soap.

Barbara Gordon; Twenty-two. Forensic Psychology Degree. Batgirl.

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Was always alive, Babs. Don’t confuse me for Jason there.

Glad you’re okay. What’d you tell your roommate happened? You tripped.. hard?

Give me a call next time, though. It’d be fun to run around like we used to when we were youngins.

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He’d punch you for that, and for once I wouldn’t stop him.

Told her I got mugged but got lucky. She’s adamant on walking with me anywhere now. 

A lot has changed since then Dick.

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You okay? You know I’d be there in a second, if you needed it.

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Now that you’re alive, I suppose that’s an option again.

I’m fine, my roommate is taking care of me. Not that she isn’t worried why I my ribs are bruised but I told her not to worry about it.

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You would think with my extracurricular activities, I’d be used to a few bruised ribs, and yet. Here I am, in a ridiculous amount of pain. The things I do for this city.

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THE ANGER INSIDE ME | SELF PARA

WHO: Barbara Gordan & Bruce Wanye WHEN: After her meeting with Dick WHERE: Batcave

After leaving Dick, Barbara has planned to continue her nightly patrol. But the thought of Bruce knowing, and not telling her seemed to nag at her. She had been there from the start, before Jason, and Tim. Through her own tragedy, to Stephanie and Cassandra, and even Damian. But he didn’t tell her about Dick? 

There would be no patrolling until Barbara saw Bruce. And then it had been decided, she would pay him a little visit. She knew this wasn’t going to end well, Bruce was not someone she could confront easily. Not like Dick. Bruce hardly let his emotions get the best of him, something Barbara still had to learn. 

As she made her way closer to the Batcave, she felt her heart beating against her chest. She wasn’t even sure what she was going to say to him. But she had to say something.

Upon entering, she spotted Bruce at his computer. Probably looking for something, he was always working. Whether it was as Batman or trying to keep up his identity. It was probably the one thing they felt they had in common, their need to keep working.

“You saw Dick I’m assuming?” It wasn’t surprising that Bruce knew she was there, or that she had seen Dick. When she was younger it used to scare her, but now she was used to it. “I did, actually.” 

There was no response as she got closer to him, not that she expected one. “How long did you know?” She started right off the bat. “Was he ever actually dead?” The room was quiet except for Bruce’s typing, the sound made Barbara’s anger fester inside of her.

“Why is that you have all of us around you yet you refuse to trust us? You let us go to that funeral believing Dick was actually dead! The pain this family had to deal with! After Jason and Stephanie, and you let that happen.” By now his typing stopped, though he hadn’t turned to look at Barbara, which she was grateful for. Then she would’ve started crying. Once Babs had said her piece, she knew Bruce wouldn’t reply, after taking a deep breath she gathered herself and left. 

Between Dick and Bruce, she was mentally exhausted. Finding herself on top of her apartment building, she scaled down to find her window and slipped in. Batgirl was done for the night.

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Relief washed over him when Bab’s took Dick’s hand in return. She could’ve denied him and slapped him away, but it seemed like she was finally letting her wall down. Thank god, too. Dick didn’t know how long he could stand Barbara being so furious with him. Naturally, his hands dropped to Barbara’s waist before snaking around her. His arms tightened around her, and the warmth of their hug reminded Dick of the comfort Barbara always brought him. When Barbara broke their hug and took a step back, he reluctantly dropped his arms to his side. Shaking his head to the side, Dick let out a small breath. “Damian but that’s because the brat saw me in the Batcave earlier. Other than that just you.” 

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Barbara gave an involuntary small chuckle, she could only imagine how Damian reacted. It was interesting to see how different he and Bruce were, but you could also tell he was his son. All the boys were. “I’d let them know, sooner is better than later,” Bab’s commented. Before she could talk herself out of it, she took a step close towards Dick, laid a hand on his shoulder and pressed her lips against his cheek. Pulling away she smiled, “Gotta get going, still got patrol to do. See ya later Wonder Boy.” Using his old nickname brought a smile to Barbara’s face. With her hands on her grappling gun, staring down over the city. She aimed and waited for the right moment to disappear into the night.

