweat pants just under his towel then pulled his towel off and tossed into the laundry hamper. He didn’t even bother putting a shirt on. I wasn’t sure how I was going to keep my eyes off his chest. He walked over to where my dress laid on the floor, smirked and picked it up. One of the straps looped around his finger and he held it out, “It’s a cute dress. Wear it again okay?”

I nodded as he walked over and tossed it into the hamper with his towel. I wanted to enjoy his smirk and his shirtless torso, but I couldn’t stop thinking about what the phone call was about.

“No shirt? You’re going to be cold.” I said plainly.

He smirked and walked closer to me, “You’re wearing my shirt.”

The smirk and comment temporarily took my mind off the phone call. “Want me to take it off?”

His smirk remained and he shook his head, “Not yet.” He sat down on the edge of the bed in front of me and looked down at the floor.

“Is everything okay?” I asked finally.

“What do you mean?”

“The phone call.” I sat my own phone down, I felt like I needed to brace myself for his answer.

“Oh.” He thought for a moment, “Yeah, everything’s fine.” He smiled.

I wasn’t sure why, but I didn’t believe him. I sighed and suddenly felt like I was going to cry, “Okay I’m just going to ask, was it about your enlistment?”

He slid next to me, “Oh that’s what you were worried about?”

I nodded.

He pulled me to him and hugged me. I felt my body quickly tighten as I felt his skin against me. “No, it wasn't anything about my enlistment.”

“It didn’t sound like good news.” I continued as I sat back against my pillow.  

He sighed, but kept his face pleasant, “It’s just work stuff. We can talk about it tomorrow if you want. It’s late, you should get some sleep.” He walked around to the other side of the bed and crawled in. His bed was pretty big, we both could easily have plenty of room. Every night, however, one of us would always slide over to the other to fall asleep. I don't think either one of us liked being alone, we’d become each other's comfort. Tonight was no different, he crawled into bed and slid over to me. I reached over and turned the lamp off and moved down into the bed.

I faced him, a few strands of hair fell in his face, the rest of it was slicked back.

“I had fun with you tonight.” He said quietly, his eyes stayed closed.

I didn’t respond. I of course had fun with him too, but I felt nervous about whatever the call was about. I know he said everything was fine, but something in his voice and that sigh told me otherwise.

…

I woke up in the middle of the night to Yoongi pulling the blanket over me. I tossed it off of my legs just as soon as he did. Once more he pulled the blanket up to cover me. I groaned and ripped it off, “Yoongi stop. “ I whined, “I’m hot.”

He sighed, “Okay.” I thought that was it, but I felt him gently grab the hem of the shirt and pull it down to my thighs.

I opened my eyes, his chest was all I could see. I tilted my head up and looked at him. I felt annoyed, but it was probably because I was half asleep and someone had woken me up and was messing with me.

I grabbed my shirt and pulled it back up out of spite, “Hajima.” I told him to stop again.

“Madi,” He grabbed the hem again and pulled it down. “Pick one, the blanket or the shirt.”

“Neither, I’m hot.” I pulled the shirt up to my waist again. “Why is it a big deal?” I asked with my eyes closed. I just wanted to go back to sleep, not fight about sleeping preferences.

“Because I don’t want to have to look at you with your shirt pulled up or accidentally touch you.” He sounded annoyed.

My eyes shot open. If I wasn’t angry before, his statement just settled it– I was angry.

“Wow. Sorry for offending you so much.” I grabbed the blanket and rolled over so I wasn’t facing him. I reluctantly pulled the blanket up to my waist.

I tried to go to sleep again, but all I could manage was closing my eyes and internally arguing with him. I felt him move, he pulled the blanket up my back.

“Oh my god, Yoongi!” I jerked my head to the side to glare at him, “If my body is that offensive to you I’ll just go sleep downstairs.”

“What are you talking about?” He sounded almost as annoyed as I was. Although, I didn’t think he had any reason to be annoyed. I was the one he just told he didn’t want to look at or touch.

“You literally just said that you didn’t want to be forced to look at me or touch me. Sorry I didn’t know my legs were that repulsive.” I turned away from him again and started to get out of bed to go sleep somewhere else.

His arm wrapped around my torso suddenly, “Stay.”

“No, I don’t want to bother you.” I tried to move again but his arm was tight around me. I gave up and laid back down, still just as angry with him.

His arm loosened and suddenly the blanket was ripped off of me, the breeze from the fabric gave me chill bumps. His hand took the hem of my shirt and pulled up just to the bottom of my ribcage, higher than it had been before.

“In what world do you think I don’t actually want to look at you?” His voice was quiet, almost like a whisper, but firmer. He drug his fingertips along my outer thigh, leaving more chill bumps in their wake. After a few passes his hand slid down my thigh, the warmth of his hand removing the chill bumps. “Or touch you.”

My heart was pounding harder than it ever had, he was giving me butterflies, but I was still angry at him. I kept facing away from him, “Because you just said you didn’t want to look at me or touch me.”

He sighed, the back of his hand ran up my spine, I had to control my breathing. My spine was always very sensitive, a gentle caress usually made my breathing catch in my throat.

“That’s not what I meant. Miscommunication. English isn’t my first language.” I could hear the humour in his voice and it eased my anger just a little. It was a fair point and both of us were tired. Giving him the benefit of doubt it was very likely to be a miscommunication.

“I meant…” He paused, thinking about the right words, “Tonight has been a lot.You looked so beautiful tonight, more than beautiful. And now,” he laughed quietly, “I don’t think you realize how you look in my shirt. And seeing my shirt on you, but pulled up over your waist…” his hand gripped my waist, “It’s difficult to see.” Yoongi’s hand loosened as he spoke again, “As for touching you, after dancing with you all night, of course I want to touch you. It’s unfair, but I just don’t want to touch you inappropriately.” His hand pulled down  the shirt to my mid thigh and left his hand on my leg.

“Since it’s my body, don’t I get to decide what’s inappropriate?” I turned my head to look at him.

He smiled, “Yes, but not when you’re drunk.”

I began to roll over to face him, he pulled his hand back immediately. I adjusted my shirt again for him, “I’m not drunk. Not anymore.”

He smiled and brushed hair off my forehead, “I know you’re used to Tristan and not being respected, but please for my comfort, let me respect you and your body. You’ve been drinking, I don’t want to do anything that could be seen as taking advantage of you.”

It was probably the sweetest and most honest thing anyone had said to me. It was true, Tristan clearly never respected me if he cheated on me with my best friend. Even though I didn’t feel as drunk as I did when we got home and I felt like I could make good choices, I guess it was nice of him to look out for me.

I didn’t know what to say, should I say “thank you?” even if I disagreed with his logic? Was I being selfish for wanting him to ignore my intoxication level? Was I being stupid for that?

I just nodded sadly and said okay as I reached down to grab the blanket and pull it to my waist. All of the chillbumps had taken me from too hot to too cold.

Maybe I was still too drunk, I was being selfish. He just said he was uncomfortable and I still wanted him to keep running his hands all over me.

He smiled when I looked back up at him, “I’ll make it up to you, trust me.” his hand cupped my cheek.

“How?” I asked quietly.

Yoongi pursed his lips, “The next time we’re in this situation, as long as neither one of us are drunk, I’ll touch you as inappropriately as you want.”

Something about his honesty made my stomach do flips and other body parts, other than my heart, throb.

“With conditions of course.” He added.

I swallowed, trying to control my voice and body, “What conditions?”

His thumb rubbed my cheek gently, “We’ll discuss them then.”

“What if you don’t feel the same way after tonight?” I cursed myself for drinking so much and vowed to never touch alcohol again for as long as I knew Yoongi. I was not going to risk this happening again.

He shook his head and sighed, “I promise you. I will.” As cliche as it sounds, his voice sounded hungry. As if he’d been wanting this night for longer than I expected and now it was right in front of him and he still couldn’t have it.

He sounded hungry, but I felt hungry. Just for him. I almost wished he’d just let me go sleep downstairs and be angry at him. We could have cleared this up tomorrow. Now I was just going to be laying here all night thinking about him touching me inappropriately like he said.

“Get some sleep, I don’t want you to have a headache tomorrow.” his hand slid to the back of my head and he pulled me to him, my cheek resting on his shirtless chest.

“Yoongi?”

“Hmm?” his voice vibrated in his chest.

“You said it’s unfair to not be able to touch me because I’m drunk.”

He pulled away slightly, “Yeah?”

I looked up at him and smiled, “Go put a shirt on, it’s not fair.” He smiled and did as I asked.

…

Neither one of us brought up last night. It wasn’t necessarily awkward, he just acted like everything was normal. Maybe he didn’t remember or maybe it was a dream. I genuinely felt like I had dreamt it all which meant I definitely would not be the one to bring it up. What if it was a dream and I bring up having a lustful dream about him. That would definitely make things awkward.

Since he didn’t get to respond to the work emails he was going to last night, he’d spent the majority of the day in his little home studio working. I’d barely seen him today, which I'm not sure if I appreciated or hated. Was he avoiding me because of what happened? Maybe he regretted everything he said last night.

I’d have to take his lead on all of this. I was the intoxicated one, he was the responsible one. I was genuinely appreciative of his level of respect for me last night. A guy had never done that for me. Most guys just go in for it even if both of us had been drinking heavily. Yoongi was different.

