you know you love me

Rain or shine, Gossip Girl's owls will find their way to your dorms. Send in tips, come read the latest story on the new school scandal. Try and hide your secrets, but sooner or later, I'll air your dirty laundry to the school. You know you love me.

[gossipexpress]

Molly's natural hair color is lime green.

It's because she's constantly jealous isn't it? 

[gossipexpress]

It is physically impossible for Lyra to smile. Her face just doesn't go that way.

Perhaps she's a gargoyle. 

[gossipexpress]

Lance plans to start a business to help people get rid of their crabs once he leaves Hogwarts.

He should practice on a few of his schoolmates now. I'm sure they'd appreciate his generosity and he'd gain some experience. It's a win-win situation. 

[gossipexpress]

Ingo is into the Ruperts because he wants to turn them into an incest-ridden family like his own.

One of them would need to have a penis to inbreed. Unless one of the twins are hiding something we don't know. 

[gossipexpress]

Dorian slapped me once. It was awesome.

I hear his hair is insured for 10,000 galleons. 

[gossipexpress]

The Giant Squid turned down James' proposal.

How will Potter manage to go on with his life now knowing the squid he loves doesn't love him back? How terrible, I was rooting for them. 

[gossipexpress]

How are some of you liking your partners?

I am genuinely curious. 

[gossipexpress]

I want to go deep sea diving in Molly's breasts.

It's more of a kiddie pool.

[gossipexpress]

how many people has charlotte slept with? i think she might be the new golden vagina

You make a compelling argument. It must be the long legs. 

[gossipexpress]

You're a horrible, vindictive person.

Thank you.

[gossipexpress]

I hope you all enjoy your partner. I know some of you will thank the fates that they have brought you and your lovely future spouse together. 

[gossipexpress]

A project?

Sounds boring. Let me see if I can make it even a little bit interesting.

[gossipexpress]

Valerie sacrifices small animals under the full moon.

So that's how she gets her vagina golden. Sacrifices. 

[gossipexpress]

Weasley-cest please.

It's bound to happen seeing as they're related to half of the school and the other half have the right mind to pair up with each other.

[gossipexpress]

I want Ivy to whisper poetry in my ear while I orgasm.

You get hot from hearing Dr. Seuss rhymes? You, sir, have issues.

[gossipexpress]

Adam likes to rub fish all over his body.

Per his girlfriend's request, I presume. 

[gossipexpress]

I want to nom the Weasley virgins

Good luck with the carpet burn on your face when you finish.