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With his feet planted firmly on the ground, like Bruce taught him, Dick took the punch to the jaw from Barbara. His neck snapped to the side at the impact; damn, she was stronger than Dick had remembered. Her hands firmly on his shoulders had surprised him, along with the sudden push. No longer was he standing his ground, he was stumbling backwards left foot after right. Before he could even begin to straighten up, he felt a sudden pain explode from his chest and noticed Barbara’s foot connecting hard with his chest. If he wanted to, Dick could recover himself quickly from Babs’ hits but there was no use. All of her rage and pain were justifiable. He couldn’t even imagine the hurt he’d feel if it had been the other way around. While still expecting another blow from her any second, Dick gathered his composure and stood back in front of her. If hitting him was what she needed, Dick would let her. “Maybe even years?” He half joked, trying to erase that look from Babs’s face. He couldn’t stand the hurt he saw. “Bruce knows.” Taking a step towards her, he stretched out his hand in front of the two of them. Dick didn’t know what he expected, but he had missed Barbara so much and being here with her was the only place Dick wanted to be. “And I’m not here for him.” 

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Her jaw clenched as she looked at his hand between them, looking up at his bright blue eyes under his mask. Suddenly she remembered what it was like when she first started out as Batgirl. The two of them running around each other flirting, while trying to keep up with Bruce. Things were simpler back then. Barbara finally let her guard down, placing her hand in his. For a moment she felt something pull at her heart. Her hand remained in his for a moment before she swiftly pulled it away and wrapped her arms around his neck. It had been a while since they shared an embrace, Barbara remembered wrapping her arms around herself for months after the funeral, missing Dick’s arms. To stop herself from crying, Babs took a step back and averted her eyes. “Do the others know?”

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“I’m really, really sorry?” He shrugged, trying to give her a half smile. Dick wanted her to know he was trying to show her that he really was apologetic. None of it had really been his idea, it was Bruce’s, and it was a good idea. Dick had to go along with it. Still, leaving those behind, like Babs, had made it really difficult. If only she knew the amount of times, he had wanted to pick up the phone and tell her he was alive, but he couldn’t give up his post. He had a duty. “I know, Babs.” The nickname slipped out of his mouth as naturally as it had always been. The thing about being a superhero or whatever they might’ve been called was that your senses were always high. You always were prepared for anything - any attack. Dick saw Barbara’s hand wind back, and he couldn’t stopped her but he knew he deserved whatever she gave him. Plus, maybe after fighting as they did, they’d be able to have a calm, cool, conversation.

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Hearing the nickname fall from his lips caused her chest to tighten in pain. Oh, how she missed the sound of her name from his lips. But her rage and confusion blinded her and turned the moment bittersweet. Barbara let herself hit him, her fist coming in contact with his jaw. That perfect jaw. Gritting her teeth her hands palmed his shoulders as she pushed him back; closing the distance. In a swift motion she swung her leg and pressed it against Dick’s chest, keeping him at bay; she paused. After a long moment, she lowered her leg. “I have half a mind to keep punching you until i’m not longer angry.” She said slightly breathless. But that would take months.” No matter how much Babs wanted to forgive him, she just thought of how much she mourned over Dick. The tears she cried, the pain of her heart breaking, and she was feeling that all over again. “I’d go see Bruce. I’m sure he’d like to know you’re still alive.”

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What was Dick supposed to say to Barbara? Sorry, you had to go to a fake funeral. He wasn’t an imbecile. Dick knew it would take more than just a simple apology to get Barbara to understand why he had to do what he did. It was all apart of the mission and he couldn’t compromise it - not even for her. Bruce had made all the rules very clear. “So, we can’t skip the ‘where you beens’ and just get to the ‘missed you toos?’” With a small sigh, he dropped the act and shook his head. “I’m sorry. So so sorry. He asked.” As if those two words should explain everything to her. Batman asks and everyone else does.