My phone chimed and I glanced down at it.

Can you come upstairs? We need to talk.

My stomach sank. I felt like I was being called to the principal's office. I took a breath and slowly made my way upstairs to his studio. I’d be chill about it and just let him say whatever he needed to say. I took a breath before opening the door.

“Hey.” I made sure my voice was normal like any other day. There was a chair next to his, I sat down and pulled my legs up in the chair.

“Hey.” He leaned forward and put his elbows on his knees. He looked so nervous and I already knew I wasn’t going to like this conversation. He sighed, “So, last night,” The way his voice sounded made my stomach do flips, “I got a phone call from my manager.”

Wait what? This wasn’t about our little physical moment.

“Okay…” I spoke hesitantly.

“I’m trying to release a couple of things before I enlist and some things have gone wrong with it.” He stopped talking and just looked at me for a moment, “It’s things I can’t fix from here. I’ll have to go home.”

I nodded easily, but felt like my heart was being ripped out of my body.

“How long?”

He took a breath and leaned back in his chair, “It could be a couple of days and then I could come back here.”

“Do you think it will only be a couple of days? Honestly?”

He shook his head, “A week minimum. I still could come back after that though… and then leave again in a month or so for enlistment. I still don’t know when they want me to go.” He spoke slowly. He sounded like he hated the idea as much as I did. A week away from him when he was leaving for two years sounded like torture. I wanted to spend as much time with him as I could.

“That seems like a lot of flights.” I didn’t know what else to say, so I just stated the obvious.

“It is…” He leaned forward again, “So I was thinking about something else. Let me finish before you tell me no.” He smiled. I guess it was now a running joke between us that I always disagreed with him and his ideas. His joke did make me smile, I nodded in agreement.

“You come with me.” He took a moment to let it sink in. “I figured you’ve got nothing to lose. If you love it you can stay in my apartment while I’m gone. If you hate it…” He sighed and shook his head, “We have piers in Korea too.”

I realized I never told him my revelation of why I should stick around, he still thought I was determined to “end my subscription with life” and not the magazine.

“Okay.”

He looked up at me surprised by my answer.  “Okay?”

I smiled, “I’ll go. I have nothing keeping me in New York.”

“You’re serious?” He leaned forward and took my hands.

I nodded with a smile again and let my legs come out of the chair. “I have one request though.”

“Anything.” He said eagerly.   “Can we stop mentioning the pier thing?”

His eyebrows pulled together, as if questioning what I meant.

“My determination to end everything was because every day was the same. There was nothing for me to look forward to. Nothing good enough to make me want to stick around. Even you were going to leave me when you enlisted. Then I realized that you were what I could look forward to, if that’s okay of course.” I wasn’t sure why I added the last part. It just felt like I had to get his consent for it because if he didn’t feel the same way then it could be a lot of pressure for him when I tell him he was the reason I chose to live.

He smiled and pulled me into his lap, “I hope you always look forward to seeing me.” Yoongi wrapped his arms around my waist and I put mine around his shoulders. It sparked some of those emotions from last night. He looked into my eyes and his happiness went slowly to sadness, “I hope you don’t get tired of waiting though.”

I hugged him and rested my chin on his head, “For you? I don't think that's possible.” I pulled back and smiled at him, “When do we leave?”

His smile returned, “In a couple of days.”

It was sooner than I expected, but I didn't feel worried or stressed. “I need to pack things from my apartment then.”

He nodded, “We can go now and do it.” He pat my leg. I stood up and pulled him out of his chair. I started to walk out the door and remembered something else I wanted to ask him. I turned to him, “Oh, I didn’t mean to see it, but last night when I was giving you your phone I just glanced at your screen and whoever it was, was calling you “Boss.” What’s that about?”

He looked at me for a moment then slowly smiled and shook his head, “Just a nickname. I went to school with him. It’s just something he’s always called me.”

Something about his answer and the look he gave me told me he wasn’t telling me the whole truth, but it was good enough for now. I knew if it was something I needed to know, he would tell me.

I nodded slowly, “Okay.” I said it in a way to let him know I wasn’t buying his response, but I wasn’t going to question it anymore right now. …

I opened  the door to my old apartment and walked in to see Jamie and Tristan on the couch looking terrified.

Jamie exhaled, “Madi, it’s just you.”

“Why do you look terrified?” I glanced at the TV to see if they were watching a scary movie or something, but they weren’t.

“Your psycho boyfriend, that’s why.” Tristan said sharply.

I slowly turned my head to look at Yoongi, who happened to be smirking in the entryway hidden from their view. He walked past me to stand on the other side of me so they could see him clearly.

“What’s going on?” I looked at Yoongi then my two exes on the couch.

“Madi, he’s insane! This group of guys came here last night shouting and banging on the door and windows. I was asleep, but all of the noise woke me up. I saw them at the windows, Madi, they had guns!”

I sighed and tilted my head to the side, it was Yoongi’s friends. He said he was sending people over here last night.

“We called the cops, but they were gone by the time the cops got here. They said there was no evidence, so they couldn’t do anything.” Jamie continued recounting the events of last night.

I looked at Yoongi, “People you know?”

He shrugged, that smug and confident look still on his face. I usually hated when people looked smug or cocky, but right now, on him, it was actually enticing. Probably because it was Yoongi and I was still on my adrenaline high from our physical contact last night.

“You didn’t want anyone to get hurt, I made sure that happened. No one got hurt.” He answered me.

“Yoongi, they could’ve been arrested.” I argued.

He smirked and shook his head, “No they couldn’t.” Something about his confidence and the danger of it all was invigorating, a little scary, but invigorating nonetheless.

“Madi!” Jamie sounded shocked, “How do you sound so okay with this? He and his friends are crazy. You have to break up with him.”

I huffed a laugh, “Are you serious? You’re telling me to break up with him, I never told you to break up with Tristan.”

She stood up and rolled her eyes as she took a couple of steps towards me, her arms folding over her chest. “Madi, stop being delusional. Tristan and I are in love, I’m not going to break up with him.”

I all but lunged towards her. My steps to close our distance were aggressive. “Tristan and I were in love too. That didn’t stop you from fucking him though, did it?” I snapped. I felt Yoongi loop his finger through my belt loop to hold me back just slightly from getting fully in her face. It was for show, he made it look like he was preventing me from attacking her, but he was barely holding onto me. “Maybe Yoongi and I are in love too, why would I break up with him?” Without taking my eyes off her, I grabbed Yoongi’s hand and pulled it off my belt loop. I took another step towards her, this time inches from her, “And if you even think about fucking him I promise you, his friends are going to be the last thing you need to worry about. I will be scarier than they could ever be.”

Yoongi wrapped his arm around my waist and pulled me back to him.

“Did you have fun at the club last night?” Yoongi asked directly to Tristan. His arm was tightly around my waist as if he were holding me in place so I didn’t jump Jamie. I wanted to watch Tristan’s dumb face go pale as Yoongi revealed where he was last night to Jamie.

“What are you talking about? Tristan doesn’t go to clubs.” Jamie went back to sit on the couch. She was so certain that Tristan would never lie to her.

“We definitely saw him at the club last night. In fact he was hitting on Madi.” Yoongi continued.

Jamie laughed, “Now I know you’re lying. He wouldn’t hit on Madi. He doesn’t like her anymore. If he ever did.”

I wanted to smack her. She stole my boyfriend and now she was being disrespectful to me when everything Yoongi was telling her was the truth. As if he could sense my thoughts, his arm became tighter around my waist.

“Did he tell you why my friends came to visit?” Yoongi continued without missing a beat.

Jamie looked  at Tristan then back to us.

“At the club, I told him never to talk to her again.” He let go of my waist, thinking I wasn’t going to attack her. It was brave. I wasn’t even sure if I was going to jump on her or not. “He knew if he did there would be consequences. He called her a few hours later.” The way he spoke made it feel like he was standing up for me and protecting me. I was grateful for that, I’d never had anyone do that for me. I was always the one doing for others. It was nice to have someone finally care enough about me to want to protect me. Jamie rolled her eyes, “Even if that’s true, who cares if he called her?”

“Then he didn’t tell you what the phone call was about.” I took one step forward and Yoongi stepped with me.

“Madi, stop it. Don’t lie to her just because you miss me.” Rage filled me. These two really were meant for each other, they were both horrible people.

Yoongi put his arm in front of me. “You’re not really great at following directions. Do you really want to keep talking to her after I’ve told you not to?”

I looked at Jamie, “He called me to tell me how much he missed me and how good I looked.”

She stood again and walked towards us, “Madi, you’re so delusional.”

I pushed Yoongi’s hand down, I wasn’t going to hit her. “He told me you were asleep and that I should come over so that he could fuck me.” I smirked, “Sounds like a great start to your engagement.”

“You’re such a bitch Madi. So jealous of my relationship.”

“Jealous of what? A man who cheated on me with you? A man who was probably cheating on you last night? A man who has no respect for women at all. What exactly am I supposed to be jealous of, Jamie?”

“At least my boyfriend isn’t a gang member.” She spat back.

“And you think that is the worst thing he could be? I’m still confused about what I’m supposed to be jealous of.”

She held her hand up, showing off her engagement ring.

I laughed, “And yet you’re still in a loveless relationship, in a shitty New York apartment, with no job.”

Yoongi stepped in between us just as I heard a slap on his back . Jamie was going to hit me, but he got in the way. I tried to move him, but he wouldn’t budge. If she wanted to fight, we could fight.

“Baby, come on, let's go pack.” Yoongi’s voice pulled me from my thoughts. I knew he only said “baby” when he was trying to shock people or make them think we were a couple, but it still got me every time. His hands slid to cup my cheeks. He looked so calm, which was the exact opposite to how I was feeling. He held me there for a second or two before taking my hand and pulling me to my old bedroom away from the two most toxic people I’d ever met.

I sighed  and looked out the window. I waited to hear him shut the door before I spoke.

He started before I could, “Are you okay?” He asked as I turned around.

I nodded. Her words hadn’t really hurt me. They pissed me off, but I wasn't hurt.

“Yoongi…” We both stepped towards each other, “If there was something I needed to know, about you or your life, you’d tell me… Right?” I knew there was more to him than he was telling me. I knew what Jamie said about him was possibly true considering what happened last night and I didn’t know how I felt about it. I genuinely cared about him and maybe I did have real feelings for him, but if what she said was true… Did that matter to me? What did that even mean? Or was I just overreacting?

He thought for a moment and closed the gap between us taking my hands in his. “Yes…If and when you needed to know anything, I would tell you.” He smiled as if to ease my uncertainty, “There’s nothing you need to know right now though.”

I had no reason not to trust him, he was probably the only person I felt I could trust. I stepped to him and wrapped my arms around him resting my head on his chest. For some reason I knew he would never put me in a position where I was in danger. He’d literally saved my life, I can’t imagine him risking it.

Jamie opened my door abruptly. Both of us turned to see her holding out an envelope, “Here this is for you.” She sounded completely annoyed.

I walked over and took the envelope from her. I pulled out the paper inside and read it outloud, “Join us for the wedding of… Are you shitting me?”

“You can bring a plus one, but not your gangster boyfriend.” She folded her arms across her chest.

I turned and looked at Yoongi, almost questioning him. He smirked and shook his head. I turned back to Jamie and ripped her invite, “I’m not coming to your wedding Jamie. I won’t even live here.” I shut the door on her ending any further conversation with her. I was shocked that she would think I would go to her wedding and even more shocked that she thought now was the best opportunity to give me the invite after we had just yelled at each other.

I looked back to see Yoongi sitting on my bed looking disgusted. “You’re not wanting to bring your bed are you?”

I laughed and started packing a few things from my dresser, “No, why?”

“Good, I just don’t want to sleep in a bed where you and Tristan have been “intimate.”” He added a little emphasis on “intimate.”

“It’s comfortable though.” I added for no reason.

“More comfortable than my bed?” He asked.

I turned my head to answer him, but stopped myself. I went back to packing without responding.

“Ya! Which one is  more comfortable? You were going to say this Tristan bed weren't you?”

“Ani…” I looked at Yoongi through the mirror, “I was going to say any bed could be comfortable as long as you were in it.” It made me nervous to be so forward, but seeing his face light up after I felt less nervous. I was scared he was going to think it was too much.

He stood and wrapped his arms around me from behind, “Same for you.” I let my head rest on his cheek for a moment before messing with him, “I don't see the big deal though. You don’t want to sleep in my bed that Tristan was in, but I’m sleeping in your bed here and in a few days I’ll be sleeping in your Korea bed.”

“What makes you think I’ve had girls in my bed?” His eyes were so serious. I answered him as I looked at his reflection, “Because it’s you. You’re… you.” I wasn’t confident enough to tell him he was sexy to his face.

He laughed, “What does that mean? I sleep around?”

“No.” I nudged him with my elbow, “You’re…” I still couldn’t say it, “So many girls would love to be in your bed. You’re telling me you haven’t had any girls in your bed?”

He shook his head, “Not those two. I got both houses after I became famous, really famous. It’s impossible for us to date or have a relationship.”

Hearing that made my heart sink. It was just sad in general, but did that mean there was no hope for us to have a relationship? Why was I moving to Korea then? Were we really just friends? I was already confused about our status, but now I was really confused.

“Besides, there's only one girl I want in my bed. I’m not worried about the hundreds of others.” He pulled my hair from my shoulders to my back and sat back down on the bed. Something about that simple move gave me chills. I was going to correct him about the “hundreds,” It was more like hundreds of thousands, but his sentence and the moving of my hair made my brain stop working. Not to mention he confused me even more.

[gongsanghada]

Ugh. So sorry. Something came up and it’s 3 am already (well almost). I promise to post Stay part 2 tomorrow.

Again, sorry 🤍

[gongsanghada]

Do you plan on finishing/continuing Spark? I really like it. no pressure, just asking.

Hi! Yes, definitely I will be continuing it! <3 I've been super busy and not having much time to write, so when I do write its on the fic I have the inspo for.

I will continue Spark, dont worry! I've been thinking about it lately actually so who knows, maybe I'll post a new part soon! <3

Hope you're well <3

[gongsanghada]

Stay | Part 1

“I already have plans.” I said flatly.

Yoongi  looked down at the ground then to the bay, “I know.” He looked at me. “That’s why I’m trying to get you to do something with me instead.”

My heart dropped, all of the emotions rising to the surface again. A tear fell down my cheek and I quickly wiped it away.

***TRIGGER WARNINGS***

(Changing spelling so this isn’t banned if Tumblr does that) –Mentions of death and sui**de, however sui**de is never said outright. It’s mentioned in an eluding way.  –There is one Asian related racist remark from an NPC. 

I believe those are the only two warnings needed <3

Keep reading

[gongsanghada]

Am posting part 2 tonight! Sorry for the delay! <3 

[gongsanghada]

Stay | Part 1

“I already have plans.” I said flatly.

Yoongi  looked down at the ground then to the bay, “I know.” He looked at me. “That’s why I’m trying to get you to do something with me instead.”

My heart dropped, all of the emotions rising to the surface again. A tear fell down my cheek and I quickly wiped it away.

***TRIGGER WARNINGS***

(Changing spelling so this isn’t banned if Tumblr does that) –Mentions of death and sui**de, however sui**de is never said outright. It’s mentioned in an eluding way.  –There is one Asian related racist remark from an NPC. 

I believe those are the only two warnings needed <3

Keep reading

[gongsanghada]

Working on Part 2 now!

[gongsanghada]

ty for actually using names in your stories. the y/n shit annoys tf outta me. hope ur well!

xD youre welcome? xD I don't like the y/n either. I always read it as "yes no" and it fucks the whole vibe for me. I figured books have been around for a few years and have character names and people read them and fall into those worlds just fine and love the characters without issue.. So why would I not use an OC name?

This cracked me up. Straight to the point. I like it. I'm fine. Just hella busy! I hate that I haven't posted in a hot minute. I've been writing at least! hopefully i can re read/edit Part 2 of Stay and post it soon......She says knowing full well shes going out of town in two days for a week lol

[gongsanghada]

Stay | Part 1

“I already have plans.” I said flatly.

Yoongi  looked down at the ground then to the bay, “I know.” He looked at me. “That’s why I’m trying to get you to do something with me instead.”

My heart dropped, all of the emotions rising to the surface again. A tear fell down my cheek and I quickly wiped it away.

***TRIGGER WARNINGS***

(Changing spelling so this isn’t banned if Tumblr does that) –Mentions of death and sui**de, however sui**de is never said outright. It’s mentioned in an eluding way.  –There is one Asian related racist remark from an NPC. 

I believe those are the only two warnings needed <3

Keep reading

[gongsanghada]

Working on Part 2 now!

[gongsanghada]

Stay | Part 1

“I already have plans.” I said flatly.

Yoongi  looked down at the ground then to the bay, “I know.” He looked at me. “That’s why I’m trying to get you to do something with me instead.”

My heart dropped, all of the emotions rising to the surface again. A tear fell down my cheek and I quickly wiped it away.

***TRIGGER WARNINGS***

(Changing spelling so this isn’t banned if Tumblr does that) –Mentions of death and sui**de, however sui**de is never said outright. It’s mentioned in an eluding way.  –There is one Asian related racist remark from an NPC. 

I believe those are the only two warnings needed <3

Keep reading

[gongsanghada]

Stay | Part 1

“I already have plans.” I said flatly.

Yoongi  looked down at the ground then to the bay, “I know.” He looked at me. “That’s why I’m trying to get you to do something with me instead.”

My heart dropped, all of the emotions rising to the surface again. A tear fell down my cheek and I quickly wiped it away.

***TRIGGER WARNINGS***

(Changing spelling so this isn’t banned if Tumblr does that) --Mentions of death and sui**de, however sui**de is never said outright. It’s mentioned in an eluding way.  --There is one Asian related racist remark from an NPC. 

I believe those are the only two warnings needed <3

I walked down the Brooklyn sidewalk passing the historic brownstone homes. Normally I would be in awe of these houses, I always thought they were beautiful and desperately wanted to live in one. 

Especially on a fall day like today when the leaves were beautiful colours and they slowly fell to the sidewalk as you walked by. The air was cool and normally I’d need to be seriously wrapped up in warm layers, but today it was unseasonably cool, not cold. 

I ignored the homes and the beautiful leaves. I ignored my usual day dream of living my life in one of these beautiful houses. All because it was possibly the worst day of my life.