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Usually Babs would forgive him, it was easy to. Those blue eyes, and that smile. Richard Grayson had Barbara wrapped around his finger and she refused to let him know it. “Sorry? That’s what you want to say to me?” The rage boiled in her body, too much for her to control or stop herself from what she was about to do. “You don’t get to fake your own death and come back and say sorry.” Her fist was always winding back to hit him, ready to take him on. 

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Watching Babs’ intently, Dick wanted to pick up on all of her expressions and small movements. They learned long ago to hide how they were feeling from Bruce, but sometimes - especially with each other - they faltered just the tiniest bit. Out of everything Dick had expected, all the scenes he played out this hadn’t be one of them. Babs voice was icy; Dick wondered if it lacked emotion entirely. Still, Dick was Dick and ligthtening, or trying, was his specialty. “Surprise?” He shrugged, the smallest hint of a smile played upon his lips. “It’s a long, tiring story. I’m sure you don’t want to hear it,” he spoke, running his hand through his slicked back hair.

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Barbara tried to keep her feelings together, away from Dick. But mostly from herself. Everything she felt, from pain, to anger, happiness, to rage. Her hands balled into a fist at her sides before she crossed her arms, changing her posture. Of course he tried to joke with her, and normally she’d buy into it. Smile, call him Wonder Boy. But that was then, and this was now. “I was at your funeral. I watched that casket lower into the ground.” She wasn’t quite sure what to say to him. After being told that Dick was dead it seemed she had a million things to say to him. Now? She could barely form sentences. Babs scoffed, “So faking your own death doesn’t deserve an explanation? Or am I not important enough to know since you’ve been keeping the fact that you’re alive from me.”

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The cowl in the distance, the shape of her body silhouetting through the moonlight; Dick didn’t need to get any closer to know it was Barbara standing far from him atop another building. Being smarter than usual, Dick knew Babs wouldn’t come to him. He was the one who had to show her the effort he was making in apologizing to her; he had to go to her. Out of everyone Dick had to show himself to after his ‘death’, Babs was going to be the hardest. It was part of the reason he had yet to move and approach her. Even Dick Grayson was speechless. With a sigh and a crouch, Dick flipped through the air from building to building; giving himself a running start with each jump. Dick never looked down as he crossed overtop Gotham. Instead, he moved with ease as if it was how he traveled everyday - and it was. One last building had separated the two and with a Escrima stick in one hand and a gun on his hip. “Looking good at ever, Batgirl,” he smirked the natural Grayson smirk, and did his best to use humor to lighten the situation at hand. Dick knew this conversation wasn’t going to be easy.

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Watching him, this figure move. She was certain it was Dick. No one had come close to the way he moved. She watched his body flip through the air as he grew closer to him. She could run, she could avoid talking to him, avoid screaming at him. Cause boy, the anger that was building inside of her was something else.  Watching him land was like watching a cat land on all it’s legs. So elegant and calm. Her jaw clenched when she heard his voice, she still hoped this was a dream or someone playing a terrible joke with her. “I thought you were dead.” The words fell from her mouth as cold as she could bare. 

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The usual places Babs could typically be found were quiet. Dick searched everywhere but for some reason, Babs went silent tonight. Typical. Finally, Dick found the balls to face her and he wasn’t even able to find. Slouching as he sat perched on top of a Gotham, his eyes scanned the streets below. A small chill passed through his body as he analyzed the distance from the top of the roof to the ground. He couldn’t let the height get in his way, however, he never did. And maybe while he was in Gotham he could at least do a little good. Kicking a butt of a criminal or two might make the night at least a little worth it.

[gordonsbabs-blog]

Barbara watched as the mysterious figure looking down on Gotham. Even with the distance between them, their body language -- whoever they were -- looked familiar; she had to put Bruce’s suggestions to use somehow. The thought crossed her mind for a split second, the way this figure; this person looked down at the people of Gotham. It almost seemed as if it were.. No. She closed her eyes and looked away. It wasn’t him, it couldn’t be. He was dead. Six feet under. Gone. She attended to funeral, watched the casket descend. Cried for days in her bed inconsolable. It was time to move on. And yet, when she looked back; hoping the person wasn’t there, there they were and she couldn’t help but let her mind wonder..