Everything in my life seemed to be falling apart. Nothing felt worthwhile and worst of all the people I loved and trusted the most had just betrayed me in the worst way possible.

I’d been depressed living here for a while, I tried to do things I enjoyed, but slowly everything lost its appeal. Now, having seen and discovered what I did this morning kind of solidified my intrusive thoughts.

What was the point?

I pulled my sleeves up just slightly, the hot cup of tea I was holding was doing a good job of warming what chill there was. 

My eyes started to well with tears as I remembered the events from this morning. I brushed them away just in time for someone to slam into me as they ran down the steps of one of the brownstones. 

The liquid from my cup flew out of my cup and onto the sidewalk. 

It was just my luck, honestly I wasn’t surprised nor did I care. 

“I’m so sorry.” A man’s voice said next to me as we both stood there motionless. 

“It’s fine.” My voice was completely apathetic as I looked at the spilled beverage on the ground. 

I tossed my now empty cup into one of the black metal trash cans on the sidewalk. I wiped another tear away. My hands fell to my sides and I continued walking to my destination. 

I guess it was a blessing in disguise, a drink would just distract me from my plans and would make me procrastinate more. 

 I got to the end of the pier and looked over the edge of the railing. The water was dark and murky and I was positive it was freezing cold. The wind at the pier was always stronger than other parts of the city. My hair whipped around my face randomly. 

Thankfully there weren’t many people around, which was admittedly odd. Maybe that was another sign from the universe, this was the right choice. No one would notice or stop me if I just “accidentally” slipped into the bay. 

I looked out at the city in front of me, why did I think it was a good idea to move here? And with her?

I took a breath and looked back at the water. This was it. 

“Army, gwaenchanha?” The same man’s voice from earlier came from behind me asking me if I was okay. 

I blinked as tears fell down my cheek. I looked up and wiped them away quickly. 

I turned my head and saw who was behind the voice—Min Yoongi. 

His longish dark hair was tucked into his black beanie. He somehow looked so normal, not at all like I imagined him looking. He was in a black sweater that looked like it was 2 sizes too big and dark denim jeans tucked inside black boots. 

I blinked again, thankful that no tears fell. 

How did he know I was an Army? 

He was probably the last person I wanted to see right now as I was on the literal edge of life and death. 

“Yeogiseo mwohaeyo?” My voice was quiet. I wanted to know why he was here and why he had followed me all the way. 

The corner of his mouth pulled so slightly into a smirk. 

“Your Korean is good.”

I turned back to the bay. I didn’t want to be rude, especially to him, but I had plans that did not involve chit chatting with Suga. 

“I’m Min Yoongi.” He said quickly and I heard him take a step towards me. “What’s your name?”

I sighed, feeling defeated and annoyed with the questioning, “Madi.”

He walked over and stood next to me, “Nice to meet you Madi.”

I nodded my response. I wasn’t confident that my voice wouldn’t crack if I spoke to him. 

“It’s a nice view.” He added as he leaned his arms against the railing. 

“How did you know I was an Army?” I kept my gaze on the city in front of us. 

I saw him look at me out of the corner of my eye, “Your tattoo.” He pointed to my wrist. 

I forgot I had pulled my sleeves up just before he ran into me. I had both shield symbols tattooed on the side of my wrist. 

“Why did you follow me?” I asked quietly. 

“You looked sad.” He answered honestly. 

I looked at him.

“I don’t like seeing Army sad.” He offered a sympathetic smile. 

 I nodded and looked back at the murky water, “Then it was just to make yourself feel better?”

He straightened up and turned directly to me, “No, not at all.” He sounded upset that I would say he was selfish. 

“I don’t really want company right now, I’m not having a great day. Nice to meet you though.” I turned and walked away, staying next to the pier’s fence.

“Then let’s go do something to make your day better.” He called after me. 

I stopped walking. I realize he was famous, but who the fuck did he think he was? That I would stop my entire day just to hang out with him?

I turned to look at him, he was already walking towards me. 

“Let’s go do something.” He said again as he got to me, his voice was low as if he were trying to convince me. 

He was braver and more self assured than I expected him to be. 

“I already have plans.” I said flatly. 

He looked down at the ground then to the bay, “I know.” He looked at me. “That’s why I’m trying to get you to do something with me instead.”

My heart dropped, all of the emotions rising to the surface again. A tear fell down my cheek and I quickly wiped it away. 

My tough exterior vanished. He somehow had seen me and my real emotions. 

“How?” I asked quietly. 

He exhaled, “You were crying and then you got here. Kind of obvious when your hands are gripping the rail and you’re looking over the edge.”

“So then we do something, and then I come back here…It doesn’t really matter.” I responded. It was true, I couldn’t imagine my feelings changing anytime soon. I'd been depressed for a while and today just made my mind up for me. 

“We’ll keep doing things.” He smiled hopefully. 

I furrowed my brows, “Other than the obviousness of how impossible that is to continue doing things. And the fact that you’re you and have more important things to do than be my life vest, your enlistment is in two months.” 

He shrugged, “A lot can happen in two months.”

I knew that too well. I moved here with my best friend, Jamie, six months ago. We had big plans, we were going to get an apartment and split everything. She really wanted to be on Broadway and I really wanted to do make up for theatre shows, tv shows, fashion week, it literally didn’t matter, I just wanted to do make up.

Everything started out great, then a month in, Jamie said she had to quit her job because it was taking too much time away from her going to gigs and auditions.

I had to pick up the slack. I started working two jobs and sometimes three if I could or if we needed the money. 

Jamie would sometimes book gigs and she promised she’d start pitching in, and she did… sometimes. 

It wasn’t all bad at that point. My second job is where I met my boyfriend, Tristan. He was incredible, he made even my worst days not suck so much. We were very much in love and talked often about our lives together and getting married… the whole nine yards. 

The last three months had drastically changed without me even knowing… Until today.

I groaned and rolled my eyes as I turned away from him, “Trust me, I know.”

I walked down the walkway next to the bay. Away from Min Yoongi and hopefully away from those memories. 

“Have you been to Central Park?” He said from behind me. He was following me. 

“Yes.”

“I haven’t. Go with me.” His hand slid gently around my wrist. It was such a delicate gesture. Almost as if he was holding a very fragile glass sculpture. 

I turned to face him, “If I go to Central Park with you will you leave me alone after?”

He didn’t respond right away, but finally said, “Yes.”

…

“Do you want to talk about it?” Yoongi asked as we walked through the park.

I was hoping he didn’t know how far it was from Brooklyn Heights and would cancel when he realized where it was. Instead, he had called his driver to drive us to Central Park. 

“Which part?” I shoved my hands into my pockets. “What led me to my dark decision,” I said sarcastically, “or why I feel like that’s the best option?” 

There were more people here than at the pier. The trees were more beautiful here though. Yoongi still didn’t hide his face even though he was a celebrity, and the people that walked by didn’t even seem to care or even know we existed. It was an “off season” for city. In a week or two the tourists would pick up for the holiday season and there would be tons of people. 

He shrugged, “Whichever.”

It was odd talking to him. He wanted to know, but wasn’t pushy about it. He also didn’t make me feel crazy for what I wanted to do. 

It honestly made me feel like I could open up to him. 

Which felt even more strange considering he was an idol. I didn’t think I should feel this comfortable talking to an idol. 

I sighed, “I’ll save you from the drama.” I was actually saving myself. I didn’t want to think about what they did. I’d probably run straight into traffic if I did. 

“It’s all the same every day.” Even before the bullshit from today I’d felt restless. “I go to work, I come home exhausted, I sleep, I do it all over again. I hate living here more than I thought I would. There’s nothing special about life anymore, though I’m not sure there ever was. There’s nothing to look forward to, nothing to hope for.” I felt like I was ranting now. I just sounded like a depressed crazy person. 

He nodded, “It sucks doesn’t it.”

I looked at him, shocked. I knew everyone had the capability of feeling depression, but he was in one of the most famous groups in the world, it didn’t seem possible he could feel so hopeless. 

“You have shows and fans and music videos to look forward to. You have a creative outlet to enjoy. You have six weird guys that genuinely love you along with millions of fans. I’m not sure I'm able to fully sympathize with you.”

Yoongi laughed quietly. “I know, it’s weird hearing a celebrity complain about life.” He put his hands in his pockets, “I do agree with you. I’m grateful to have everything you mentioned, but it’s also a lot. At least up until now. We never stopped. It was exhausting. I felt like I was missing out on life in some weird way.” He laughed, “I have friends my age who are married with a kid. What do I have?”

I stopped walking and looked at him, “Do you really want me to list what you have?”

He turned, “I know, I know. I’m blessed.” He sighed, “Please, I know my life is amazing. I know I have so many accomplishments and I’m beyond thankful for them… If you wanted to, you could go to the movies with your friends right now. You could go out for drinks after work. You could go anywhere you wanted fairly easily. I can’t do any of that. I don’t get to be normal. I haven’t be able to be normal for years.” He walked over to me, “I know I have the other guys and I know I have millions of amazing fans like you, but I have never felt more alone and it’s a shitty feeling.”

He had been fairly upbeat until this point and the sadness I saw in his eyes was overwhelming. He was being honest. His smile or gentle look was no longer there and it was replaced with this sad man in front of me. 

“Sorry. I shouldn’t have said anything.” I genuinely felt bad for even suggesting that he couldn’t possibly be as sad as me. I didn’t think about how isolating being an idol must be. 

He shook his head, “It’s fine.” He turned and began walking the way we had been before this conversation. I didn’t follow him, how could I?

He turned as he realised I wasn’t next to him. “Come on.” His voice was kind and less hurt than it was a few moments ago. 

I walked up to him cautiously, “I didn’t think you’d want me to walk with me after that.”

He glanced down at me, “You’re allowed to disagree with me. It doesn’t mean I don’t want to be around you.”

“But why do you want to be around me?” I asked as we made our way through the park. 

He took a deep breath, “Because I’m hoping you’ll change your mind. If I remind you how good life can be, maybe those memories will be louder than whatever bullshit is going on in your head.”

It was probably the nicest, but saddest things anyone had said to me. 

I tried to respond in a less depressing way but it didn’t work, “That’s all I have is memories, I don’t know if I need more.” I stopped and turned to him, touching his arm so he stopped walking, “I am happy to have met you, I don’t want you to think I’m not. You’ve been nothing but kind to me and I appreciate that, especially today. I just don’t think ”good memories with Suga” is really going to help. It would probably make things worse.” I turned and walked to the nearest bench, my eyes stayed on the ground. I sounded so ungrateful and I knew I did. I hated it. 

Sure today was probably my last day on Earth, but I didn’t want Yoongi to spend his life thinking about the girl he tried to help who was just an ungrateful bratty bitch. 

He sat next to me, “Why would it make things worse?”

I almost laughed, “I spend the day with you, we have fun, it would end up being one of the best days of my life and then you leave and I’m right back where I was on the pier thinking, now not only about the bullshit I went through this morning, but also about how I’ll never see you again or have such a good time with someone I respect and like ever again.” I looked away from him immediately. I did not mean to say that I liked him. 

I did, of course I did, but I didn’t need him to know that. 

I peeked up at him, he smirked. He heard it even if I didn’t want him to. “Who said you’re never going to see me again?”

I groaned and pushed my hair to the other side of my neck, “The Korean Military. You enlist in two months.”

“I can still talk to you then, and it’s only two years. No big deal.”

“How can you talk so easily about it?” I was so shocked he was so casual about talking to a fan he just met whilst he was in the military. 

He laughed quietly and leaned forward, “Honestly after the schedule I’ve had for the last ten years, I'm looking forward to it. It’ll probably feel like a small break.”

I huffed in amused disbelief, “You’re insane. It’s the military.”

He glanced back at me and smiled. It was actually such a heartwarming smile I almost felt compelled to smile back, but the feeling quickly left. 

I pulled my sleeves down over my hands. I wasn’t cold, I was just nervous. We both were quiet for what felt like ten minutes. Yoongi stayed leaning on his knees just watching people walk by. I watched him. Every dark eyelash as they fluttered when he blinked. Every strand of dark hair that blew in the breeze and tried to escape his beanie. Each time he licked his lips or swallowed. 

I watched him. He was like a piece of artwork. 

“Until this morning I had a best friend and a boyfriend.” I finally spoke. He’d been honest with me and proven to be more than caring. I felt like I could and should tell him why I was on the pier. 

He leaned back and sat upright next to me, “What happened to them?”

The way he asked made it sound like they got hit by a bus or something. 

I horribly wished they did. 

I took a breath and strengthened myself to tell him the story, “Jamie was my best friend. We’ve been friends since high school. We both moved here together so we could follow our dreams, but she’s the only one doing it.” 

I always felt jealous that Jamie was chasing her goals and I was the one paying the bills with money from jobs that weren’t even remotely in the line of work I wanted to be in. Even though I felt jealous, I pushed it aside. I always told myself that once she got a good paying and steady gig that it would be my turn. Now, however, I knew that was never going to happen. That was never Jamie’s plan. 

“Tristan is, or was, my boyfriend. We were inseparable and talked about spending forever together.” I quickly wiped a tear from my cheek. I didn’t want to cry over that fool. 

I took a breath, thankfully a group of people were walking by. It gave me a short break so I could steady myself before I continued. 

“This morning I had to go back home because I had forgotten my phone. I walked into our apartment and found Jamie and Tristan in bed together.” 

“What the fuck?” Yoongi said quietly. 

“After some yelling and name calling, they told me they had been together for months and, here’s the best part, they were engaged and had been for two weeks.” I laughed as a couple of tears fell down my cheeks. I quickly wiped them away. 

Yoongi placed his hand on my upper back and gently rubbed his hand across my shirt in a sympathetic way. 

“All of her friends and his friends were there for the engagement. They even had an engagement party last weekend. I was conveniently at work for both of these. All of our friends knew Tristan and I were together and knew this was fucked up and none of them said a word to me. So all of that on top of just feeling like my life is meaningless is why I ended up at the pier today.”

“Fuck them.”

I looked at him through tears. I wanted to laugh at his response.

“They’re ass holes. Don’t let them be the reason you give up everything. Your ex is a complete idiot to let you go. And your friend was never a friend. They’ve done you a favour. They’ll both be miserable together.”

“Thanks Yoongi.” I did feel a little better getting it off my chest. I still didn’t want to make it to Monday, but maybe tomorrow I’d keep my date with the bay instead of today. 

“Can you kick her out of your apartment and get a new roommate?” He asked genuinely. 

I shook my head. I was so stupid and trusting about the apartment. Jamie came to New York before I did, she said she wanted to “scout it out.” Her family had money, which was also why she was less concerned about needing a job to pay for her New York life. 

I trusted her to find an apartment within our means. She found an apartment and signed for it on the spot. Which meant it was not within our means and it was solely in her name. I was basically renting from her, but paying full rent and all of the bills. 

She had full control of who lived in the apartment. I knew if I left she’d just ask mommy and daddy to pay for it and they would. 

I explained it all to Yoongi.

“You can’t stay there.”

I nodded, “I agree, but I have no other option right now.”

“We’ll figure it out.” His hand slid across my back again in a compassionate way. 

“Come on.” He stood up and held his hand out to me.

I looked up at him, “What?”

“I’ve always wanted to go ice skating at Rockefeller Center.” He smiled. “I saw it in a movie once.”

His smile could melt an iceberg let alone my heart. 

“You promised you’d leave me alone if I went to Central Park with you.”

His face changed from smiling to something more serious and sly, it was somehow more attractive than just his smile. “I did, but I never said when. The Korean military will eventually come to take me back to Korea for service.” He smirked. “Let’s go.” He bent down and grabbed my hand, pulling me up from the bench. 

…

“Yoongi, I don’t know about this.” I stood uneasily on the two thin blades under my feet. Somehow he’d convinced me to go through with this. I’d never been ice skating before. I tended to try and stay away from walking on ice with sharp blades when possible. It seemed like a recipe for pain. 

I gripped the opening into the rink. 

“You’re fine. I’m right here.” He stood confidently on the slippery surface.

“I don’t think so.” I started to take a step back away from the ice. 

“Madi come on, you’ll be safe.”

Yoongi took my hand and pulled me onto the ice. Immediately I slipped and wobbled. He grabbed me tightly and held me against his chest. 

“You’re good, I got you.” He looked down at me. The look in his eyes made me want to believe everything he said. I actually did feel safe right here. I didn’t feel safe on the ice, but with him like this I felt okay. 

“Come on.” He pulled away but held on to my hand.

I took a step, and he laughed, “Not like that, just skate.” “Yoongi, I think you seriously overestimate my ability to do this.”  

He smiled, “Do you trust me?”

I scrunched up my face, “It depends on what I’m supposed to be trusting you with.”

“I’m going to skate behind you and push you.” 

He didn’t wait for me to respond, by the time it processed what he was going to do he was already behind me. His hands went to my hips and he pushed off the ice with his skates propelling us forward. “Yoongi!” I immediately grabbed his hands as we moved on the ice. 

“How have you lived in New York and you don’t know how to ice skate?” He sounded amused. “What does living in New York have to do with ice skating?” I kept my hands on his. Not that it would stop me from slamming face first into the ground, but it made me feel better. 

“You’ve never been here before?” He asked. “I mean I’ve walked by it, but I haven’t felt the urge to come skate. I usually try to avoid walking on ice with blade shoes, I don't want to fall and have someone skate over my neck.”

“Don’t move, I'm going to get in front of you.” Without missing a beat, he moved to be in front of me. His hand never left my waist, it just slid across my back. It was such a simple thing, but him not letting go of me even to change positions made me feel like he wanted me to know he was there and wasn’t going anywhere. It was very reassuring.

“Move your feet like this.” He made his hands do some type of vertical wave. I followed his directions and was surprised when it actually helped me move. He took my hands and effortlessly skated backwards. How was he so effortlessly good at everything?

“Wouldn't that be a dream come true for you though?” He looked at me, his face not giving away his intent. 

I looked at him, “Did you just make a death joke?”

He smirked, “Yeah.” I couldn’t help but smile. “Good one.” I don't know why but I always liked people who had humour about serious things. There was a time and place of course, but it always let me know that those were my people. That I could joke with them and not worry about being judged or taken so seriously. 

Some teenagers flew past us, and I basically fell into Yoongi’s arms again. 

He smiled, “Got you.”

“Thank you.” I steadied myself and stood up. “I think I’m done with this whole skating thing.” I brushed my hair out of my face. 

His smile stayed, “Come on.” He took my hand and led me off the rink to put our shoes back on. 

“How am I doing?” He asked as he tied his boots. I looked at him confused. I wasn’t sure what he meant. “How am I doing with changing your mind?”

I sighed and finished tying my own shoes. I pulled my sleeves down over my hands. The air had gotten cooler as the autumn sun set. I looked at him and answered honestly. “I haven’t hated being around you today, and maybe today isn’t the day…” He started to smile, “but, still Yoongi, you won’t always be here. And even though this death trap, “ I pointed to the skating rink, “was surprisingly fun and unfortunately not deadly,” I smiled mimicking his joke, “tomorrow when this is all over, I’ll just go back to real life and my boyfriend and best friend will still have betrayed me and will still be engaged, you’ll still be an idol who is going back to Korea, and I’ll still be looking for a way out.”

He shook his head, “You’re an Army right?” I nodded silently. He pulled his sweater off and handed it to me. I was thankful as it was warm and I was freezing, but I also felt bad because he’d be cold now. Before I could protest he started talking again.I pulled the warm sweater on and was enveloped in his scent.

“You should know I’m not the one to give up so easily.” He stood up and held his hand out for me to take. 

I took it and stood. It felt so weird to stand after being on skates for a while. My legs somehow felt wobbly. Yoongi noticed as we took the first step. He laughed and wrapped his arm around my waist. 

It was then that I realized how caring he was. I mean obviously he cared, he was trying to keep me from jumping off a pier, but I just realized how he noticed the little things, like me being wobbly or me pulling my sleeves down because I’d gotten cold, or the single tear I’d wiped away after he ran into me. He noticed those small things and wanted to make sure I was okay. Noticing the little things felt bigger and more important than if he just noticed the big things. 

Big things were meant to be noticed and usually by the time you notice the big things, it’s too late. He was almost too late. 

The fact that he paid attention and saw the little cries for help meant the world to me. 

“That's disgusting.”

We both looked over to where the statement came from. A guy our age was looking at us in disgust. 

“Is there a problem?” Yoongi stepped forward, his arm unwrapping itself from my waist. I wanted to grab his arm and keep it around me.

The man stood up and towered over Yoongi, “Yeah ching chong, go back to your country.”

Yoongi just laughed quietly, unamused and unafraid of the man. He took another step towards the asshole, he looked like he was ready to fight this man. “Yoongi.” I said just for him to hear and squeezed his hand. He ignored me and started to say something else to the asshole. “Min Yoongi, hajima.” I stepped forward and placed myself between them, my hand on his chest. He looked down at me. “Gaja.” I told him we were leaving. He looked again at the man then took my hand and turned away. 

“Hey babe if you ever want a real man, let me know.” The asshole called out to me this time. 

I stopped and turned to him, “What did you say?”

He sat down and smirked, he was awful. “If you ever want a real man, let me know. You know what they say about asians.” He grabbed his dick through his pants. 

I was absolutely disgusted by his behaviour and actions. 

I scoffed and looked at him, “I am with a real man.” I put my arm around Yoongi’s waist. I wasn’t intending to suggest that Yoongi and I were together. We weren’t, but as far as this racist idiot knew, we were. “And I hope you weren’t talking about yourself, because all I see in front of me is a little bitch.”

I didn’t wait for his response, I turned and pulled Yoongi back to the street where his driver was waiting.

“I can’t fight him, but you can?” Yoongi laughed as we got into the back seat. “You’re trying to get both of us killed now.” “He was an asshole.” I buckled my seatbelt. I was genuinely upset that there were people still like that guy in today’s world. Yoongi was one of the most incredible people I’d met, he was so kind and caring and considerate, and this asshat still had to be racist.

“I tried to handle it, but you told me to stop.” He smiled and let his boot rest on the door frame of the car. He looked so cool and at ease as if the man’s statements didn’t bother him.

“I didn’t want you to get hurt.” I let my chin rest on my hand and looked out the window. 

The temperature had dropped significantly since we had been at the rink.

“And after everything that has happened today, you think I’m going to be okay with you getting into a fight with that idiot and getting hurt?” He looked over at me. His voice had changed from amused to serious.

I wanted to say, “he wouldn’t hit a girl,” but a man like that definitely would hit a girl. Yoongi was probably right. It was stupid to challenge such a big idiot. 

“I’m sorry.” I responded quietly. I almost felt like I was in trouble. Out of all of the things I’ve done today to feel like I’d disappointed him, calling a racist a “little bitch” was the one that was making me feel like a disappointment. 

What was happening?

He took my other hand, “It’s okay. Where do you want to go now?”

It didn’t feel okay. Somehow, his tone had really affected me. I’d stood up for him and myself and now it felt like that was the wrong thing to do. This shouldn’t be affecting me so much…

Then I realized why it was–I was genuinely having a good time with him. Which meant that tomorrow, just like I told him earlier, I’d be longing for more. I’d be wishing for more time with him, more memories. It would depress me even more knowing I’d never see him again. Why would I? He was an idol.

I glanced at him. He’d taken his beanie off, his dark hair fell in waves around his face. He looked so handsome. I looked out the window behind him and noticed it had started snowing.

The water would be even colder than it was this morning. That was probably a good thing. I’d always heard how dangerous freezing water was. Hypothermia was deadly in less than twenty minutes. The quicker the better right?

“We’re not going to the pier.” He said flatly as if he could read my mind. His head rested on the back of the seat. “I mean we can, but the second you jump in, I’m jumping in after you.”  He looked over at me, “Neoye gyeote na isseulge.”

Immediately tears filled my eyes then streamed down my cheeks. I used the sleeve of the borrowed sweater I was wearing to pat them away. “Don’t do that.” I said quietly. 

He had spoken lyrics to a song of his I knew very well. It was ironically called “Stay Alive.” He’d told me he’d be by my side. 

He slid over and sat next to me, pulling my head to his shoulder and wrapping his arms around me. 

“Neoye gyeote na isseulge.” He repeated quietly, “Yaksokhalge.” This time adding a promise on the end. 

We sat quietly for a moment. He didn’t say another word, he just kept his arms around me, his one hand combing through my hair.

Bless his driver for being patient and just waiting for Yoongi to tell him where to go. 

“What’s something you do that makes you happy?” He finally asked quietly. 

I pressed the sweater sleeve to my eyes, “Honestly, it’s stupid but walking past the brownstones.” I sat up and looked at him, suddenly very aware of how close we were sitting to each other. 

“That’s what I was trying to do today—cheer myself up.”

“How does that cheer you up?” He actually sounded interested. 

I shrugged, “It’s stupid, but I think they’re beautiful and I’ve always wanted to live in one, so I walk by them and imagine that I’m walking home to one of them.” I laughed and repeated, ”It’s stupid.”

“Go to the house but park a block away.” He spoke to his driver before sliding back to his seat and buckling his seat belt. 

“The house?” I looked at him. 

He nodded, “The one I ran out of today.”

“That’s yours?” I was absolutely shocked. Brownstones in Brooklyn were millions of dollars. I couldn’t even fathom owning a brownstone, let alone another multimillion dollar house in Korea. 

“Yeah. Is it okay if we go?”

All I could do was nod. 

…

We stepped out of the car into falling snow. 

Even with his sweater on, I was freezing. I could only imagine how cold he was in just a long sleeve shirt. 

I wrapped my arms around myself tightly.

“Why’d we park a block away?”

He was going to freeze to death. 

He smiled, “We live here. We just left the theatre,” he straightened up and got into character, “we decided to park away from the house so we could enjoy the snow.” He held his hand out catching one of the flakes in his hand. 

He cleared his throat and held his arm out for me to take.

I looked at him for a moment. It was the nicest and stupidest things anyone had ever done for me. 

I wrapped my arm through his and stood close to him hoping what body heat I had would keep him just a little warm. 

We began walking down the sidewalk. The street lights cast shadows on the pavement. The trees that were beautiful bright colours this morning were now covered in a white blanket. 

“Lovely play wasn't it?” He asked in a fake haughty voice.

I smiled and looked up at him. He really was going all out. 

He looked down at me and smiled back, “What?”

“It’s weird. I’m usually alone when I’m imagining living here.”

He pulled away slightly, “Do you want me to leave you alone and walk behind you?” It was a genuine offer. 

I pulled him back and held him close, “Definitely not.”

We took a few steps and I just enjoyed being around him. “Yoongi, thank you for today.” I said quietly. I’d spent all day wanting to not exist, but looking back it actually was a good day. I would have good memories, but I’d be alone. I tried not to think about it. I tried not to think about the fact that this morning I had been walking on this same side walk to the pier. 

I looked up ahead of us and was thankful I couldn’t see the pier from here. I wasn’t sure what type of emotions that would bring to the surface. 

His hand ruffled my hair playfully. I smiled and shook my head as I combed my hair back into place.

“I told you, I got you.” He spoke quietly as he put his hand back into his pocket. 

We got to his stoop, he stepped up to the first step and looked down at me. He was already taller than me, so him being a step above me made him even taller. “Did it work? Did you imagine yourself living here?” He smiled. The snow falling around him made him almost look angelic, but like a fallen angel instead of a heavenly one. Which I was more than okay with. 

I shook my head, “I was distracted.”

His smile faded, “My fault?”

I smirked and nodded, “Your fault.” I took two steps up and looked down at him. I could see his breath in the cold air every time he breathed. I wanted to reach out and touch his cheek, but felt it would be extremely inappropriate. 

“Gomawo.” I thanked him and his smile returned. 

He climbed the stairs and unlocked the door to the house. I followed his lead and slipped my shoes off inside the front door. I was beyond happy the house was warm, I knew he had to be happy about it too, he had to be freezing. 

“Do you want a drink?” He asked as we walked down the hall to the kitchen. 

I nodded. “Is wine okay?” He asked as we walked into the extremely rich looking kitchen. 

“Yeah.” I looked around the room. Everything was dark and it somehow was exactly what I expected Yoongi’s house to look like. The appliances all looked custom as they were all black, but extremely expensive looking. The cabinets were a matte black modern vibe with gold hardware. I didn’t want to assume they were real gold, but at this point I wouldn’t be surprised if they were. 

The lighting was dim, which made the kitchen have such a high end feel.  It felt like I was standing in one of those ridiculously expensive restaurants that charge $300 for a teeny plate of food.

He handed me a glass with red wine in it. I took a sip and felt like I was in heaven. I liked red wine, but this was definitely the best tasting red wine I’d had in a long time or maybe it just hit differently considering the day I’d had. 

He opened the microwave, which I thought was just a cabinet and tossed a bag of popcorn in. 

Red wine and popcorn. It definitely wasn’t fancy, but I actually loved it. 

“The living room is through there. You can look around if you want or turn the tv on.” He looked in another cabinet for a bowl as he spoke to me. 

I nodded and took my drink to the living room. It was just as classy as the kitchen. The walls were painted a dark green. The shelves against the wall were a dark stained wood that held many books and a few random tchotchkes. The couch was a light cream colour and sat on top of a similarly coloured rug which covered the dark wooden floors. The few lamps in the room matched the golden hardware of the kitchen.

His house was the most beautiful house I’d ever been in. It definitely was nothing like my apartment and my apartment wasn’t even bad, but it wasn’t this. 

I picked up the remote and turned the TV on. As the screen came on, I realized everything was in Korean. I sat the remote back down on the back of the couch and walked back to the kitchen. 

“Your TV is in Korean.” I said obviously. 

“You speak Korean.” He answered. 

I shook my head, “I speak random Korean phrases, not enough to navigate a TV.” I took a final sip of my wine and sat the glass back down on the counter. 

Without missing a beat, Yoongi refilled the glass. He set the bottle down, pulled up his sleeves and leaned against the counter. His hair fell gracefully in his eyes just before he pushed his hand through his hair combing it back. 

I didn’t realize how incredibly sexy simple movements could be, but when he did them it was incredibly hot. 

I took a sip of the wine and looked away. He hadn’t been paying attention to me and I didn’t want him to catch me staring at him. My brain was really trying to hurt my feelings. I already liked being around him and was going to miss it, I didn’t need to be lusting after him too. 

“Catch.” 

I looked at him and felt a piece of popcorn bounce off my forehead. 

I blinked unamused at him as he laughed. 

“That was literally the worst throw.” I reached over and grabbed a piece aiming it at his mouth. 

“Open.” 

I tossed it and made it in. 

I smiled confidently. 

“Let me try again.”

Before I could stop him, he tossed a handful of popcorn at my face. 

“Ya! Jugeullae?”

He made the sweetest face, “Ah, neomu gwiyeobda.” He called me cute for speaking Korean to him, even though I did ask him if he wanted to die. 

“Anida.” I grabbed a handful and threw it at him.

He laughed, “You should speak Korean more, it’s cute.”

I tried to ignore the “cute” comment. I wasn’t sure if he meant I was cute, or my horrible attempt at speaking Korean was cute.

He grabbed the bowl and we walked back to the living room. He flipped through one of the apps that had Korean shows and settled on a drama I’d never seen before. 

“Can I ask you a question?” Yoongi asked after a few minutes of drama watching. 

The subtitles weren’t on so I had no idea what was going on for the most part, but it was also interesting just watching the show and not worrying about trying to keep up with reading the text and trying to watch the acting. 

“Yeah.”

We were sitting next to each other, but not super close. It was still nice being near him. 

“Earlier when I asked you if you trusted me and you said it depends.” He glanced over at me, his hair falling in his eyes again. “What wouldn’t you trust me with?”

I took another drink before answering him. It was a topic I didn’t want to discuss. 

“It’s not just you. Because of what happened with Tristann…” I hated even saying his name. “I don’t think I’d trust anyone with my heart.”

It sounded stupid but it was true. Tristan, and Jamie for that matter, had shattered my entire existence. 

Yoongi nodded, “Fair enough.”

He went back to watching the drama and I went back to stealing glances of him every now and then. 

He leaned back against the couch, letting his arm reach out and rest on it. 

He seemed so comfortable at all times. It was another simple motion that shouldn’t ever be deemed as sexy, but when he did it, it was. 

I did my best to get comfortable myself, but I always felt awkward so it wasn’t easy. I pulled my phone out of my back pocket and suddenly realised it had been off all day. 

I wondered if Tristan or Jamie and even tried to check up on me. 

“What are you thinking about?” Yoongi’s voice snapped me out of my headspace. 

I didn’t understand how he always knew when I was in thought, but he did. 

“My phone has been off all day. I was wondering if Tristan or Jamie have tried calling me.”

I pressed the power button and waited for the phone to power up. 

As it did two alerts came back to back, one from each of them. 

I’m going to Tristan’s tonight. You have the apartment to yourself. 

Jamie's text was uncaring. She was so easily able to shove in my face that she stole my boyfriend. There wasn't even an attempt at being low-key. 

I clicked over to Tristan’s. 

 I’ll get all of your things together and drop them off at your place soon. 

I locked my screen and set my phone down on the table in front of the couch. 

I should have just left my phone turned off. In what world did I think either one of them would be apologetic about what they did or even give a damn about me at all? 

I felt Yoongi’s hand rub my shoulder. I wanted to cry all over again. 

He sat up and moved closer to me wrapping his arms around me. 

“Don’t let them get to you.” His voice was quiet. He knew the texts weren’t good or what I expected. 

He was worried I’d slip back into how I felt this morning. 

I nodded against his shoulder. 

“They’re dead to me.”

He laughed gently, “Good. I’d rather they be dead than you.”

I smiled again at his death humour. 

…

In the middle of the night I woke up to the dim glow of the tv and the moon lighting up the room. 

I somehow ended up falling asleep with Yoongi on the couch. Which would have been fine if it weren’t for the positioning. 

I laid between his legs, my head resting on his waist line. 

I laid motionless, completely afraid to move. I had to though, I was still wearing his sweater and was so hot I had to take it off. 

My hand moved first so I could push myself up. I only realised too late that my hand had slid up his thigh.

I cringed to myself thinking I had just unintentionally felt him up. I felt like I was invading so much of his personal space. 

I sat up quickly just to get out of the compromising position. 

Yoongi stirred just as I did. I glanced down at him. The moon bounced off his cheeks and I could just barely make him out. 

His hands reached out as if they were searching for something. 

“Neon eodieh?” His voice sounded so tired. 

I smiled, “I’m right here.” 

His eyes fluttered open. 

“Come back.” He reached for my arm, but couldn’t reach it. 

“Move over.” I pulled the sweater off and placed it on the back of the couch. 

I didn’t want to lay in between his legs. I did, but not right now. It was inappropriate. 

He moved, I laid down next to him. He put his arm under my head moments before, otherwise I would have stopped him. 

His eyes were closed and again I had an overwhelming urge to touch his cheek. 

Then reality hit. 

“Yoongi.” I whispered. 

“Hmm?” His eyes stayed closed. 

“I should probably go.” I kept my voice at a whisper. 

He sighed and shook his head, “Gajima.” He wrapped his free arm around me and pulled me into a hug as he told me not to leave. 

I felt wanted, which actually felt nice, especially today. 

“I don’t want you to be alone tonight. This is fine.” He responded then pulled back and looked down at me, “Unless you want the bed and I’ll stay down here.”

I looked into his eyes. There was so much kindness and compassion in his eyes. 

Would it be wrong to tell him no? I also didn’t want to be alone. My brain was too loud when I was alone. I was honestly terrified of what intrusive thoughts I’d have if I was left alone. 

I shook my head, “This is fine.” I repeat his statement. 

He smiled, “Good.” He pulled me back into the snuggly hug and I happily fell back asleep. 

...

[gongsanghada]

ya’ll… I’m writing a yoongi fic and idk man… its making me fall in love with this fictional character xD like wtf.

[gongsanghada]

I think I finished part 1. Will post after I re read it 🤍

[gongsanghada]

ya’ll... I’m writing a yoongi fic and idk man... its making me fall in love with this fictional character xD like wtf.

[gongsanghada]

you dont have to be so rude. I was just making a suggestion.

thats how fic blogs are successful, if you don't want to be then thats fine.

dont be rude to people.

Baby you're the rude one xD

Two things you clearly do not know about me:

I've already had a very successful fic blog without ever putting any of the BS you "suggested."

I'm already published bb. I'm good on the "success" aspect, but thanks for your "concern."

I match energy honey. Please come off anon so I can block you xD

[gongsanghada]

Why do you not put the summary, word count, tw's, etc of your fics? It's weird that you dont.

Dead ass...

The balls you have xD xD

I think it's weird that people do?

How tf am I going to put a summary for a fic that isn't complete? I'm not going to put a word count xD Scroll... See how long it is. Open in a new tab and save it for later if you don't have enough time to read it in one sitting or just move along and decide I'm not the writer for you if THIS is a deal breaker.

TW's are the only thing I put.

I have a life booboo, multiple jobs, I barely have time to write as it is. I'm not going to make more work for myself xD

bye

[gongsanghada]

Your fic ask game answers were so interesting. As a 'never music when writing' person I find it hard to imagine your perspective. Everybody here is so different from each other and I like that. My favorite was number six though.

"What element of writing do you find comes easily?

---Dialogue and describing location or emotion. I feel like I describe too much"

As one of your readers I had to come by and say description is really helpful to me when getting into a story. I don't get mental pictures in my head when reading so anything the writer gives is really appreciated and makes a story better! More is a bonus in my case, and I will never see your descriptions as too much.

Aw thank you for reading it!

I feel like the music thing just puts me in the correct mindset! Some times it doesnt work though (like tonight ^_^;;;)

Okay good! I enjoy describing things, but I've been told I do it too much haha It's also telling of my mood when writing--if theres a lot of description then I was in the zone. If theres not much, then I was not feeling it xD

Thank you so much for stopping by and letting me know! Seriously, I genuinely appreciate it! <3

[gongsanghada]

Are my fic parts too long for you guys or are you happy with the length?

[gongsanghada]

35 Questions for Fanfiction Writers! ✨

Going to answer these myself! Anytime I do these as an "ask me" i never get any lol so imma just do it!

1. From one to five stars, how would you rate your writing? (No downplaying yourself!)

---completely subjective... in this very moment.. a 7?

2. Why do you write fanfiction?

--- it makes my heart happy. I get to live different lives during this one true life. It'swonderful.

3. What do you think makes your writing stand out from other works?

--- Nothing. Honestly, nothing. That's not me being negative. I just honestly dont think my writing stands out form other people's writing.

4. Are there any writers that inspire you?

---Definitely. One in particular who is the reason I started writing, but her books get shit on now lol so i dont want to be judged even though without her/them i wouldn't write.

5. What’s the fic you’re most proud of?

---Be the Light. Which is why I'm so devastated a large portion is lost.. I'll post it eventually, but remember it was like 7 years ago that I wrote it.

6. What element of writing do you find comes easily?

---Dialogue and describing location or emotion. I feel like I describe too much

7. What element of writing do you struggle with most?

---Describing things lol I describe too much and then get frustrated and use the same words over and over.

8. Which character(s) do you find easiest to write?

---The main character, because I just put myself in those shoes.

9. Which character(s) do you find most difficult to write?

---I've not used this character in a fic I don't think...Nevermind, yes in Be the Light there was an attempt..Kind, supportive, mothers. I can't.. it's difficult. Mine wasn't, so I dont know how to write that. Also characters with healthy coping mechanisms. Also in Be the Light and in Spark the MC goes thru things and especially for BTL it was hard not to use how *I* used to cope with things (self harm) as how my MC would cope with things. it was tough.

10. What’s your favorite genre to write for?

---romance, hands down. a bitch loves some dark moody shit too haha vampires, kidnap. There was one fic I had, i dont even remember the name of it, it is also lost, but Block B and Main Character were kidnapped by some mafia bro and that fic was 10/10. i LOVED writing that one... so good.

11. Who or what do you find yourself writing about most?

---lol, just answered that. Romance, korean men, dark, moody, drama, love, angst.

12. Tell us about a WIP you’re excited about.

---I do like Spark. Its taken a break since i've been busy. I'm planning on writing a Jungkook one that I'm excited about. I also have a bunch of random fics that aren't Kpop related, that I adore.. Maybe I'll post them here even though they're not kpop? Maybe I'll just turn this into a "I post what I write, with a focus on kpop" blog lol

13. First fandom you ever wrote for?

---oh man.... uh...I think I did little "one shots" before starting Be the Light... So maybe BAP or Big Bang...

If we're not talking about kpop, then vampires. I have an ongoing book that I started when I was 18, that i'm obsessed with and probably will never finish (For reference, i'm in my 30's)

14. What’s your favorite fandom to write for?

---nothing has changed lol kpop and vampires. Any type of... mythical/fantasy vibe I love.

15. What’s the weirdest fandom you’ve ever written for?

---Idk i wouldnt consider them weird, if I did I wouldn't write for it. Erm...I have a time travel one... that one is a bit "weird" i guess.

16. Any guilty pleasure trope(s)?

---I do like a good simile.

17. A trope you’ll never, ever write for.

---..... Am I misunderstanding the question? A trope is just using figures of speech...

18. Wildest fic you’ve ever written?

--- That jungkook one in my head that I havent written yet.

19. Do you prefer canon-compliant, AUs, or something in-between?

--- eh... in between I suppose.. I dont like when non-canon things are taken as gospel. I'm a believer that if the writer wanted it to be *x* way they would have said that.. At the same time I write fics that are impossible so... there's that. Enjoy it, but dont make it gospel.

20. Gen fic or shippy stuff?

---Ehh... gen I suppose.. I've never been a shipper. It makes me uncomfortable.

21. Favorite pairing to write for? (platonic or romantic!)

---Romantic.. Hands down.

22. Do you listen to anything while you write?

--- One billion percent yes!!! Idk how people don't. That's insane. for my vampy stuff I have a playlist specifically for it. Then I have another non kpop fic that I only listen to one song over and over on repeat (Hey avi kaplan), and then for my kpop stuff, I'll usually listen to either a song by that person or songs that fit the vibe of the current scene.

23. Do you prefer prompts and challenges, or completely independent ideas?

---Both!

24. One-shots or multi-chaptered works?

---Both! That kidnapping one I mentioned was supposed to be a one shot. It ended up with many many parts.

25. Have you ever daydreamed about side adventures/spin-offs from your fic? Tell us about them!

---Yes! I actually thought about doing that with BTL since the ending is lost. I thought I'd write it to end it there and then do a "7 years later" piece. I still might tbh.

26. Is there anything you’ve wanted to write, but you’ve been too scared to try?

--- I can't think of anything. I usually just do it and if it sucks I dont post it. I remember being terrified to write smut. It's just awkward lol but I think now i'm fine with it, its just not my fave thing to write bc it is awkward.

i am scared of finishing stories though. lol @that book ive been writing since i was 18.

27. What’s the nicest comment you’ve ever received?

---I've had multiple people tell me to publish my writing. and THAT is the nicest!

28. How well do you handle criticism when it comes to your writing?

---Depends on who it's from. People on tumblr? lol idgaf. People I'm close to, dear lord be nice or I will be devastated. xD

29. Have you ever gone outside of your comfort zone for a fic? How did it turn out?

---Smut. lol yes. it's fine. I still never know if I should use D!ck or C0k lol Also yall it's so distracting when reading them and people say things like "pleasure pearl." Clit.. it's a clitoris. xD xD

30. Tooth-rotting fluff or merciless angst?

---ANGSTTTTTTTTTT. I want to cry. I want to be rage. I want to see angry sex. ANGST.

31. Do you have any OCs? Tell us about them!

---Literally all of my fics have OC's. I've never written a fic between two real people or real characters (real characters meaning like... hermione and draco). That's weird to me. So every fic has a main OC.

(I think that's it? At least the ones I can remember)

32. Summarize a random fic of yours in 10 words or less.

---Ancient Love.

33. Is there anything you wish your audience knew about your writing or writing process?

--- I have to be feeling it 100%, if I'm not, i literally will not write. Which is why I havent written lately. I've been too tired/busy to even open my computer.

34. Copy and paste an excerpt you’re particularly fond of.

---I mean i'm not particularly fond of this excerpt, but it's past 3 am and i am very fond of this fic in general. This is from my Lucifer fic.

"“I'm sorry it‘s taking me a moment to respond, I just don't know how anyone could be so stupid to think that a fake baby and a human/angel romance is going to convince God to let you stay on earth. This isn't the Young Adult fiction section of the book store, Luci. This is literally otherworldly. Your dad would just kill your lover and the baby.” I argued with him. There was no way he could think his plan would work. If he didn't want to go back to hell, then he needed a more fool proof plan. So, basically someone other than him, the fool, should be making the plan.

“Yes, but I've never been in love before, so if he sees that I am a new person, and that I have learned to love someone other than myself, then he couldn't send me back to Hell. I don't belong there.” All of his words were his typical upbeat confident prose, except his last sentence.

I knew he didn't want to go back, and even though he was a shitty “friend” to me in the past, in his drunken or strung out states he did open up to me sometimes and honestly, I didn't think he always belonged in Hell either. It's crazy what an eternity spent torturing people will do to you. In his most real and vulnerable moments he was a broken man, or angel actually, all because his dad got mad at him and sent him to an eternal time out."

“Luci, you actually have to be in love with someone for that to work.” I had no witty comebacks this time."

35. Ramble about any fic-related thing you want!

---This was fun and I appreciate you reading any of it. I love you and I hope youre having an incredible day. Youre beautiful and amazing. ILY BB